Alright, so first of all, I am so so so sorry for not updating for a month omg, second of all - this chapter is all about Christmas and it has almost 8K words and I hope you'll love it if you haven't forgotten what this fanfic was about in the first place. Okay, I'm really sorry it took me so long to update. I took a break from instagram too (for a month) and if you follow me (magical_mischel) then you probably know why I stopped writing (if I managed to explain it anyway). At first it was because of tests in school, and then because of a lot of pressure from school and everything, so I took a break and focused only on one thing - Sherlock. I know, I know, I should have focused on this fanfic instead, but honestly? I couldn't bring myself to write anything, and I'm still not sure if I can write a whole new chapter in a week, but believe me, I'll try.

I realize it's probably a bit too late for a Christmas chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy it. If I got anything wrong (grammar, if there are any typos, Christmas traditions - we open the presents in the evening, but I know most of you do in the morning) so if there's anything, please just tell me and I'll try to fix it. Enjoy :)

CHAPTER 18
The Past and Presents

Where are you? We're still waiting for you... same place as yesterday, remember? XX

It looked almost like a paradise. A white kingdom with cold snow covering everything, every tree branch, every pine needle and the ground, bushes, even Merlin's hair. Although one might not notice that because... his hair was white. That's right, after he got rid of the black hair dye, it slowly started to turn white and now there was no going back.

Agatha sighed as she was watching her friend. The tiny wrinkles around his eyes from laughing were slowly becoming bigger, spreading all over his face. She really doubted Merlin laughed often before Arthur came back, but the wrinkles had always been there. She saw his photos from all those old ID cards. She knew he must have used to smile a lot, because the wrinkles were around his mouth as well.

But now? He looked sad. Well, she knew he was sad even though he tried to look happy. She saw right through his mask.

"There," Merlin sighed as he put away his phone and put it back into his pocket again.

"You texted him?" She asked, suddenly realizing that that was the reason neither of them was talking – Merlin was texting Arthur because they all agreed to meet up in the forest to cut down a tree for Christmas, but Arthur wasn't anywhere, even though he had promised to come.

"Yeah, he hasn't replied yet." Merlin shrugged and looked up at the tree they've chosen to cut down. Agatha watched as he clasped his hands together, the black gloves protecting them from the biting air all around them.

He breathed out a white puff of air and laughed.

"What?" Agatha chuckled when she saw the happy smile on his face – a rare thing these last three weeks.

Merlin looked down at her and then back at the tree they were standing around. It was a little pine, and its every needle was thoroughly wrapped in the white sparkling blanket.

"I just remembered something," Merlin smiled at her. "It's one of those memories that just don't go away and stay with you," he chuckled, "and it's been over a thousand years since it happened." He looked at the tree again and raised his eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at the tree like that?" Agatha laughed, taking a step closer and taking off her glove to touch the cold snow and let it melt underneath her fingers.

Merlin watched her hand as he answered. "Before the time I arrived at Camelot, I lived in a village called Ealdor. It's where I was born." He told her and glanced down at his boots. "I had a best friend there, Will. He... died only a few months after I left Ealdor, just when I came back to help my village with a group of invaders."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Agatha looked at him, but he just nodded and smiled at the tree.

"When Will and I were young... we were in the forest, playing around... and he knew I had magic, he was the only person who knew. And well, we didn't know there was one of the villagers in the forest with us, and I kind of... managed to cut down a tree with my magic." Merlin chuckled. "And it almost landed on him." He added. "The... villager, I mean."

Agatha started laughing, putting her hand away from the tree. "Are you serious?" She grinned at him.

"Yes, of course I am." He laughed. "It was an accident, but he really didn't like us. Even before that. Oh, old Simmons." Merlin smiled. "Luckily, he hasn't seen me use my magic, and we managed to run away before he started asking questions." Merlin added and put his hands into his pockets.

Agatha sighed again and put her hand back into the warm glove. "Has he replied yet?" She asked him when she saw Merlin was looking at his phone again.

"No, he hasn't." Merlin told her. "Maybe we should go back and... check up on him."

Merlin was still looking down at the screen with a frown on his face when Agatha looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, let's go then." She smiled and left the little tree, together with Merlin walking by her side.

As she was walking through the show, she realized she didn't have anything to give Merlin and Arthur for Christmas. That was probably because she was always busy over the week in Bristol, and every weekend she came to visit Glastonbury, they ended up doing something entirely different from what they wanted to do.

