AN/ Update May 2016: This chapter was edited yet again as part of the 2016 Dead Inside Kairi edits. It addresses all the things it did before (Kairi's dad, Ren, being her biological father) and, well, other things, as well as being a brand new to take on the scene that really, really hones in on the concept that Kairi's extremely upset her friends left her (as, she should be).

This is one of my favorites from the Kairi edits, and I think it's a really awesome new take on this scene. I love it and everything that happens in it so much.

The original original draft of this chapter is still in ASAS somewhere. Note that the original original draft is the one that was first uploaded, and not the 2014 edit version.

Chapter 87: Angry Girl, Ecstatic Darkness

"Kairi, I know you don't like leftover night, but I think you're scowling harder at that cereal than it deserves," Kairi's dad said. Ren was a tall man with dark skin and hair cropped to his ears. He shared a face shape with his daughter, but that was about it. Of course, Kairi had inherited being tall from him. (She was at least a full inch taller than Sora, not that Sora'd ever admit to it.)

Kairi only sent a glance up at her dad as he sat down at the table across from her. She otherwise kept her attention on the cereal she was stirring around aimlessly in her bowl. It had gone soggy ages ago, and though her stomach complained furiously at her, Kairi didn't have the energy to find something else to eat.

"I'm fine," Kairi grumbled. Fine was relative, of course, but she didn't feel like getting into it with her dad. Tonight was one of the two nights of the week that she couldn't avoid him. And, she'd been avoiding him and most everyone else because talking around Sora like he didn't exist got real tiring real fast.

Kairi's dad folded his arms on the table, then leaned down to rest his chin against them. Despite her attention remaining firmly fixed on her cereal, this meant Kairi could now see most of his face without looking up much at all.

"You sure, princess…?" Ren asked, slowly.

Kairi sighed. "Positive," she said. Her mind churned for words to say that would make her dad leave her alone.

"Is something happening in school?"

"No."

"Got an obscene amount of homework tonight?"

"No."

Ren made a face at her. After a second, though, he broke into a smile—a cautious one. He sat up straight.

"Hey, what about that school dance coming up?" he asked. "You're excited for that, aren't you?"

Kairi groaned hard and dropped her spoon into her bowl. That was the last thing she wanted to think about.

"What? Aw, come on, don't tell me you're not going! You promised Selphie."

"Oh, I'm going," Kairi assured him, with a sharp laugh. "But that doesn't mean I'm excited about it. I'm only going to spite Sora, and Namine, and I guess Riku too, because they aren't here, and if they all decided to leave me behind, that's fine! That's great! I'll have the time of my life without them!"

Kairi pressed her palms flat against the table to brace herself. She was shaking.

Her dad stared blankly at her. His jaw was slack. He blinked quite a few times before he finally, with a jolt, leaned closer to her across the table.

"I… what…?" he asked. He scowled deeply. "Who—" He broke off there, realization seeming to fill his eyes, but Kairi didn't give him a chance.

"Oh, great!" she snapped, throwing her hands in the air. She was mad at herself more than her father. "This is just what I wanted to avoid. I'm so tired of no one being able to remember Sora, or Namine, or—"

"No, hang on! I didn't… I haven't forgotten... Sora. Wait what?" His words started out laboriously, like he was trying to piece things back together, but then it was full confusion when the pieces snapped back into place.

"What?" Kairi asked.

Her father stared at her, his face painted with horror and confusion both.

"How did I forget…" he began, then shook his head. "No, I didn't forget Sora, but…" His horror melted into anger, though the confusion remained. "What the hell, Sora's like a son to me! How have I not thought about him once in the past three months! Four months? How long has he been gone?"

"Four months," Kairi replied. She was surprised her dad seemed to be catching on so well, but…

"Where is he?" Ren asked.

Kairi leaned back in her chair with a sigh. "What's it matter?" she answered dejectedly. "You'll just forget about him again."

"Kairi, no I won't, honestly!"

Kairi laughed emptily. Like she believed that.

"Then you won't believe me," she said, for now.

Her father gave her a very serious look.

"Try me," he dared.

Kairi rolled her eyes. She still doubted he'd believe the truth, but, what did it matter if he was just going to forget tomorrow? It didn't. It literally didn't.

