Chapter Two: Backstage Drama

"I can't go on a date with him." Spiderman growled lowly to Vision. "He's too... He doesn't respect personal space."

"I'm sure that everything would go fine Spiderman." Vision stated matter-of-factly. "You two do seem to get along when you team up."

"That's different." Vision tilted his head.

"Hmm, perhaps I need to research romance some more. But if I'm not mistaken, you two do have dates when you eat together don't you?"

"Those are not dates." Under the mask Peter's face felt extremely warm. "How do you even know that?" Vision smiled.

"You have come back to the tower smelling of tacos more than once and you don't really have a preference for tacos unless Clint makes them." Spiderman looked all around before he dragged Vision further to the side.

"How long have you known?"

"Three months." Spiderman groaned weakly.

"And dad and pops don't know?"

"Friday and I have helped to cover any slips you have made. I was admittedly worried but after careful observation I have concluded that Deadpool likes you too much to kill you."

"You 'observed' us." Spiderman repeated before he frowned in confusion. "How did I not sense that?"

"Friday suggests that maybe you and Deadpool are in your own little world. Wanda agrees that love makes a person forget everything else."

"Whoa, wait! Wanda?" Spiderman shouted before lowering his voice in case anyone interrupted. "How many people know about me and Deadpool's... Friendship?" Vision smiled.

"Just me, Wanda, Natasha, Clint, and Bruce."

"And none of you-"

"Pe-Spiderman!" Peter's head snapped up when Tony's voice called to him. He gave Vision one last look.

"We are going to talk about this later."

"Yes Spiderman."

"Tony!" Said man barely had time to reach Spiderman before another voice was calling out.

"Hey Spidey-babe! Ready for our date?" Deadpool called. "Gotta say the security in this place could use some beefing up. I almost had to unalive some people."

"That would not be wise Deadpool. Should you hurt anyone here than the Avengers will make sure to treat you as a threat." Vision calmly spoke looking at Deadpool.

"I wasn't really going to unalive them. At least not where Spidey could catch me."

"What?" Spiderman snapped.

"Kidding honey buns! Whoa, what's up with ole' iron fist and his better looking spangly bubble butt hero?" Tony and Steve's already dark faces seemed to become stone.

"Deadpool, the next time you choose to incapacitate my employee I will shove my booted foot up your ass until you can taste it."

"Ooh, kinky. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn you down. My affections belong to Spiderman, and on another note Captain America, but for now Spiderman." Deadpool slung an arm around Peter's shoulders. "So where do we get our first date?"

"Not happening." Steve growled.

"Gentlemen-" Vision tried to interfere.

"According to the rules in the invitation, you don't get a say in this." Deadpool's voice turned hard making Peter's spidey senses tingle.

"Dead-"

"You didn't get an invitation." Tony pointed out, interrupting Spiderman. "Only those who were actually invited get to participate in this evenings events."

"Really?" Deadpool held up the crumpled invite he'd shown Peter earlier. "Then how did I get one of these?" His cheery tone was back but Peter was still getting tingles.

"Gentlemen I think it would-"

"It's not addressed to you." Steve said grabbing the invite.

"Yes, it is." Deadpool sang.

"So you're Mr. James Hetfield?" Tony asked before he frowned. "That is not you."

"Oh contrair my metallic friend. Hee hee hee, get it? Metallic? Metallica?"

"Can I just say-" Spiderman was interrupted.

"Oh right, allow me to shed some light on this situation." Deadpool reached into his many pouches.

"If you pull out another mouse trap I will stick you to a tree." Spiderman warned thinking of the last time Deadpool went searching in his pockets.

"I don't carry around mouse traps baby boy... No, that was an accident last time... I don't have any... I just have some grenades, ammo, back-ups, a wheat stone... you can never be too safe or sure... ooh, we have a firecracker from July 4th... No we used the majority in the theater... Then they shouldn't have not cast Will Smith."

"Deadpool!" Peter snapped.

"What?"

"Can you please, just show us your I.D.?"

"Sure thing baby boy. I'll be happy to show you more than that later." Peter was pretty sure that Tony and Steve's glare was permanent. He pulled out his I.D. and handed it to Tony. Steve took a glance at it before he looked at Deadpool. "What?"

"That's you?"

"Well excuse me if I'm not as cookie cutter perfect as you and yours Captain. Not all of us lowly immortals are Ryan Reynolds gorgeous." Spiderman frowned.

"Did you seriously get an invitation to this show?" Spiderman asked trying to distract Deadpool.

