Rose Hill, 1780
Rachel didn't sleep at all. She knew she could never fall asleep without Quinn near her, so she didn't even try. Instead, she laid down with Oliver and let a few shy tears run down her face as she gently caressed him while he slept. It was not only absurd, it was actually impossible - but sometimes when he sighed deeply during his dreams and smiled afterwords, it was almost as if he looked like Quinn. Quinn.
Rachel found herself stuck in between two contradicting thoughts.
On one side, there were the slaves. People like her. Possibly the only ones who could ever understand everything she went through in her life. People who suffered everyday simply because their skin was darker, and someone had decided that was how it was going to be. People who suffered without deserving it. Of course, Rachel wasn't fond of all slaves. She could never forgive the ones who had raped her, and she felt hurt by the ones who treated her worse simply because she had better treatments. It wasn't her fault either. But those weren't the slaves Quinn was selling. She was selling slaves who very likely had no idea what was even gonna happen to them. Her mother had told her the stories, of how her grandmother had come to the West Indies. How terrible it had been to cross a whole ocean in a tight ship without food or any notions of hygiene. It was ruthless. It was unfair. It was down right cruel.
But it was Quinn. Quinn who had way more than a fair share of mistakes on her account. But when it came to this particular one, how could Rachel blame her? She didn't make the best choices, but she did them out of love. She did so because she thought it was the one that would hurt Rachel the least, although she knew none of the options would make Rachel happy. She didn't tell Rachel to protect her from the pain. She not only wanted to protect Rachel, but the ones Rachel considered to be her family. She not only had taken Rachel into her life and showed her what love was, but she had embraced and accepted and loved Oliver, Rachel's son, as if it was her own. She loved them both enough to give up on her biggest dream for their sake. She had accepted to sell the farm to make sure Rachel's son would be safe and healthy. Rachel knew it would be selfish and, honestly, a shame to her people if she took Quinn's side, but it was difficult not to.
"Rachel," Lou Lee exclaimed breathless opening the nursery's door. "You need to come here, Quinn's not okay!" she said. Rachel frowned. Quinn had said she wasn't feeling well, but Rachel thought it was only her way of trying to convince her to stay. "I'm serious. She didn't even want me to tell you, but I'm worried. Go check on her, I'll stay with Ollie!" Lou Lee said, grabbing Rachel's hand and pulling her out of bed. Rachel groaned. She knew she would end up forgiving Quinn, but she wasn't ready yet. It was still too recent. She wanted some time for herself before they spoke again.
When Rachel walked in the room, she felt her stomach dropping to the floor. Quinn quivered in bed, her whole body drenched in sweat. Her hair was stuck to her forehead and she had her eyes and mouth closed tightly. She didn't even noticed Rachel had entered the room. Rachel walked to her side and sat on the bed, but Quinn didn't open her eyes even with the mattress shifting under Rachel's weight.
"Quinn?" Rachel asked in a whisper, brushing her hand against Quinn's forehead to sweep away the hair and gasping when she realized how hot she felt. "Oh, dear, you're burning in fever," she said. It didn't take more than a second for her to forget everything they had discussed earlier.
"I'm sorry I woke you up," Quinn cried out with a trembling lip. Rachel sighed and shook her head.
"You didn't," she said. Rachel pulled away the covers but Quinn's body shook in protest. The fever made her cold without the covers, but Rachel couldn't let her sweat so much. It couldn't be good for her. "What are you feeling?" she asked, grabbing Quinn's hand. Quinn held on to her so tightly that it made Rachel's heart ache.
"A piercing pain in my head," Quinn whispered, her face twisting in pain. It hurt Rachel to watch. She dropped a kiss on Quinn's hand and Quinn opened her eyes to look deep inside Rachel's. "Rach," she whispered, bringing their joined hands closer to her heart. "If I-" she took a deep breath before going on. "If I die, you are free, alright? I'm gonna write that down so that no one can fight you on this," Quinn rambled, motioning to get up but falling back on bed and crying out in pain.
"Quinn, shut your mouth right now!" Rachel said, angrier than she intended to. Quinn was scaring the hell out of her. The mere thought of having Quinn dying, especially after how their night had gone, made Rachel lose it. "I'm gonna go grab George, alright? Can you stay here for just a second?" Rachel asked.
"I love you, Rach," Quinn murmured, letting a small sob break out of her lips. Rachel felt her hand starting to shake in fear. "I'm so sorry," she cried out.
"Quinn, listen to me," Rachel said, putting each one of her hands in one side of Quinn's face and holding her in place so that she would look her in the eyes. "You're not dying, okay? You just can't. You're gonna wait just one second and I'm gonna come back with George and he'll help us and you'll be fine. You can't leave me."
