So sorry for not updating yesterday like I was supposed to, a lot of things happened and I returned home around midnight and didn't have time to proofread this. This chapter is quite long and it took me a lot of time to reread it and proofread it, but it's here and hopefully without and typos :D Enjoy!

CHAPTER 10
Don't Dwell on the Past

It took them only about ten minutes before they reached the place of the concert. Merlin talked to both Agatha and her friend Morgan, and they were having quite a good time, but Arthur was silent. Merlin threw a few concerned glances at him, but he couldn't figure out what was wrong and he would not be able to find out until they left the car, so he let it go. For now.

When they finally arrived at the concert, there was so many people that they almost couldn't see the stage with the band. They were late, so the music was already playing and people were yelling and singing together with the singers, and colorful lights were everywhere. There were two screens, one on each side of the stage, with the band members on it zoomed in.

And the music was so loud that Merlin noticed Arthur had to cover his ears.

He frowned and bit his lower lip. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to take him here, he wasn't used to music like this. But after a few minutes, Arthur hesitantly put his hands down and got used to the loud screaming around him, which made Merlin smile. They could have a great time after all. He's never been on a concert before either, at least he thought so.

"Have you ever been on a concert before?" Morgan asked them very loudly, smiling like probably never before. She seemed a little bit mean, as if she was unhappy with the world and with her place in it, but when she was having fun, she seemed like a good person.

Merlin smiled back and shook his head. "Haven't had a chance to go yet." He yelled at her, smiling at Arthur behind Morgan and at Ag who started dancing in between three other people who were shaking their heads to the rhythm of the song.

"It's what Glastonbury's famous for!" Morgan yelled and started singing. "And I love this song, hoo ho!" She raised her arms high in the air and danced toward Agatha, still smiling.

Merlin couldn't help but grin as he danced over to Arthur, who wasn't moving at all.

"Merlin, stop moving like an idiot, we need to talk!" Arthur screamed at the top of his lungs, briefly covering his ears again.

"Why?" Merlin yelled back. "Just try to relax, we'll have a great time, you'll see!" He frowned when he saw Arthur glaring daggers at Morgan's back. He stopped dancing and went closer to Arthur, leaning towards him so he wouldn't have to yell so loudly. "What is it?" He asked.

Arthur startled a bit when he realized how close Merlin was, but he relaxed and closed his eyes briefly. "You don't remember, but we used to know Morgan."

Merlin raised his eyebrows at that and urged Arthur to explain with the look in his eyes. "She is my sister." Arthur said hesitantly. "She... she... Merlin, we need to talk somewhere else, this thing that you call music, is slowly but surely damaging my hearing."

Merlin rolled his eyes and nodded, going over to Ag. She smiled at him and grabbed his hands, spinning him around and Merlin couldn't help but grin at that. Why did Arthur have to ruin this evening? It wasn't even dark yet and the lights weren't visible as he hoped they would be in the dark.

"Ag," Merlin stopped her and leaned closer. "Arthur doesn't feel good, I'll take him back."

Agatha frowned and stopped dancing, looking at him and over at Arthur with concern and a little bit sadness in her eyes. "Do you want to take home?" She asked. "I can-"

"No, it's fine." Merlin shook his head. "It's close to the lake, don't worry."

"Okay," Ag nodded. "Just... I hope he gets better, tell him that."

"I will."

In that moment Morgan danced over to them and asked what was going on when her two friends weren't dancing. Merlin smiled hesitantly and explained the situation. Morgan looked over at Arthur with a strange expression and then she nodded and turned back to Merlin. "Don't get lost." She smiled.

"Please, I've lived her for cen- ages." Merlin quickly corrected himself before saying centuries and smiled at her, finally leaving to take Arthur home.

When he turned around, Arthur was already walking away from all the people and Merlin had to sprint over to him to catch up. He wanted to ask Arthur what he knew about Morgan and what he meant when he gave her that look. It looked as if he didn't really like her, but if she was his sister, then why wouldn't he like his family?

It was moments like these when Merlin wished he kept all the knowledge from the books he apparently read in his mind somewhere, but would that be really helpful? As the corrections he did suggested, a lot of things was wrong and he probably wouldn't know any better by remembering who Arthur's sister was.