"Of course. Which is why I rushed over here to confirm it and low and behold, t'was true." Deadpool knelt. "Doth my fair princess approve of her knight?"

"Don't make me hurt you." Spiderman deadpanned.

"Get up Pool. I'm going to need to research this and make sure that it's true." Tony said.

"Actually sir, if you had allowed me to talk then you would know that Deadpool's I.D. is... correct." Vision was finally successful in breaking into the conversation.

"What?" Three pairs of eyes and mouths asked. Vision shrugged.

"Mr. 'Hetfield' did indeed get an invitation. Sending out the invitations was part of my job when we were preparing this event."

"Didn't you do a background check?" Tony asked. Spiderman and Steve looked at Vision in suspicion.

"Mr. Hetfield's background was thoroughly searched and documented. Friday and I saw no need to disqualify him from receiving an invitation. Though, admittedly, I believe that there was a glitch."

"And you didn't find it odd that Deadpool's picture was in the background check?" Steve asked.

"There were no photos in his file. Friday was the one who substituted the missing pictures."

"Remind me to check both of your hard drives!" Tony growled. "But you are not taking Spiderman on any dates until this is resolved- Where did he go?" Tony and Steve looked at the place where Spiderman and Deadpool had been but found the space empty.

"Spiderman!" Steve called in panic looking around.

"If that no good merc hurts my son I don't care what you say Steve I'm killing him and burying him in the ocean." Tony promised.

"Not a good idea as bodies that often end up in the ocean are almost always found floating fifty miles offshore." Vision responded.

"Don't give him ideas Vision. Help us find them." Steve ordered.

"We still have an auction going on."

"It's Thor's turn, they'll be at that for a while." Tony dismissed.

Meanwhile on top of NAF headquarters.

"DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!" Deadpool shouted when Spiderman put him down.

"No. We need to talk."

"Does this 'talking' involve us pressed against each other and on the verge of having our brains fucked?" Spiderman's face once again grew warmer than normal.

"What? No!" Deadpool deflated.

"Why not? I promise you'll like it too."

"You can't just decide- we are not talking about this right now." Spiderman decided before he moved along. "Did you really receive the invitation?"

"Of course. I wouldn't lie about a chance to have you all to myself bubble butt." Spiderman could practically feel Deadpool's eyes undressing him. Not that it was much of a difference than when he usually did it.

"The invites were sent out two weeks ago. How did you not know about this sooner?"

"It's called a life baby boy. I was sent to take a few."

"You-"

"NOT THAT I DID! But lets just say the witness protection program gained a few more jackasses."

"And how do I know you didn't ki- unalive anyone?"

"Does this face look like it would break a promise to your ass?" Deadpool giggled. "We do have problems but promises to Spidey are different." Despite Spiderman not wanting to go on a date with Deadpool he had to admit that at least he already knew Deadpool. There wasn't any way the merc could be even weirder and stranger than he'd already seen. You couldn't be comfortable around a complete stranger who just so happened to buy a date with you and Deadpool wouldn't kidnap him. Maybe. Spiderman was really going to enjoy webbing Tony's lab later.

"I really hope I don't regret this later Deadpool. I'm really trusting you to not unalive anyone or kidnap me when our date starts and ends."

"... You're really going to go on a date with me?" Deadpool asked in awe. Spiderman glared.

"Only if you don't make a sex joke every five minutes."

"Of course not. I'll make one every ten minutes." Well that was probably better than having Deadpool cackle about all the ways they could 'have fun' in. Not that Peter would have a problem with that. He's had to get up close and comfortable with Deadpool's body on more than one occasion when the idiot got blown up and had to be put back together. He hated the fact that he was starting to become desensitized to Deadpool's limbs being put back together.

"Mm, you're right. This is a little too good to be true Spidey." Deadpool suddenly mused dragging Spiderman's attention to him when his senses tingled faintly. "Why are you agreeing so readily? I know it's part of the charity thing but Iron Douche and Captain Ass are like your unofficial parents. Why prolong their suffering?"

"Honestly I know Da-Tony and Steve fairly well and knowing them they'll keep postponing this whole thing until our partnership is ruined. You may be a homicidal mouthy idiot but you're also my partner when things get tough. Might as well get this date thing out of the way so things can go back to normal."

"Aww, you called me your partner." Spiderman growled as Deadpool's arms continued to squeeze him.

"Get off me or no date." Deadpool was immediately in front of him.

"You already agreed. And no back-taking. I'll see you tomorrow at 7, the usual spot." Spiderman was expecting Deadpool to cop a feel- wouldn't have been the first time- and was prepared with a punch. But instead Deadpool merely bowed at the waist before he started walking away, singing at a high pitch.

