Chapter six

So easy

Thirty minutes before the play began, and Anna was freaking out.

She had been so happy and excited the entire day. Finally, she would be spending some quality time with Elsa – going on a date, no less. Tonight had the potential to be huge. The culmination of not just the past five days, but all nineteen years of her life, was finally coming. They would have such a good time, if it killed her.

And now, just before the event, it was all about to come crashing down because she had nothing to wear!

Again, she tore open her closet door, desperately shuffling through her outfits as if a new dress would materialize from her desperation.

Nope. Just the same five dresses that Elsa's already seen a hundred times.

Coronation. Winter. Birthday. Everyday. Special guest. Not only had Elsa seen all of these, she'd even made some of them.

Since when had her wardrobe become so limited?

Whenever I need a dress, I usually get Elsa to make one for me.

But now she needed to impress Elsa, a seemingly impossible task on its own, let alone with such few wardrobe options.

I'll just have to make the most of what I have.

She grabbed the coronation dress off its hanger, studying it up and down. It was well made, but definitely lacking any sort of 'wow' factor.

I had some glitter, right?

She hurried to her bureau, yanking open drawers before she found a small vial. She uncorked it, pulling out a little and sprinkling it over the dress.

She held it up to the light experimentally. It sparkled faintly, the glitter sticking well.

Okay, that was a start, but what else could she do?

Gee, what did Elsa do to make herself look so astoundingly gorgeous all the time? Besides, you know, everything?

Mental images of Elsa in her various outfits flashed through Anna's mind.

Well, she has that notch all the way up the leg of her dress, right?

Yes, that exposed leg was certainly one of the more notable parts of her sister's outfits. She never failed to draw stares from – well, anyone in the vicinity, really.

Of course, Elsa had better legs than she did.

And better hips.

And thighs.

And pretty much everything else…

She cut herself off.

Okay, maybe I'm not as drop dead gorgeous as Elsa. But I do need something to stand out here.

Rummaging through her drawers again, she pulled out a pair of scissors.

It was a nice dress, but she could always have a new one made.

She laid the dress flat on her bed, opening the scissors at the base.

Dear god, please tell me I can cut in a straight line.

xxxxxxx

Twenty-nine minutes later, Anna staggered out of her room. She hobbled her way over to the adjacent door.

"Elsa?" she called. "I'm ready."

Now, that's got to be the biggest lie you've ever told.

In truth, she had never felt less ready in her life. Essentially everything she had tried to do to make herself look better had completely backfired. She might have actually considered calling the date off, if not for how crucial it was.

To start with, her hair. After cycling through a dozen different styles, she finally settled on her old fallback, twin plaits rolled into a bun. Once she finished, however, she decided it was too plain, and tried mixing up by twisting them around in different ways. As it turned out, her original style was pretty much the only way both plaits would comfortably fit around her hair. She just barely managed to bring it back to normal before her entire head exploded into red frizz.

Then came the makeup. Anna never wore makeup, and tonight she found many painful reminders as to why. In the short time she had, she'd managed to poke herself in the eye with mascara, swallow an unhealthy amount of lipstick, and apply enough facial powder to turn her face whiter than Elsa's. In the end, she found the result quite monstrous, and she didn't have the time to take it all off. Witness the modern art masterpiece that is Anna's face, everyone.

She had finished off this lovely outfit with a tasteful set of high heels, the highest she could find. So high, in fact, it felt like she was walking on her toes. She had actually told herself that she would be able to master walking them in a mere five minutes. A full fifteen minutes later, and she was still staggering, hips swaying so much she thought she might fall over if she picked up too much speed.

In short, she looked completely hideous, could barely walk, and was less ready for this date than she had ever been for anything in her life.

"In a moment," Elsa called. "I'm almost ready."

Anna forced herself out of the spiral of regret and panic she had fallen into.

Stop freaking out, she told herself. Elsa's human too. She won't care if I made a mess of myself.

But I wanted to impress her, and now I just look like a freak!

The door creaked open, and Elsa stepped out.

Anna's jaw dropped. Instantly, every single thought that had been in her head was washed away, so that her whole mind could take in the beauty of her sister.

Her dress was a deep, deep blue, the kind that the word 'indigo' was invented to describe. Just staring into it felt like diving into the ocean. Three bands of sapphires encircled it at the chest, waist, and hem. One stripe of purple and one stripe of light blue spiraled around it, directly opposite each other. It had shoulder straps that tied together around her neck, a deep 'v' in the front that showed off ample cleavage, and absolutely no back. Needless to say, it had a notch down the leg, revealing heels that sparkled so brilliantly Anna swore they must be made of diamonds.

The dress alone was a work of art, to say nothing of Elsa within it. Anna had never seen anything half as beautiful as Elsa in this moment.