"He's on another World. Or he was. I don't know where he is now." Kairi plopped her elbow down on the table, leaning her head into her hand. "I don't think he's gone for good—" she hoped, anyway "—but, other than that…" Kairi trailed off. There was no point going into any more detail.

"Another world, huh?" her father asked, and to Kairi's surprise, he nodded. He nodded, like it was no big deal at all. "That would explain a lot."

"Explain—" Kairi began, but then the realization of everything of what her dad had just said implied hit her. "Wait a minute!" she shouted, voice just short of screeching. "Since when do you know about other worlds!?"

Ren just raised his eyebrows at his daughter, mouth quirking into a satisfied smile.

"I'd be a pretty lousy mayor if I didn't."

"You've only been mayor for four years," Kairi argued.

Her dad's smile only widened.

"So?"

Kairi got the sense there was more to it than that—there, like, had to be—but her father being… her father, there was no way she was going to get any more out of him. At least, not as long as he wore that smug look on his face.

"Anyway…" Kairi sighed, a little annoyed. "What was it you were saying would explain a lot?"

Ren stopped grinning quite as smugly. "What? …Oh!" It took him a moment to realize what she was asking. "The other world thing. There's… I don't know what it is. I think it's a spell on the Islands?" He didn't sound certain, but he flashed another smile regardless. "Maybe. That's my theory anyway."

Kairi tried not to roll her eyes.

"Whatever's really going on," her father continued. "The reality is that when someone goes to other worlds, and when they don't come back for a long time… people start to forget them." There was a reluctance in his voice, a bitterness as well. "I mean, no one talks about your mom."

"That's… true," Kairi admitted, slowly.

She'd never asked about her mom often, but the few (very few) times she could remember asking anyone who wasn't her dad, all she'd gotten was distracted answers. And, even her dad seemed reluctant to talk at times. Was that just a lingering grief, or was that something else?

"Is that why you don't talk about mom?" Kairi asked.

Her dad shrugged. He didn't want to meet her eyes.

"Well… no, I remember your mother just fine," he said, like he hated to. "I just…"

"Wait a minute!" Kairi interrupted, realizing something else. Her dad looked grateful. "If there's some spell on the Islands making other people forget about, you know." Saying the whole thing would take too long, so Kairi just jumped ahead to the next bit. "How come you remember Mom? How come I remember Sora?"

"Because we had a strong connection to them?" Ren offered.

"But you couldn't remember Sora, and you know him about as well as I do!"

Ren put his hands up in surrender.

"Hey, I never said I liked not remembering Sora!"

"And- And Selphie and Tidus and Wakka, too, they should've—"

"Kairi, I don't understand how any of this magic stuff works," Ren butt in, before she could get any further. "But there's got to be some magic in play, right? No one on this Island should've forgotten Sora, and yet…"

He trailed off, but he didn't need to say anymore. Kairi groaned, but she had to admit he had a point.

And, since people had forgotten about her mom, and Namine, and Riku, it had to do with more than just Sora.

"What about your other friends?" Ren asked.

"Riku and Namine…?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Them. Uhh…" His eyes grew distant, foggy, face scrunching up more and more in frustration as the seconds ticked by. "Who's Riku again?" he asked, guilt pushing away the frustration. "I'm sorry, princess, I can't put a face to his name."

"He's the one we thought showed up with a shipwreck?" Kairi offered, something like a pit in her stomach. "I mean, it wasn't a shipwreck, he's actually from another world, but…"

(Technically, Riku was from another universe, not just another world, but Kairi wasn't going to push her luck.)

Ren squinted for a second, but then recognition seemed to light in his eyes. "Ohh, that's right! He's the one Jiro offered to take in, wasn't he?"

Kairi nodded. "Yup. A week before he went on that long fishing trip."

"Hey, Riku managed alright on his own!"

Kairi could only shrug, because she supposed her dad was right—Riku had managed okay on his own. The operative word being okay, but. Well, whatever. Honestly, she was just glad her dad remembered this.

"Namine… Namine was the other one you mentioned, right?" Ren asked.

"Yeah," Kairi said.

There was a moment of silence. Kairi glared.