The sun was slowly getting down and Merlin led Arthur back to the lake, and before he turned to his (their?) house, he turned to the hill in front of the lake instead. Arthur didn't question his decision and followed him, not knowing what Merlin planned to show him. It was already getting late and Merlin was really looking forward to the sunset. He watched it before a few times when Ag was gone during the week, and it was so beautiful that he just had to show it to Arthur.

Once they were on the top of the hill, Merlin sat down into the grass and in front of an old tree. It was the only tree on the hill because most of the hills were bare, only covered with grass and flowers.

"We can talk here." Merlin smiled up at him as Arthur hesitantly sat down next to him, looking over at the sun that hasn't touched the horizon yet. "Why don't you like Morgan?"

"I know this is going to sound absurd, but believe me, you were the one who always suggested strange solutions to even more bizarre problems, which were mostly in your head only."

"Hey," Merlin frowned, but something was telling him this was just who Arthur was. And how they used to talk to each other, so he didn't say anything else and waited for Arthur to continue.

"She's... our mortal enemy." Arthur said.

"What?" Merlin raised his eyebrow again and frowned at Arthur because surely it couldn't be true, how could it? Morgan seemed so... not really nice, a little strange maybe, but not... evil. "Then why hasn't she tried to kill us yet?"

"Maybe she doesn't remember? Arthur suggested. "Like you."

"I don't think she got hit by a car though."

"Maybe she hasn't waited the whole time like you did." Arthur shrugged and looked over at the sun that has just begun setting over the hills in front of them. Merlin looked there too, almost gasping when he saw the water glistening in the last strong sun rays. "I still don't understand how could you have waited." Arthur asked all of a sudden, not looking away from the sunset.

Merlin laid down into the grass, folding his arms behind his head and smiling at the sun. Then he had to look away because his eyes started to hurt a little. "I don't know that either." Merlin confessed. But Arthur probably already knew that. "I'm not looking forward to the moment I finally remember. So many years without my friends? That must have been hard."

Arthur nodded as he laid down next to Merlin. "Morgana has magic." He said. "Just so you know. Maybe she got back through the lake too! Or maybe she was born into this world like lady Agatha."

Merlin rolled his eyes as he chuckled. "You don't have to call her lady, Arthur." He smiled at him.

"I can though." He smirked. "You can't tell me what to do Merlin, you probably don't remember, but back in Camelot? You were my servant. And I was the king. The one who gives orders, you know?"

Merlin had to roll his eyes again. He had this inkling that living with Arthur will not go without daily eyerolls. "Okay okay, Mr. Perfect. But in this world?" He turned to him. "I'm the one who knows things. And no one calls a girl a lady anymore."

"I wish I could go back to Camelot then. At least people had manners." Arthur looked up, avoiding Merlin's eyes so Merlin looked away too, back at the sun.

"Yeah, and it isn't because you were a king at all." Merlin said and then he grew serious. He really wanted to know what his life back in Camelot used to be like. And Arthur probably wanted to know more about this world, and Merlin hasn't told him almost anything yet. "I feel like I owe you a conversation." Merlin sighed.

"I feel like I owe you one, too." He said instead and looked over at Merlin, who was already looking down at him.

Merlin took a deep breath and with a slight hesitation and a little shaky voice, he asked. "What was I like in Camelot?" Arthur seemed to be taken aback by the question a little. They probably didn't talk about these things in the past, but Merlin really needed an answer. It was driving him mad that he didn't know anything, not even what he used to be like.

"Simple. You were an idiot." Arthur answered. And guess what? Yeah, Merlin had to roll his eyes again.

"I'm serious, you dollophead."

Arthur smiled at that, but quickly tried to hide his smile by clearing his throat and putting his arm behind his head on the soft grass. "That was one of your favorite names for me." He said. Merlin wondered how much courage Arthur had to sacrifice only to say that simple sentence, but he didn't really care. He was glad they were finally talking about this.

"Alright, that's a start." Merlin smiled. "How else did I call you?"

"All sorts of things, actually." Arthur mused, still focused on the sun. "I don't remember the last time I had time to watch the sunset." He mumbled unexpectedly, which only made Merlin smile.

