Chapter 4: the journals

It took all day to find the remains. They'd spent hours scraping away at the dirt next to the middle lavender bush when Flo realized the bush at the end of the row had been removed, and the largest bush was actually two. They'd been looking under the wrong bush.

The unearthed rapiers were completely rusted after decades in the damp ground. The necklace retained some of its beauty - if you could look past the dirt caked on it. Another hour past, during which they carefully dug around a large silverglass box. It was deeply immersed in the muck. Danny could only hope it was the correct one – he shivered to think of carrying around the smaller box of actual human remains.

Danny checked to make sure the rapiers and necklace were back in place. He could tell these items had been important to the deceased – it looked as though someone intentionally curved the necklace so that, strung between the crossed rapiers, it made the shape of a heart. A chill went down his spine as he heaved the box onto his shoulder, and he and Flo walked back in silence.

Lucy glanced nervously back at the skull. She didn't trust him. Of course she didn't trust him. But he had a point.

It had been a few weeks since her "funeral." In that time, so much had happened. Most of which was good: Lucy revealed herself to Inspector Barns, who in turn was able to convict the Winkman's of her kidnapping. The person sent by Winkman and Fittes was not a capable arsonist, and had only managed to damage the attic before the Firemen arrived. This meant that Lucy's room was trashed, but at least she was able to return to her family at 35 Portland row.

Now was not the time to think about what it was saying. Now was the time to act. Marissa Fittes had planted a Source on the Other Side that kept her alive and well in the living world. Lucy did not want to share George's suspicions that she had done so at the expense of her grandaughter's - the real Penelope Fittes - life. In order to end her apparent immortality, however, they first had to find the Source on the Other Side. Then the could exhume whatever was in Marissa's grave.

"Lockwood…" she said, "Please, just trust me. We've been over this. I'm the only one that will be able to hear the skull. And when I'm on the other side, he won't be able to show me where the door is this time because he is the door. So, in order for me to get back safely, I need you to stay here and be, well, an anchor of sorts. 35 Portland Row is only the place, I need you to find the correct time. You know how disorienting time is over there."

"I don't like you going in there alone, Luce. Especially not after… you know. I don't trust that old skull. And I know you've said it dozens of times, but I still don't understand why George or Holly can't be an anchor for the both of us."

"The skull is only one Source, Lockwood! We wouldn't fit! We barely fit within the cloak anyway."

"We made it work last time, didn't we? Are you sure there isn't another reason you don't want me going along with you?"

"You know perfectly well why I don't want you in danger, Lockwood." She said quietly, not looking at him.

His mood shifted, stilled. He responded with a similarly quiet, "Ah, yes. That. My imminent demise."

"Yes."

"You'd better get going then."

"Yes."

"I'll just wait here for you."

"Yes."

"Be safe."

"I will."

Lucy turned around and loosened the cap of the Skull's jar as far as it would go. George discovered that gold seems to strengthen the power of a Source (which explained how Annie Ward's ghost had been so intense). She set the gold plate under the jar and the usual yellow-green hue of the Skull's plasm flared. It reached a good six inches around the jar, but it was still only enough for her to step in one foot at a time.

Still haven't told him, have you? It sneered. The reason he's your anchor? Three simple words and you still can't say them. I certainly won't be surprised if he decides not to stick around.

"Shut it, you." Lucy mumbled.

She faced Lockwood once again, gave a small wave as George carried a tea try into the room, and pulled the hood of the feathered cloak over her head. Lockwood gave her the full gigawatt smile, but the light didn't reach his eyes. She then turned back to step into the Skull's light, a portal to the Other Side.

She didn't come back for three days.

Lucy fell out of the Skull's glow, shaking with exhaustion, hunger, and chill. She vaguely remembered seeing Lockwood toss away the magazine he was reading to rush to her side, but she fainted without registering his cries to George and Holly.

She woke in her new room on the ground floor some time later, to the sound of Holly bringing up a kettle and some cakes.

"I'm just so glad you're okay." Holly finished. Lucy could believe sleeping for a full 16 hours, but she could not believe that she was on the Other Side for three whole days.

"Holly, I swear, I thought I was gone for only a few minutes. It was almost too easy. I didn't mean to worry you all."

Holly giggled, "you should have seen Lockwood – he couldn't keep himself still, but he refused to even leave the room until you came back. We had our meals down there, and I could hear him thumping around and taking his frustration out on Joe and Esmeralda during the rest of the day. He was particularly worried about you." Lucy didn't bother trying to decode the smile on her face. Or the sing-song tone of her voice. She was too tired. Holly had been dropping hints like this since she'd come back from pretend death. Between her and the Skull, it was lucky she didn't go mad.

"Well" Lucy said weakly, "I'm awake now. And I've got news about Marissa. Where is everyone?"

"George is researching Marissa's gravesite. He thinks there might be a poltergeist lurking in there as a defense. Lockwood went out – he didn't say where he was going, but I think he just needs some air. Quill is downstairs." Lucy noticed a slight change in her voice when she said Quill's name. Another foreign behavior she was in no mood to interpret.

"All right then. Holly, I need to talk to you about something, but you have to promise not to say anything to the others."

"Of course, Lucy. I would never betray your confidence."