And yes, she knew it was already 24th and that they should have had the tree decorated by now, but she wasn't around last weekend. She spent the entire weekend in London with her mom, dad and her sister and her sister's family, because she wouldn't be able to see them on Christmas Day. Her parents were planning a trip so they weren't going to be in London for Christmas at all, and well... her sister had her own family. So the only ones Ag could spend her Christmas with were Merlin and Arthur, and she was very excited for that.

Their first Christmas together.

She didn't want to think about the fact that it might as well be their last.

So she glanced up at Merlin and put her hands into the pockets of her coat. "Do you have presents yet?" She asked.

"No," Merlin shrugged. "I've... I haven't celebrated Christmas in decades, I... oh my god, I almost forgot we were supposed to give each other gifts!" He stopped and turned to her, slowly realizing that he didn't have anything to give his two best friends.

"Hey, it's okay," she smiled at him. "You're not the only one, you know? I haven't got anything either." She told him and saw how visibly Merlin relaxed. "But Christmas Day is tomorrow, so we still have time."

Merlin smiled at that. "What do you suggest?"

"Shopping with my two best friends." She smirked up at him and slowly started moving again, Merlin next to her. "There's this shopping centre in Glastonbury... the only one, with quite a few shops in it. Morgan told me about it actually..." she said, immediately regretting mentioning her name. Her smile disappeared in seconds and she cleared her throat, trying hard not to think about the friend who betrayed her and left her. "Anyway... it's really great in there, so I think we'll be able to find everything."

"That's amazi-"

Beep!

Merlin smiled when he realized it was his phone that interrupted him. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and together with Ag they read the message Arthur sent.

Sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can. Half an hour? XX

Agatha's smile returned to her face when she read the message, but Merlin only rolled his eyes, immediately starting to write a reply.

Too late. We're heading back. Dollophead.

He sent it and then after a few seconds of staring at the screen, he added "XX" to end the message with two kisses. Agatha chuckled at that and Merlin put his phone back into his pocket, slight crimson on his cheeks.

"Well, at least he's alive." Agatha smiled.

And so they continued walking through the forest, back to Merlin's house to finally get Merlin's boyfriend so he could show him how to properly cut down a tree with magic.

xoXÖXox

The last thing Merlin wanted to think about was the lack of the Christmas tree in his living room when he finally entered the house together with Agatha. He knew that Christmas wasn't really about a Christmas tree and all the decorations, it was mainly about family and friends coming together. But if this truly was his last Christmas with Arthur... he wanted it to be as perfect as if may be, Christmas tree and all.

Which also included said boyfriend to be present. And since he hasn't answered his last text, Merlin was more worried about him than about that damn tree.

"I'll stay here, you go and check up on him." Agatha smiled at him as she headed for the living room and sat down on the couch.

"That I'll do," Merlin nodded and sighed, removing only his shoes before he went up the stairs. He got rid of his scarf and jacket on the way to his room and left it in Arthur's room that he'd checked first. The royal prat wasn't there though, which left him with only one option – Merlin's room.

It's where they always slept anyway, since Agatha had nowhere else to sleep than in Arthur's bed. Not that they minded, actually it was great to share the bed and to-

Merlin mentally slapped himself and entered his room to focus on the one feature of interest – Arthur Pratdragon.

"Arthur?" Merlin called when he realized his room was empty. And judging by the open door to the bathroom that he noticed earlier, Arthur couldn't have hidden there either.

So he stepped closer to the small room inside his room and frowned when he realized the door was closed. "Arthur?" He called his name again and took the door handle – only to realize that the door was actually locked.

He never locked that door after both Agatha and Arthur knew what was behind it. Well, there was the spell that always kept the door locked for anyone but him (because of Morgana), but he was certain he left the door open when they left the house with Agatha. So what was Arthur doing there?

"Arthur? Open the door, I know you're in there!" Merlin tried one last time, but because Arthur didn't answer, he sighed and opened the door with magic.

And as soon as he entered the old Gaius' room, he found what he was looking for.

Books lay open on the old benches and tables, Merlin's old magic books among them and even his first diary, there was his laptop opened on one of the tables with internet browser opened on it, indicating that someone was in the middle of a research, and there in the middle of the room, was Arthur, slowly looking up to meet Merlin's expectant eyes.

Time stopped when their eyes locked, and all you could hear were their breaths.

Merlin wanted an explanation, he really wanted one, but deep down he knew what this was all about because there were tears in Arthur's eyes. And before Merlin could even open his mouth to say anything, Arthur confirmed his worries.

"I can't let you... die." He mumbled. And then again. "I can't let you die, Merlin. I can't. I'd rather die myself."

