Chapter 100: Messenger of the Dark
"What's that?" Sora asked, eyes fixed on the piece of paper, the letter. His Shadow just grinned and took a few steps toward Sora, waving the letter in front of his face.
"I've been finding a lot of these lately, you know that?" he asked, his voice taunting. (That wasn't true, of course, it had been ages since the last one, but.) Sora flinched away slightly. He looked like he wanted to inquire further, but his mind was made up not to do so.
His Shadow nearly laughed at that.
And then, realizing there wasn't really a reason he shouldn't laugh, he went ahead and did so.
"You don't know, do you?" he taunted, his grin widening. He was determined to drag this out as long as he could. Maybe messing with Sora would make him feel a bit better. "She wrote you like, a thousand of these!"
"Her…?" Sora said, slowly. "You don't mean… Kairi, do you?"
He was almost pleading in the way he said it. His Shadow chuckled. Sora's brain was in turmoil right now. Sora wanted to know more, but didn't quite trust him, and yet was a bit too curious to care. Because he wanted to know about Kairi. He wanted to really have his doubts confirmed, though he was scared of hearing the answer.
Because he believed that Kairi hated him.
And his Shadow wasn't about to tell him otherwise.
After all, she did hate Sora now. Sora's Shadow had made sure of that.
(The memory pulled at his mind, boiled in his gut, along with a sickness. He pushed the memory and the thoughts away, though. If he thought about it too much—)
"Who else would I be talking about?" Sora's Shadow said, rolling his eyes. "No one else cares enough to write you a thousand letters."
Sora stared for a second, looking rather confused and as if he didn't quite believe him.
"Wait, so she—"
"Whoops, sorry, my mistake!" his Shadow interrupted, and then laughed. To Sora, it probably sounded like he was laughing at the mix-up he'd made. In reality, though, he was laughing at how quickly Sora was falling for this.
"I meant to say no one else cared enough to write you a thousand letters."
The look on Sora's face was priceless.
It definitely made his Shadow feel a bit better.
Of course, the look of absolutely crushed hope always made him feel better, but the fact that he could feel how crushed Sora actually was helping the cause.
Sora swallowed a few times.
He appeared to be holding back tears.
"'Cared'?" he said, slowly, his tongue not wanting to form the word. "Like… past tense?" He paused. His Shadow was certain he was holding back tears now, and was happy to see that he was only barely managing to do so. "So she doesn't—"
His Shadow didn't let him finish.
Better to let Sora simmer in his confusion for a bit.
"All the letters talk about how much she missed you," he said, a babying tone creeping into his voice as he did so. "How much she wanted to talk to you—" He paused, eyes lighting up as Sora's hand moved to his pocket. "Do you have one?"
Sora quickly shook his head. "No," he replied, tersely.
His Shadow shook his head in mock disappointment. "Oh Sora, you should know by now that it's useless to lie to me. Why don't you let me see the letter?"
"Just shut up," Sora said, turning away. "I'm done. I don't want to hear this."
His Shadow rolled his eyes and raised a hand, calling to the darkness inside Sora to stop him.
"Give me the letter," he commanded, voice even.
Sora's hand slowly reached into his pocket and pulled the letter out, though Sora was struggling to keep it from doing so. It didn't matter though.
His Shadow grinned, darkly.
Sora really was nothing more than a puppet of the darkness.
His heart turned slightly in his chest at that thought, though.
It really wasn't that satisfying, he found.
So, instead of making Sora turn around and flat out hand the letter to him like he had originally planned, he shot a blast of energy at Sora, forcing him to drop the letter. Before the letter fell to the ground, he sent out a strand of darkness to catch it, and then pulled it to him. Sora turned to him, a glare on his face, but he was too busy unfolding the letter to care.
He scanned over it, quickly.
It wasn't anything new.
"Yup, same as always!" he declared, happily. "She misses you, she wants you to come home soon." His voice had regained the babying tone, and he paused for a second to scan Sora's brain for anything else to add to that list; hopefully something juicy.
Ah, there was the perfect thing!
"She hopes you're fighting like the brave knight she knows you are."
Sora turned away, shame clearly present.
His Shadow laughed.
"Or, rather, as she knew you were," he said.
"Just shut up…" Sora muttered. He didn't really sound like if he had the strength to keep arguing. His Shadow smirked. "How- How am I supposed to believe you, anyway?"
"Because I have one of her letters right here!"
He unfolded the letter, slowly, taking his time about it. He started to hand it over to Sora, but then snatched it away at the last second, laughing.
"Nah, I'll just read it to you!"
He had to "read" it to Sora, after all. It wasn't like any of Kairi's letters actually said she had given up on him. Sora's Shadow just needed to pretend.
