Update Feb 2014: Can't Escape ch45-48 happen around this time, if you're curious. (It explains what's Shad up to right now, but also involves some of Magik's characters, so if you're one of those readers who wants to avoid the crossovers... don't read? It's some fun stuff though, in my opinion!)

Chapter 106: Awakening the Beast

"You care about her."

His heart came to a sickening halt in his chest. It felt like he had just been hit with a ton of bricks. He took a few breaths, trying to calm himself down. It was hard, though, when there were so many emotions running wild through his heart.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said through clenched teeth.

Sora laughed. "Yes you do! You're cringing at the thought!"

Riku grimaced, as he was cringing. He took a few more breaths.

"You'll stop there if you know what's good for you," he said, slowly, fighting to keep his voice even.

Sora chuckled, darkly. "It still hurts, doesn't it?" he asked, voice dripping with amusement. "Because you still-"

"Shut up!" Riku roared, rounding on him, gripping the back of the couch to steady himself.

"And she never-"

"I said shut up!"

Sora was nearly rolling with laughter, the grin on his face sick with enjoyment. "Such ferocity!" he said. "How many times have you roared that, Riku? How many times have you told someone to shut up, because you couldn't stand to have them remind you of your pain?"

"It's not true!" Riku snapped, his voice catching. He knew that it was true. But if he could just deny it-

"You cringe at the mere mention of her!" Sora laughed. "You cringe!"

"Just shut up!"

Someone might have been yelling at him, but he couldn't hear them. All he could hear was Sora.

"Riku loves the Memory Witch!" Sora taunted in a sing-song voice. "Riku loves-"

"Don't call her that!" Riku screamed. White hot fury was stirring inside of him, and it wasn't long before his blade was in his hand. Someone else might have screamed, but their voice was a blur to his ears. "Take it back!" he demanded, launching himself at Sora.

Someone caught him from behind, restraining him. He struggled against their grasp as hard as he could, not really caring if they got hurt or not. It didn't matter to him. "Take it back!" he screamed again.

"How much does it hurt, Riku?" Sora laughed. "How much does it hurt?"

Yuffie was yelling at Sora now, though Riku was too angry to hear or care what she was saying. He took a second to see who was restraining him, and was a bit surprised to find Leon there. He grunted and then wrenched himself out of Leon's grasp and threw himself at Sora. He overturned the couch Sora was sitting in, and then he had Sora pinned to the ground, his blade at his throat.

"Does that anger you?" Sora continued, not even fazed. "Or does it just hurt too much?"

Riku was too angry to reply. He didn't care, anyways. Yuffie shouted something at Sora, and then she kicked him rather hard in the side. Sora didn't even flinch.

"She never cared about you," he said, slowly, grinning, eyes (well, eye) focused only on Riku. "She never looked your way twice. She always cared about someone else. Someone else was always first on her list. Hah! I doubt you were even on her list! You were just an afterthought."

"That's not true!" Riku protested. His grip on Sora faltered, though, and he was fighting back tears.

Sora laughed, clearly amused. "Oh, that's right! She was using-"

"No she wasn't!" Riku roared, regaining his grip on Sora.

"Then why did she-"

"She didn't have a choice. The Organization forced-"

"She could've said no!"

Riku stopped, stunned. He was so stunned, that Leon had no trouble grabbing him and pulling him away from Sora. He dropped his blade, and it clattered uselessly to the ground before disappearing.

Sora grinned and pushed himself up so he could look at Riku better.

"The thought never occurred to you, did it?"

"She was too scared," Riku whispered. "The Organization was ruthless; even I was scared. And if she stepped out of line-" He turned away, biting back tears. "The crap the Organization did to me pales in comparison to what they would've done to her if she refused them."

"She refused them to protect-"

"I don't care!"

"How can you not hate her!" Sora demanded, and he sounded almost appalled now. "That witch has given you every reason to!"

"Stop it!" Riku screamed, trying to launch himself at Sora again. Leon's grip on him tightened, though, and he didn't have the energy to try and break free.

"She shattered you!" Sora still sounded slightly appalled, but amusement was quickly overriding it. "And you're protecting her? Even though she took your heart, shaped it to her liking, and then broke it the moment you stepped out of line? How can you still have feelings for that bi-"

"Shut your damn mouth!" Cid shouted.

"Cid!" Aerith gasped.

"Like what he was gonna say was any better!"

The room slowly faded into silence. Sora had stopped talking, but Riku hardly cared. He was too busy focusing on not crying. Sora or his Shadow or whoever it was, their words stung. He was angry; angry at Sora, and yet upset because he knew he shouldn't be. And on top of that, he was angry at himself.

"I hate this!" he shouted. He winced after saying it, though; he hadn't really meant to. A sob tore itself from his lips after that, and he covered his face with his hands, hoping to hide the tears that he couldn't fight back. Leon let go of him, and he fell to his knees.

"I- I'm sorry-" Sora stammered, but Riku didn't dare look up at him. "Riku, I- I swear I- I didn't mean-" He sounded frantic, almost scared.

Someone, maybe it was Tifa, said something, Riku didn't quite care what, and Sora stopped talking.

Someone grabbed him by the shoulders then, though Riku didn't honestly care who it was. He flinched away, ashamed.

"I- I'm not crying!" he gasped, internally cursing himself for how shaky his voice was. "I'm not- I'm not weak!"