Merlin nodded and closed the door behind him, slowly closing the distance between them. As he was coming closer, Arthur's head kept rising as he was looking at him.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered. He really didn't want to cry because he already told Arthur he'd come to terms with his inevitable death, but he was lying and so was Arthur when he promised he wouldn't try to find a way to save him because there wasn't one.

Without saying anything else, Merlin slowly ran his hand up Arthur's arm and cupped the back of his neck, bringing him closer until Arthur's forehead touched his stomach. He felt Arthur wrap his arms around him and he smiled, slowly sitting down on the bench next to Arthur and resting his chin on the top of Arthur's head while his king cried.

History was repeating itself, that much was obvious.

Arthur died and Merlin had almost gone crazy trying to find a way to bring him back. Now it was his turn to die and his responsibility to keep Arthur away from doing the same thing he did. They all needed to accept that the end was inevitable.

If Merlin couldn't find anything and there was no one out there with greater knowledge than his... then his death was sealed. And there was no going back.

And Merlin would do anything, anything, to spend his last days (or weeks, or months) with the love of his life, in peace.

"Come on," he whispered into Arthur's hair, smelling it softly. Tears ran down his cheeks, but he tried to stop them and be strong for Arthur, even though it was his life that was soon about to end. "Let's get that damn Christmas tree into this house."

xoXÖXox

Arthur couldn't remember any other time that he got so emotional. The only other time he cried so much was when his father died. But this time it was even more than that because Merlin was still there, still with him, his fingers providing warmth in between his.

After they left the house and finally cut down that tree, Agatha drove them into the town to buy presents. Arthur didn't know what to buy to either of them, but from what he's seen so far, there were more than enough lovely things out there to buy. Certainly more than at the Camelot market. He still couldn't get out of his head the single white stone half buried in the meadow that Merlin showed him – the last piece of their old lives besides their memories.

Still, Arthur hoped to buy Merlin something that reminded him of all the times they'd spent together in Camelot, and of the love he felt for him. Not anything a girl would buy though. But he had to admit, he wasn't very good with buying things for people so he might require Agatha's guidance.

With that thought in mind, he looked out of the window of Agatha's car and focused on the song in the radio. It was the one they were listening to with Merlin before he went to the hospital – Happy Christmas by John Lennon.

It was snowing outside again as Agatha stopped the car and they all got out. Merlin immediately went closer to Arthur and took his hand, adjusting his woolen hat on his head with the other hand.

"It's over there," Agatha smiled at them and pointed behind the car on the other side of the road. "I love it when it gets dark and all the decorations light up." She grinned.

"It looks lovely," Merlin agreed as they all crossed the street together.

It was a shopping centre, just like Agatha described. But there were a few stalls in front of it on an empty parking lot, with decorations everywhere and people, buying things.

"Now, I need to buy presents for both of you, so I'll text you when I get back." She announced as soon as they made it to the first stall.

"Wait, you're just gonna leave us here?" Arthur stopped her and raised his eyebrow.

She turned around and grinned at them. "You can't get lost, it's not a big place or anything." She shrugged. "Besides, discovering this place together will be fun! Just wait and see!" She smiled at them and with a wave of her hand was gone.

"Well, that's nice." Arthur mumbled.

"Don't worry, I'll keep texting her so she'll have to get her phone out of her jacket every time." Merlin smirked as they started their journey through the different shops and stalls.

"What do you think she'll buy us?" Arthur smiled. The air was cold and full of pleasant smells of food and different drinks all around them. And though Arthur was still a little upset that Merlin found him in Gaius' rooms, he couldn't help but smile as the snowflakes fell down on his tongue that he'd stuck out – the last time he did that was when he was a kid. It filled him with unexplainable joy.

Merlin laughed when he saw him doing that and joined him. "I don't know," he replied after a while. "And to be honest, I don't know what to get her either, there are so many beautiful things out here- oh, look at that!" He pointed to his left and started dragging Arthur to one of the stalls.

There were Christmas decoration made out of shiny colourful pieces of glass. Each decoration had multiple colours and was glistening in the light of the candles that the stall owner had next to him.

"What would you like gentlemen?" He asked them as they approached. They were the only ones standing in front of his stall after all.

Merlin bit his lip and started searching for something he would like. And Arthur was glad to see him so happy because at least one of them was. And if Merlin seemed happy, maybe Arthur could try and pretend he was as well. It was Christmas after all.

"This one looks pretty!" Arthur pointed to a golden sparrow with blue and white wings that had a little hook on top of it so it could be on a Christmas tree. It was tiny but very beautiful.

