Chapter 60: The Forbidden Memory

They all sat on the floor of Alpha's office. Why? Well, there weren't enough chairs in the room to seat all of them, and not enough time to acquire all the chairs they needed. Thus, they were stuck on the floor. However, no one was complaining.

Namine sat roughly in the center of the room, Riku not far from her. Alpha sat directly across from them, typing away at his laptop. Vexen was sitting next to Alpha, doing what he always did: take notes. 19 sat a bit off to the side, half listening and half working through the latest batch of research. 2 sat even further of the side, partially because he didn't need to be part of this conversation. He was only here because he had nothing better to do, and his excellent memory was very handy if anyone happened to lose their notes.

"Sometimes it's like I'm reliving a single memory," Namine explained, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And other times there's more than one memory. They're thousands of them, or what feels like thousands, and there all these images that flash before my eyes. It makes me sick sometimes."

Riku grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She didn't turn to him, her eyes were closed. She did, however, squeeze his hand back.

"And what about now?" Alpha asked. "What's happening now?"

She frowned. "Well… this is different from the rest of the meltdowns. It's not like I'm reliving a memory at all. It's more like the other times. There's this like… flood of memories… playing at the back of my mind." She paused, wincing slightly. "But it's nothing more than flashes of images, really…" she muttered.

Alpha raised his eyebrows, and typed frantically for a moment. Then, he asked: "And the memories are all Riku's?"

Surprisingly, Vexen replied to that question.

"It would appear so," he said. "At least, that's what she told me when I asked her."

Riku's eyes narrowed. "When did you ever talk to-"

"Riku," Namine interrupted. "Don't worry about it. I'll explain later-"

"No, I would like to hear him explain-"

Riku didn't finish that sentence. Namine reached out, turning his face towards hers and making eye contact with him. All the anger on Riku's face suddenly melted, and he swallowed the rest of that sentence.

"I'll explain later," she repeated, pulling her hand away. "We need to focus on this now."

He nodded.

She held his gaze for a moment longer, surprised by something. The flood of memories had suddenly just… stopped. It didn't fade away, it didn't just slightly ebb away, it stopped. Riku turned away then, and rather suddenly the flood of memories started up again. She gasped in shock and clutched her head.

"Are you all right?" Riku asked.

She nodded and quickly shook her head, as if it would do her any good. "I'm fine," she said. "Just- they got stronger for a second there- the memories."

"If you want to be done-" Alpha began.

Namine shook her head again. "No," she said firmly. "I want the meltdowns to stop. And if we have to study them to figure out how-" she paused a second, trying to catch her breath. "Then I'm fine. This is our best chance-"

Riku swallowed. He was getting less and less sure about this idea. But, she said she wanted to do this…

Then again… she may not be able to think straight… right now…

He squeezed her hand again.

"Maybe not…" he whispered. However, she didn't seem to hear him.

"Do you have any idea what triggers them?" Alpha asked.

She shook her head. "No," she replied. "This one… just now. I don't know, me and Joseph were talking, and then that Larxene Replica showed up, and next thing I knew-" she trailed off, wincing slightly at just the thought of it. She swallowed and then continued: "Sometimes I'll hear something that sounds familiar, or see something that looks familiar, and the memories will start. Other times it's just completely random-"

"So there's no consistency at all?" 19 asked, glancing up from the research.

"It doesn't seem that way," Riku muttered, before Namine could respond.

"That's a shame," 19 sighed. "If there was-"

"Well there's not!" Riku snapped.

19 glanced up at him, and then sighed again. He returned his attention to the research.

"Is there any particular thing you've been… thinking about when one starts?" Alpha asked after a moment.

Namine shrugged. "I don't know, a lot of them start while me and Riku are talking, but- you know- we talk a lot, so that's probably just coincidence. And other times me and Joseph were talking... but not really about anything in particular," she shrugged again. "I mean, me and Joseph would talk about how we think the raids are going, most of the time, and the rest of the time it's just… stupid things."

"She's had more meltdowns than just the ones here, though," 2 pointed out.

Alpha nodded. "And what about those times?"

Again, Namine shrugged. "The first one… gosh… that was forever ago," she paused, frowning. "I don't quite remember. Riku was fighting someone, and I felt guilty because he was fighting for me, and then I got an odd sense of déjà vu, like something like that had happened before. Next thing I knew, the memories began-"

She stopped, rubbing her head. Riku tensed beside her.

This is so stupid… he thought. We really shouldn't be doing this. She's not okay.

She should be resting, not trying to explain this!

Explaining only makes it worse!

He bit his lip, though.

"The times on the Islands," Namine continued. "Well, the first time me and Kairi were just talking. I don't remember what about. And then, the next time… I was drawing… and the memory from the picture just started- and-"

She stopped, yet again, wincing in pain this time. She let out a small gasp, but fought it back down.

"Obviously, what she thinks of isn't the trigger…" Vexen muttered.

"Well, it might be," Alpha interrupted. "She says she can't remember what she was thinking about every time, and that's understandable. If we just pay attention to what she's thinking about when one happens from now on-"

"This is ridiculous…" Riku muttered.

They continued pestering her with questions. Okay, they probably weren't actually pestering her, but that's what it felt like to Riku, and he only grew tenser by the minute. As the questions continued, her answers became more and more frequently the same. "I don't know."

And with each "I don't know," she became more and more upset. And the more she got upset, the tenser Riku got.

Soon, it was too much for him to take.

"I don't know!" Namine cried, yet again. "All I know is that they hurt, a lot." She sounded as if she was close to tears, much to Riku's dismay. "And most of the time, I can't see because of all the images, and I can't hear either, because the voices get so loud I can't even-"

Riku pulled her close to him, holding her tight. "Stop," he said firmly. "I'm tired of listening to this. We're done."

She tried to pull away from him, but he only held her tighter.

"But I-" she began.

"No," Riku told her. "You're done. You are pushing yourself too hard. You don't need to explain this. You hardly know the answers to these questions, anyways. So just stop."

She slowly relaxed into his grip. The memories were becoming too much, anyways.

She could hardly think anymore.

It was all just a blur.

"Broke his heart," came the voice of Larxene, a voice she found she couldn't ignore. "I'd say more like she SMASHED it, really."

'What!' came Riku's frantic and blurry thought. 'Namine did this to me? No! That can't be! Why would she-?'

The thought itself hurt. Everything hurt.

What… did I do…? Namine thought, not at all surprised to find tears stinging in her eyes.

Then she saw it.

Riku, laying lifeless on the ground, eyes blank, mouth half open in shock.

I… I did THAT! she thought, shocked, too. How could I-

A scream escaped her lips, before breaking off into sobs. Riku held her closer.

It hurt.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I am so sorry. Sorry- I didn't mean to-"

"Don't apologize," Riku told her. "It's not your fault."

She swallowed.

I want to believe him…

But does he even know what I'm talking about?

Everything was blurring before her eyes. She could feel her consciousness starting to fade.

"No!" she cried. "I don't want to go!"

But there was no stopping it, already everything was fading to black-

Riku felt her go limp, and sighed. "I think we should leave her alone, from now on," he said, his voice rough. It was directed at everyone else in the room, though he never looked over at them.

He formed a dark corridor around himself and Namine, and they were gone.