Merlin chuckled slightly as he glanced back at the sun. But the sun was going to be there for a long time and he couldn't lose this moment he had with Arthur. He needed answers and he didn't want to get distracted. "And how else did I call you?" He repeated his question.

Arthur sighed, but didn't look away from the colourful horizon. "Your favorite one was prat."

"Really?" Merlin laughed.

"You had no respect for me, right from the day we met." Arthur continued. "You didn't even know I was the prince then, but you stood up to me."

"I'm sure you needed that though," Merlin smirked, not really knowing what to think about this new piece of information.

"I did," Arthur admitted. And something was telling Merlin this wasn't the usual Arthur. He had a feeling that the usual Arthur didn't talk about his feelings. But they were here alone, and as Arthur said, they'd known each other for ten years! They had to be comfortable talking about things like this.

"How so?" Merlin pressed the question further.

"Let's say, I really was a prat." Arthur rolled his eyes while Merlin chuckled again.

"You still are. A royal prat." Merlin laughed. "Although you're not a king anymore, so maybe not a royal one."

"You called me royal prat too." Arthur said. "And a dollophead, a clotpole and a simpleton, and so many other disrespectful names. I still can't believe I didn't sack you, you wouldn't keep your mouth shut. And you scared all the prey away. Always. You hated hunting trips actually, but I took you along anyway to annoy you."

"Well, great to know, thanks." Merlin sat up again. "Thank god there aren't any hunting trips anymore."

"There aren't?" Arthur asked, sitting up too and looking at Merlin with betrayal all over his face, which made Merlin laugh again.

"Well, there are, but you'd probably need a dog or something and a permission to hunt in the woods. And a modern gun, not a sword or a crossbow." He explained, although he wasn't sure how that worked either. He's never been on a hunting trip here in Glastonbury. To be honest, he had no idea what he'd been up to until the accident.

"Interesting," Arthur nodded. "We'll have to find out more." He added and then he hesitantly looked at Merlin. "Merlin," he said a bit timidly, probably not prepared to have the conversation he was about to begin. "I wish you remembered everything now, especially my last day." He started. "We... haven't had enough time to talk about... your magic."

"What about it?" Merlin asked, completely oblivious.

"Well, you'd been lying to me and hiding your... abilities for more than a decade, so..."

"I did that?" Merlin asked, incredulous. In the legends, Merlin was always well known. But maybe that part of his life happened only after Arthur died. He didn't have the details, nor in his mind, nor in the books. "You must have been angry."

"I was." Arthur shrugged. "At first, I felt... betrayed by my best friend." He said and looked down, maybe to hide his face so he could talk more freely without feeling so embarrassed.

"What changed?" Merlin asked quietly and it took a minute for Arthur to answer.

"I realized that... even though you had been lying to be for so long, you were my true friend. You could never be evil." Arthur confessed, probably already thinking about what to say next to ease the conversation a bit, probably something funny or some insult for Merlin.

But Merlin was frowning. He didn't understand. Why would Arthur think he was evil? "Why would I be evil?" Merlin voiced his thoughts, slowly turning to Arthur as the sun began to disappear behind the hill in the distance and the lake became dark.

"Oh, you don't know that... right." Arthur paused and cleared his throat. "Camelot... when I was born, my father started to hate magic. He wanted every sorcerer in the kingdom dead, all druid villages burnt, every suspect beheaded..."

Merlin's eyes were wide as he was listening. "He did that?" He asked in whisper and was sad to see Arthur nodding.

"That time was called The Great Purge. He killed every man and woman or child he thought had magic, burnt down entire villages of druids and from that day, magic was forbidden and punishable by death. I grew up, being taught that magic was only evil and nothing else, and that I could never trust a word a sorcerer said."

"That's so cruel," Merlin said, trying to hide the tears that began forming in his eyes.

"He even killed every dragon and Dragonlord. All of them but one. He imprisoned the Great Dragon under the castle as an example, a warning. And he forbid me from seeing him." Arthur continued. "I grew up without my mother, and my father was often more focused on running the kingdom than on his only son."

"I'm sorry." Merlin couldn't help but say. He knew he must have known this in the past, but that didn't mean he couldn't say he felt sorry for Arthur. Although the dark ages were quite difficult times and he had no idea what his life was like before or after he lived in Camelot.

