Remember how I said that I wanted to make the storm a bigger event in the fanfic? ;)

CHAPTER 11
Bad Dreams and Bad Decisions

He couldn't feel his fingers, although his hands were moving. He was blind, but... it felt as if the vision was slowly coming back to him. He was facing a wall, stone wall, with an old chair in front of him. A throne. He was so confused, what was happening...

All he could hear were tearing noises. As if someone was tearing fabric apart, piece by piece. Why would anyone do that?

He looked down and saw what his hands were doing. They were holding an old waterskin, and a little bottle with strange liquid inside. His breathing was... weird. He was panting. But other than his breathing and the tearing noises, he couldn't hear anything. What was in the bottle? And why did he put it into the waterskin?

Suddenly he whirled around and saw a girl in a green dress, sitting on the ground and tearing a blue, almost purple fabric apart. She had long wavy hair and no face. But he knew she was looking at him. He knew her. He's seen her before, in a castle, somewhere... there were lights and loud... music? Who was she?

"Here, have some water." He handed her the waterskin. What was he doing? That was not water inside, not only water anyway. It was as if he was a mere observer of the scene. As if he couldn't do anything because it's already happened, so long ago.

"I'm not thirsty." The girl answered in a very weak voice. What was he trying to do? Why was she destroying that dress or whatever it was?

"If we get out of here, you may not get another chance to drink." Merlin heard himself say. Were they trapped?

"If we get out of here," the strange girl repeated, stressing the if. So they were trapped. But why was she so sad? And why was he panting and giving her water that was not water? Was he trying to hurt her? She seemed to want to help when she was tearing the fabric. Merlin was so confused. He couldn't let her take that drink. He couldn't let her die, even though he wasn't sure if the water was poisoned at all.

He heard someone fighting, and he couldn't stop his legs from moving, his hands from giving the girl the waterskin, or his head from looking back at her, desperately and guilty. Why was he trying to hurt her? Merlin was screaming at himself. To not do what he was going to do, and to stop before it was too late. And yet he turned around and took the waterskin again, pretending to drink from it.

"Here," he turned to her. She had no face, but she seemed hesitant. He was sure they were friends. He just didn't know who she was or why was she so familiar and why on Earth was he trying to kill her.

"I'm fine." She said. Her voice sounded distant, something Merlin didn't notice before. It was not clear as you would expect, but he could understand her perfectly. It was because he remembered what she said. This dream, this memory, was imprinted into his brain and he wasn't able to erase it. It was too powerful, too painful.

What has he done?

"No, you have some before I finish it." He told her. His voice sounded different. As if he was drowning and yet had enough air to talk. What was happening? Why was he drowning? Why was he crying again? His cheeks were wet.

"Thank you." She accepted the waterskin with a little smile and drank from the poison. Merlin screamed and screamed, but it felt as if he was trapped inside his head, his own prisoner. He couldn't move or do anything that would stop what was happening in front of his eyes, because it's already happened. So long ago, to someone he cared about.

And then the real torture began. The girl cleared her throat and then grasped her neck, trying to get some air inside, but she couldn't. And Merlin couldn't breathe either. He felt it. He was drowning, suffocating, dying again. He was dying.

And the girl fought, looking at him although he could not see her eyes and she started trembling, just as Merlin started crying and screaming with no sound coming out. He was trapped inside his own brain, inside his own dream. He couldn't... couldn't breathe... he couldn't h-he...

He was awoken to his own quick breaths and sweat beads rolling down his from forehead to his temples. He was aware of his screams, but he tried to stop, especially when the door was open and someone was getting inside his bed, trying to keep his hands from clutching at his neck.

He couldn't see, his vision was blurred and the tears were still flowing freely, and his hands were trembling. He could feel his sore throat from screaming and his breaths were still short.

Then a blonde head appeared right in front of him, giving him something to focus on. An anchor. That person was talking to him and still holding his hands firmly, but Merlin didn't understand. He could still hear the girl gasping for air.

