Chapter Nine: Date me?

Deadpool stared at the phone as it vibrated in his hand. Another idiot calling about a job.

'Why not just answer it? Could be a close job.'

'When are they ever close to New York?'

"No we are not doing any more jobs. We promised Spidey." Deadpool continued climbing the way too damn long fire escape. "We just had to leave the damn grappling hook."

'We should have left early.'

'We also promised we'd be on time so hurry it up blubber butt.'

"Excuse you White but this ass is everything but blubber." Deadpool did a quick pose before cackling and continuing on his way.

'We're late. So late.'

'We said we'd be here. We didn't exactly say we'd get to the roof on time.'

'So what do you think he wants to talk about?'

"I don't know."

'But you have an idea.'

"No idea. Maybe it's a new assignment. New baddie."

'Good deflection. Just fess up, you're nervous.'

"I am fearless." Yeah right, even Deadpool couldn't believe that lie. He was scared. And for good reason. The friend zone is to be feared and avoided at all costs.

'It could be good news!'

'Not necessarily. It could be bad news. After all misery and humiliation love us.'

"Then we'll just be friends." Deadpool assured.

'Can you? We love Spidey but can we survive the heartbreak if he wants things to go back to normal?' Deadpool stopped climbing the stairs. He's been rejected before that was nothing new, but after spending time with Peter/Spidey and getting to know him more in depth. And kissing him- he'd never felt anything like it before and probably never would again. But what if Spidey didn't want a relationship with him? He wasn't Prince Charming. He was barely Rumplestiltskin. He wasn't handsome on the outside, not someone worthy of Spiderman. He was broken. He had baggage bigger than the Titanic. Peter didn't deserve someone like him. It was the damn hope that kept him moving up the stairs. Turtle speed.

'We've survived worse things.' White reminded him.

'We could call and cancel?' Yellow offered as Deadpool reached the top of the stairs.

'For now. But what about in the future? What if we miss our chance to be one half of a power couple?'

'You just want to be able fuck him.'

'So do you.'

'No I want to keep him far away. I am not ready to have my heart broken.'

"You don't have a heart. We share one. Don't we?"

'Last time I checked we did.'

'What's the point anyway? Spidey probably doesn't want us. He can't want us. We're all kinds of fucked up. We're nothing but killers.' Yellow's vicious words caused Deadpool to halt all movement. Doubt surged up like a tidal wave and hit him clear in the chest.

"He has a point. Maybe it's best if we just skip town." Deadpool started to move back down the stairs.

'And ruin the one good thing we had going for us?' White screamed over the deafening doubt, self-hatred, anger, and self-loathing. 'We're more than what we used to be. Spidey he-'

'Take a look White, we don't have a good thing. We never did. It was all just a fucking dream. Spidey only went out with us because we bought him. He doesn't need us.' Yellow argued allowing Deadpool's hesitant steps to become a fluid train going down.

'But-'

"No. He's right. Spidey doesn't want us. He can't." Deadpool growled.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Wade stiffened harshly as the voice rolled over him and quieted the voices in his head, bringing Wade back to reality. Shit. How to play this. 'Sorry would have been here sooner but I was offered to be the new ruler of Wakanda!?'

'That's stupid and you know it.'

'Might as well just jump.'

'No don't do that. Spidey doesn't like it when it when we kill ourselves.'

'Well what's the alternative? Can't exactly teleport.'

'The alternative is turning around and facing the music like a man.'

'Like a man he says. He's a fucking wimp.'

"Oh fuck you." Deadpool whispered.

'Just face him. If it goes bad at least you can fall backward and kill yourself.'

'What a gentleman.'

"Fuck it, I'm doing it. Hey Spidey!" Wade called over enthusiastic in his greeting as he spun to face the gangly arachnid watching him from his signature Spidey pose. "How long you been sitting there! It's rude to eavesdrop on a lady."

'Be ready to fall.'

'Oh shut up.'

"Wade?" Peter got out of his crouch. "Are you okay? And don't you dare say you're fine."

'He still cares!'

'Yeah for now. Run while you still have a chance.'

'What chance? Spidey has webs and super strength. We're done for.'

"What could happen to me? Did you forget I'm immortal baby boy?"

"Somethings bugging you isn't it?"

"'Bugging' hehe, you said it not me." Spiderman crossed his arms. "Don't you worry about me Spidey, I'm right as rain."

'You suck at lying.'

"Be quiet you two I'm trying to talk." Deadpool focused back on Spiderman. "Was there anything important you needed me for?"