Quinn pursued her lips in a small pout, but nodded. Rachel dropped a kiss in her scalding forehead and ran out of the room to get George. She silently thanked God that he had decided to stay over for the night, because she had no idea what she would have done if he wasn't there. Not even a minute later they walked back into the room, Rachel dragging George by the hand as he put on his glasses and tried to adjust his eyes to the brightness of the candles that lit up Quinn's room. Quinn's situation must have startled him just as it did with Rachel, because in a blink he was kneeling by her bed with his eyes wide opened.
George laid his head onto Quinn's chest to hear her heartbeat and Rachel froze by the door. It was just too similar to the day she had watched George trying to save Russell. Quinn started mumbling nonsenses and it just scared Rachel even further. She thought of getting away from that. She couldn't watch it. She couldn't even think about it.
"Rachel, I need your help," George said, and Rachel was snapped out of her thoughts like magic. She couldn't run away and she couldn't just stay there. She had to help. She couldn't give up. She couldn't let Quinn go. "We're gonna need to give her a cold bath to lower the fever. Can you fetch the water for us?" he asked. Rachel was out of the room before he could even finish.
Rachel grabbed two buckets of water from the water barrel near the kitchen house. It was the water Abbie used to cook, and she always complained when someone used it without pumping more water to refill it, but Rachel simply didn't have the time to worry about that. The two buckets weren't enough to fill the bathtub as much as Quinn usually liked, but they didn't have time for that either. Rachel felt wrong filling the bathtub without warming up the water first, but she wouldn't argue with George. He knew better.
"It's ready," she called out, only then realizing she had barely given herself time to breath.
"Alright," George said, getting up from the floor. "I have given her a painkiller so she's a little bit groggy, but don't be scared alright?" he said. Rachel nodded, although she couldn't promise anything. "She will be fine, Rachel. Just help me get her to the bathtub," he said. Rachel did.
She didn't take Quinn's shifts off, because although George was her brother, it still felt wrong to let her bare in front of him. She kneeled on the floor by Quinn's side and with a cup slowly poured water all over Quinn's body. Quinn still shivered, although she didn't say a word. Rachel didn't remember her heart ever beating that fast.
"What's happening?" Quinn asked in a murmur, after what it felt like years to Rachel. She breathed out hearing Quinn's voice and wanted more than anything to just grab Quinn's face and kiss her lips and thank her for being there still - but George was there, so she just grabbed Quinn's hand again. She didn't care at all that her own gown was drenched in a mix of sweat and spilled water.
"I think you've gotten yellow fever," George said, pulling her eyelids up now that she had finally opened them and looking deep inside her eyes. Rachel's grip loosened as she heard George. She had no idea what it meant, but it didn't sound good at all.
"Am I going to die?" Quinn asked and Rachel's breath got caught. She couldn't quite breath again until George answered.
"Of course not," he said with a chuckle. Nothing had ever felt as comforting as that chuckle. George wouldn't chuckle if Quinn was dying. He wouldn't lie to her, either. Or at least Rachel hoped. "You're young and healthy, Quinn. It will be out of you in three days, maximum. The first night is always the worst, you'll already feel much better in the morning," he said. Rachel nodded along his words. He didn't know anything about what he talked about, but it was reassuring to hear them.
"Can I go to bed, then?" Quinn asked with a frown, shifting inside the bathtub. "This isn't comfortable," she whined.
"Yes," George said, with another chuckle. Regardless of how reassured Rachel was, she still couldn't say anything, let alone laugh. "Rachel, will please change her clothes? I will change her sheets as you do so, then we can put her into bed," he said.
"Oh, no!" Rachel shook her head viciously. "You've helped a lot already George, I can change her sheets," she said. That was no work for a man, especially not a man like George.
"Nonsense," he said, getting up and patting the dust out of his knees. "The quicker we get this done, the quicker she'll be comfortable in bed. It's no problem at all," said George, going back to the bedroom before Rachel could argue any further.
Rachel pulled Quinn's arm over her neck to support her weight and walked her to the dressing room. She picked the first nightgown she found and helped Quinn on it before she could start feeling cold again. Quinn's eyes were closed for the whole time, much as her mouth. Rachel couldn't stop imagining what went on inside her head. When they came out, the bed was already perfectly done. Rachel was surprised to see George could do it so well, but didn't say so. She didn't want him to think she underestimated him.