"Don't be, it's long in the past." Arthur cleared his throat again to put an end to the conversation. Then he looked at Merlin and added, "Magic was forbidden even when I became the king, and when you told me you had magic..."

"I understand." Merlin said softly. "I'm sorry I'd been hiding it from you, but it was punishable by death and I'm sure I trusted you, but I guess I didn't want to put you in that position."

Arthur laughed softly, confusing Merlin. "That's exactly what you told me on my last day." He told Merlin, looking at him. "I just wish I knew what happened after I died." He mused as he looked in front of him, suddenly lost in his own little sad world. "To Guinevere... and my knights. Gaius, too."

Merlin pursed his lips and looked away, suddenly getting an idea. He stood up with a little grin on his face and pulled Arthur up by his hand. "I might have a solution to this." He said and when he was met with Arthur's raised eyebrow - surely he learned that from Gaius,... wait, how did he know that? - he shook his head slightly and added, "I found a series of my diaries in my room." He smiled. "If you want, we can read them, I've been wanting to start anyway. I thought it might help me remember."

Arthur had an amused smile on his face as he was looking at Merlin. "Merlin, it's not often that I say this, but... you do have good ideas. Sometimes."

"You're such a prat." Merlin rolled his eyes, yet again.

"Shut up."

xoXÖXox

Thank God Merlin didn't forget his keys like he used to forget everything else back in Camelot. Arthur couldn't help but be glad that it was Merlin who waited for him, out of all of his friends and family. After all, Merlin was the person who got the closest to him. Not even Guinevere knew about all of his doubts and secrets. It was always to Merlin to whom Arthur confessed, although such moments were very rare.

Merlin opened the gate and for a moment, Arthur missed the gates of Camelot. But this was another place he was familiar with now and he was glad he was back here and not at the music party. It was so loud! How could all those people dance and scream even louder was a mystery that Arthur didn't really want to solve.

It was chilly outside, so Merlin sent Arthur to close the door that led to the garden from the living room (which he'd forgot to close before, so Merlin did forget things, you see), while he himself went over to the kitchen to make them something called cocoa drink. Arthur didn't know what that was, but he hoped it was something that would give him the energy he needed.

Once Merlin returned, Arthur was already sitting on the couch in front of the tv, looking at said device as if it was something dangerous. Merlin laughed at that and placed the brown drinks in front of them.

"I'll be back in a sec, I'll just go for the diaries," Merlin told him and hurried upstairs.

Arthur sat on the edge of the couch, observing the two mugs, blue and red, in awe. There was steam coming out of them, so the drinks must have been hot, just like the tea Agatha made them in the morning.

He leaned over to the mugs and smelled the steam and... it smelled amazing! His eyes widened with lust as he stared down at the cocoa drink in wonder. What could it be made of? And once he heard Merlin coming back, he immediately leaned back against the back of the couch and pretended he was not confused at all.

Merlin entered the room and switched on the lights because it was getting dark outside. And seeing Arthur's startled expression, he walked over to him and sat down. "Here they are," Merlin smiled as he placed some books down on the table. There was about five of them and they looked very old. "There's about six more diaries, but I figured we wouldn't get so far tonight."

"How-"

"Oh, the lights." Merlin smirked slightly. "Well, it's called electricity. You've already seen it at the concert and in the bathroom before, but I guess you didn't notice."

"Is electricity your magic?" Arthur asked, although he knew how stupid that must have sounded. And his thoughts got confirmed as Merlin stared laughing.

"No, it most certainly is not." His friend laughed and continued to laugh as he saw Arthur's expression. "It's... well, imagine it's the energy from lightning. Nowadays, it's everywhere and people use it every day. It makes more light than fire."

"Alright." Arthur nodded. He wasn't sure, but he understood the explanation Merlin gave him. Oh so much has changed over the years. "And what is this?" He asked as he pointed at the deliciously looking mugs with steam over them. "What is it made of?"

"It's a drink made of sugar, cocoa and milk." Merlin smiled. "Cocoa is a powder made of cocoa bean that grows on a cocoa tree somewhere in Africa or other countries. Well, I guess you don't even know what Africa is," Merlin frowned when he saw Arthur's puzzled expression. "Um... it's a huge country where it's really hot, and that's where the trees grow. It's really good." He smiled, took the mug and pressed it to his lips, smiling encouragingly at Arthur.