"What have I done?" He asked in a whisper, freeing his hands from Arthur's and covering his face. "What have I done."

"It was only a nightmare, Merlin." He could hear Arthur trying to calm him down. "Sometimes I have them too, everyone does." He was a bit surprised Arthur admitted that, but he didn't really think about that much. Instead, he rolled over so he didn't have to face Arthur and tried to ignore the fact that Arthur laid down right next to him.

Merlin kept silent, wishing Arthur would leave and yet hoping he would stay there with him. He heard him breathing and he was well aware of his position in the bed. Sometimes, he hated his senses. Without them, he could pretend Arthur wasn't in the room and maybe the nervous fluttery feeling in his stomach would go away.

"What did you dream about?" Arthur asked suddenly. He didn't seem to be tired at all, but it was still dark outside. It couldn't have been morning yet.

Merlin sniffled and kept his eyes open because if he closed them, the girl would return instantly. He sighed. "There was... a girl." He told him, and he knew his voice was weak. He expected Arthur to say something like "wow, you and a girl? I'm not surprised that it only happens in your dreams," but instead, Arthur encouraged Merlin to continue by humming.

When Merlin was still silent, he felt Arthur's hand on his shoulder, carefully resting there, as if afraid he might shatter him like the mug with coffee that one morning with Agatha. "You can tell me, I won't judge you." He said. "No matter how dirty the dream gets-"

Merlin couldn't help but snort and move his shoulder just so that Arthur's hand fell off. Then the corners of his mouth turned down again. "It was... it was horrible." He whispered. "... I hurt her, poisoned her. She was dying." Merlin could feel the tears on his cheeks again, so he turned his face to the pillow and wiped them off.

Arthur was silent for a while, probably rethinking his view of Merlin. "It was just a dream, Merlin." He said after all.

"It was a memory." Merlin shrugged. "It felt like that, too vivid."

"That's what nightmares feel like." Arthur sat up, which Merlin wasn't very fond of since he would be able to see Merlin's face. And Merlin didn't really want Arthur to see him like that, so he turned closer to the pillow and to the edge of the bed.

"But... it felt like me. And as if I knew her." Merlin whispered. "And it was inside a castle. She was... she was doing something loud and I offered her a drink, but before that, I added poison..." Merlin closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, not really liking that Arthur shifted closer, and yet loving it.

"How did she look like?" Arthur asked gently, yet again surprising Merlin with his ability to feel.

"Long, black wavy hair, green dress. She didn't have a face." He sighed. "Sort of like..."

"Morgana." Arthur finished for him. Then he laughed softly. "Well, then I can assure you that it was only a dream. You never poisoned her." Arthur smiled down at him, and for the first time, Merlin looked up at him and let him see his sad face.

"I didn't?" He slowly sat up, looking right into Arthur's eyes.

"You didn't." Arthur nodded.

"Well, then how did she die?" Merlin couldn't help but ask. "If she's here now and doesn't remember who she was, that she must have somehow returned, or be born again. How did she die the first time?"

"You stabbed her." Arthur shrugged, making Merlin widen his eyes again. As soon as Arthur realized his mistake, he tried to correct it. "But don't worry, she was evil then. It was... on the day I died. I don't remember much, I was tired and sitting on the ground and I couldn't see her." Arthur looked down as he continued. "She was behind me, and you took my sword. The sword you found in the woods and gave to me, it was... a very powerful weapon, extraordinary." Arthur frowned, not looking up at Merlin when he added, "I suppose you must have used your magic then because how else would you find such a weapon?" He looked up, but when Merlin didn't move an inch and kept waiting for his answer, Arthur cleared his throat and finished by saying, "and you used that sword to kill her. As I looked behind myself, that was when you helped me stand up, I could see her body... you'd made peace then."

"Which was for nothing because you died." Merlin looked slightly down, stopped at Arthur's lips for a second, and then he bowed his head, looking down at his own fingers.