"Dear Sora," he began, his voice a mocking imitation of her (surprisingly, this was hard to pull off). "Alright, I won't even try and hide it anymore, okay? This—" The words caught in his throat. He knew these words.
He'd read through this letter a million times before, because it was the one that had mentioned him. The one where she'd called him pretty decent, which was barely a compliment but still made him feel warm inside. Except now it made him feel sick inside, because… He'd hurt her. It was necessary and he shouldn't care but he'd stepped into her heart and twisted it and that hurt, for some dumb reason, and—
"Yeah?" Sora pressed. He seemed impatient. His Shadow also thought he heard a hint of laughter in Sora's voice. Laughing at his struggles, yeah, of course.
"Wrong letter," he said through gritted teeth, crumpling it up and tossing it over his shoulder. That hurt, too, but it didn't matter. He couldn't worry about Kairi anymore. After this, it'd all be over.
He dug into his pockets, pulling out another letter. He just had to pretend, it didn't matter what it said—
"ExCUSE me?" came Sora's voice, breaking his concentration.
Sora's Shadow stopped dead.
Had he said that aloud? Or… Had he not kept the link between their minds clamped down hard enough. Damn, of course, Sora'd overhear the one thought that'd ruin this whole operation.
He looked up at Sora. Sora stared at him with anger, looking absolutely done. After a moment, Sora laughed.
"Nice try," he said, bitterly. "Don't bother continuing to pretend, I got it. You're just lying, wanting to make me think Kairi hates me. She doesn't really, does she?"
"She does too!" Sora's Shadow shouted back, taking a step forward. She did, now. He'd made sure of that.
Sora just shook his head, turning and starting to walk away. "Yeah right," he laughed.
Sora's Shadow fumed for a second, and then remembered what this all hinged on. The connection, between Kairi and Sora. The connection between their hearts.
"But you can feel it, can't you?" Sora's Shadow called, desperate.
Sora stopped in his tracks. He slowly lowered his head. Sora's Shadow could feel the thoughts churning in his mind. The memory of how off he'd felt all day. How the thought of Kairi had left nothing but emptiness in his chest.
"She doesn't care about you," Sora's Shadow continued. "She's given up on you! She hates you for what you did to her, and she—"
"Why should I believe you," Sora snapped back, spinning around to face his Shadow. "You already admitted you were lying!"
"I'm not lying!"
Sora hesitated, seeming to consider it, and the emptiness in his chest again. But unfortunately for Sora's Shadow, Sora's mind was set. This was a trick. His mind wouldn't budge.
Sora's Shadow pulled darkness to him—he'd make Sora's mind budge, if he had to! Except… The darkness didn't respond, like normal. It slipped through his fingers like water, moved away from his call instead of into it. He couldn't manipulate it properly. It was mocking him, he was sure of it!
Frustrated tears burned in his eyes. All that work, for nothing. What he did to Kairi, for nothing.
He hunched over, wrung out like a wet towel. He pressed a hand to his face, not wanting Sora to see his tears, wanting to hold in the scream in his mouth.
Why did he care so much.
"Hey…" came Sora's voice, cutting through the turmoil in his chest. His voice was… kind. Genuinely kind, a little worried. Like he'd forgotten who he was talking to. "Is… something wrong?"
The softness of Sora's voice made his Shadow feel warm, for just a moment. Why did it make him feel warm!? But then there was Sora's sympathy, too—the realization that it was there, the feel of it pressed against the back of his mind.
It made a furious, burning rage roar to life inside him.
He looked up to see that Sora'd approached him, a hand outstretched. He shoved Sora back with one hand, his chains bursting into existence in his other hand. He lashed out as he shoved Sora back, feeding all of his anger and pain (Sora's sympathy was like a knife in his chest) into darkness to punctuate the blow.
Sora staggered back, screaming.
His Shadow laughed, though the laugh was empty. Let Sora scream! He doubted Sora's wound hurt even a fraction as much as the pain in his chest. He'd messed this all up, and he'd hurt Kairi for no reason, and he felt pitiful, stupid, worthless—
Sora was still screaming. Why was Sora still screaming?
Sora's Shadow looked up to assess the damage. Sora was doubled over, clutching at his face, blood dripping between his fingers. His face? How had he managed to hit Sora in the face?!
And the sight of Sora in pain should bring him joy, but instead it felt like the world had been ripped out from under him.
Seeing Sora like this—it was a terrible sight. It… hurt. It…
Sora fumbled for his star shard, in a flash of bouncing light, he was gone, leaving his Shadow to his thoughts, and his horror.
What had he just done?
Why wasn't he happy about it at all?