She realized, with some alarm, that a small puddle of drool was forming within her mouth. Quickly, she snapped it closed, wondering if she could still save face after the blatant staring she had just been doing.

Stay calm, she told herself again, a task sounding more herculean with every passing second. Try to avoid collapsing into a puddle of hormones and awkwardness, just this once.

Then Elsa gave a nervous little wave. "Hey," she said, smiling.

Anna opened her mouth to respond, and an avalanche of words came out.

"Oh my god, Elsa, you look amazing! I mean, you always look amazing, but now it's like, times ten! I didn't even know you could make fabric that dark blue – well, of course you can, what am I saying, why would you not be able to – but it just looks so amazing. Like, seriously, what is that, silk? It's sparkling, even when you stand still you can see the light bouncing off it in different ways. I didn't even know you could…"

Her rambling slowed to a halt. She looked up at Elsa, who seemed a little taken aback.

Well, that didn't last long.

Elsa laughed softly. "So, you like the dress?" she said playfully.

Anna chuckled. "Yeah. Where did you get it?"

Elsa looked at her, confused. "I asked the seamstresses for something special," she said. "They had one almost finished that I suggested some modifications for."

"Oh," Anna said, feeling like an idiot.

How had she not thought to ask the seamstresses? The whole day, while she had been fretting about every last aspect of their date, she hadn't once thought to just order up a new dress.

And now here she was, in an old dress she'd worn before.

With glitter all over it.

And these stupid heels.

And ridiculous makeup she'd probably put on wrong.

Elsa wasn't even wearing any makeup…

Anna felt a tear roll down her face. Once she realized it, more tears started flowing.

Elsa immediately looked concerned. "What's wrong?" she asked quickly.

"You're just so perfect!" Anna said, sobbing. "You always look so beautiful, every day. I wanted to impress you so badly, just this once, and I just…I can't! I can never compete with you!" She buried her face in her hands, fully aware that her makeup was now going to look even worse.

Stop crying, she told herself. This isn't something worth embarrassing yourself in front of Elsa!

This thought only made her cry harder.

She felt a hand touch her face, tracing the path of a tear up her cheek. She looked up to see Elsa, smiling warmly at her.

"You're beautiful," she said. "There's nothing in the world that could make you look any better."

Anna smiled. Just hearing these words from her sister meant more than she could ever know.

Elsa tugged at her dress. "If this thing makes you feel less beautiful, then I'll tear it to pieces, and I'll go on this date in a…a pair of overalls!"

Now Anna was laughing. "No, you don't have to do that for me," she said. "If you think I'm beautiful, then that's enough for me."

Elsa smiled at her. "I do," she said sincerely.

It was astonishing. Elsa knew just what to say to cheer her up, all the time.

"So," Elsa said, "shall we go?"

Anna wiped the last few tears off her face. "Sure," she said.

She took a step forward, and nearly toppled over again. She staggered to the side, leaning on the wall for support. Elsa looked at her, concerned.

"Sorry," Anna said sheepishly. "It's these stupid heels."

Elsa walked over to her. "They do take some getting used to." She offered her arm to Anna. "Here," she said, "Let me give you a hand."

Anna looped her arm around Elsa's. She took another step forward, and Elsa mirrored her. The two awkwardly lurched down the hallway, arm in arm.

"Thanks," Anna said, relishing the closeness of her sister.

Maybe these heels weren't such a bad idea after all…

xxxxxxx

The play was, by all accounts, a quality production. It told the story of a boy who killed his father and then ran away, roaming the land and seeking forgiveness from the gods for his crime. The actors were some of the best in their field, the plot was well written, and even the special effects were top of the line.

And yet, with Elsa sitting right next to her, Anna found it very hard to pay attention to any of it.

They were all alone, up in the private balcony reserved for royalty high above the rest of the theater seats, which meant that nobody – save perhaps the performers themselves – could see Anna repeatedly turning away to gaze lovingly at her sister, only turning away when Elsa began to look in her direction.

For the tenth time, Anna wondered how it was possible for anyone to be as beautiful as Elsa. Even at the coronation, when she had done her best to remain concealed, nobody had been able to keep their eyes off Elsa, least of all Anna herself. And now, every day she opened up more, and became even more beautiful for it.

Idly, Anna raised her left hand to Elsa's bare back. With two fingers, she traced a line up the side of Elsa's spine. Elsa shivered, but didn't pull away. Taking this as a good sign, she repeated the maneuver, this time with her full hand.

Elsa sighed, leaning into her hand rather than away from it. Now Anna got bolder, her hand roaming across all of Elsa's back. Her hand traveled from the base of Elsa's spine, just above where the dress began, all the way up to the taut muscles of her shoulders.

Then her fingers brushed against one of the strings tied in a knot across the back of Elsa's neck. Without thinking, she pulled lightly on it.

