HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! AND OMG GET READY FOR NEW SHERLOCK! (I'm so not ready) :D I had to split chapter 17 into two chapters so this chapter doesn't have (almost) anything to do with Christmas :( But Merry Christmas anyway, guys, I hope you had lovely holidays and that you'll celebrate the end of 2016 properly ;)

CHAPTER 17
Always the Same Mistake

It's been three weeks since Merlin found the grey lock of hair on his head. It's also been three weeks that Arthur and he have been together, and three weeks since they last heard of Morgana.

Merlin and Arthur were half sitting and half lying in Arthur's bed now, both listening to songs and sharing earphones. It's become Merlin's mission to teach Arthur something about modern music, something less loud than what he heard on the concert. It was fun and soothing. And another thing that let Merlin forget about his hair.

It was all grey now. Every single hair was grey on his head, slowly turning to white and losing all colour. Of course Merlin didn't tell anyone what was happening, he just started to dye his hair once a week and was sure to hide the hair dye he bought in one of the cupboards in the bathroom, protected by magic.

At first he was scared, then he was kind of relieved because at least it meant that his curse was gone and he wasn't immortal anymore – he could age together with Agatha and Arthur, side by side, just like normal people did. But what worried him and made him keep it a secret was that it wasn't just one lock of grey hair.

He looked young. And yet his hair was turning grey. The only explanation? He was aging too quickly than normal people normally did. So what was wrong? Where was the mistake? Was this really what destiny had decided for him? To stay young until his king returns and then kill him soon after?

He prayed that this wasn't true and that he would get grey hair around age 30 anyway. But did he really believe that? Of course not.

So he kept it a secret from Agatha and from Arthur, he let them take him back to the sea, he enjoyed the rest of the week with Arthur in the water and he bought hair dye, and he listened to songs with Arthur after that.

They also started reading books together. Sometimes they were just lying next to each other, each of them reading at their own pace and turning the pages once they were both done. Sometimes, they read different books, and sometimes one of them was reading out loud for the other. That happened usually at evenings. It was more fun that way.

So Merlin was lying in Arthur's bed, with his head on Arthur's chest and he was watching the closets in front of him and the empty white wall next to them. Arthur was the one to choose what music they would listen to according to what he found interesting, and Merlin was just lying there, trusting him and trying not to think about things.

They were listening to Shattered by Trading Yesterday.

And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand
why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love,
without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning?
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart.
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain.
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over.

"Why such a sad song?" Merlin uttered after a while of listening to the singer. He felt Arthur shrug underneath him.

"It's not too loud, not too fast and I like it." He answered.

"But it's sad." Merlin repeated.

There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones.
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer...

And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.
Why my heart is so broken-

"Try another song." Merlin turned his head up to Arthur and took his phone out of his hands. "How did you even get to this one?"

"It just kept playing on its own!" Arthur argued, looking at Merlin's skilled fingers tapping on the screen of his phone.

"You didn't turn off the autoplay, you moron." Merlin sighed with a smile as he turned it off and started typing something into the search box. They were on YouTube after all. "Agatha said she liked Nickelback, didn't she?"

"Yeah." Arthur confirmed. "Which is..."

"A band." Merlin answered as he started scrolling down the videos after the search. "I suppose. I'm for choosing a random video and giving it a go." He turned to Arthur again, who shrugged and took the phone again.

"I'm picking though," he smirked. Merlin rolled his eyes and laid his head back down on Arthur's chest, when suddenly a song started playing.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

Merlin closed his eyes to blink away the tears that this particular song managed to form in his eyes. "What's this song called?" He asked, trying really hard not to think about how it felt to wait for Arthur for such a long long time.

"Um, it's called Far Away." Arthur told him. "By Nickelback. Hey, what's wrong?" He asked when he noticed Merlin put the earbud out of his ear and took a deep breath.

"Turn it off, please." He told him. "And find something that isn't sad."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just... please find something happy." He mumbled and closed his eyes, waiting for Arthur to change the song patiently. Then another song finally started playing and Arthur put the earbud back into Merlin's ear to let him know.

