Chapter 50: Prying Darkness

They all sat around the table, enjoying the meatloaf that Aerith had made. Sora sat at one corner, empty seat directly across from him. Cloud sat next to him, directly across from Leon, and Yuffie sat next to Cloud, directly across from Aerith. And Cid sat in his usual place, at the head of the table, the side furthest away from the kitchen. Cid had healed enough that he could walk by this point, and was eating dinner with them, instead of being stuck in his room. He was cracking jokes, as always, and everyone was laughing.

Everyone but Sora, that is, who was doing his best to ignore a little annoyance that had decided to show its face again.

His Shadow.

"I don't see why I bother you so much," his Shadow sighed, summoning his chains and twirling them (Sora was beginning to think that he absolutely needed something to occupy his hands at every moment, considering the way he kept summoning the chains). He was leaning against the wall, directly behind Sora.

You know perfectly well why you bother me, Sora thought bitterly. He figured, since his Shadow seemed to have no problem reading his thoughts, he might as well just think what he had to say instead of embarrassing himself by saying it out loud.

"Because I'm your darkness and you can't stand to look at me because you don't want to be reminded of it?" the Shadow laughed. "Or… I suppose… I'm just annoying. I wonder if I am just annoying… I hope not…" His voice slowly grew quiet, maybe even a bit worried. "If you find me annoying…" he muttered. "I wonder if she-"

The Shadow didn't finish that sentence. However, the thought of Kairi crossed Sora's mind shortly after him saying it, causing Sora to frown.

Though… I suppose… if he can read my thoughts, I suppose I could read his as well.

But- why in the Worlds would he be thinking about Kairi?

"I wasn't thinking about… Kai-Kai…? Kairi," the Shadow replied, his voice cracking slightly over her name, as if he wasn't sure how to say it. "Whatever her name is- I wasn't thinking about her!"

There was urgency in his voice though, followed by frantic thoughts that sounded to Sora much like closing doors, but felt more like barriers being put up. Sora stabbed another piece of meatloaf with his fork and ate it, deciding he wouldn't bother trying to figure out what his Shadow was doing. He had a notion that it had something to do with mental blocks, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to be poking around in his Shadow's brain to figure out what he was blocking.

So, instead, Sora tried to focus on the conversation happening at the table before him.

"That's when cranky-pants over here decided it would be a good time to start screaming," Yuffie laughed, nodding towards Cid when she said "cranky-pants." He started complaining about this, but Yuffie ignored him.

"Of course, this alerted all the enemies around of our presence," Yuffie continued. "And I had to spend the next five minutes getting them off our tail while Aerith tried to get him to calm down."

"It wasn't like that!" Cid said exasperatedly.

At this, Sora's Shadow started laughing. "Ooh boy, am I enjoying this!"

Enjoying this HOW? Sora couldn't help but wonder.

"Please!" his Shadow laughed. "You think that you're the only person I'm connected to. I'm pure darkness. I can feel everyone's negative emotions. And these two arguing over here?" He sighed wistfully, which finished making his point well enough.

Great, so THEIR arguing makes HIM stronger? That's just lovely…

Sora sighed, taking another bite of meatloaf. "Can you two stop arguing?" he asked quietly, glancing between Yuffie and Cid. "I- I have a headache…"

Everyone stopped, Yuffie mid-shout, Cid looking as if he was about to throw something, Aerith trying to get them to stop. Leon seemed to have resigned himself to the inevitable and wasn't trying to help her. Cloud was just ignoring them. Everyone slowly turned to Sora, as he lazily pushed meatloaf around his plate. Cid and Yuffie mumbled apologies and went back to their food.

"You do not have a headache!" the Shadow laughed. "Are you lying? Lying just to- oh damn, you're not serious, are you? Wow! Just-"

Just shut up… Sora thought, glancing over his shoulder just enough to cast a glare at his Shadow.

"How long have you had a headache?" Aerith asked, turning to Sora with concern.

"It only started recently," Sora replied, bitterly.

"Aww! Poor Sora! Am I giving him a nasty headache?" his Shadow sang in a singsong voice. He was grinning. Sora didn't need to turn around to know that.

"That's too bad…" Aerith sighed. "Are you okay?"

Sora nodded.

"Though… speaking of headaches, do you know who gets the nastiest?" the Shadow asked. Apparently, he hadn't been at all paying attention to the little exchange between Aerith and Sora.

Sora rolled his eyes. He didn't care.

"Namine," the Shadow continued anyways, probably just because Sora didn't want to hear it. "Her memory meltdowns or… whatever they are, damn, they hurt. Just where I don't want to hanging around; her when one's happening." There was a pause, and Sora could almost feel him shudder.

On top of that, though, Sora also managed to pick up quite a few fragments of thought. He frowned, curious and slightly shocked.

He CAUSED a meltdown?

I'm surprised Riku didn't—

"Riku can't see me," the Shadow said before Sora could finish the thought. "He doesn't know I exist. Though I do agree with you. I would have been dead meat if he did."

Sora shook his head, reminding himself that he needed to be ignoring his Shadow.

Of course… it was harder than it should have been. His Shadow could, of course, hear his every thought. Therefore, he had to keep his thoughts away from anything concerning his Shadow. But… he had a nasty habit of wondering things like:

When was he in Castle Oblivion?

Since when does he have a life outside me?

I thought his entire purpose was to annoy me, when does he have time to bother other people?

Questions which his Shadow didn't hesitate to answer.