Merlin smiled when he looked at the same little bird and that was the first time Arthur noticed the owner was eyeing them strangely. But well, he knew Merlin was famous in the town – the Ghost of the Glastonbury lake or something like that.

"How much does it cost?" Merlin asked, making the man clear his throat and nod a little.

"One pound fifty." He said. Merlin nodded and gave the man his money, accepting the little bird wrapped in a brown paper bag. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas!" Arthur and Merlin both replied and left the stall, planning to investigate everything else the parking lot and the shopping centre had to offer.

After a few minutes of endless arguing about what to buy Agatha, Merlin took his phone from his pocket and removed his gloves so he could text Agatha.

"What are you going to text her?" Arthur asked, curiously looking over Merlin's shoulder. Merlin grinned at that.

"I don't know, something funny."

Arthur's being annoying. Save me.

Merlin smirked as he wrote the message and before Arthur could stop him, he sent it and earned himself a nudge to his arm from Arthur.

"Very funny indeed." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not being annoying, you're just being unreasonable."

"I think I have a little bit more experience with women, Arthur. Honestly." Merlin told him.

"And what makes you think that?"

Merlin laughed at that. "You couldn't even buy a proper gift for Morgana's birthday, I had to help you with that!" He grinned when he saw Arthur rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, but I don't think another one of those glass decorations is a good present for her." Arthur said. "Alright, what does she like?" He started all over again, hoping they would finally agree on something.

"She likes writing." Merlin shrugged and put his phone back into his pocket. "She writes all the time, and she likes reading too."

Arthur nodded. "Anything else? I can't think of a single thing to buy her based on that."

"You wouldn't be able to think of anything based on everything she told you." Merlin smiled, but then stopped and thought really hard about it as they started walking again. "Alright, um... she told me once she liked Sherlock."

"Sher-who?"

"Oh, and she likes dogs." Merlin smiled at him.

"We can't buy her a dog." Arthur sighed. They were inside the shopping centre and entered one of the shops with different things inside. "Something to eat?" Arthrur asked when he saw chocolate.

Merlin followed his gaze and rolled his eyes. "Maybe, but it can't be everything we give her." He said and took Arthur's arm to drag him to a different part of the shop.

"Look at that," Arthur smiled. "Mugs. With messages on them."

Merlin glanced at him and then looked at the mugs, trying to find something that would be funny or something that would make him think about Agatha.

"There's nothing funny here," Arthur sighed.

"That would be probably because you don't get it." Merlin laughed when he read another message on one of the mugs.

Arthur just rolled his eyes and turned around, noticing stuffed toys. Now that was something entirely different. "Merlin?" He took his hand and didn't even need to look at him to know that Merlin turned around and was looking at the same thing as he was.

"Now, that's better." Merlin grinned.

Half an hour later, after they'd already seen most of what could be seen outside and inside the shopping centre, they found another shop and separated, trying to find something to buy each other. That didn't take long because they knew each other well enough to know exactly what to buy.

And as Arthur was coming back to the place they agreed to meet up again, his phone beeped in his pocket and he fished it out, taking the bag with his present for Merlin in another hand. It was a text from Agatha.

Would you please tell Merlin to stop texting me? I'm trying to find something to buy both of you and he's not helping!

Arthur laughed out loud as he read that.

"What's so funny?" Someone suddenly asked him, already peeking from behind his shoulder to look at the text. It was none other than Merlin himself.

"Nothing," Arthur lied, but it was too late. Merlin managed to get hold of his phone and started walking away, laughing as he read the text from Agatha.

"Merlin, you bloody idiot, give it back!" Arthur smiled as he chased him into and through another shop and finally caught his hand at the end of the shop, where they were alone, hidden behind towers of toilet paper.

"Oh my god," Merlin smirked and then laughed, and after a second Arthur realized it was not the text Merlin was looking at this time.

"What is it?" He asked and went closer to him. When he saw what caught Merlin's attention on his phone, his cheeks turned red instantly. "You weren't supposed to see that..." He mumbled.

Merlin was going through Arthur's gallery, looking at all those photos Arthur had taken of him in secret, long before they even knew they loved each other. As he was going through all those pictures, he couldn't help but smile and that warm smile filled Arthur with happiness.

"I didn't know you took so many pictures of me," Merlin told him.

"Oh, don't pretend I'm the only one." Arthur rolled his eyes and sneaked his hand into Merlin's pocket, successfully stealing his phone and without Merlin noticing, opening his gallery as well.