"This one is called You're the Voice by John Farnham."

"Sounds better." Merlin smiled slightly and opened his eyes again, watching the wall and the closets. There was a piece of paper stuck to the door of the closet that Merlin didn't notice before. There was something written on it, but it was blurred.

In the meantime, the singer started singing.

We have the chance to turn the pages over
We can write what we want to write
We gotta make ends meet, before we get much older

We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?

You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo

"Do you like this one?" Arthur asked him after another minute of the song playing.

"It's not sad." Merlin sighed and looked up at Arthur to give him a kiss. It was just after lunch and Agatha was downstairs, writing something on her laptop again.

It was Saturday and they were definitely having a lazy afternoon.

"I guess that means you like it," Arthur smiled when Merlin pulled away from the kiss. "Want to listen to it again?" He suggested with a smirk, but Merlin was already smirking up at him and leaning up to kiss him again, glad that he didn't have to think about his hair for a moment.

Or about that text that Arthur had on his closet door because it wasn't that far away... should it be blurred?

"Hey, what's that on your closet?" Merlin asked finally, when one of their favourite Beatles songs started playing.

Arthur smiled and read the text from the distance. "Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me? I was born to serve you, Arthur, and I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing." He smirked when he saw how amazed Merlin seemed. "I knew this funny fellow back in Camelot, who told me something similar to that. I wish you could meet him, he was slightly clever, but mostly stupid and very annoying."

"Well, I think that funny fellow wouldn't be too happy to hear you talking about him like that." Merlin told him when Arthur looked down at him.

Arthur smirked. "You can tell that funny fellow that he's just as funny as he used to be."

"I thought you knew him only in Camelot." Merlin smiled. "Or should I be jealous?"

Arthur thought about that for a few seconds and then shook his head. "Nope. You're irreplaceable, Merlin." He smiled when Merlin's head left his chest as the warlock kissed him again.

"Although that was sweet, I need to go now." He told him and got up from the bed, trying not to think about how he couldn't read that writing on Arthur's closet and yet Arthur could without any problems.

"Why, where are you going?" Arthur frowned and stopped him by holding his hand. Merlin's earbud was lying on the bed in between them, still playing music.

"I promised Agatha I would help her with something." Merlin confessed, letting go of Arthur's hand.

"What does she need help with?" Arthur asked.

At that, Merlin winked at him and went backwards to the door. "Secret." He mumbled and sent Arthur a kiss on his hand, finally leaving the room.

The thing was, he knew Agatha asked him to help her with something. He just couldn't remember what that was or why did she need his help, and he remembered she needed something only when Happy Christmas by John Lennon started playing, and he was sure that the help Agatha needed had something to do with that song, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

So he told Arthur that it was a secret and yet again, pretended everything was fine.

Because there was nothing wrong with him.

No grey hair, no problems with reading or focusing his eyes on things that were far away, no problems with memory (they've been through that already, haven't they?), and thus there was no reason to panic.

He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, entering the staircase and going down.

And he didn't want to miss that step and fall down.

So there was no reason to panic whatsoever. Or was there?

xoXÖXox

"Merlin?"

"Merlin! Can you hear me?"

He heard... voices. But they were distant... slowly coming closer to him from different directions.

Someone took his hand and another hand appeared on his forehead. He felt dizzy and all he could see were smudges of light. White.

Pain. He felt pain. But then it was suddenly gone.

No more voices.

Darkness.

Someone entwined their fingers. He was shaking and his eyes were probably open because he saw sharp light. He closed them again. So many voices and noise. He heard a car.

The hand disappeared and there was dark. But he didn't lose his consciousness, not yet.

"Merlin?"

He tried to turn his head towards the familiar voice, but he couldn't see anyone. He couldn't move.

Then the darkness came to take him again.

xoXÖXox

The first thing Arthur had heard before he started listening to another song, was a loud bump with Merlin's yelp. Arthur frowned at first, but then he jumped out of his bed and ran to the stairs. As it turned out Agatha had already been there, holding Merlin's hand and calling someone on her phone when Merlin didn't respond.