"I know you don't remember that," Arthur suddenly said. "But you haven't failed. Whatever was supposed to happen, happened. And whatever the future holds for us, will happen too. Look at me, I came back." He smiled and when Merlin looked up and smiled back, their eyes locked.

Merlin couldn't stop thinking about how nice it sounded when Arthur said that word - us. What the future holds for us. Merlin and Arthur.

Then Arthur cleared his throat and slowly left the bed, Merlin didn't even realize that they were staring at each other so long.

"So... are you alright?" Arthur asked as he stopped by the door.

Merlin nodded. "Yeah, I will be."

He smiled faintly when Arthur smiled at him and left, leaving the door open. And Merlin wished Arthur would stay there with him. In his bed, just like the night before. It was nice to have someone there, right next to him in the empty big bed. And he couldn't shake off the nervous feeling he had in his stomach. He felt it always when he was around Arthur, and it didn't stop.

Merlin didn't know what to do. And he was scared to admit what he knew the feeling probably was. After all, the words he'd written into his diary himself, said it all:

Why would I want to keep waiting for you when it's killing me inside? But I want to Arthur, I need to, I... love you.

xoXÖXox

After Arthur closed the door to Merlin's room and disappeared inside his own, he couldn't fall back asleep, he knew he couldn't. Merlin wasn't the only one who had nightmares, he told him that and he meant it. Just before he heard Merlin's screams, he had a bad dream of his own. There was Guinevere and Merlin, both of them standing above his dead body and... he didn't want to think about it. It hurt him so much to see them in such a pain. In such a desperate state of mind, where they wished he would stay alive.

He now understood why Merlin tried so desperately to bring him back to life, even over other people's disapproval. He couldn't blame him for that, he knew they were best friends even though he never told him that before. He really regretted not telling him before he... died.

Arthur rolled over in his bed, playing with the ring on his thumb. He missed Camelot. He missed his people and friends, his family. He missed everything. But if he was being honest with himself, he was glad Merlin was the one who stayed and waited for him. He couldn't imagine his life without him. If Merlin had died back in Camelot... he was sure he'd have tried to get him back. Even at the cost of welcoming magic back to the kingdom.

He sighed and closed his eyes, sitting up again. He couldn't be weak, not when Merlin was right next to his room, probably still awake. He never showed weakness in front of others, but Merlin did and he always wanted to stay strong for him. Tonight was no exception.

After another half an hour of doing nothing and not really feeling like he could fall asleep again, he stood up and as silently as possible walked over to the bathroom. They left his armour there, still wet, but Arthur knew it must have been dry by now. He found it beside the bathtub that looked nothing like the wooden tub he was used to.

The armour looked like a reminder of the old times. In the same state it had been after the battle of Camlann. The only thing that went with him to the afterlife and stayed the same even after a thousand of years. He slowly ran his hand over the cold metal and closed his eyes. So many battles he took this armour into. So many times Merlin put this same armour on is body, first with his hesitant fingers and then simply out of a habit.

He would miss wearing this. Even though it was very heavy, it reminded him that he was still a knight. A king. Even though in this time, Camelot must have had a new ruler. He hasn't asked Merlin about this yet, but he would have to. He wanted to know everything about the new land he was living in now.

Without wasting more time in the bathroom, he took the armour and carefully carried it back into his room, putting it on the ground next to his bed. His room was still mostly empty. Besides a few new clothes in the closets, the ring and now his armour, there was nothing that belonged to him. Nothing survived.

Arthur walked out of his room and cracked Merlin's door open, looking inside. Merlin was turned around so he could see his face, sleeping in the fetal position and covered with the blanket up to his neck. The steady rise and fall of his chest told Arthur he was sleeping again. He hoped this time he was dreaming about something else.

And he couldn't help but smile when he saw how happy Merlin suddenly seemed. Tucked into his warm blanket and a big pillow, safe and away from the strange world out there. And not alone. He didn't know what Merlin's life was like before, but he said he's known Agatha barely for a week. He could have been alone before that. And if he wasn't, then where were his friends now? Not caring about him? No, he must have lived alone before that.