"Hey!" Merlin laughed when he saw what Arthur was doing, but Arthur was already looking at various pictures of him that Merlin also took in secret. "Oh my god, nooo..." Merlin covered his face with his palm and stepped aside, bracing himself for what was coming.

And then Arthur started laughing. "I can't believe it!" He turned to Merlin and showed him the picture he found. "You took pictures of me while I was in the sea with Agatha?"

"I couldn't help it!" Merlin told him, all embarrassed with his cheeks pink. It was cute. "You looked so... handsome and I couldn't stop watching you and yes I might have taken a few pictures..."

Arthur looked back at the phone and started going through all the pictures. "Just a few?" He grinned. "Merlin, there's at least twenty of them."

"I stopped counting, okay?" Merlin laughed with him and let Arthur lean closer and kiss him for that.

"But I have to admit... I do look quite handsome in the pictures you took." Arthur smiled at him smugly, making Merlin punch him in the arm slightly and then suddenly pull him closer to kiss him properly.

It was right about then when Agatha found them in the back of the shop. "I knew why I wanted to leave you, god!" She covered her face in embarrassment and turned around, only hearing Merlin and Arthur laugh behind her.

"You can turn around again." Merlin told her as he gave Arthur back his phone.

"Are you sure?" Agatha asked. "Because I think I can still hear-"

"I promise!" Merlin laughed and she finally turned around, with a big smile on her face. She looked down at them and seeing that they both had one bag in their hands, her smile got even bigger.

"I see the shopping went well." She said. "But I'm starving, let's find something to eat! Hot chocolate?" She winked at them.

"Hot chocolate?" Arthur asked, while Merlin smiled and replied with, "that's not exactly food, but okay."

"Hot chocolate is like cocoa drink, but even better." Agatha chose to reply to Arthur instead of Merlin and with that they all turned around and started looking for a restaurant.

First of all, they hid the presents in the car, and then Agatha led them to a restaurant that she visited with Morgan half a year ago. They ordered hot chocolate, and even though Arthur loved the drink, he couldn't help but notice that Merlin stopped smiling again.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked him when he tried to suppress a yawn and didn't succeed. When Agatha heard that, she looked at Merlin with worrisome face.

"No, I'm fine." Merlin lied and sipped his hot chocolate. But Arthur could see right through him, and he could tell what was wrong. Merlin was getting a bit slower lately, and he was tired more often than he used to be. So when Arthur realized how many things they've managed to take care of since that morning – cutting down a tree and getting it back to their house, the shopping, building a snowman in the garden before lunch – it made sense that Merlin would be tired.

"You should have said earlier that you're tired, we'd come back home sooner." Arthur took his hand on the table and squeezed.

"Arthur's right." Agatha joined in, nodding at Merlin. "Sometimes you can be a bloody idiot."

"Well, that was uncalled for," Merlin frowned slightly, but then nodded.

Ag only smiled at him. "You need to start taking this seriously, Merlin. And you need to let us take care of you, so stop saying you're fine every time we ask you and please be honest with us. We care about you." She told him, not smiling this time and Merlin bowed his head, nodding slightly.

Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin's waist and pulled him closer. "Just tell us you're tired next time and we'll take you home, no matter what we're doing, can you promise me that?"

"Alright," Merlin sighed as he locked his eyes with Arthur, honesty and slight fear in them. "I promise."

Arthur smiled up at him and nodded. "Now let's finish the hot chocolate and get back home. It's late anyway." He said when he looked back at Agatha, who was checking her wristwatch.

They finished their drinks while talking about Christmas in Camelot and in the 21st century, and then they headed back to the car and back home.

xoXÖXox

The evening was full of fun and friendship, just like every Christmas should be. And this was the first Christmas for Merlin that he really felt the love radiate around him. It's been almost too long since he had real friends, and he could safely say that Agatha was one of his best friends, just like Arthur was.

So when they started arguing about Christmas decorations for the living room and for the Christmas tree, none of them took it seriously and the argument ended up in giggles and the tree almost falling on the couch if it wasn't for Merlin's magic.

"Wait, what is that?" Agatha asked as she pulled a beautiful gold sparrow made of glass out of a brown paper bag.

"I bought that today," Merlin told her, taking it from her and placing it on the tree. "I almost forgot that I didn't have any decorations for the tree, so when I saw this, I bought it."

"And I had to remind him to buy more decorations because as he said, we didn't have any." Arthur added. "Thankfully, we found some in one of the shops and bought them."