That was when Arthur got really scared.

They had called the ambulance, got Merlin out of there and joined him in the back of the big white car as they were on their way to the Glastonbury hospital.

And about thirty minutes after the fall, Arthur and Agatha were sitting around Merlin's bed in the hospital, waiting for him to wake up. That was where they still were now, just sitting in silence and worrying about that bloody idiot who didn't say anything to anyone.

Because of course Arthur wasn't stupid. He noticed how slightly distanced Merlin acted lately and how forced some of his smiles were. He thought it had something to do with Merlin's memories being back. So he didn't ask and waited for Merlin to tell him himself, which was a mistake he already did in the past and it seemed he never learned because Merlin never told anyone anything.

Arthur took his hand again and entwined their fingers, studying Merlin's nails and then looking at the beeping screens he didn't understand. They needed someone who would take care of his boyfriend, a physician. Someone as good as Gaius.

"Arthur-" Agatha opened her mouth but couldn't finish as another man entered the little room.

It was a doctor. At least that was what Arthur assumed, every doctor he saw on the tv with Merlin wore a long white coat, except for that one who travelled through time and space in a magic blue box and whom Merlin liked so much that sometimes Arthur got a little jealous.

The man looked at Agatha and smiled slightly. "Ah, I see we meet again." He told her. "The Ghost of the Glastonbury lake again?" He asked when he looked at a bunch of papers he held and at Merlin in the bed. "I was wondering what happened to him after he didn't arrive here to let me check that broken arm of his. But I did hear he had been seen in the city far more often that before... without the cast..."

He raised his eyebrows at Agatha, who just shrugged and gave him an awkward smile. "Can you help him this time, or not?" She asked him.

"Of course I can, it's nothing serious." He told them. "Are you really his friend now?" He added and waited until she nodded. Then he turned his attention to Arthur and frowned. "And you are?"

"I'm-"

"He's family." Agatha cut Arthur off and glanced at him. "Now how's he doing?" She looked at Merlin again and then looked at Arthur, trying to smile and cheer him up.

The doctor sighed and went closer to the patient. "Marvin here, is alright." He started. "You said he fell down the stairs. Well, considering he lost consciousness and hasn't woken up yet, we've x-rayed him and checked some other stuff that might have happened, but he has no concussion. And I expect he should wake up very soon. So he's absolutely fine." Before Ag and Arthur could smile though, the doctor continued. "Except for one thing."

"And what's that?" Arthur asked carefully, now looking up from Merlin to the doctor again.

The doctor frowned and looked at both Agatha and at Arthur and then his eyes landed on Merlin. "His body functions... as if he was a very old man. And yet he is here, looking young while his body is working like that of my grandpa. Who is still alive by the way, and very very old. But Marvin doesn't seem to look like my grandfather now, does he? And then there's this other thing." The doctor frowned.

Both Agatha and Arthur were worriedly looking over at Merlin and awaiting the doctor's answer. Of course Merlin's body was working like a body of an old man, he was over a thousand years old and yet he looked young. Arthur thought it was a miracle, or magic, or destiny as Merlin had told him many times. But even though he was old, his body should be working normally, shouldn't it? Otherwise he wouldn't look this young...

He looked at Merlin again and at his face. A lock of his hair was away from the others, above his right eye and Arthur smiled, wanting to push it out of the way. And then he noticed it.

The tiny lock of grey hair, hidden in the shadow between Merlin's ear and the pillow he was lying on.

With fear in heart, Arthur was listening to what the doctor was telling them about his boyfriend.

"His cells are dying and reproducing faster than they should be, his... body seems to be getting old, but at a rapid speed." He paused and searched for any clues in Agatha's and Arthur's faces. When he found only horror, he raised his eyebrow and continued. "I haven't seen anything quite like it... but I think we should keep Merlin here. And this is not just my professional curiosity, I'm afraid it would be better if Merlin was under our care and-"

"Do you have magic?" Arthur suddenly stopped him and looked the doctor in the eyes.

"Excuse me, what?"