But not anymore, now he had Arthur by his side, just like in the old times. Arthur was thinking they could try something to do together, something they did in Camelot... he closed the door and thought about it as he went downstairs and sat down on the sofa.

A hunting trip!

Yes, that was a perfect idea! Maybe Merlin could relive all those moments they had spent in the forests together. It might even help him remember.

Arthur smiled at his clever idea and looked behind himself at the clock on the wall. It was almost eight in the morning. Well, there was no chance he could fall asleep now, he might as well... do what? The diaries were still on the table in front of him, but he didn't want to read them. They were Merlin's diaries after all, and although he was very curious, he couldn't just go ahead and read them. He did wonder how the sentences Merlin didn't finish ended though.

Instead, he focused on the big picture box in front of him. A tv Merlin called it. And he used a weird little thing to control it, the same thing that was now next to him on the sofa. He narrowed his eyes and hesitantly took it, examining the different buttons. He could read of course, so he knew what most of the buttons were probably supposed to mean, but he didn't understand the meaning behind all of them.

He pushed one button and nothing happened. So he tried another and the tv came alive, showing him a documentary about penguins. It was still the same channel they watched in the evening. "It's like magic," he grinned as he tried other buttons and managed to change the stations. Then something caught his attention.

There was a lady in a blue dress and short brown hair, talking very quickly and showing some pictures.

"As the meteorologists have confirmed, all traces of the storm are gone. The side effects, that many people call unnatural, are still present though. First, a very common one, some people, mostly the elders and children, have headaches and feel dizzy. The doctors agree that this can be a mere epidemic of the flu around in England and eastern Wales, but that it's nothing to worry about and eventually it would disappear. Another side affect is hallucinations. Many people claim they have seen objects flying or moving when they wanted them to, or that they saw their own eyes glow gold. If you see that anyone has gold eyes, immediately report to the nearest hospital. The most important thing is to stay calm, as all of this will soon disappear, just like the storm." The lady smiled at Arthur and a blonde man replaced her. "Now, the weather forecast."

Arthur stopped listening to him and turned off the tv with the same button he used to turn it on. He couldn't believe this. People have gold eyes again? Merlin said magic was not in this world anymore... maybe it's coming back because of the storm? Because he came back?

He stood up and wanted to rush to Merlin's room to inform him of the news he learned from the strange magic box in the living room, when suddenly someone called from the garden. Arthur hesitantly opened the door from the living room and entered the garden, looking over to the gate, where Agatha was standing.

"Arthur!" She waved at him with a smile on her face.

He was still in his pajamas that Merlin had bought him - it was a simple white t-shirt with soft red shorts - but he couldn't leave Agatha out there in the chilly morning. So he went to let her in, and because he was barefoot, he had to find his shoes near the front door first. As soon as he let her into the garden, her grin disappeared and she took his hand, unexpectedly dragging him back inside the house.

"Good morning," Arthur said as she closed the door behind her and sat him down in the living, room, taking her coat off.

"Hi," she smiled slightly. "Are you feeling better?" She asked as she sat down next to him and nervously chewed on her lower lip. But Arthur just kept looking at her, confused, so she added, "Merlin said you weren't feeling well at the concert, but I guess the music was too loud too, I'm sorry about that, I didn't realize you wouldn't feel comfortable."

"No, I'm alright," Arthur told her, and after she nodded, she stopped chewing on her lip and sighed, thankfully ignoring his red shorts.

"There's something I need to tell you and Merlin..." she began. "Is he still sleeping?"

"Yes." Arthur answered. "He didn't sleep well," he added. "What did you want to tell us?"

"I... at the concert," Agatha looked very troubled as she continued. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I saw something. I don't think anyone else but me noticed, but one of the people dancing next to me... his eyes glowed gold." She said, clearly worried. "And then without any warning, the drummer's sticks flew into the air and back into his hands."