'No he just wanted to know what shoe size you wear so he could shove it up your ass.'

'Be nice yellow. He's a little slow today.'

"Yeah actually I do." Spiderman paused seeming to gather his thoughts before he blurted out. "I wanted to talk to you about our dates."

"Oh, you don't need to remember them if you don't want to. Although I will be using those as spanking material later. I have a pretty vivid imagination and I'm really pretty sure I can dream up a 'what if'."

"Do you want to go on another date with me? Tomorrow night?"

'See that's all he wanted to ask- wait what?'

'What?'

"Wha- what did you just say?" Deadpool cleaned out his ears as best as he could with his mask in place.

"I- erm- I asked if you wanted to go on a date with me? Tomorrow night? I know someone who works at the Aquarium and if you wanted to go with me then we could go unless you don't like fish then we could go to the zoo or-or not? I'll just stop talking now."

'Holy fucking shit.' Yellow murmured in awe.

'I fucking told you so!' White cheered.

"Not the time." Deadpool growled.

"Not the time for what?" Spidey asked.

"Nothing!" Deadpool cried. "Just the voices. Yes I'd like to date you tomorrow night. But why?"

"Why what?" Spiderman asked.

"Why are you asking me now? You could have asked me yesterday."

"I would have asked you sooner but you never answered your damn phone."

'He's got a point there.'

'We really are an ass. I told you not to antagonize Negasonic.'

"You agreed on the jokes too. And pranking her was all your idea. How was I supposed to know she'd do that to my phone?"

'She's a teenager. What teen isn't riddled with life-altering and self-destructive loathing?'

'You're a dick.'

'I'm seriously thinking your a woman. You can PMS like one.'

'That would make you one too.'

'Excuse you but I am 100% man. And this man has something to say to you. Bbbblllllllll.'

'You really suck as blowing raspberries. And imitating Spongebob.'

"Deadpool?" Spiderman called gently trying to pull the merc back from his mumbling. He wanted an answer. He was already twitching more than a squirrel.

The voices descended into their own argument that Deadpool tried not to be apart of. "But- But why me? I know the first few dates were because I bought them but why would you want to be seen with me willingly?"

'Maybe he was dared?'

'Maybe he has feelings for us?'

'Maybe he's sick. Or maybe it's all a prank?'

"It's not a prank. Right? Because I swear to god Spidey if this is a prank I will kill you."

'Not really.'

"No it's not a prank. I just- I- I figured something out while we were dating." Spiderman hopped off the roof to land in front of Deadpool's hulking figure. "And sometime before if I really thought about it."

"We really eat too much tacos?"

"No- though yeah now that you mention it."

"Can't be helped. Tacos are too good to pass up." Deadpool rubbed his hands together. "Warm, rich, and gooey tacos."

"You're sidetracking me." Spidey accused.

"Sorry. Hard to keep things in focus sometimes."

"Then I'll say this quick. You are a pain in the ass and you have very low opinions of yourself but you make me laugh and I haven't laughed in a while if I'm being honest with myself. With you I can be myself and I really don't want- I don't want to let whatever this is between us go. It's- It's easy being with you. I want to give us a shot as long as you're willing to put in some effort."

'I hear wedding bells.'

'Hold your horses. I still haven't heard the fat lady sing yet.'

"You really want to try dating. With me?" Deadpool asked seriously. IF this is what he thought is was then he needed to clarify some things.

"Yes."

"This isn't a joke?"

"No."

"You understand this is me Deadpool right? You're not under the influence or any substances are you?"

"No I'm in my right mind." Amusement was coloring Spiderman's tone now. "I'll even take a lie detector test and a drug test to prove it."

'We might need one.'

'Yeah even I can't believe this is really happening.'

'Maybe we're dead?'

"When did we kill ourselves? This can't be a dream. It's not the afterlife." Deadpool started to pace. "This isn't real. Oh you've done it now Pool. You've gone and hallucinated this whole thing up."

"Wade this isn't a dream or hallucination."

"That's exactly what a hallucination would say fake Spidey." Deadpool shot back. "How do I get out of this and back to the real world?" Deadpool started to slap himself.

"Deadpool!"

"Narg, not working. What if I kill myself? Works as well as can be." Wade pulled out his pistol and aimed it at his head. "Sayonara fake Spider!"

"Wade!" Spiderman yanked Deadpool's arm causing the merc to shoot a bullet off to the side. "You idiot what's wrong with you?"