"Just lay down now," he said, helping Rachel to put Quinn onto bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and leaned to drop a kiss on Quinn's forehead. "You'll be fine. You need to stop scaring me like that. I almost had a heart attack when Rachel entered my room," he said. Quinn chuckled, and Rachel had never heard anything so relieving. Quinn was fine. "If the fever comes back go grab me again, okay, Rachel?" he asked, and Rachel nodded.
"Thank you so much, George," she said. George nodded in acknowledgment and gripped her shoulder affectionately before leaving the room.
"Rachel?" Quinn called out, patting the bed near her side, where Rachel usually slept.
"I'm right here," Rachel said, from near the door.
"Don't leave me," she whispered. She sounded so small. All that Rachel wanted was to wrap her up and keep her safe and near her forever. Rachel was going to change her nightgown first, but how could she stay one second longer away from Quinn? Instead, she locked the door and took off her clothes.
"I'm never leaving you," she whispered, crawling under the covers by Quinn's side and pulling her closer. She fixed Quinn's hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. Quinn sighed and smiled. Rachel's heart melted. "God, you scared me," she mumbled under her breath, clutching tightly onto Quinn.
"I'm sorry," Quinn said, burying her face on the crook of Rachel's neck. Rachel could feel her breathing against her skin. She would never be able to put into words how grateful she was that it had been only a scare. "For everything," Quinn said. It took a second for Rachel to remember what Quinn was talking about.
"It's like the universe doesn't want me to be mad at you," Rachel said with a small giggle. "We fight and I get into labor. We fight again and you fall ill. Someone really wants me to stay with you," she said playfully.
It felt weird to be able to joke about it so close after it happened, but there's nothing like fear to put things under perspective. Rachel had always thought she wanted to be free more than anything. It took Quinn's illness for her to realize that had never been her dream. She wanted nothing more than to be with Quinn, regardless of how many times Quinn messed up. And that's what love was all about, wasn't it? Forgiveness. Redemption. Surrender.
Rachel slipped out of the room when the sun rose and Quinn had finally fell asleep without a fever. She took the dirty linens downstairs to wash it while she had the chance, so that she could keep Quinn company once she woke up. Of course, Dorea could have done it, or even Abbie. But Rachel liked doing so. She liked feeling that she was the one who took care of Quinn.
"You're up early." Rachel heard someone saying and turned around to see whose voice was it that she didn't recognize. Lady Angeline. Rachel was surprised to see her up. "I thought you would need some rest after such a bumpy night yesterday," she said. She didn't know half of it.
"Slaves are always up early," Rachel replied coldly. She didn't want Lady Angeline to think she was engaging in conversation. She didn't want it to seem like she was giving her any kind of opening. But Rachel knew she couldn't just ignore her.
"Of course," Lady Angeline said, with a nod and a chuckle. "And what a great slave you are," she said, taking one step forward and leaning against the door. Rachel was kneeling on the floor scrubbing the bed sheets clean. She was comforted knowing Lady Angeline wouldn't want to get close enough to get her gown wet. "I still don't understand how Quinn could get so lucky," she said.
"I'm lucky," Rachel corrected, a little faster than she intended. She shouldn't be giving Lady Angeline anything to work with, but it was hard to keep her mouth shut when anyone talked about Quinn. "She's a very kind mistress," Rachel said. Lady Angeline scoffed and made Rachel frown.
"Well, she can be kind to you, but let's be honest here," Lady Angeline said with a shrug and a mocking scowl. "She isn't kind at all to those poor slaves she uses and sells as mere products," she said. Rachel knew exactly what Lady Angeline was doing. How she was trying to get Rachel away from Quinn. It would never work.
"Yeah, nobody's perfect," Rachel mumbled, deviating her look and resuming scrubbing. Lady Angeline sat on the step by the door and Rachel had to suppress a groan. Just when she thought the woman was about to leave, she sat down.
"You sure changed your mind, haven't you?" Lady Angeline said, raising one eyebrow. "It's almost like you're a whole different girl from the one I had to help out when Quinn decided she would like to mark her new toy." Again, she knew what Lady Angeline was doing. Still, it didn't make the sting she felt on her scar hurt any less.
"She has changed too," Rachel answered with another shrug. She was barely saying anything, but she still felt like she was saying too much. She just wished someone would wake up and interrupt them. Anyone.
"Has she?" Lady Angeline asked, pushing her once again. Rachel didn't answer this time. She knew it would be too suspicious if she defended Quinn too much. Lady Angeline got up and Rachel swallowed hard. She took a few steps forward and Rachel gripped the sheets tighter in her hands. "I've missed you," she said. Rachel didn't say anything, and scrubbed the sheets harder in hope that the loud noise would stop Lady Angeline from saying anything else. Of course it didn't. "Haven't you missed me?" she asked.