"Um... what's the drummer?" Arthur had to ask because Agatha was giving him just too much information and he didn't understand all of it.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." She shook her head slightly and explained. "It's a musical instrument and the person who can play it. You play it with these... sticks, and they just flew away and then back into his hands. People thought it was a trick or something or they just didn't notice and I couldn't see his eyes because he had sunglasses... who even wears sunglasses in the night?" She mused out loud and leaned into the couch, letting out a huge sigh. "I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting." Then she pointed at him with her index finger, "but I'm not wrong about the eyes. They were gold, just like Merlin's."

"It actually does make sense, Agatha." Arthur said, reaching for the remote control again. "I used this, and the lady on the picture on the box said it was happening all over the kingdom."

Agatha raised her head at him and straightened herself. "Really?" She asked. "Well if it's happening everywhere, that means-"

"-that magic is returning to the land." Arthur finished for her, looking down in front of him." Then he looked up at her. "We need to inform the current king of Camelot."

Agatha gaped at him, barely stifling a laugh. "Alright, I guess no one told you this yet." A smile tugged at her lips as she shifted on the couch and looked at him. "It's... not Camelot anymore." She started, hating the face Arthur had in that moment. "I guess you probably guessed that before since it's been more than a thousand years, but... Camelot is a legend. It's long gone."

"I thought maybe the castle-"

"I'm sorry." She said. "Merlin probably wanted to avoid talking about it or he didn't remember, you can't really blame him." She paused for a moment, but Arthur was silent. "The land we live in now, is called The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."

"That's too long, who would name their kingdom like that?" Arthur frowned, making Agatha feel a bit beter.

"It's because of what countries belong to the United Kingdom." She smiled at him softly. "It's the whole huge island after all." When it was clear Arthur didn't follow, she added. "We'll show you a map. The island is called Great Britain."

"And the current king?" He couldn't help but ask.

"It's actually a queen." She said. "Queen Elizabeth the Second."

Arthur nodded. "And does she know about this?"

"I'm pretty sure she already does, I mean... it was on the tv." She looked at the box on the wall of the living room and then back to Arthur. Anyway," she smiled at him as she stood up slowly, Arthur immediately following her movement as a proper knight would. "I should head back. I promised Morgan to spend a day with her since I spend so much time with Merlin now, and I'm also leaving today to go back to Bristol, it's where I live."

Arthur wanted to say something, about how he would miss her even though he didn't really know her and he wanted to ask how long would she be gone, but most of all, he wanted to warn her about Morgana. She needed to know her friend was their enemy, a very dangerous enemy.

But Arthur didn't get the chance to say something because of Merlin who suddenly appeared on the stairs, looking down at them into the living room. "You're leaving again?" He asked, probably a bit uncertain whether that was a good thing or a bad thing and Arthur wondered why Merlin would even think that, but after so many years of knowing him, he knew he was right about what he read from Merlin's expression.

His hair was tousled from the sleep, his white t-shirt had ridden up, revealing a tiny bit of his bare hip and the print of his pillow was still visible on his face and a little flustered cheeks. Arthur wondered why he couldn't seem to concentrate in that moment, but it was all gone when Agatha started talking again, walking closer to Merlin.

"I'm sorry," she smiled sadly at him.

Merlin was silent for a moment. "I know," he looked down. "Well, goodbye then-" he didn't have time to finish because Agatha rushed to him and gave him a long friendly hug, and Arthur couldn't help but smile at the adorable way Merlin's eyes got big and then how happy he seemed.

"I'll miss you." She told him as she pulled away.

"I'll miss you too." Merlin nodded and looked behind at Arthur as Agatha turned toward the front door. No one seemed to use the door anyway, probably because of the glass door in the living room, Arthur thought. Agatha turned to them again, smiled and then walked out the door, leaving them open.

"Goodbye!" Arthur called after her. He knew she heard him only because she raised her hand and waved at them without turning around. Then she opened the gate and left in her car, driving back to Glastonbury to spend her day with Morgana.