"No one said you were," Aerith said, gently. She grabbed him by the shoulders again. "Are you alright?"

"I- I'm fine," he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "I'm fine." He looked up then, though there were still tears in his eyes. He didn't wipe them away, so that he wouldn't draw attention to them. "I just overreacted, that's all. I'm fine."

He was lying.

He wasn't fine.

But they didn't need to know that.

"Overreacted, huh?" Cid laughed, not sounding convinced. Aerith shot a glare in his direction.

"It's alright, Riku," Leon said, kneeling down next to him. "I overreacted, too."

Riku glanced over at him, a bit surprised. He couldn't imagine Leon overreacting to anything. He turned away then, eyes narrowing slightly in anger. It's not like it mattered. He knew that there was no way Leon had "overreacted" like he did.

And maybe that's why he was so upset.

Because he hadn't changed. In the time he had been here, he really hadn't changed at all. He was still the broken, angry Replica who threw himself into battle without thinking twice about who he was fighting or what the consequences might be. He still got angry the moment someone insulted her, and he didn't wait to attack, either. He still cringed at the mention of her. The thought of her still hurt.

It had been eight, maybe even nine months now.

Shouldn't he be over this?

"Can I... ask who-" Leon began.

"Don't ask," Sora said, quickly. "Just- just don't ask."

Riku frowned slightly in confusion, but he was grateful anyway. He didn't want to have to explain it himself. He'd much rather just forget about the whole thing right now.

Maybe he could ignore it for a while longer…

If Leon was confused, he didn't show it, and he didn't ask any further.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Aerith asked. Riku turned back at her. She looked worried.

He quickly nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's okay to not be okay," Tifa said. She sounded worried, too, but there was something else in her voice, something that Riku couldn't quite place.

Aerith smiled at him.

"It's also okay to not want to talk about it," she said, and then got to her feet and walked away. After a moment, Leon got up, too. Only Riku and Sora were still sitting on the floor.

Sora moved closer to Riku, though he seemed a bit hesitant about.

"I'm sorry," he said, not quite looking at Riku. "I guess I really should try harder to sense when it's coming, I…" he trailed off. "You're okay, right?"

Riku grunted, knowing that Sora would take it as a yes. Maybe Sora would realize it wasn't entirely firm yes, but Riku didn't have the strength to keep lying to everyone. He was pouring most of his strength into controlling his tears and ignoring the festering hurt that was inside of him.

"I hope it's okay that I told Leon to not ask," Sora said, quietly. "I don't want to embarrass you or anything, but I just…" His voice got even quieter. "I saw what my Shadow was thinking, while he made me say all that. I- I know exactly why he said what he said-"

Riku swallowed.

He knows… he thought, slowly.

The hurt was festering inside of him again, and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to contain it.

Because, for some reason, the fact that Sora knew- that Sora understood his hurt-

He burst into tears, much to his dismay. He clutched himself tightly, curling up into as small of a ball as he possibly could. He tried desperately to fight the tears back and get his sobs back under control, to little avail.

I hate this! he thought, angrily, very much wishing he could punch something. I hate this I hate his I hate this! I hate feeling like this! I hate feeling so- so-

"Riku?" Sora asked. "Riku, I'm sorry. What did I say? I- I'm sorry-"

Oh just shut up, Riku thought, bitterly. Just shut up Sora. I don't need your apologies.

I just need the pain to go away…

I shouldn't hurt this much anymore…

I shouldn't hurt at all!

I thought I was over this- I thought I was through with crying-

Someone placed a hand on his shoulder, a touch he thought he recognized as Aerith's. He scrambled away from her, turning away, still fighting to get his tears under control.

Just leave me alone. I swear, I'll be fine in a minute. I just-

"Riku-"

"Just leave me alone!" he said, though he had a feeling it came out as more of a shout. He found it hard to care, though.

Gosh, I hate this. I hate being this way. I hate it.

"Do you want anything?" Aerith asked. "I can get you some tea, or-"

"I'm fine," Riku replied.

I want my corner... I want to cry where no one can see me… I want this to stop…

The tears were still pouring down his cheeks, but he had stopped sobbing at least. His stomach felt like it was in knots, though, and there was a throbbing in his chest. Plus, to make things worse, his eyes hurt from all the crying, and his nose was running.

I hate crying… I hate it I hate it I hate it.

He wiped his eyes, and then his nose, and then wiped his hand on his pants.

Stop crying, Riku, he told himself. Crying doesn't solve anything. It only makes you look weak. You can't afford to be weak. You have to be strong.

"Jus' leave the kid alone," he could hear Cid say, though he had no idea who Cid was talking to. "We don' have to bother him."

You know it's pointless to cry over something that doesn't matter, Riku continued, ignoring the rest of what Cid said and whoever might have argued against him. He thought he might have heard Sora.

And THIS doesn't matter.

You're a universe away from her now. You have your OWN life, and she's not a part of it.

Besides, it's not like she ever cared about you. Why should you care about her?

That thought hurt, just a bit, and he felt awful for thinking it. But… he was able to use the thought to at least shove all the rest of the pain aside where it would stay until he could deal with it later. He managed to get his tears back under control after that, and then took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and wiped his eyes again.

"I'm fine now," he muttered, for anyone who might be listening. "I swear, I'm fine."

His hand clenched into a fist, as if he expected something to be there for him to hold. His hand only closed around empty air, but he didn't seem to notice. He didn't even seem to notice that he made the gesture in the first place.