"The thing is…Well, this job is dangerous. There is a very good chance any one of us would die on a case. Or otherwise, given our track record. Honestly, I wouldn't put it past Marissa to just torch this whole house with all of us in it, she's that nasty. The point is," Lucy paused at the discomfort on Holly's face. "Oh, don't look so surprised. We both know what it's like to lose our entire team to disaster. But, Holly, if I should die, I want someone to know that I've kept a record of my communications with ghosts. They're in my room here somewhere. Trouble is, they're also my private journals, so I don't want just anyone reading them, especially while I'm still alive. Would you keep them safe for me? All but the most recent one, that is."

"Lucy, I would be honored."

"There's one more thing. Marissa may have found a way to keep herself alive. But if I die, Holly…please don't let the boys go around hiding Sources to bring me back. Just let me rest in peace, okay?"

"Of course, Lucy. Rotwell… er, well, most agencies really, have a form for their employees to fill out. It's rather morbid, but involves the person's wishes should they die on the job. I never thought to bring it up to Lockwood, but after the four of us trying to deal with your death... I really should find them."

Lucy should have know that Lockwood's praise would be too much to hope for, especially given the way he acted before she left. No sooner had she explained what she did while on the Other Side, and what they would have to do when they went to Marissa's grave, than he began to shout. He was furious she'd been gone for so long. Worried sick about her in there alone. Her actions remained to be explained, and her reasons were equally suspicious. He thought he could trust her, and she'd let him down somehow.

This was so completely, utterly, and ridiculously unfair. She shouted back. They probably could have gone on for hours, but Holly stepped in between them, sending Lucy and George upstairs for tea.

She sat at the table, drawing scenes from the Other Side on the Thinking Cloth. George placed a mug at her side and sat down.

"Lucy."

"George."

"You and Lockwood are getting out of hand. I've spoken with Holly, and neither of us is comfortable going into Marissa's grave to face a poltergeist with the two of you so on edge. It's time to tell him. Past time, really."

"Tell Lockwood what?"

"You know perfectly well, what. I don't need an explanation for his role in your journey. Ghosts are incredibly affected by emotions. Of course he'd be your anchor, as you call it. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. If you had been gone for another hour, I would have told him myself."

"George…"

"Don't George me. I would tell you he feels the same way, but I know you won't believe it coming from me."

"Lucy" Holly said, choosing that moment to enter the kitchen. Where was she one minute ago, before George started spouting nonsense? "Lockwood has something he needs to tell you."

Lucy picked up her mug of tea and took the one George offered to give to Lockwood. Her heart pounded in her chest. For some reason, going down those stairs was more frightening then stepping into the Skull to the Other Side. More frightening than jumping into the river, even. Was he going to keep blaming her? Would he still want to be around her, knowing how she felt about him? Would he even give her the chance to say it?

She took a deep breath and descended the stairs to the practice room.

Lockwood was sitting there, staring at the floor. She sat across from him and passed him the mug of tea.

"Hi Luce."

"Hi."

"Thanks for the tea." He smiled. She blushed. His demeanor had changed drastically since she'd left, but that was pretty typical for him.

"I was going to wait until I lost my Talents," He continued, "but Holly has convinced me I've got it backwards. I was hoping to keep you safe, you see. But by staying silent I'm actually putting you in danger." He paused, took a breath. Lucy sat silently, waiting. "The truth is, over the past few months, I've … I've begun to fancy you."

"Lockwood…"

"I'm almost done, and then you can make fun of me all you like. I'm reckless – I know it, you know it, the whole country probably knows it as far as I can tell. Part of that is because with my family gone, all I have left is this agency. If risking my life means I can advance its reputation, then dying is not so bad a result. But after you quit I realized I would rather die than watch another friend go. And then you were kidnapped, and then you faked your death… Look, I'm not looking forward to losing my Talents Luce, even with those goggles in mind. I'm not sure what will happen to the agency when I'm gone – it's not like I would ever become a supervisor. Now, I know you're going to make fun of me for this" he flashed a nervous smile her way. "But I've been thinking about a life with you, when we're useless old grownups, and I'm not so sure I want to go down swinging anymore."

"Lockwood…"

"It's silly, I know."

"No, it's not that." Suddenly, the words came fumbling out of her. It was just as rushed and awkward her confession in the Rotwell Institute. "I've felt the same way, probably since you hired me, I just couldn't admit it. George had me figured out from the start though. He also figured that was why I needed you to stay put while I went to the Other Side. I feel so strongly for you, it was so easy to find my way back just by thinking about you. That's the whole of it. I don't know if the fetch from Aikmere's was simply toying with me, at the very least it knew I hoped more than anything that you would come looking for me, but you were very much on my mind as I was wandering around down there and the thought of you dying for me was just too much. So I left, but you – you reckless idiot – I couldn't stay away."

"We're hopeless."

"Yeah" she laughed. "We are."

"So, dinner date tomorrow?"

"Sounds lovely."

"You're buying though. I pay you enough."

"What?! If anyone owes me free food it's you. Anyway, you haven't paid me since I came back from the dead."

"I so have! Just ask Holly." His lopsided grin melted her. "Besides, after all the trouble you've caused –"

"Trouble? What trouble? I've been MIA for days."

"Exactly. My reckless mental instability is a direct result of your absence."

"Toughen up. We've a poltergeist to deal with."

"Fine." Lockwood said as he stood, stretching his arms above his head as he made for the door. Lucy followed. "I'll pay this time. There's just one more thing."

"What?"

He hooked his arm around her waist, looked her square in the face, and dove in for a kiss. It would have been quite suave, if his nose hadn't poked her in the eye. Which means he missed the intended target of her lips.

"OW!"

"Sorry! Sorry… lemme try that again."