Author's Note: This is the longest chapter yet, and fair warning, contains some pretty dang long and explicit smut. Please enjoy :) If Rowling would like to give me these boys, I would gladly take them. Until then, I guess I won't quit my day job.

Sirius climbed the stairs into the apartment, and he could tell immediately that Remus was there somewhere. He'd always had a sixth sense when Remus was nearby, even before they had started dating. He ran a hand through his long hair when he reached the top of the stairs. He hadn't been here in thirteen years - remembered the very last moment that he saw the flat. Remus had been sitting in his chair, the leather chair near the fireplace, working through some new Muggle book and Sirius had been heading out to the Potters'. He had stood on that fluffy rug and bent down to kiss Remus.

"Are you sure you should go this late? The sun's about to go down." Remus had asked him.

"Since when was I afraid of the dark?"

"I'm just saying, you can always go tomorrow."

"Sure but you know how James gets. He's so antsy it's driving me out of my mind, I can't even imagine how Lily hasn't strangled him." Sirius had replied.

"Okay. Be safe. I love you. Straight there and back okay?"

"Of course Dad."

Now Sirius stared a bit forlornly at the chair, which was empty. The house looked like someone had packed it in a hurry. Remus hadn't taken the furniture out, hadn't even packed away all the books or the records, but he must have preserved the place because it didn't smell like it had lay empty for thirteen years, it smelled the same way it did that night when Sirius set off.

Sirius didn't see Remus, wondered if he were even in the flat, so he did a quick homenum revelio which told him that there was indeed someone in the bedroom. He crossed the flat quietly, avoiding the planks in the wood floor that he remembered as especially creaky, and pushed the door to the bedroom open just enough to peer though.

The bed was draped in blankets and a thick comforter, inky blue with golden triangles on it. And under this comforter was a Remus-shaped lump whose heavy breathing told Sirius that he was asleep. Sirius entered the room with less caution than before. Moony slept like the dead, like he'd never slept before, and it was notoriously difficult to rouse him. Sirius often wondered if he hadn't acquired this quirk out of necessity while at Hogwarts. James and Sirius were forever staying up into the early hours of the morning, joking and avoiding their homework, and Remus must have learned to sleep through a certain level of noise.

He walked around to the far side of the bed and saw Remus, cuddled up on his side under at least three blankets, his mouth slightly open as he breathed heavily. His eyes were red, as if he'd been crying a long time or rubbing them. But just looking at him, resting finally, Sirius softened. This man, he'd always been there for Sirius, he'd understood the rebellious teenager that Sirius was before Sirius had himself understood. He'd always looked after him, bringing extra quills or holding him back from what would be a nasty fight. Remus had been the architect of all the best-laid-plans in Sirius' life. Not just the mischief they got up to in school but all their adventures after as well. Sirius smoothed a piece of sandy hair streaked with grey out of Remus' face. If anything, he was getting better with age, Sirius decided firmly. The grey fit him, gave him a kind of gravitas. He was still, without a doubt, the most handsome creature Sirius had ever seen. His large, round eyes and heavy eyelids always meant that he seemed, to the untrained eye, slightly sleepy or slightly bored as if, with a mind as sharp as his, there was nothing that could possibly surprise him. Those soft eyes contrasted with a strong, almost pointed jaw and the heavy scars slashed across the left side of that jaw and neck. The scars made him look slightly dangerous, like he'd fought off a beast, which in a way, Sirius supposed, he had.

Sirius didn't want to wake him, but he also wasn't going back to Grimmauld Place without sorting things out. He dithered on the spot for a moment, not sure whether to stay or go. Would Moony be annoyed if he spent the night? If he did it in the bed? Would Harry be okay until morning? In the end, Sirius split the difference, climbing into bed as Padfoot and slowly pushing his fuzzy face against Remus' back. Remus turned, still asleep, to pull Padfoot closer to him, one hand tangled itself in the thick fur at the base of the dog's neck, and Padfoot inhaled Remus' scent, amplified a hundred times by the dog's keen nose. The thought floated through his head as Sirius drifted off to sleep, a bit simplified by the dog's brain but still utterly and completely true: This is right. This is good. This is where I'm supposed to be.

Remus opened his eye slowly. Sun was streaming in through the gaps in the curtains over the window opposite the bed, casting the whole room in a dappled glow. He had a moment of confusion where he didn't realize where he was. Then, as it dawned on him that he was in the Camden flat, he wondered briefly if he was still asleep. It wouldn't be the first time he dreamed of being here on a warm morning, waking up curled around Sirius.

It was about the time that he realized that no, it was not a dream, that he also realized there was something warm and heavy on his hip. He turned his head and was face-to-face with a sleeping Padfoot, who had rested his head there, the rest of his body splayed out across the bed. He was snoring softly, his huge paws twitching as he chased something in his sleep and as Remus watched he periodically let out little quiet whining yips as if he were barking at whatever he was chasing. Remus sighed, he knew Sirius would come after him, that's why he'd left the note after all. He did want to fix things, to figure out if they could be fixed. But he was exhausted, drained from his crying last night and his eyes still felt warm and red. It was too soon, he wasn't prepared, didn't know what he wanted to say - he didn't know if he was happy Sirius was there or if he'd rather that he weren't. He hadn't imagined that Sirius would come to get him so soon. He smiled softly at the sleeping dog, maybe it means something that he did.

And waking up, in this flat, with Sirius snuggled up to him - it was more than a dream, it was a fantasy that had followed Remus for all those years. To have something normal again, to have a safe place and the man who loved him. To have simple, small things like shared cups of tea or trips to the store together. To hold his hand, to wake up in his arms. To worry together about which plates to buy or what color to paint the walls in the living room. To have a place where he could finally let the tension slip from his shoulders instead of looking over them constantly, waiting for the moment that someone found out what he really was.

