AN/ This was one of those chapters that was rewritten to go with the Big Kairi Edits of 2016!
Chapter 30: Uneasy Feelings
There was a banging on the front door.
"Kairi, come on, I know you're in there!"
Selphie's voice. Selphie. Kairi sent a glance up at the clock—not even 2 P.M. Selphie must have cut class, too. Kairi looked back down at her geometry-homework-turned-letter-to-Sora, because the easiest way to stop feeling like she would explode was to put it all on paper. More importantly, put it all on paper and pretend it would actually reach Sora, run herself through what he might say in response, because talking to him was always the best way to sort out her feelings. Oh, she wished he was here.
"Kairi!" Selphie's voice again, louder this time, accompanied by harder banging. "Open up! I don't want to break the lock to your front door but I will if I have to, don't think I won't!"
Kairi laughed under her breath, wanting to see Selphie try. Then she remembered Selphie had taken engineering classes. Lock breaking probably hadn't been covered, but Selphie knew how to work a wrench, and, rarely went anywhere without a screwdriver. Kairi chewed her lip. Then she figured her dad would absolutely kill her if Selphie broke into their house.
"Alright fine," she yelled. She hadn't needed to yell, but it made her feel a lot better. She got up from the table and marched to the door, a simple three steps to cross the distance, then undid the lock and yanked the door open.
Selphie looked relieved, and then she looked angry.
"Kairi you can't just cut school," she hissed, shouldering her way into the house.
"You cut school!" Kairi argued. She slammed the door shut behind Selphie.
"Only because you did first!" Selphie threw her bag down on the table, then rounded on Kairi, scowling. "And, three days in a row, too!"
Kairi scowled back, folding her arms over her chest. "I didn't cut yesterday," she protested, trying not to feel childish. The fact her scowl felt more like a pout wasn't helping.
Selphie wouldn't hear it. "You cut the day before. And the day before that." She kept Kairi fixed with an even stare, one hand resting on the back of the nearest chair. The one some of her books had spilled into.
Kairi resisted the urge to drag the closest chair so it was between her and Selphie, because that was definitely childish.
"Listen, I just—" she began, running over excuses in her mind.
Selphie didn't give her the chance.
"I'm worried about you, Kairi," she said, and for all her scowling before, now she looked sincere. Sad. "Skipping school aside, you've just been… so stressed, lately. And, and I…"
"I'm fine," Kairi said, looking away. "Nothing's wrong."
To Selphie's credit, she saw right through the lie immediately.
"Oh don't give me that! You don't just skip school nearly three days in a row for no reason." Selphie took a step towards Kairi, wagging her finger threateningly. "Now, go on! Tell me what's wrong. I mean it!"
Kairi stared at Selphie, trembling, working her fists open and closed. Selphie didn't move, didn't back down. Kairi took a deep breath.
"Namine's gone," she said. Her voice was quiet, distant, almost like it was someone else's.
Selphie deflated, now. She blinked a few times, realization slowly creeping onto her face. "She… she is," she said. She looked away. "I… I knew that… I just didn't think about why. Or where she'd gone. Or, really, to question at all." She turned back to Kairi, met her eyes. "Sora's gone, too."
It wasn't a question.
"Yeah. He is."
Kairi bit her lip hard. She felt like she was burning, inside.
Selphie looked horrified.
"How… how did one of my best friends just vanish without me realizing?" she demanded. "How did… Where are they? Where'd they go?"
Kairi shook her head. "I don't know. I have no idea! Do you get that, Selphie!?" She gripped the nearest chair, yanking it away from the table a bit in her aggression. The sound of it scraping across the floor was so satisfying. "Sora vanished, and Riku went looking for him, and they never came back. It's been three months. Three! Three months of me and Namine waiting for them, struggling to cope with them gone, and then Namine leaves too."
"Kairi—"
"She's gone! She's gone, she left, and she hasn't come back and I don't know if she's dead or perfectly fine but having so much fun that she didn't think to let me know! I just! I want to know she's alright!" Kairi laughed loudly, bitterly. "But, oh, no! NO. I don't get that."
She slammed her hand down on the table. Underneath her fingers was the half-written (and largely angry, upset, desperate) letter to Sora. Maybe I should start sending letters to Namine, too, she thought, as her mouth kept moving.
"Namine's gone. Sora's gone. Riku's gone! They're all gone!" Selphie was recoiling, but Kairi didn't even notice. She kept going. "All of my closest friends have just left me here, and I don't know if any of them are okay because apparently none of them care enough come back to let me know! But, hey! HEY! I'm fine. I'm just fine."
That half-finished letter to Sora crumpled beneath her fingers. Boiling with everything that she was feeling, she smashed it between her hands. And, when that wasn't enough, she ripped it in half. The destruction felt so good.
"Was… Was that your geometry homework…?" Selphie asked, cautiously.
"WHO CARES!" Kairi roared. She'd already been planning on sending it out to sea, anyway. "It's just one assignment, I'll get a zero on it, it's fine." Well, actually, this wasn't the only assignment, but— "It's fine! Everything's fine."
"Kairi…"
"Everything's just fine."
Selphie stared at Kairi a long moment, still leaning away from her, face working hard. After a second she took a deep breath, straightened out, then readjusted her shirt (something she always did when coming to a decision). She pushed the chair out of the way, then grabbed Kairi by the hand.
"Come on," she said. "You know what you need? A nice, long, swim in the ocean."
xxx
Namine sat in her room, drawing. She had found a few colored pencils lying around, though how that made sense was a mystery, and she had collected quite the amount of paper. It wasn't a perfect solution, and she still wanted her sketchbook—or, a sketchbook—but for now it would have to do.
From what she knew, the battle was still going on downstairs. Riku acted like this happened regularly, so, she wasn't too worried, she supposed. Or, she wasn't worried that that he couldn't handle this, because clearly he could. But, having to fight all the time? That sounded like it had to suck.
Sure, it had to be a part of what a Rebellion was even about, but…
The door opened, and Namine glanced up. Riku was standing there, looking a bit tired, but smiling nonetheless.
"Sorry it took so long," Riku laughed, sitting down next to her on the bed. "It took longer to get rid of 37 than it usually does." He shrugged. "You've been alright by yourself, right?"
Namine laughed a little. "Yeah, of course I have been," she said, rolling her eyes. She quickly turned the picture she'd been drawing face-down, so Riku couldn't see it. She wasn't embarrassed, it wasn't a bad picture, or even special, she just wasn't that proud of it, and didn't want Riku staring at it.
"Hey, uh…" Namine began, not sure how to put it. She wasn't used to telling Riku she was worried about him.
"Yeah?" Riku asked.
"Why don't we go home?" Namine said, deciding to put it that way. "I mean, we don't have Sora, but—"
"Didn't I tell you?" Riku cut her off. He sounded really annoyed, and wouldn't look at her. "I can't go home until this Rebellion is over. I owe it to them."
Namine watched him carefully. She guessed he had mentioned that, but… "Well, what about for a few days?" she tried. "I think you could use a break, probably. You've been here for ages."
"Well…"
There was a knock on the open door. "Riku." It was Alpha. He didn't look that happy. "Come on, we need to talk about action plans—if Saix has picked the attacks back up again, we can't be unprepared."
Riku seemed to bristle twice as much.
"Can it wait? I'm in the middle of—"
"We need to do this now, Riku," Alpha argued, completely no-nonsense. "And we need you. So, please." The please was the most insincere thing Namine had ever heard.
Riku sighed, then looked at Namine. He smiled half-heartedly.
"I'll be back soon," he said. He dragged himself to his feet and waved at her, then let Alpha lead him off.