The king followed his friend's example and sipped the drink. His eyes widened and a huge smile appeared on his face. "This is better than drink made of berries!" He exclaimed.

"Knew you'd like it," Merlin smirked and winked slightly. But Arthur didn't really think about that as he looked over at the books and nodded. "Where do we start?" He asked.

Merlin put the mug down and took the book number one. "I've already read a bit from it," Merlin admitted as he opened it. "But just a few pages, It seems I started writing when I first arrived at Camelot and met you, but there are only a few paragraphs over the ten years, I... I couldn't read further." Merlin looked down, trying to avoid Arthur's curious and a little bit sad eyes.

"Start reading from where you've stopped then." He suggested. Merlin sighed and turned another page, skimming over the words with his eyes until he found the right paragraph. He cleared his throat and started. Then he quickly turned back to Arthur and added, "As this is actually my diary, I guess there are going to be things that I wouldn't want you to know, so I won't read everything." Before Arthur could roll his eyes and say something, Merlin began.

"Dear Arthur, oh it wasn't addressed to you before," Merlin paused and continued right away, "I can still save you, don't worry. It's been a few months since you... went away, and I won't rest until I can find a way to bring you back."

"I hope you didn't do anything stupid." Arthur commented, raising an eyebrow and sipping the hot cocoa drink.

"I've travelled the five kingdoms, looking for anything that would help me and now that I'm finally here, back in Camelot, I can start working. I've gathered my findings about magic of life and death in a new book of magic, one that I've written myself. Gaius wasn't very happy about that when he found out, saying that what is dead should stay dead. But don't worry, I won't listen to him. I can save you." Merlin paused and took a deep breath, scratching his head. He probably didn't really like what he was reading, so he turned back to Arthur again. "Who is Gaius again?"

It pained Arthur to see Merlin so oblivious. "He was a good friend." He answered. "A court physician, he was like a father to you." He smiled slightly. "But I guess you didn't always listen to him."

"Yeah," Merlin frowned and turned back to the book. "I hope I didn't do anything stupid either." He cleared his throat and continued. "Dear Arthur, I've tried to bring you back two times, but the spell didn't work. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I know I can figure it out. Everyone tried to make me stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave you alone, it was my destiny to keep you alive and I have failed! And now again! No one listens to me. But I know that all I need to do is find something stronger. It needs to work. It will." Merlin was frowning when he was reading, and then he didn't even look at Arthur as he said, "The next one is about a year later I guess," He cleared his throat again and continued. "Dear Arthur, even months after you were gone and everyone else had already moved on, I kept searching, looking for some spell or ritual that would bring you back. It kept me going for two years, until Gaius died and I realized that I can't reverse death. Even Morgana knew that. When she tried to bring Lancelot back, all that returned was his Shade. A shadow of a dead person. And I couldn't do that to you, I would never forgive myself. So I stopped and accepted Gwen's offer of becoming Camelot's court sorcerer." Merlin paused again and raised his eyebrow. "Seems I wasn't always a servant."

"Seems Gwen lifted the ban on magic." Arthur agreed with a tiny smile on his face. He'd never hated magic just like his father did. And he knew that one day, he'd let magic back to the kingdom. He just didn't get the chance to do that before it was too late.

"Morgana tried to bring Lancelot back?" Merlin asked. Arthur had to admit he was also curious about that part, but since he didn't know what it meant and Merlin didn't have his memories and the diary didn't talk about it before, they would probably never find out until Merlin recovered his lost memories, and who knew when that would be if Arthur being there didn't help yet?

"I wish I knew." Arthur sighed. When Merlin frowned at the book in his hands and Arthur saw he was still curious, he added. "Lancelot was a good friend. He was very loyal until the day he came back after his death, but... I guess that means that it wasn't him." Arthur mused out loud. "Morgana brought him back, so he and Gwen... oh my god." Arthur closed his eyes and rubbed them with his thumbs, putting the red mug back on the table.

"What is it?" Merlin asked, now even more curious than before.

Arthur didn't look up when he continued. "Guinevere and I were supposed to get married, but Lancelot came back." He started. "I knew they liked each other before, but I didn't expect what happened next. They met behind my back and admitted their feelings as if I hadn't just asked her to marry me. As if she hadn't just said yes."