"That's not appropriated, milady," Rachel answered beneath her breath. It was better than the outright no she would have answered if she knew her role didn't allow her.
"You used to like me, Rachel," Lady Angeline stated. "Why are you acting so different now?" she asked. "I could be so much better to you than she is," she said, her voice lower than it had been before. "You know I can. I have never hurt you like she has," she whispered.
Rachel could think of about a billion things to answer her but again, she wasn't allowed to say any of those. When she was living through hell, having Lady Angeline's help had been a blessing. When she was finally better and able to see things more clear, she realized Lady Angeline had been exactly like every other men in Rachel's life. They were only nice to her because they wanted her. She had felt safe with Lady Angeline because she never thought a woman would do the same thing. She couldn't be more wrong. Lady Angeline had never hurt her like Quinn had. But she had never loved Rachel like Quinn had either. Rachel dropped a bucket of clean water over the sheet, rinsing away the bubbles and then hang the sheet on the clothes line.
"Can I help you with anything, milady?" Rachel asked politely, ignoring Lady's Angeline previous question as she rubbed her hand dry on her apron. Lady Angeline returned her question with a smirk that made Rachel's stomach churn. She surely would have been nauseated if she had had breakfast already. "If you don't need anything, I'm afraid I must go. I need to prepare Quinn's breakfast," she said. "Excuse me."
"Why does this soup tastes so weird?" Quinn whined, twisting her face in disgusted once she saw Abbie leaving the room. The soup tasted terrible, but she didn't want Abbie to be offended. She knew no one would be able to answer her, because while everyone ate the best smelling duck, she was the only one stuck with a plate of soup.
"I asked Abbie to put some extra garlic and ginger on it," George said, silently cutting his meat. Quinn glared at him with a frown, and he chuckled. "It will make you feel better faster," he explained with a shrug. She took another spoon of it, and it didn't taste any better.
"Better from what?" Judy asked, quirking one eyebrow up. Quinn didn't even answer. It had been her way of dealing with her mother lately, just ignoring her.
"Quinn has the yellow fever," George answered. He always did. Quinn still didn't understand how someone could be nice enough to have patience for both her mother and aunt.
"No, she doesn't," Lady Angeline scoffed, breaking onto a laugh. George frowned, Quinn just rolled her eyes. "Yellow fever brings you down completely," she said. "She's fine, she's just being dramatic to get you all to forget what she's doing."
"Oh, look who's talking! The one and only Virgin Mary!" Quinn said, mocking her aunt. Her mother choked on her food, offended by the use of a holy name in such context. "Please, aunt Angeline. Let's not act like you have any principles. It's not like you pay your slaves for their work back in America," she said with a fake smile, bringing another spoonful of her soup to her mouth.
"Well, at least that's the only thing I use my slaves for," Lady Angeline said, smiling back. Quinn choked on her soup and started to cough. She looked over to George, but he was just as surprised as she was.
"What are you talking about?" Judy asked with a frown, looking from side to side and watching the different reactions from everyone at the table.
"Oh, Judy, please!" Lady Angeline rolled her eyes. Quinn stared at George, hoping he would once more save his ass, but he just waited. Both of them knew it could be worse if they tried to argue back. "That has got old already, you know? This whole pretending not to know what happens in your own house. I mean, it's not like they even hide it anymore," she said.
"What is she talking about, George?" Judy asked, making her tone firmer than it had been in a very long time. Quinn had taken advantage of the fact her mother couldn't boss her around anymore, and Judy had been almost behaving.
"I have no idea, mother," George said, knitting his eyebrows together and looking at his aunt with the most threatening glare Quinn had ever seen on his eyes.
Lady Angeline shrugged with a smug smile and placed her napkin back on her lap before closing her mouth and pretending to lock it with a key and throw it behind her back. It was childish and ridiculous and Quinn wanted nothing more than to jump at the woman's jugular and rip it apart with the knife by her plate's side.
"Excuse me, I'm not feeling well," Quinn murmured, getting up and running back to her room.
"Miss Quinn?" Lou Lee asked in a murmur, opening the door half way opened to check if she could come in. Quinn laid down and Rachel sat by her side with a pile of wet rags that she placed on Quinn's forehead to make sure her fever wouldn't rise again. "Mr. Lewis is here to see you, should I tell him it isn't a good time?" she asked. Quinn pursued her lips pondering, but ended up sighing.
"No," she said. "Just tell him to come in," she said. She wasn't exactly comfortable in receiving a man in her room, but she didn't feel well enough to walk her way to her office and she was just too curious to know if they had received any offers on the farm already.