As Arthur closed the door and turned around to look at Merlin, he found the staircase empty. He raised his eyebrow just like Gaius had taught all of them and after closing the glass door in the living room, he slowly went up to Merlin's room.

Just like he expected, Merlin was curled into a ball, lying on top of his blanket, facing the other side of the room. Arthur wasn't sure what to do or what to say, he has never been good at talking about feelings and making people feel better in general.

So he closed the door behind him and went to the window, pulling back the curtains with possibly the biggest smile on his face he could do at the moment. "Rise and shine!" He announced to the silent room, but got no reaction at all. When he turned to Merlin, the boy was looking in front of him and just lying there as before.

Arthur sighed and carefully approached his friend, sitting down on the corner of his bed. "Is this about Agatha leaving?" He asked, and he wasn't sure, but something told him this wasn't about Agatha leaving at all.

"I'm just..." Merlin started, not even looking up at him. Tears were visible in his eyes. "The doctor said I would remember when I talked to someone close." He finally looked up. Arthur was silent and let Merlin continue. "And I know you've been back for barely two days, but... I thought it would help."

"It still can." Arthur reassured him, but Merlin just shook his head and closed his eyes briefly, letting out a tired sigh.

"We've read my diary and we talked about the old times and you're here with me," Merlin looked up at him again and propped himself up on his elbows. "And all that's coming back are feelings and dreams that feel like memories."

Arthur didn't stop looking into Merlin's eyes as he answered. "You didn't poison Morgana, Merlin."

Merlin looked down and was silent for a minute. "That wasn't the dream I was talking about." He whispered, which made Arthur frown. But when Merlin didn't continue, Arthur couldn't help but ask.

"What dream are you talking about?"

Merlin sighed again and looked down. "It was... tonight, before the dream with Morgana. Every person in my dream doesn't have a face, you didn't either when I dreamed about you before you returned."

Arthur paused. "You dreamed about me?"

Merlin nodded without saying anything, trying not to think about his rosy cheeks. "But this dream was... I think I knew who I was dreaming about." He took a shuddering breath. "It was an old man." He began. "He didn't have white hair, so he wasn't that old yet, but... he was lying in my arms and I couldn't do anything as he... died." Before Arthur could interrupt him, Merlin continued. "He felt so close to me, like a family. But before I could ask him anything, he died and I felt... so sad."

"There's only one man I recall who looked like that and died in front of you." Arthur frowned. "He was the last Dragonlord. I don't remember his name right now, but we went to him for help when a dragon attacked Camelot." Merlin raised his head when he heard it.

"What was the dragon's name?" He asked, completely surprising Arthur with such a question.

"What?" He frowned in confusion. "Since when do dragons have names?"

"I... I dont know," Merlin sighed as he massaged his temples with his fingers and closed his eyes again. "I think I read about a dragon in one of the books, somewhere..."

Arthur blinked and when he saw Merlin was still trying to concentrate, he rolled his eyes and got out of bed. "Stop," he told him. "No more focusing today, I have another activity in mind that I'm sure you'll enjoy."

Merlin looked up at him with his fingers still on his head and with a suspicion in his blue eyes. That only made Arthur grin more and without a warning he grabbed Merlin's hand and pulled him up from the bed, already leaving the room, walking backwards.

"We're going on a hunting trip today!"

Oh no.

TBC

If you read my other Merlin fanfic "The Age of Dragons" then you probably already know that I decided to add a map I drew and that I included the map in the same chapter of the same fanfic, but on AO3. Well, I decided to do the same for this fanfic. When I started writing, I drew a few maps of Merlin's house and the surroundings, so I decided to put them into the right chapters on AO3. The first map is in chapter 1:

archiveofourown[dot ORG]/works/7946455/chapters/18167677

two other maps are in chapter 3:

archiveofourown[dot ORG]/works/7946455/chapters/18513748

and the last map is in chapter 4:

archiveofourown[dot ORG]/works/7946455/chapters/18632764

Oh and how do you like the idea of magic coming back to the world? :D