"Dad please don't tell me you can't remember Namine."

Ren cringed. Kairi watched his mind work, before he finally, feebly, said: "She was… blonde?"

"Dad she lived with us!"

"She…?" He paused. Then the realization seemed to wash over him, and his face painted with something like horror. "She did. Good lord. How did I forget her?"

Kairi threw her hands up. He was asking her!? "That's what I want to know!" she said.

"Where… Where did she go?" Ren asked, worried, a little frantic.

"I already told you, Dad," Kairi moaned. She'd already told him, and he'd promptly forgotten the next morning. Maybe this time would be different, but—

"Well tell me again, since I can't remember!" Ren pressed. "Is she also on another world?"

"That's the thing!" Kairi said, a feeling of despair and frustration settling in. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, probably she's on another world, but, I don't know which, I don't know where, I don't know if she's okay—" Her hands curled into fists. She wanted to punch something so bad.

"Do you have reason to believe she isn't?"

"Maybe!" Kairi confessed, angrily. "I mean, some guy showed up and said he was a friend of Riku's but I guess he wasn't really? I think Namine got away from him, but I have no idea what happened after they left!"

"Surprised you didn't go with her," Ren muttered.

"I thought she was coming back!" Kairi half-screamed.

The words were tasteless in her mouth, though. She should've known better. And she as angry as she was at Namine for leaving (and not coming back), Kairi was more angry at herself, for not going with. There had to have been a way. She could've tried harder. And then Namine would be safe, and she wouldn't be all alone.

"I'm sure she'll be back soon, Kairi…" her dad began, reaching out a hand to soothe her.

"It's been a month!"

That made Ren reconsider. He pulled his hand away from Kairi, then after a moment of deliberation, grabbed her bowl of cereal. Kairi didn't need to ask what he was doing with it, because he was already taking it to the kitchen, dumping the cereal in the trash and rinsing out the bowl. A second later he was digging around in the fridge—for what, Kairi couldn't tell.

Kairi decided she didn't care.

"It's like, what's she dealing with that's more important than me!?" she continued.

"Kairi—" Ren began, his head still in the fridge.

"I'm not trying to be selfish, dad!" Kairi protested. "You don't just forget about your best friend."

Ren was silent for a moment, either considering that, or too busy balancing the items he had gathered to provide her with an answered. Bread and jelly, it looked like. Had he eaten?

"I mean, fair," he admitted. "You aren't griping about Sora not coming back, though," he pointed out, waving a knife in Kairi's direction.

Kairi let out a frustrated breath, blowing hair out of her face as she did so. "Well I'm not happy with him, either, but it wasn't like he just left! Something—" She had to stop. Swallow around the uneasiness in her chest, the tightness in her throat. "Something happened to him…"

Ren paused in his sandwich-making, slamming the jar of peanut butter down on the counter. "Something happened to Sora?" he demanded, voice cracking slightly. "Since when! What happened!?"

"I… I don't know," Kairi lied. She did know. Or, she had an idea, anyway, based on everything that had happened four months ago, and those pictures Namine had—no. No, those didn't necessarily mean anything. She kept telling herself that. She had to.

"You don't know?" Ren pressed.

Kairi shook her head no.

Except, it felt weird, wrong, to leave it at that. So she laughed in attempt to lighten the mood. To play it as a joke.

"I mean, actually, I have nothing to worry about," she said, forcing a chipper tone into her voice. It was harsher than she wanted. "He's probably doing just fine! He's just- too busy with things that are APPARENTLY more important than ME, his best friend!" This thought was only better in the fact it meant he was alright, and not dead or lost to darkness forever or anything—which he wasn't, she told herself, he wasn't!

"Kairi…" Ren began. He let out a long sigh, and then slowly went back to making that sandwich. He didn't say anything else.

Kairi took an unsteady breath. There was some gross feeling sitting in her gut, twisting and writhing. She felt a little sick, a little shaky. Her skin itched, and she rubbed at her arms, trying to get it to stop. She'd never gotten itchy and sick at the same time, and if she was getting sick, this was a really weird time. It was probably just the frustration of…

She pushed it out of her mind. Her dad was coming back to the table, plate in hand. Kairi forced a smile up at him, which had to be extra forced as he pushed the plate towards her. The gesture was kind, but, peanut butter and jelly was definitely not something she was in the mood to eat.