"And I bought this," Agatha smiled and went over to one of her bags and revealed a chain made of sparkly pieces of seemingly glowing paper. When she received two big smiles from her two friends, she grinned and wrapped it around the entire tree with Merlin's and Arthur's help.

Half an hour of giggles later, the Christmas tree finally looked like it should on Christmas. They all took a step back to admire its beauty and Merlin smiled, forgetting about how tired he was earlier.

"Yup, definitely the most beautiful tree I've ever seen," Agatha confirmed with a nod and a smile, reaching for her phone and doing something Merlin couldn't see because he turned to Arthur and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a kiss on the lips.

Then suddenly music started playing.

"Come on," Agatha grinned at them. "Dance! I want to see you dance!"

"We can dance all together," Merlin took her hand and spun her around, leaving the other hand for Arthur as they started moving to the rhythm of the song. More giggles and singing occurred and Merlin was sure that if this was his last Christmas, he was happy with that because it was perfect.

After the songs ended and Merlin became aware of how tired he was again, he tried to blink that feeling away because Agatha suggested they could play some games together. She bought them too, so basically without her, they would have no fun and not even the Christmas tree would be decorated (and the golden sparrow would sit there alone with only a few other Christmas balls that Merlin and Arthur bought together for the tree).

Merlin was very eager to play any game that he could lay his eyes on, and after Agatha showed them what she bought, they all went to Arthur's room and started to play. (The living room was a mess, covered in paper bags and plastic bags from the shopping, and there was no place for a game board.)

It didn't last long until Merlin felt tired again though and soon he had to leave, which sort of ruined the whole game because Arthur insisted on coming with him and Agatha couldn't play on her own.

But it didn't really matter, as Agatha admitted she was a little tired herself and that was how the beautiful day ended. With Agatha writing until 1am in Arthur's room on her laptop and with Merlin and Arthur sharing the bed in Merlin's room.

Merlin yawned for the umpteenth time and Arthur suppressed a laugh, yawning himself almost immediately after. And Merlin laughed at that, softly, against Arthur's neck as he shifted closer to him in the bed.

Arthur smiled as Merlin closed his eyes and he ran his hand through his white hair gently, his smile slowly leaving his face. Merlin didn't open his eyes but hummed with a little smile, clearly enjoying what Arthur was doing.

"You're like a dog," Arthur chuckled, hearing that Merlin hummed again when Arthur continued playing with his hair.

"You were even worse when you were a donkey, don't worry, Gwen told me all about that," Merlin laughed with his eyes closed and his mouth partly closed.

Arthur tugged at his hair for that, but then he frowned and pursed his lips into a thin line. "It's sad to know what colour it used to be." He mumbled, making Merlin open his eyes this time with a question in them.

"Your hair," Arthur clarified and Merlin looked down, not moving and keeping his eyes open. He didn't want Arthur to worry too much about it because there really wasn't anything that would help him. His hair turned grey, his skin stopped looking so young, his memory got worse and so did his hearing and eyesight. These things happened to everyone, and Merlin was almost way too old for all of this. And even if Arthur argued that it didn't mean Merlin would necessarily die, Merlin could almost feel it. He knew what was coming.

"I loved the black," Arthur admitted with a sad face and Merlin sighed quietly.

"Hey," Merlin slowly got closer to him and kissed him on the lips passionately. When he pulled away, he smiled down at him and stared right into his crystal blue eyes. "I'm not going anywhere for Christmas." And before Arthur could say anything else, Merlin added with a smirk, "so shut up and let me sleep, seriously."

When Arthur chuckled and kissed Merlin again, finally leaving him and his hair alone so he could close his eyes and fall asleep, Merlin's mask fell off and his features grew grim. It was Christmas and he didn't want to worry too much, but it was also a whole month since the rapid aging has started and he couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling of what was coming – his sight got worse, his hearing was quite alright, but his hair was already white and every day he looked at himself into the mirror, he looked more and more like Dragoon the Great.

Not yet. But he knew that was his future. His Destiny.

And even though the word destiny has been in his life since his early 20s, he learned to know one thing. Sometimes, destinies were shit.

xoXÖXox

Christmas Day

Agatha stirred in her sleep as the land of dreams slowly left her and she became aware of the soft bed beneath her body. It was warm under the blanket, and very comfortably warm. She didn't want to get out, but she spent half an hour wrapping her presents after Arthur and Merlin had left and now those presents needed to get to the living room and under the Christmas tree.

She just hoped her boys weren't awake yet, she needed to do one more thing – a little surprise she bought yesterday and was excited about.

A mistletoe.