"Many, many things fake Spidey. Now let go of my arm before I hurt you." Deadpool raised the gun once again only to have Spiderman yank his arm down and twist his hold so Deadpool's arms were behind his back. Three thumps hit his back. When he tried to move them his arms wouldn't budge. "Of all the fucking times to try bondage Spidey!"

"Oh shut up." Wade found himself facing Spiderman who pushed Wade down onto his ass. "You can't kill yourself you idiot. Not in front of me and not ever again. You're not hallucinating or dreaming. I am real." Spiderman knelt down beside Deadpool. "I can't force you to believe me but I do want to be with you. Heaven knows why but you make me feel- I mean- I can't explain it but I know it feels good. Happy. I wanted to tell you sooner but," Spidey huffed and looked to the side. "You are seriously a pain in my ass."

"Oh I'm pretty sure you wouldn't feel pain for long." Deadpool mused. Spidey chuckled.

"No I probably wouldn't."

"...You're serious." Deadpool said trying and failing to search Spiderman's eyes.

"Yes. I am." Spiderman promised. "In fact, I want to prove it." Spiderman's hand reached up to his mask. Deadpool may have been an idiot but he wasn't stupid. His eyes widened to saucers as Spidey pulled his mask off. Brown hair was in a tangled mess that led to a slightly thin face where Deadpool's gaze was drawn to the awkward smile with chapped lips that displayed perfect white teeth. All that paled in comparison to the dark brown eyes gazing into Deadpool's soul.

"Holy shit." Deadpool barely whispered. The awkward smile turned nervous and the eyes tightened in concern. "You're even prettier than I thought." Redness blossomed across the pale skin nicely bringing a shit-ton of R-rated images to mind.

"Thanks." Peter- no more trying to pretend it was all Spiderman all the time- drawled with so much sarcasm Deadpool felt himself squee in happiness.

"So fucking cute!" Deadpool cried raising his freed arms and pulling Peter in for a hug.

"Ack! De-"

"You're just so fucking cute and gorgeous and I am so out of your league but I really really hope you can forget that. I can die happily now!"

"What did I say about dying?" Peter mumbled into Wade's neck. "And no, you are not out of my league. Can you let go now?"

"Never! You might go swinging off into the sunset to defeat the next big baddie and I can't let you." Wade cried. "I must protect you my gorgeous baby boy!"

"Mmmmffmmooooo!"

"You're right." Deadpool pulled away. Peter gave him an unimpressed look before pulling his mask back on. He was still in semi public. "You really want to do this whole thing to the max? The dating? The getting to know each other so deep that only we know each others deepest secrets? Because I'm warning you now baby boy I'm not the sanest person around."

"I knew that the moment I met you. And yes, I want to be with you. I have a good feeling that we'd be good together."

"You understand I will still be talking about your ass and making even more sex jokes?"

"I am aware." Spiderman sighed. "But you have to know I'm not as perfect as I look and seem."

"You? Imperfect? Perish the thought."

"I'm not lying here Wade. I'm not perfect. I get annoyed when things don't go my way. I get so wrapped up in my work and sometimes I forget that I need to eat and sleep when I get really dedicated to things."

"Perfect! I promise I can and will take care of you baby boy." Deadpool crossed his heart. Spiderman nodded.

"Okay. Then I guess there's just one more thing I need to tell you."

"Only one?" Deadpool joked.

"I-I don't know how to say this so... My name is Peter Stark. My parents are Tony Stark and Steve Rogers."

"... I am going to enjoy defiling you." Deadpool laughed all the way to the ground. Peter would have happily let him die but saved him with a web at the last second. "Can you imagine what those douches are going to say once the holidays arrive?"

'He might actually stay dead this time.'

'Nah, Spidey loves us.'

'He hasn't said it.'

'Yet.'

GM NASAI: Hello all, it's so good to see you all again. Well it would be if I could see you guys. I meant to get this chapter out earlier but I was running late already for work so I decided to just leave it and update until later. Of course later when I figured I should update I got a case of procrastination. I almost didn't update but I remembered I promised myself I would update again before February ended so here it is. Never let it be said that I don't keep my promises... to myself.

So I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter because... drumroll... this fic is almost over! I know I'm sad about it too but I'm also looking forward to the feeling I get when I've successfully completed something. It's been so long since I've had that feeling. I miss it. Anyway I should update again soon. No telling when because my work schedule and the rest of my schedule for this week is all kinds of whack. But I will get it done in March. So thank you to everyone who commented, downloaded, read this story and kept up with me. I'm happy I could bring you this... well Ii don't think it's a masterpiece but it's a piece.

Until next time loyal readers!