"I know it's not much…" Ren began.

"Thanks," Kairi mumbled. She made herself take a bite, to prove she really was "thankful". It was… alright.

"I, uh, I hate to be the fun police," Ren said slowly, and Kairi put her sandwich down, dreading what was coming next.

She knew that tone of voice.

He was about to say something she wouldn't like.

"But, you did say you were going to the school dance out of spite, didn't you?"

Oh. Ok. That could've been worse.

"Yeah, I did," Kairi said. She looked her father straight in the eye, daring him to argue.

"Does Selphie know?" he asked.

Kairi laughed a little. "What's that matter?"

"I think your date deserves to know that you're just using her to get back at someone else," her dad said, raising his eyebrows and folding his arms over his chest.

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Even if I told Selphie, it's not like she'd remember tomorrow."

Ren did not smile, now.

"Kairi, come on," he said. "You don't give her enough credit."

"You probably won't remember this tomorrow, either," Kairi found herself mumbling. She sighed and leaned her chin in her hand, plopping her elbow on the table. She didn't bother to correct or add to the mumble—it was true.

"Now, Kairi," her father began, sounding a little offended.

"You won't, Dad," Kairi argued.

"I might!"

That gross feeling in her gut writhed. Did he not get it?

"NO ONE DOES!" Kairi screamed. She wished she didn't feel as sick as she currently did, and the lingering taste of peanut butter in her mouth wasn't helping. She shoved the plate away from her. "No one remembers them! No one knows how this FEELS. Namine was the only one who did, but now she's gone too!"

"I know—" Ren protested.

"No you don't?"

"I remember Sora, I remember Namine, and I'm just as worried about them as you are!"

"You literally couldn't remember them five minutes ago! Why should you remember tomorrow!?"

Ren paused. Frowned. "That's- that's not fair, Kairi! I'll try my hardest—that's all I can do!"

Kairi glared, both hands pressed against the table, inches away from jumping to her feet. It was true. He wouldn't remember, no matter what he did. But that wasn't the feeling, the words that squirmed within her, squirmed just under her itching skin. Something else burned in her. Something twice as raw, twice as angry.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" she shouted. "It doesn't matter what you say, what you do, it won't fix it!" She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or puke. She didn't know where this anger was coming from, exactly, and something still felt wrong inside her. "You can't fix it! I can't fix it! So there's no use trying! They- THEY CAN BE GONE!"

"Kairi—"

"THEY CAN LEAVE ME HERE! THEY CAN LEAVE ME BEHIND!" She felt like she was going to choke. "They can have all the fun they want. I don't need them! I don't care about them!"

"You don't mean that."

"I do to!"

Her dad stared at her for a long moment, studying her as if he hoped to find answers in her face. Finally he let out a careful breath and pushed the plate back towards Kairi.

"Eat."

Kairi blinked a few times, reeling with disbelief. Was he serious?"

"I'm not hungry," she spat.

Ren did not waver, but she could hear the strain of his patience in his tone. "You haven't had dinner, Kairi, and we both know you get cranky when you're—"

"Cranky!?" Kairi laughed sharply. "You think I'm just cranky, because I haven't eaten! My best friends left me, Dad!"

"And there's not a damn thing you can change about that when all you're doing is sitting here and screaming," Ren answered, his own voice rising.

Kairi's chest pounded, and so did her head. She opened her mouth to tell him just what she thought of that, but clearly she'd wasted all of his patience.

He got to his feet, then yanked Kairi out of her chair. He made sure the plate was in her hands, then he shoved her towards the stairs.

"Room. Now," he said. "Don't come down until you're done screaming at the world. And don't think I won't think twice about letting you go to that school dance!"

"I didn't even want to go, anyway!" Kairi shouted down at him, halfway up the stairs.

"GREAT!" There was a stressed laughter that accompanied that. "Because you're not going! You can call and tell Selphie you're sorry yourself."

"FINE!"

Kairi slammed her door shut behind her (it felt good), and then plopped herself down on the floor in the center of the room.