With that thought in mind, she opened her eyes and yawned, finally uncovering herself and sitting up. The presents were sitting in the corner of Arthur's room, waiting for her to take them downstairs. A little smile appeared on her face as she thought about what she bought them. (She almost bought Morgan a present too, but she didn't want to think about that now.) She knew what she wanted to buy for Merlin, but she wasn't sure what to buy for Arthur – that's why she wanted Merlin's help with that, but then the accident happened and they ended up going to the hospital instead.

That wasn't a happy memory. She shouldn't be thinking about that, Christmas was supposed to be happy and just thinking about what was happening to Merlin made her sad all over again.

Because it wasn't only Arthur who was desperate to find a spell that would cure Merlin. In fact, the only reason Arthur had enough time to start looking through Merlin's old books before Merlin found him was because Agatha knew about it and it was her idea to drag Merlin into the woods, not waiting for Arthur.

She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, finally leaving the bed and gathering the presents in her arms. She was in her pajamas, true, but it was Christmas and she didn't care. She used to open her presents only in her pajamas when she was a kid anyway.

As she tiptoed down the stairs, she stopped and peeked over the corner to check if they were really asleep. She didn't want to open the door to their room because that would inevitably wake them up, but when she heard Arthur's loud snores, she knew she didn't have to worry. She finally entered the living room and carefully arranged the presents under the tree.

The tree was green (because Merlin managed to rid it of snow with magic so they wouldn't get water inside the house) and most of the decorations were gold and blue. Thanks to the red wrapping paper Ag used on the presents, the living room now looked very beautiful and she couldn't help but take a picture of it on her phone again. Well, after she got rid of all the paper and plastic bags around first.

Then took the mistletoe that she hid in one of the bags and she put it into the doorway between the living room and the space in front of the front door – there wasn't any other door in the room anyway, only the one that lead to the garden and it was so cold outside that no one would want to open even the window.

As she sat down on the couch again, she sighed and looked up at the Christmas tree. On one of the branches rested the little gold sparrow that Merlin bought with Arthur.

It were things like these that got left behind. Because when someone dies, they always leave something behind – be it an unfinished dinner, and open book or a little bird that they bought.

Agatha closed her eyes to stop the tears that she knew were coming. Whenever Merlin was gone – shopping or just outside without Arthur, taking a walk along the lake – both Agatha and Arthur started looking, searching for anything that would help. Even when Agatha had to be in Bristol over the week, she always found time to get some research done on her laptop. She couldn't even continue writing for two weeks after they found out Merlin was dying, and her browsing history was full of magic related websites.

And the worst thing was that she didn't have anyone to turn to. Merlin was the only one who knew almost everything about magic, Arthur never knew much about it, Agatha didn't even know it existed before she met Merlin, and the rest of the world was just rediscovering it. No one knew more than Merlin did and yet he was the only who kept telling them there was nothing that would help him.

But what kind of friends would accept that?

"Oh no," Someone said from the door and Agatha jerked her head to look at him, unaware of the salty tears on her cheeks. Merlin was in his pajamas as well, with his white hair tousled and a sad smile on his face. "No crying on Christmas, please." He walked inside the room, but Agatha was speechless.

She's never cried in front of Merlin before, she just... felt uncomfortable with letting people see her weaknesses. But she couldn't keep the calm mask on any longer, she wasn't as strong as she thought she could be.

"There has to be something, so-something, Merlin..." she whispered, surprised at how desperate she sounded. The last time she cried was with Arthur, but that was alright because he was crying with her. They both refused to see their friend go.

But Merlin has always been understanding. He went over to her and wrapped his old arms around her, sitting beside her on the couch and letting her cry on his chest. She knew she promised herself not to do this to Merlin, he must have felt even worse because it was him leaving them, not the other way around, but she needed him now more than ever. Before it was too late. He was her best friend after all.

"Better?" He rubbed her back and after she nodded, he slowly pulled away.

"I'm so sorry," She chuckled slightly and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "You're right. It's Christmas Day, we should be happy." She smiled up at him and he nodded. When he was sure she was calm again, he looked down at the presents around the Christmas tree.

"Oh my god, we haven't even wrapped the presents!" He stood up with a laugh. "My first Christmas in this century and I haven't bought any wrapping paper and-"

"Where have you gone?" Arthur yawned, stopping in the doorway and rubbing his eyes.

"No, stay where you are!" Agatha got up and pointed at Arthur, almost laughing out loud at his confused expression. "Stay where you are and Merlin, you know what you need to do now," she winked at him and then looked up at the mistletoe that was right above Arthur's blonde head.