"Are you serious? Do you think that just because I'm your 'shadow' means I'm permanently bound to you? Hell no!" the Shadow laughed. "I can still do whatever I want! I mean, you can't be—"

Sora just tuned him out at this point, especially considering the fact that he slipped into quite the bit of swearing. Sora raised his eyebrows, almost laughing at the thought of what Aerith would do if she could hear him. He wondered if she could…

"I doubt it…" the Shadow muttered.

Sora continued to ignore him. He handed his plate to Aerith as she walked past. She laughed at something that Leon said, and then headed out to the kitchen with everyone's plates. She came back with dessert not much later, which was pie.

Sora smiled slightly as he was handed a slice. He happened to like pie.

"Hey! Are you ignoring me?" the Shadow asked. "Here I was giving you a perfectly good rant and you weren't even listening!"

No, I wasn't listening, Sora replied. I'm trying to ignore you… I thought that was obvious.

"Am I seriously bothering you that much?"

Sora sighed. Honestly, I'd almost rather be controlled by Ansem right now than have to deal with YOU, he thought bitterly, shoving some pie into his mouth.

His Shadow whistled. "Whoo-boy! Don't let me catch you thinking like that often! The more you think thoughts like that the easier it will be for me to drag you into darkness!" He started laughing, quietly. "Though, I'm sure if you really wanted Ansem to control you- well… no… I could possess you, if you want."

I don't want you anywhere NEAR my heart… Sora thought, frowning.

"You sure about that?" his Shadow asked. "I'm sure I'd be preferable compared to Ansem. He was a creeper. Like… just… ew. I mean, I appreciate the darkness he was feeding you, but… he was just… creeper."

The rant continued, but Sora tuned it out again.

"Hey!" the Shadow shouted.

Sora froze. Darkness suddenly roared up within his heart. He couldn't move.

And though he didn't see it, he could feel his Shadow smirk.

"Sora?" Cloud asked slowly. "Are you okay?"

No… Sora's thoughts replied.

His mouth, however, seemed to have other ideas and replied: "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Ooh!" his Shadow laughed. "You liar! Liar! Shame on you!"

You're the one who's—

"Oh yes, I know I'm controlling you right now," the Shadow sighed. "I'm trying to be funny. Where's your sense of humor, huh?"

The darkness suddenly let go of him. Sora gasped.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Aerith asked.

"I- I think-" Sora stuttered.

"Is Sora really too weak to handle a little bit of darkness controlling him?" the Shadow teased. "I mean, I knew you were weak, but I didn't realize you were—"

"Would you shut up!" Sora yelled, turning around in his chair to glare at his Shadow. Everyone glanced at him as if he was crazy, at which the Shadow burst out laughing. He doubled over with laughter, chains hitting the floor and disappearing.

"Dude! You just made a fool of yourself!" he just barely managed to gasp through his laughter. "And here I was thinking just yesterday that I would rather, you know, actually exist so other people could see me, but damn! I was so wrong! This is worth it! So worth it!"

"Is he crazy?" Yuffie asked.

Sora rubbed his head. "I am not crazy…" he said slowly. "He's there… I swear, there's someone actually there."

"And who would that be?" Aerith asked, her voice kind enough.

"My Shadow," Sora replied.

"You mentioned him once…" Cloud muttered, eyes slowly moving over to where the Shadow stood.

"Oh sure, now I've got Cloud with his darkness that can't be moved by hell onto me. Save me! Someone please!" the Shadow turned to Sora, sarcasm glinting in his eyes. "Who am I kidding? He can't see me! And I don't need you and your mouth talking about me, so quit it!"

Aerith frowned, rising to her feet and gathering everyone's plates again. "I thought heard someone…" she muttered, heading to the kitchen. "Should I offer him pie?"

"No!" Sora said, just as his Shadow laughed: "I'll take it, but I doubt I would be able to eat it."

Sora glared at him.

"You can't eat?" Aerith asked.

The Shadow frowned. "Well, no, considering I don't technically—" he stopped, rather quickly. "Oh shit…" he whispered. "You can hear me, can't you?"

Aerith slowly frowned, too. "Yes," she replied. "And I don't like the fact that you're swearing."

At this, Sora's Shadow began laughing again. "And what exactly are you going to do about the fact that I'm swearing?" he asked, eyes daring her to try and do something.

"Who are you talking to?" Cid demanded. "No one's said anything!"

"She's talking to Sora's Shadow," Leon replied simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, I can't see him!" Yuffie whined.

"That's a good point…" Sora's Shadow muttered, frowning. "How can you hear me?" He studied Aerith with interest. "I mean… no offense… you're a bit too… bright. You shouldn't be able to- I mean- she did… but…" his voice was grew quieter as he said this. "I thought that was because she's connected to- and you're not nearly close enough to…"

Sora frowned now, as he gathered quite the interesting amount of thoughts from his Shadow. The thought of Kairi flickered by again, followed by the beaches of home, followed by muffled conversation. These thoughts were quickly followed by memories from not long ago, when he was being controlled by the darkness, and then…

Something he didn't recognize.

Rain.

And blood.

It was a brief but potent sensation, blood thick and covering his hands, vision blurred by tears. Hard, wet stone against his knees, wet clothes sticking to his skin—this wasn't his body—hands pressed to someone's chest but something was wrong something was—

The image faded and Sora sat there shivering, reeling from how vivid it had been, not liking the feeling of terror and despair that clutched at his stomach.

"I get it now…" the Shadow whispered, eyes widening. "Just enough dark memories… just enough that I can haunt you…" He slowly grinned.

Aerith glared at him (or, relatively at him. She couldn't see him… so…) in defiance.

The daring look entered his golden eyes again, and he said one word:

"Zack."