"Do you have magic and do you know how to fix him?" Arthur repeated his question and kept staring at the doctor with unshed tears in eyes, which he was trying to blink away.

The doctor shook his head. "No, I don't have these... modern abilities. And even with our technology or your magic, I don't think I could-"

"If you don't have magic and modern medicine can't save him, then I'm afraid you were mistaken, doctor." Arthur rose from his seat by Merlin's bed and sighed. "He'll be much better back home."

Agatha seemed to know what was Arthur's intention, so she stood up as well and nodded to support him. They had loads of magic books back in Merlin's house and once he woke up, an expert as well.

"Are you sure?" The doctor asked, glancing at Merlin again and sensing there was something going on right under his nose. Something he probably wouldn't be able to understand.

"Yes, we're sure." Arthur nodded. "As soon as he wakes up-"

"Arthur?" A weak voice from the bed whispered and immediately stole all of their attentions. The doctor nodded and quietly left the room, leaving them alone so they could talk in privacy and was left to wonder until the end of his life, who he really met in that small room.

"Merlin?" Arthur smiled and took Merlin's hand, entwining their fingers and glancing at Agatha with a smile.

"Can you hear us?" Agatha asked him. When his blue eyes wandered over to her, he smiled slightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Ugh, just like I did when I trained with Arthur for the first time and let him hit me over and over again..." Merlin put his hand on his head and hissed in pain.

While Agatha laughed at his answer, Arthur rolled his eyes and mumbled, "glad to hear you didn't lose your memories this time, then." Because after he saw that the doctor and Agatha already knew each other (and Agatha didn't live in Glastonbury), the only logical explanation Arthur found was that Ag was here with Merlin after the car accident and with the same doctor when Merlin lost his memories. Which would also explain why the doctor thought Merlin's name was... Marvin?

"True," Merlin sighed and with Arthur's support from one side and Agatha's support from the other, he sat up and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get his head to stop spinning. "Yeah, um... so what happened?" He asked and grinned.

Nor Arthur nor Agatha were smiling though.

xoXÖXox

The ride home was silent. Way too silent for Merlin's liking, but he knew it was his fault – his silence caused this silence. He should have told them what was happening, he should have been honest and yet he made the same mistake as he did in Camelot – he didn't say anything.

He was sitting in the backseat and Arthur was sitting next to Agatha in the front of the car. Merlin glimpsed Arthur's eyes looking at him in the mirror, but as soon as he did, Arthur looked down.

Merlin felt horrible. He really should have told them instead of pretending he was alright.

So he looked out of the window and sighed.

"I can't take this silence anymore," Agatha mumbled. "I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do this while I'm driving, but something tells me that you knew this was happening Merlin and I want an explanation."

Merlin sighed again and closed his eyes briefly. "I knew about it, yes." He admitted and felt ashamed for the sharp intake of breath he heard from Arthur. This was all his fault.

"Alright, so... what's the matter with you? What's happening?" Arthur asked.

Merlin hesitated, and then he opened his mouth and this came out, "I'm just ill and-"

"Ill people don't get grey hair, Merlin." Arthur gritted his teeth. Merlin could almost feel Arthur's anger, but he knew there was fear hidden underneath it. Arthur was terrified, and honestly... so was Merlin.

"Okay," he said.

But then the car stopped and the lights turned off and Agatha opened the door. They were back in Merlin's house and so they all got out of the car and slowly crossed the garden until they were all inside the house, where it was much warmer than outside.

Merlin took a step towards the stairs, but Arthur's glare stopped him right away.

"Alright then." Agatha sighed and folded her arms on her chest after she put away her coat. "What is happening?"

"I'm..." Merlin clasped his hands together because they were shaking and he didn't want them to know that he didn't know how to fix this which made him feel scared. "I've lost my immortality." He explained.

"You were literally immortal?" Agatha asked.

"Yes, of course I was immortal." Merlin closed his eyes. "But now that Arthur's back, I seem to have lost that... curse. And I'm getting old."

"You are old." Arthur uttered.

