Update Feb 2014: ASASch3-6s happen around here.

And, I love redoing the previous chapter from another POV :D

Chapter 80: Memories that Blind

This one started in a moment that was otherwise innocent enough. She'd stepped in before Riku had to formulate an answer about Larxene to Leon, because… The thought of Riku saying about Larxene stung. She was worried, about what he said earlier. The way he'd spoken of Larxene before, with an incredible pain hidden behind his voice…

She didn't want to make him do that again.

The memory came to her unbidden. But then, they all did.

"She's only worried about me, after all, how can I be annoyed at that?"

More fragments of memory followed after that. It was all the same moment, it seemed, but—

She was there, though she didn't look incredibly happy about it. Riku, however, didn't seem to care. He was enjoying the time with her, ignoring the fact that she wasn't sharing that excitement.

But… Namine thought slowly. That's… that's not me…

The memory warped itself rather suddenly, the scene shifted.

"Did I- did I do something wrong?" Riku stammered, pulling his hand away. He was confused, and scared. Very, VERY scared. Scared of just the thought that he had messed up—

The memory shifted again.

She turned to him, looking upset—almost furious. "Why!" she demanded, her voice shaking. "Why, Riku, WHY!"

He merely stared. Hurt and confusion were surging through him, so quickly that he couldn't force himself to speak a response. He had an answer to the question, he just-

What she had just said—

Namine quickly turned away, trying to keep herself from crying. But the pain of the memory was just so much, and… and Riku was so hurt in it, too. He was hurt because of something she had—

No, Namine corrected herself. It wasn't me. It was… that other me?

Who was it?

I… I don't think it was me—

I- I HOPE it wasn't me!

Whatever I- she- that Namine said—

It hurt Riku, and I don't want to hurt him!

Her heart felt like it was breaking. The memory wasn't clear enough to actually give her what that Namine said, but it did clearly give her Riku's response to it. There was fear, and shock, and disbelief and—

And pain.

An overwhelming amount of pain.

And to make it worse—

"THERE you two are!" someone else called. It was Larxene, her voice cruel as it always was, and yet filled with excitement, as if she enjoyed what she was seeing. And then she laughed, obviously amused by the situation.

He…

No.

I, Namine thought.

I hate that laugh!

Why does she have to laugh like that? And why is it always at me! Does she think my pain is FUNNY! Why- why does she look at me like that? What's she planning? She's planning something…!

"With a little help from Namine, you can have all the real Riku's memories!" Larxene laughed, absolutely thrilled by the idea. "Maybe we can make you forget that you're nothing but a fake!"

"Fake"!

I am more than—

I'm…!

I'm…. Namine, right?

Then what was Larxene talking about?

Larxene- she's- she's looking at me with that evil look in her eyes. That look- I- I hate that look! That look means NOTHING good for me!

"In other words," Larxene continued, grinning. "We'll remake your heart so it's the same as the Real Riku's, kay?"

See! I said so!

"What! You want to remake my heart!"

They- they don't have the right to do that! They can't do that to me! How could they- Vexen- Vexen wouldn't?

Crud.

He would.

Larxene laughed again.

I really do hate that laugh.

"Relax kiddo!" she taunted, giggling slightly. "I don't think it's going to hurt THAT much!"

Tch.

Like YOU actually care.

You WANT to see me hurt!

You know what?

"I'll hurt you!"

My hand clenched tightly around my blade, which came to my call as it was supposed to. I- I forced all my anger into the attack, rushing forward, using my hate for Larxene to make it stronger—

Ug!

Lightning!

It- it hurts- the- why is there lightning? Why did it have to be- why is- why is she so strong? I thought I was strong, how is she- how is she stronger? How—

Why—

Why does it hurt?

Why does it hurt so much?

Larxene laughed again, obviously enjoying my pain. I absolutely HATE that about her. And that laugh—

"Stupid little toy!" she giggled.

"Toy"!

I'm not a toy!

Who does she think she is!

And why is she smiling at me like that? That smile- and that look in her eyes—

I'm scared.

"Don't worry," she told me, as if it would make me feel any better. "Just like every other memory in that hollow heart of yours, Namine will erase the memory of me knocking you flat!"

Namine?

I- I'm Namine… aren't I?

I…

"Namine? Hold him to that, will you?"

She nodded, though she didn't quite understand. She tried to pull herself back to her senses, but it wasn't working terribly well. The memory was still raging through her head, and things were still confusing—

But… if I'm Namine…

Why do I hurt like Riku does?

Why do I feel like I'm in his shoes?

And… when Larxene looks at me like that, with that absolutely sick smile, and that laughter in her eyes, why does fear flood through me? Why me?

And—

Larxene is- coming towards me, now. And I- I inch away, in fear. I- I'm ashamed to be this afraid, but- but I'm so scared. I—

"Instead," Larxene continued, still smiling that sick smile. "Namine will plant the loveliest little memories inside of you!"

"Plant"?

What does she mean "plant"?

Crap!

That was the wall!

I- I can't go back any farther. I- I don't want to be remade. I- I like my heart just the way it is, thanks! I don't need you tampering with it!

Larxene's looking down at me.

She's enjoying this.

I hate her.

"It's no big deal that they're all lies," she taunted, grinning that absolutely sick grin of hers.

This is it, I—

No, Riku… right?

I- I don't know—

She screamed.

Everything was so confusing.

She couldn't think straight.

But… at least… Riku was there. He had her arms around her, protecting her. And almost in response to that, the memories weakened. She was starting to think straight again, and was able to start to make sense of the memory.

But it hurt.

She let out a small whimper, and immediately in response Riku pulled her closer to him.

A different emotion suddenly flooded through her.

Happiness.

Or something close to it.

She nearly laughed in relief, but buried her face in Riku's chest, instead.

Riku, please, she thought, unable to actually say the words out loud. Please don't let go of me. I- I don't want to be that scared again. I- I want to stay in your arms. I'm… safe here. Nothing can hurt me…

The world around her shifted, and suddenly Riku was carrying her. She hardly noticed. It was normal enough, after a meltdown.

"Hey," Riku whispered, a bit suddenly. "Do you think you could hold on to me? I'm not sure if I can…"

She wrapped an arm around his neck, trying to support herself, not wanting to put too much strain on Riku. She felt there was a specific reason as to that, but she couldn't actually remember it.

"Thanks," Riku said.

She nodded.

No problem…

She struggled her eyes open, wanting to see the look on Riku's face. He was worried, as usual, nothing out of the ordinary…

Then she turned.

Her eyes fell on Aerith.

Her world went dizzy, as another, completely different set of memories washed over her. Again, her sense of self went fuzzy, but it didn't at all feel right.

Blood.

There was plenty of it.

Her hands were soaked with it, her clothes were covered with it.

In fact, EVERYTHING was covered in it.

They were heading up the stairs now, she could feel that, and her brain registered it slightly…

Rain.

It was falling, hard, drenching everything.

Slowly, it washed all the blood away, cleaning everything, as if making it everything new.

But everything still hurt…

The pain wasn't washed away with everything else.

Riku was saying something, she could almost hear it, though her brain didn't want to make sense of it.

She screamed.

A terrible, heart wrenching scream that shattered the air, that reflected all the hurt and guilt and sorrow of this moment—

And the pain.

There was SO much pain…

It wasn't long before Namine found herself screaming, too.