Merlin was silent for a while. "You didn't know he wasn't the real Lancelot, did you?" He asked carefully. And even though Arthur didn't really want to talk about it, he couldn't deny Merlin the answers.

"No." Arthur said. "None of us did. And I... I banished Gwen from Camelot." He said with a deep shaky breath. When he looked up and saw Merlin wanted to ask something, he stopped him. "Please, continue reading."

Merlin closed his mouth and nodded. Then he looked back at the book and Arthur took a sip of his cocoa drink to help him feel better.

"Dear Arthur," another paragraph in the book began. "I wish I knew how to prevent your death when you were still alive. I wish I knew how to stop Mordred from killing you. But I was so stupid. So, so stupid. And at my mistakes, you died." Arthur noticed when Merlin took a shaky breath and he couldn't stop watching him when he noticed Merlin's eyes were glistening. He never thought how hard his death for his friends, especially for Merlin, must have been. But he listened as Merlin continued. "It's been three years since you died. Three years and people still remember you with love and kindness in their hearts, just like all of your friends and family. Just like me." Arthur noticed Merlin paused for a second and quickly skimmed over the rest of the paragraph before he dared to continue. He was right, diaries were a very intimate thing. Maybe they shouldn't be reading this at all. "But I know one day you'll come back and you'll want to know how your kingdom looked like and prospered while you weren't here." Merlin smiled slightly.

"Finally the part I'm most interested in." Arthur smiled as he sat closer to Merlin and held the mug in his palms to make him feel warm.

"I don't even know where to begin," Merlin continued. "Gwen is an extraordinary queen. The best we could ever hope for, but one look at her eyes and you can tell a part of her is missing. The part that is missing in all of us. We all miss you, Arthur, I wish you were here. Gwen is still alone, but I noticed Leon became a trusted friend of her. They knew each other even when they were kids, but they seem to be closer now. We all wish her the happiness she deserves."

Arthur shifted on the couch, but didn't say anything. If Gwen were to marry someone again, he was happy it was Leon. He wanted her to be happy.

"Gaius is gone now, and I was given your chambers. Now I know you'd be a prat about it, but there is a new court physician and he has an apprentice. There wasn't a place for me in the tower anymore, I live inside the castle now, closer to you. And don't get me wrong, I protested for a few weeks, telling Gwen that I couldn't take your chambers because if you were to return anytime soon, you'd need them. But the dragon told me that it would take a long time for you to return. I don't know how long, but I want you to know that your chambers are in great hands. I'm taking care of everything, keeping everything you loved at its right place and I won't change anything. I promise. Oh, and another thing that I didn't tell you... Gwaine is dead."

Arthur gasped when he heard Merlin say it. "Gwaine..."

"Who was Gwaine?" Merlin asked innocently and for a moment, Arthur hated that he had to explain everything because it hurt. It hurt a lot and yet, if he didn't tell Merlin, he might never remember on his own.

"Another loyal friend." Arthur closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. "He was the one who always visited the tavern, no matter the weather. But you were his best friend. You and Percival. He was a great knight."

"I'm sorry." Merlin apologized and before Arthur had the chance to tell him he had nothing to apologize for, Merlin continued. "It stops here, another paragraph is... some time in the future again, I don't know when." He sighed and started. "Dear Arthur. I don't understand why I'm beginning every damn sentence in this stupid book with dear Arthur. It's stupid, isn't it? To dwell on the memories of you when all of us except for me had moved on? I can't take this, I can't. It's taking too long. It's been five years Arthur, five bloody years! I'm not mad at you for not coming back, why would you want to come back when we're at war with the neighboring kingdom with a new young and inexperienced king? Why would you? Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I... " Merlin paused and as Arthur was watching him, he noticed a tear roll down his face. He should not make him read this against his will. "Tonight," Merlin whispered. "I dreamed about you again. It felt so real. It felt... it felt..." Merlin covered his mouth with his hand and closed the book.

"Merlin-"

"I can't continue, I'm sorry." Merlin shook his head as he put the book back on the table and started wiping off the tears and rubbing his eyes, trying so desperately to look alright. "I'm alright." He added.