When Merlin saw the plant, he smirked at Agatha, but when Arthur looked up, his brows furrowed. "Is this some kind of a... ritual?" He asked, not very certain about it.

"It is, of sorts." Merlin laughed as he stepped closer. "It's a tradition that some people do on Christmas, usually couples." He shrugged and Agatha grinned when she saw them under the mistletoe together.

Arthur raised his eyebrow. "What tradit- umph!" He couldn't even finish his sentence as Merlin leaned closer and kissed him just as intensely as he did when they first kissed.

Agatha closed her eyes and laughed, happy to see them both happy. But then the moment ended and Merlin pulled away, smirking at Arthur and then taking his hand and walking him to the Christmas tree.

"We should definitely abide by this tradition then," he mumbled, smiling when he heard that both Agatha and Merlin laughed.

As Merlin sat down on the couch next to Ag, he immediately stood up again. "The presents!" He laughed and took Arthur's hand to go upstairs again.

"But I don't have any wrapping paper left!" Agatha told them.

Merlin nodded. "That's fine, we'll be back, don't open anything!" He looked at Ag and raised his eyebrow.

"All those presents are from me, you idiot." Agatha smiled and Merlin returned that smile, disappearing behind the corner.

And Agatha was alone again. Seeing Merlin and Arthur so happy together got her thinking about her own love life. Yeah, she should definitely start working on that. She was 24 and still single, and she hasn't dated anyone... ever. The only experience she had was that one time with Tobey, but that didn't end up well. Not for him, not for her and not for his other two girlfriends. She frowned when she realized she never heard of him again, not even by her colleagues in her job – one of them used to be friends with him.

But she really needed to get over that.

So she opened her laptop that she brought downstairs with the presents, and she opened the document with her book. She hasn't written a single word over the last month – she was too busy worrying about Merlin and she was familiar with almost all 3000 results she got on Google every time she tried to do some research.

Of course, as she already said, she stopped writing only for two weeks after they found out about Merlin's... problem. But since then, even when she started writing again eventually, instead of writing her book, she started writing down everything that she did with Merlin so she could read that sometime after... after the end. So she could remember their time together. And her book was not more important than that.

That's what she was writing about last night too. About her, Merlin and Arthur and their shopping adventure.

Closing her eyes, she closed the laptop as well and set it aside on the couch, looking back at the mistletoe in the doorway. And in that moment, Merlin with Arthur walked in.

"We're back." Merlin announced. "And we've wrapped the presents," he added. For a second Agatha was scared that he wrapped them in a toiler paper or something, but it turned out Merlin used... well, the bed sheet to cover all the presents at once (since the bed sheet was so big).

"Isn't he a genius?" Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin who was holding the bed sheet filled with presents. "I told him to use the toilet paper, but he wanted something bigger."

Agatha started laughing. "It's okay, but you'll have let me take a picture." She grinned as she found her phone on the couch and took the picture and then walked over to give Arthur and Merlin a big hug.

They put the presents under the Christmas tree, and began unwrapping.

"It's a stupid tradition anyway," Arthur kept mumbling under his breath the entire time. "Wrap it and then unwrap it again moments later. Who's idea was that?"

"Shut up and take the present," Merlin laughed.

"I demand to repeat the tradition under the magic plant," was another thing that Arthur said after they all got their presents, which made all of them laugh.

They took a lot of photos of them unwrapping the presents in their pajamas. Agatha got a cute stuffed dog and a red necklace, Arthur got a book called A-Z Guide to Technology and How it All Works from Agatha and a Lego castle from Merlin to remember the old times, and Merlin got a new set of art supplies (Agatha was thinking about asking Merlin to paint them all together) and a new diary from Arthur because he noticed all his old diaries were already full.

It was an amazing day. Merlin used his magic to light up a few candles that he spread throughout the room, Arthur with Merlin repeated the tradition a few times, they all ate breakfast and cookies together and they were all happy. Just like they should be on Christmas because once Christmas was over...

Beep!

Agatha received a text from her parents and her sister, wishing her Merry Christmas. So she replied with a smile and then put her phone away, laughing at Arthur's expression as he was looking into the book she bought him.

Yes. It was a good day. Just like Christmas Day should be.

TBC

Okay guys, there are only three chapters left and it's only going to get worse from here. Remember, two sad and heartbreaking chapters and then a happy one that I hope will somehow magically fix this mess of a fanfiction. Well, I hope you still care about this fanfic even though I haven't updated in so long... see you soon (hopefully) :)

Oh, and please let me know what you think, it literally took me almost a month to write this chapter, thanks :)