This, it seemed, was too much for Elsa. Immediately, a hand flew up to the strings, and Elsa whirled around to look at her, a look of panic on her face.

Anna pulled her hand back without hesitation. "Sorry," she said quickly, face apologetic.

Elsa calmed down, but she didn't turn away immediately. She looked at Anna apologetically, speaking volumes without saying a word.

Please, the look said. I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready for that. Please don't go there, not yet.

Anna nodded vehemently, placing her hands firmly in her lap where they could do no more damage. Elsa, satisfied, turned back to the play, though she still looked shaken.

Anna cursed herself and her impatience, repeatedly reminding herself that she had agreed to take things slow.

Goddammit, why does this have to come so easily?

There were no hoops to jump through. No elaborate schemes to set up. No uncomfortable dresses to wear. No crazy makeup to put on. All she had to do was put her hand on Elsa's body, and instinct took over. It was the easiest thing in the world to do.

But the more she did, the closer Elsa came to running away.

She had promised that she wouldn't, Anna knew. But she had done it so many times in the past, Anna couldn't fully convince herself that she wouldn't do it again. Fifteen years of habit couldn't just go away in such a short time period.

To this day, Elsa still hadn't told her why she had shut Anna out. But Anna wasn't stupid. She had noticed that her hair was now missing the solitary blond lock that had been there all her life. Add to that what had happened to her hair when Elsa had frozen her heart, and Anna could guess that Elsa had, at some point, hurt her, and then locked herself away to avoid hurting her further.

But she had.

Every day spent alone outside Elsa's door had been like a knife in her belly. Years of isolation had taken their toll on her, so much so that she had been desperate for any kind of relationship. And then Hans had come.

She shuddered. No. Don't think about him.

Elsa, noticing her shudder, turned to look back at her. Anna realized that she had started crying again.

"Sorry," she said again, drying her eyes quickly. "I didn't mean to cry. I shouldn't be crying over this."

I'm giving her the worst second date ever.

But to her surprise, Elsa leaned over and wrapped her arms around her.

"Elsa," Anna said, startled. "You don't have to…"

But even as she was saying these words, her voice cracked. Now that she was in Elsa's arms, holding back her tears was impossible.

So she cried, feeling the tears stream down her face. Her whole body shuddered in Elsa's arms as she sobbed.

These tears came from deep within her, years of suppressed grief coming to the surface in wave after wave. She wrapped her arms around Elsa as well, squeezing her with all her might.

"I'm sorry," Elsa said, and Anna realized that she was crying, too. "It's not fair to you, I know. Just give me a little more time. Please."

Anna nodded. "Whatever you want," she whispered into Elsa's shoulder. "Just don't leave me."

xxxxxxx

They stayed in each other's arms for the rest of the play. Even after it was over, they held hands the whole way back to the castle. It felt childish, but there was some primal part of Anna that refused to let go of her sister, as if she might dissolve into smoke the moment she did.

At least they had stopped crying. In fact, despite all the thoughts that had run through her head on that balcony, Anna couldn't stop smiling as they walked.

Now that I'm holding onto her again, how could I stop?

But, of course, as they neared their bedrooms, Anna knew it would have to end.

"That was a great idea for a date, Anna," Elsa said as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Thanks," she said. "I had fun."

It's going to be a long night without you.

But, even as she was struggling to find the words to say goodbye, Elsa walked past her own door, continuing over to Anna's.

"Elsa?"

Elsa looked at her. "I promised I wouldn't leave you," she said. "Now it's about time I proved it."

Anna's eyes widened. "You mean…"

Elsa nodded. "I'm staying by your side. All night, all day."

Anna's heart melted. "Thank you so much, Elsa. Just…"

She felt the sticky residue of makeup on her face.

"…Let me get ready."

xxxxxxx

The seven minutes she spent out of Elsa's arms, washing off makeup and changing, were agonizing. The hours that followed, however, were pure bliss.

There were no words exchanged. They simply lay there, under the covers, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. It was something that Anna was sure she could never get tired of.

Elsa, on the other hand, got very tired from it. Eventually, her cool blue eyes slid shut, and Anna was once again in bed with her sister, alone with her thoughts. However unlike the previous night (had it really only been one night since then?), her thoughts were clouded with worry – worry of losing what they were even now trying to build.

Is this what she meant when she said she was starting to see me differently?

She had never been one to cry before, even when most others would. She had always internalized her sorrows, burying them beneath a happy and cheerful shell so thick that it practically defined her by now. But tonight, she had cried twice, both times when she should have been happier than ever.

The closer I get to her, the worse it gets. Is it really worth the pain I'm causing myself?

She looked back up at Elsa, and squeezed her hand.

But I'm not going to run away. Not now, not ever.

And now Anna, too, knew the duality of wanting to continue onward, yet fearing what she might find.