"I'm gonna go grab some tea for you," Rachel said, getting up and patting her apron down. Quinn grabbed her hand before she could move further away.
"You can stay," she said. Quinn always learned from her mistakes. She wouldn't let Rachel feel like Quinn was shutting her out of the business again. She didn't have anything to hide anymore. "Let's hear what he has to say," Quinn said. Rachel nodded with the sweetest smile, and it almost enough to make Quinn want to get up just to drop a kiss on her face. Rachel took a few steps back and stopped by the window, where she wouldn't interrupt, just as Lewis knocked on the door. "Come in," Quinn said.
"Hello, Quinn," he said, bowing down and taking off his hat. He placed it on the doorknob and pulled a chair from near the fireplace, putting it by Quinn's bed side as if he was at his own house. "I've heard you haven't been feeling well. I apologize to come in a moment like this," he said.
"I'm feeling a little better already," Quinn said, waving her hand dismissively and fixing herself up on the bed. "I wanna see what you've got," she said, rubbing her hands together excitedly. The excitement died fast when she saw the look in his face. "What is it?" she asked.
"News travel fast," he said with a sympathetic pout. "Apparently people are more aware of the financial situation of this farm than I thought so. I have got one offer, and it isn't as good as I thought it would be," he said, getting some paper out of his briefcase and laying it on the bed. "This is the discrimination of how much they're willing to pay. You're basically only getting money for the slaves, the animals and the house. All this land would be going essentially for free, because well, no one wants land where they can't grow anything," he said.
Quinn nodded quietly, feeling her chest getting tighter. It hurt to see all the efforts from a life time, everything her father worked so hard on, being worth so little. She knew they wouldn't be getting a lot of money out of it, but she never imagined it would be so little. But she had made a decision. She had promised Rachel. Oliver was her priority, and the longer he was at the farm the riskier it could become. They were counting on luck and that had just never been on their side. Quinn looked up to find Rachel's eyes. She was ready to agree with the offer - but Rachel had her eyes wide opened and shook her head viciously. Quinn frowned. Lewis noticed it and looked back, frowning too when he saw Rachel.
"Look, you don't have to decide right now," he said, piling up the papers and setting it on Quinn's nightstand. "I have got to leave because there is a huge storm coming and my wife will kill me if I'm not home before it arrives, but I'll leave the papers here so that you can go over them again. Perhaps you could show your mother and see if she doesn't have any friends who would like to give an offer too," he said.
"My mother still doesn't know about this," Quinn said, afraid he could mention something to her. "I would rather have it stay that way, for now," she clarified. He nodded.
"That's perfectly fine," he said. "Anyway, I'll leave the papers with you and I'll come back in a couple days. You can take your time to think until then," said Lewis. He waved his goodbyes and left, leaving Quinn alone with Rachel again. Rachel walked over to Quinn's side and grabbed the papers, reading them carefully. Quinn smiled. It felt nice to see the money she was spending with Rachel's classes had a good reason.
"What happened?" Quinn asked, resting her hand on Rachel's thigh. "I thought you said we should leave as soon as possible," she said. "I know it's not a lot of money, but it's enough Rachel. We can buy a small house in New York and still have some savings to live off until I figure out how we can make money there," she said.
"I know, it's just-" Rachel stopped herself, shaking her head and grabbing Quinn's hand. "I don't know. Perhaps we should think a little more. It's such a big decision. I know I said we should go, but perhaps we could get a doctor to stay in here instead?" she said with a nervous smile.
"And how would we get money?" Quinn asked, pulling Rachel closer to sit on the bed with her. "Look, you don't need to worry. I don't want you to feel like this is all on you, I know that would be a lot of pressure. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to live knowing that I'm hurting so many people. I know it was your idea so you might feel like it's too much responsibility - like I could blame you if things didn't turn out alright - but I won't. I want this. I want a brand new start with you and Oliver in a place where we won't have to worry so much about hiding and where I'll be able to sleep assured that if anything happens he will have all the help he needs."
"Yeah?" Rachel asked, smiling shyly with just the corner of her mouth. Quinn nodded and Rachel leaned in, nuzzling their noses together. "Let's just wait those couple days, then," said Rachel. "I mean, what if we get a better offer in the meantime, right?" she said, giving Quinn the shoulders. Quinn giggled. She didn't think so, but it wouldn't hurt to wait for so little - especially if she knew it would make Rachel calmer.
"Whatever you say, milady," Quinn said playfully and Rachel rolled her eyes - but kissed Quinn nonetheless.
A/N: We're only a couple chapters away from the ending! Don't forget to leave your reviews :)