Over the next couple of months, Lily's guilt over her parents steadily transformed to buried rage, an obsession with bringing down Lord Voldemort and his regime.
She was not alone. Within two months, two other students were forced to cope with deaths in the family, both undeniably connected to the Dark Lord and his plans. Professor Dumbledore spent many weekends away from Hogwarts, and speculation about what he was up to was rampant all over the castle, though the student body had a pretty good idea.
Lily was glad to observe that by early May Jasper had, finally, given up on a romantic relationship between them. About a week after Lily was released from the Hospital Wing he was brave enough to inquire about an event that occurred one night, which involved James Potter announcing to the boys' dormitory that he was going to try to visit her again and not returning until a little after dawn. Apparently, Jasper was not discreet about this observation, and Lily was sure Libby must have heard.
"Yes," Lily said, not interested in keeping up pretense any longer, "He visited and stayed all night. Feel better now you've got confirmation?"
"Not really," Jasper shrugged. "But thanks for being honest. Sorry if it was rude to ask."
Lily, feeling as though it was quite rude indeed to ask such a thing when she was grappling with the loss of her parents, simply walked away.
"Nothing happened," said Lily when she approached Libby, correct in thinking she had heard about James's overnight excursion. It had occurred so soon after Libby had broken it off with James, and Lily did not want her to get the wrong impression.
"Oh, please!" said Libby, waving her hand at Lily. "Do you really think I'm going to hold that against you? Give me a bit of credit, Lily!"
"Well, I just didn't want you to think—"
"Listen, Lily. I know you two are friends even though you're only just now willing to admit it." They both laughed. "I know you weren't in a place to be sucking face with him or something. He was just being a good friend. And I know he…well…I know he's sort of a comfort to you."
Lily went crimson.
Libby smiled. "Just promise I'll be your maid of honor."
"Oh, shut up Libby. We're just friends."
And that was the wonderful thing about Libby. Outside her relationship with James, Libby was a wonderful friend, and Lily was sorry to have forgotten it. She knew it bothered Libby deep down, could see it in her face, could tell by the way she tried to play off James' staying with Lily all night as a trifling matter, but now, in Lily's most desperate time of need, Libby swallowed it with a smile. "We weren't right for each other in the end anyway," said Libby.
Still, Lily felt compelled to interact with James as formally as possible in Libby's company. At first she thought she could accomplish this without James noticing, but she quickly realized it was stupid to think she could get anything past him. Lily was under the impression that it had become a sort of game to James, treating one another like very stuffy business associates during lessons and inevitably inhabiting the Common Room late into the night talking and reliving particularly amusing moments of the day.
"You didn't have to let the door slam in my face today, though," said Lily one night, trying to take advantage of the last few minutes of the dying fire in the Common Room.
"Lily, you women want equal rights, then take them. If it were Sirius behind me he would've got a face-full of door as well."
Lily laughed. "Witches always had equal rights, numbskull."
"Yes, but you were raised a Muggle, and remember what Professor Burbage said? Muggle ladies used to have practically the same rights as cattle."
"Sometimes I don't know how you are still free to walk the streets."
Although the pair frequently kept their interaction lighthearted, Lily was not sure how she would have been able to cope with what happened to her parents without James. She discovered that when rules, regulations, instructions, or Slytherins were not involved, James was an excellent listener. He was very instrumental in helping Lily change her feelings of helplessness and despair into a desire to be proactive, and helped her handle her now completely ruined relationship with her sister. He got just as angry and upset as she did every time she got a rude letter from Petunia, and their camaraderie kept Lily strong.
After Lily's ordeal at the Ministry, her already waning interest in Jasper completely evaporated. In fact, her interest in dating deteriorated all together. So it was logical to assume the same would happen to her crush on James.
And that is when Lily learned that her crush on James was not, in fact, a crush.
She could not stop thinking about him. She could not stop thinking about being around him, and laughing with him, and talking to him, and looking at him. She went to sleep each night aching over the way it felt when he stayed with her in the Hospital Wing, fixating on the way he'd kiss the top of her head when she was feeling particularly down, thinking that she might be becoming addicted to curling into his hugs…
Her feelings were more frightening than Lord Voldemort himself. She was dreadfully vulnerable, and terrified that she had fallen rather irrevocably for someone who had a wonderful knack for losing interest in girls once he started dating them.
So whether it was a good thing that James did not seem interested in pursuing Lily romantically, she was not sure. She did not know if she ought to feel relieved that James seemed to be viewing her more and more like one of his closest friends—if he did not want to go out with her, she would at least be spared the pain of a break-up—but Lily found herself spending more and more time with him, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and being around the ever-pranking, ever-messing-about group was quite therapeutic.
So it was a particularly sad farewell on the Hogwarts Express that June. Lily had been invited to stay with Libby all summer, and the idea of not being able to go home to her parents was heartbreaking. She shared a compartment with most of her sixth-year Gryffindor friends, though she could swear Severus Snape looked at her hopefully when she passed the compartment he was in.
On the platform, Lily hugged her friends good-bye and, to her embarrassment, could not help crying a little. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately and was getting tired of it.
Sirius wrapped her in a very tight bear hug and said, "Oh, Lily, don't cry; you'll be seeing me again in no-time."
"You'll be alright this summer, will you?" James asked as pried Sirius off of her.
For James's sake Lily smiled, willing herself not to keep crying. "I really will be."
James looked unconvinced, but nodded. "C'mere then."
The hug was short and sweet, but Lily still felt drunk afterward.
"Write, alright?"
"Will do, Potter. Thanks for everything."
"Listen, my mum is having a load of her old Hogwarts friends over at some point this summer. A reunion or something with all of her oldest and dearest friends. Probably going to be a lot of tea-drinking and chatting about grandchildren. So obviously, Sirius and I are legging it. Want to meet up with us?"
"I shall await your owl, Master of Rudeness," said Lily, with a tiny curtsy.
"I am most obliged, Sovereign Swot," he replied, with a dramatic bow.
And as they both laughed James pulled Lily in for another hug.
"Alright, Trouble. Quit making my mum wait. Take care, will you?"
"I will," Lily promised, her lips very close to James's ear.
And as Lily walked off to meet Libby, she had the faint impression that James was still watching her. When she turned to look, however, James and his mother had gone.