"Yeah, but I don't look like it, do I?" Merlin gave them a bitter smile. "Well... I sort of do," Merlin sighed as he raised his hand and made a circle around his head with it as his eyes flashed gold.

The black colour seemed to dissolve into the air as it disappeared, and all that was left was Merlin with grey hair that were already slowly turning into white at the roots. Arthur's and Agatha's eyes widened and Merlin's tear filled eyes closed on their own.

Then he shook his head and opened them again. "I don't want to look like it." He whispered and without another word, he hurried up the stairs and hid inside his old little room in Gaius' fake chambers. There he sat down on the little bed and closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears but they still started streaming down his cheeks and he couldn't stop his eyes from being red-rimmed.

Because this was it. The end of his life. He's lived through centuries, waiting for his best friend, his love, to return to him and when he finally did, he couldn't even remember him. And then when he finally did, he started aging again and there was nothing that could stop it. His hair became grey during the first week, and that was way too fast for a normal person.

He wasn't a normal person though, was he? He was an immortal sorcerer. Well, that was gone now too. He was an ordinary human with far longer life than he should have had, and that happened only because he had failed Arthur in the battle of Camlann in the first place.

When Arthur came back to him from Avalon, he heard a voice. That voice told him that this century and this year that Arthur came back wasn't the right one. It wasn't time for the Once and Future King to rise again yet and Merlin didn't know what it meant then and he wasn't sure he understood now, but what he knew was that... if Arthur wasn't supposed to come back and yet he did... was it only because he was stupid and got hit by a car? Did Destiny... wake Arthur up early only to help him regain his memory? And now that they were both alive again, in the wrong century when the world didn't need them yet... was Destiny trying to get rid of them?

Was this the whole purpose of Arthur's return? Was it all Merlin's fault? Was that the reason he was dying now?

Because that's what it was, wasn't it? He was dying. He really was. No one could survive aging this fast and aging wasn't even the only problem here... he started forgetting things again. He still couldn't remember why Agatha wanted his help before he fell down the stairs, his eyes were getting bad because he couldn't read the words on Arthur's closet... He was getting old in every sense of that word and he would die eventually.

No need to hide that from Arthur and Agatha now. They already saw his hair and tiny wrinkles under his eyes that were not only from sleep deprivation.

He didn't realize he was crying silently and holding his first diary until suddenly there was hand on his shoulder. And he didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered as he gently put the diary away and turned Merlin on the bed towards him. He wiped away his tears and sighed, wrapping his arms around Merlin and letting his head fall against Arthur's shoulder as the warlock started sobbing.

"Don't worry," Arthur whispered. "We'll fix this. We always do."

And Merlin didn't dare to tell him that this time they couldn't. He was the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth. He knew everything about magic there was to know, he even wrote his own book of spells and if there was anything, anything that could help... he would have already found it.

But he hasn't found anything. Nothing he tried worked so far - no one could help him now.

So he let Arthur hold him as he held Arthur and he closed his eyes, trying to forget everything and focus only on one thing. Arthur's hand in his hair and on his back and his warm breath he felt just behind his ear.

Who knew if this wasn't one of the last hugs he would ever get from his king?

Who knew?

TBC

I don't own the songs, obviously. But I really recommend listening to them, they're all from my Merlin playlist so :D I haven't even started with my school work (probably because I can't focus on anything without thinking about Sherlock this week), but I'll do my best to write the Christmas chapter and post it next week. Also, I'm so very sorry for how this chapter ended, this was my plan from the beginning of the fanfic and I've been thinking about it since I started writing (which was right after I finished reading Twist and Shout... which I probably should have mentioned - if anyone doesn't know, it's the most famous Destiel fanfic out there that will break your heart and leave you sobbing for a week after reading it). Also, the song Time by Hans Zimmer (soundtrack for the movie Inception) was my inspiration for this fanfic.

I hope you're not too sad, and I promise there will be a happy ending in the last chapter. I wouldn't be able to leave you all heartbroken, don't worry about that. In fact, I'm planning to end this fanfic with a little bit of humour, so I hope that will turn out well :)

Bye for now! And one more time: HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLIN! :D :D