"No, you're not." Arthur said and put his mug back on the table again. "I'm sorry that I made you read it, I shouldn't have, it's your diary and I-"

"No, it's okay." Merlin smiled, not looking at him and standing up. He looked at the wall somewhere behind Arthur and then back down. His eyes were red-rimmed from the tears. "It's not late yet. Do you want to watch tv?" He asked as he went over to that big weird kind of box in the corner of the room and returned to the couch with a strange looking device in his hand.

"What's a tv?" Arthur asked hesitantly as Merlin sat down right next to him and pushed a button on the device. The box started shining and made a quick sound, making Arthur jump slightly.

"It's alright," Merlin told him and rubbed his eyes again with his sleeve. "It's... it's like a painting. But it's moving and you can hear it and it can tell stories." He explained as he surfed the channels and settled on some documentary about lions. "This can be interesting, let's watch it for a bit."

Arthur knew Merlin was using this so he could get some time to calm down. And he didn't blame him, his death must have been the worst Merlin's ever had to go through. So he watched with Merlin in silence and they kept drinking their cocoa drinks.

The documentary was very interesting after all. Arthur has never seen a lion or an animal like it. It was like a beast, but... it was still an animal and it lived somewhere Arthur has never been to. And so he watched eagerly, not understanding every word, but wishing he would.

They kept watching for half an hour, until Arthur noticed Merlin's head fell down on his shoulder. When he leaned closer, he noticed his friend was asleep. He wanted to shake him awake, but how could he? The day was long and they both needed some rest. And so he let Merlin sleep on his shoulder, listening to his soft snores, and he couldn't help but think again about what Merlin read him today.

It's been three years since you died. Three years and people still remember you with love and kindness in their hearts, just like all of your friends and family. Just like me.

Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I...

Arthur didn't know how the sentence was supposed to continue, but what he learned from what Merlin read to him was that Merlin cared a lot about him, even after he'd passed away. Arthur also cared about Merlin, but he was worried he didn't let him know that before he died. That he didn't appreciate his servant, his best friend, enough.

And yet Merlin waited for him a thousand years. A thousand bloody years, how could he survive that?

After Merlin smacked his lips in the sleep and turned his head closer to Arthur's chest, Arthur sighed and shook his shoulder to wake Merlin up. "Merlin," he whispered. "Merlin, wake up you idiot." He smiled affectionately. When Merlin finally opened his eyes and raised his head, his hair was tousled and face flushed, making Arthur laugh softly. "Let's get you to bed."

Merlin nodded and stood up with Arthur's help, remembering to turn off the tv before they made their way up to Merlin's room.

"Goodnight, Arthur." Merlin whispered as he awkwardly stood there with his hand on the door, looking at him, and after some hesitation he went to his bed and fell asleep within seconds. Arthur wondered if Merlin wanted to hug him before he went to bed. He wouldn't mind it if he did.

"Goodnight, Merlin." He whispered as he closed the door and entered his own room. He's never been there before, but he didn't really care. The blanket was red, just like his bed in Camelot, and something told him Merlin did that on purpose. To make him feel better.

Arthur sighed as he sat down on his bed, facing the table. And that was when he noticed the little box there. He curiously picked it up after walking over to it, and opened it. And he gasped as he saw what was inside. It was his ring! The one he gave Gaius to deliver to Guinevere on his last day. Right before he left with Merlin to the lake of Avalon. Before he died.

So Merlin kept it. Gaius gave it to Gwen, and after... after everything, Merlin kept it and waited until he returned to give it back to him. Arthur smiled as he put the ring on his finger. It felt like yesterday when he gave it away, and a tear rolled down his face when he remembered Guinevere. He was glad he wasn't there to witness her broken expression after she found out he was dead.

He kept the ring on his finger and climbed back to bed, covering himself with the soft red blanket. Maybe he'd be lucky and dream about Camelot. Maybe this was all a dream and he'd wake up back at the lake with Merlin by his side. But he knew that wasn't true. Even his mind wasn't so full of imagination to invent lions, tv, and cocoa drinks. And loud music parties.

And so he closed his eyes, not knowing what tomorrow would bring. But knowing who he'd get to see again.

TBC

I hope you liked it and that I didn't break your heart with what happened to Merlin after Arthur died. But... well, spoilers ;)