Oh baby, all night showing just you and the crowd

Doing tricks you ain't never seen

I bet that I can make you believe in love, sex and magic

So let me drive my body around ya~!

Spiderman rolled his eyes at Deadpool's eccentricity.

"I hope I don't regret this." He looked down to see his dad and pops calling for him. Vision looked up to where he was and waved. "I am so dead."

"Where in your long history of crime-fighting have you ever seen a criminal go from bad to good Peter? If I didn't know any better I would say that you lack common sense." Tony continued to pace and lecture while Peter sat on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Dad I don't know how to say this any other way but can you just trust me on this?"

"We do trust you Peter." Steve assured from where he'd been standing for most of the lecture with his arms crossed and a pensive look on his face that Peter really didn't like as it made him feel unnecessarily guilty. "It's Deadpool we don't trust. He's not exactly the most adjusted of individuals."

"He helps S.H.I.E.L.D when we call." Peter protested. "He helped with the robot invasion a few months ago."

"We don't see him every day Peter. For all we know Fury or Coulson bribed him." Tony argued. "And I really don't like him hitting on you. What if he tries to do something and you aren't prepared?"

"It's not like I can get pregnant."

"So you wouldn't mind Deadpool trying to take advantage of you?" Steve asked with a raised eye. Peter's mind flashed back to all the times Deadpool managed to catch him off guard and cop a feel. His face heated up.

"That's not what I mean. I can stop a car and lift it, you don't think I could hit Deadpool if he tried anything?" Peter stood up. "Look dad, pops, I get the fact that you don't want Deadpool within fifty feet of me-"

"I don't want him in the same state as you." Tony interrupted. Peter continued nonetheless.

"But I can take care of myself. I took on the Green Goblin-"

"For the record I totally called that 'secret identity'." Tony said. Peter rolled his eyes while Steve's lips twitched.

"Doc Oct-"

"Still not the best name for a villain." Tony muttered. Peter glared.

"Will you quit interrupting me? I have my own villains and I took care of them all. It may not be aliens from outer space or red glowing furnaces or even Ultron but I can take care of myself."

"At great risk to your self. Do you not remember how injured you were after?"

"Tony," Steve interrupted their argument. Peter and Tony gave Steve their full attention. "I think Peter has a point."

"What?"

"What!"

"Peter is capable of handling himself and he does have a point when he says he can use his powers to protect himself. Vision was right when he said that we can't change the rules of the date. You ran your background checks, nothing changed. We have to go along with this. Worse comes to worse we can always track his phone to find him."

"Are you serious?" Tony asked. "Ten years of arguments on dating and he agrees to the date with the mercenary who won't shut up." Tony groaned face palming. Peter was a little more wary.

"So I can go on the date with Deadpool?" Steve's face pinched.

"Against my better judgment. Yes. But we will be tracking your phone." Peter nodded.

"Fine by me. But I will be doing my patrol after the date."

"As soon as you call to check in." Steve answered.

"Alright. I'll go call Deadpool." Peter said getting up.

"Make sure you tell him he has to meet us before you leave. I want to go over some ground rules." Tony growled. Peter nodded before jumping into the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors closed Tony turned to Steve. "You know I love you but what the hell was that? We can't let Peter anywhere near that psycho."

"I agree." Steve nodded.

"Then what gives? Because if this is some attempt at reverse psychology be assured that it has failed." Steve smiled.

"I don't understand psychology anyway. We are going to be following them."

"You mean stalking?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"More like observing."

"What was with the whole 'I believe in you' speech then? I thought I was supposed to be the one who questioned Peter's choices."

"You are. But in this case I think we can both agree that Deadpool is too focused on Peter's derriere to think straight. And I will not allow Peter's virtue to be tainted without his permission."

Tony smirked. "'Derriere'?"

"Shut up Tony. Go play with your suits."

"I think I'd rather play with you. No one's here, finally." Steve smiled following Tony's thinking.

"Then I'm top." Tony thought about it before he smirked.

"First one to the bedroom wins."

GM NASAI: Oh my gods, I really did not mean to be gone for so long. Honest. My wifi went out and whenever I went by the library I didn't have my laptop as they were 'on the way to this place' kind of pit stops.

On another note I like the feedback I'm getting but I really do wish for some reviews. They let me know if you guys think my writing is okay and if you think I'm being OOC or not quite up to par with the characters. (Yes I'm begging but that's neither here nor there) Until next time!