She kept her back to Namine's bed, so she wouldn't have to look at the unmade sheets and be reminded of who wasn't there.

She kept her eyes on the edges of her sheet, dangling down from her bed, refusing to look at all the pictures that lined the walls. Pictures that Namine had drawn. Of the beach, of the ocean, of the sun, of them. The two of them, all four of them, every combination thereupon. Even though she was not looking, the image of one—herself and Namine on the pier, surrounded by paper hearts and flowers that Kairi had cut out and taped up herself—was burned in her mind's eye.

Kairi felt like she was going to be sick. The itchiness of her skin was fading, and so was most of that feeling in her gut, but she still felt gross, wrong.

She made herself eat through the sick feeling and the welling tears, because her dad was right. She did get cranky when she was hungry, but that…?

There had to have been so much more to it than just lack of food. She couldn't remember ever feeling that angry in her entire life.

And something… lingered, inside her. Something dark, cold, gross…

Fumbling for the CD player pressed up against the wall, Kairi hoped it was just her imagination.

xxx

Sora's Shadow slowly picked up a rock out of the water, running his fingers over the smooth surface a few times. He stood on the dark shores of the smaller island attached to Destiny Islands primer, feet just within reach of the lapping waves.

He gripped the rock tightly, a smile spreading widely across his lips. He ran over in his head what had just happened a few times, to relish in it, in what he had just done.

He knew where Kairi lived, of course—Sora's memories were more than enough to tell him that. He'd dropped by tonight for… no real reason. Maybe it had been fate. Ha! As if he believed in fate.

The thing was: he'd heard a rather interesting conversation between Kairi and her father while he was there. And, more than that, he'd…

He took a deep breath and rolled his neck, smiling even wider than before. He still couldn't really believe it.

He'd touched her heart.

He'd reached out to tug the strings in Kairi's heart, just to see if he could. Being a Princess of Heart, she should've been too full of light for him to touch, and yet…

And yet…

Sora's Shadow let out a laugh of joy, and chucked the rock out to sea. It didn't skip or anything, because you couldn't really skip rocks on the ocean, but he didn't mind. He wasn't sure he could mind about anything right now, he was too busy grinning over what he'd just accomplished.

He should not have been able to touch Kairi's heart. And yet he did.

He hadn't gone in with a plan or anything, so all he'd done was tug at her anger a little bit, but boy the result was worth it. He'd tugged a little at her father's anger, too, for the fun of it. And, it had been fun to watch.

"I can't believe I did that!" he shouted, sending a grin up to the sky. He'd managed to do the impossible—he, a creature of darkness, had managed to touch the heart of one of the seven people darkness wasn't supposed to touch. He wasn't sure how, but he'd done it, and that's all that mattered.

"And here I thought I was wasting my time with her," he continued, raking a hand through his hair. He couldn't stop smiling. "Thought I wouldn't get anything out of this! But I did! I DID!"

He let out a laugh of triumph—of glee—and bent down to snatch another rock out of the water.

"If I can touch her heart, then…" He trailed off, but the full possibilities of what was open to him now still spread out in his mind. If he could touch Kairi's heart, then he could do so much more. He could make her think or do anything he wanted. Or, close to anything. That was good enough.

He chucked this rock out to the ocean, too.

But, something tugged in him. The thrill and excitement he was riding on right now was dissipating, and fast.

He hastily sent out a strand of darkness to catch the rock before it dropped into the ocean. No real reason why, other than to provide a distraction. To keep his mind from realizing what he was thinking for a second or two longer.

The rock stayed suspended in mid-air above the waves, spinning uselessly, held there by his darkness. He stared at it a moment, then pulled it back to him.

He turned it over in his hands a few times, wrestling with the feelings that roiled in his chest, eyes narrowing in confusion, in anger.

His fist tightened around the rock.

Slowly, very slowly, he placed his free hand over his chest.

"Is that… a heart?"

Nothing responded but the sound of the waves.

He swallowed thickly. Then he laughed to himself.

"Nah, it can't be! I can't have a heart—that's impossible!"

Summoning darkness to him, he crushed the rock in his hand, then tossed the broken fragments onto the beach.

In a flash of darkness, he was gone.