Remus awkwardly leaned back a bit so that he could reach his arm over Padfoot's head and softly stroke the silky fine fur around the dog's ears. Padfoot stopped whining and twitching instantly and let out a long puppy sigh. Remus rubbed behind his ears in circular motions and Padfoot gradually came out of sleep, eventually opening his deep, dark eyes and staring into Remus' own. They sat like that for a moment or two, just looking at one another before Padfoot removed his head from Remus and jumped off the bed. A half a second later, there was Sirius, still dressed in the same clothes he was in the night before, which made Remus conscious of the fact that he was just in a tshirt and short pajama bottoms.

Sirius looked nervous, he pulled his hair back and realized that he didn't have a hair-tie. Remus gestured to the side table on the other side of the bed - Sirius' side.

"There's one over there."

Sirius caught sight of the abandoned hair elastic and grabbed it, "Thanks" he sat down on the bed close to Remus, folding his legs under himself and looking everywhere but directly at Remus. The seconds stretched into minutes and neither one of them spoke until the silence grew so thick and heavy between them it had started to penetrate their chests and made it hard to breathe normally.

"This is awkward, isn't it?" Sirius grinned over at Remus, who rolled his eyes but couldn't stop a smile from pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"It sure is. Do you, erm, want to talk about things?"

Sirius sighed, "No. You know I don't. But I think we should."

"Is it worth it Sirius? I mean, it isn't like things are going to go back to the way they were."

"Merlin, shut the hell up Remus, what do you mean it's not worth it? Are you going to start moaning about how you're a monster or some shit? 'Cause we've done that song and dance routine before. It's a bit old."

"So are we." Remus smiled a bit but wouldn't meet Sirius' eyes.

"Speak for yourself, Moons. I'm not the one with grey hair."

Remus said nothing, he looked down at the old blanket covering him and picked at a few of the loose fibers, trying to figure out how he could phrase what he was thinking. Somehow, in the light of the morning, all the anger and sadness and self-loathing that had collapsed on him the night before felt muddied, tangled up like a web that he couldn't undo, or even follow the threads. He picked at the blanket a bit more, opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Sirius fidgeted, but stepped in, "Look Moony. I'm sorry about all that stuff I said."

"You don't have to apologize Sirius, I mean you're not wrong."

"And neither were you," he ran a hand through his hair, messing the bun he'd just put in place.

"I don't even know where to start."

"Just talk to me. Just talk and I'll listen."

Remus took a deep breath and looked at Sirius. He was beautiful, even now, even after those years in Azkaban had chiseled away at his youth, he was breathtaking. The angles of his face, his strong jaw, the stubble collected there, the dark stray hairs that fell around his face - he looked like something out of an old Renaissance painting. Better suited for the frame than for real life. Remus could have easily lost himself in those grey eyes that seemed to shift color based on Sirius' mood. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him, to make it all go away. To forget the heavy air between them.

"I just…Sirius I needed you. You were my lifeline," Remus looked away, "You looked at me and saw something of value. And I just, I lost all of my people at the same time. I think a part of me never really thought that you had done it, always hoped there'd be some way that you'd come back to me. But you have to understand just how, how fucking angry I was. I was livid. I was shaking with rage and grief and yeah, I just wanted someone to be punished."

Sirius was nodding, but true to his word, he said nothing.

"I felt so betrayed. When they told me you did it I didn't believe it. But then I started thinking about how strained things had been between us, how...I don't know...it sounds stupid now. And I just was so angry that you were gone, angry at you. Because I felt like if we had talked, maybe you wouldn't have done it. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I should have noticed some sign." Remus shifted in the bed, rubbed his fingers over the star on his hand compulsively.

"I just, I hated myself for loving you. And I never stopped. Even when I really truly believed that you killed them. I couldn't stop and I wanted to. And then I was alone, and hungry and had no one. And then you were back and I didn't have to hate you anymore, but I did, because you could have come back...I dont know Sirius..."

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand, stopping him from rubbing the scar.

"Go on." He said, but Remus shook his head sadly, "I think I've run out of words."

Sirius laughed, "That's a new one."

Remus looked at Sirius incredulously, "You're trying to tell me that out of the two of us, you think I'm the one that never runs out of things to say?"

Sirius grinned crookedly at him, "Well it was worth a shot."

Sirius was the one to break eye contact this time, "Look, I know I should have come home. I wanted to. I just, Remus...I walked into that ruined fucking house and I knew they'd be dead," Sirius' eyes had started to fill and Remus squeezed his hand, "I knew they would be but in my head I was begging, fucking pleading that they wouldn't be. But...it barely even looked like James. He'd been burned in the fucking house fire and he smelled, god, fuck..."

Remus wanted to tell him to stop talking. Wanted to tell Sirius that he didn't need to hear the details, that he didn't want to. But he didn't. Because Sirius had seen this, had been there and if he had to carry this memory, the least that Remus could do was hear him out. He felt sick, his stomach was churning.

"It smelled like steak for fuck's sake. And he was just laying there, just left there. And I couldn't touch him because...he was all sticky…" here Sirius broke apart, he couldn't go on anymore and Remus was crying too, wrapping his arms around Sirius and pulling him to his chest. He cried into Sirius' hair while rubbing his back. They sat like that for a while, both of them mourning James and Lily, properly this time, together.

"I saw her too, Remus," Sirius choked out after a few minute, "She had tried to protect Harry you could tell and she wasn't burned in the fire just, stone. Cold. And she was never like that you know? Never cold."

Remus nodded as Sirius pulled away from his chest, "I wanted to come home, to tell you. But I had spent the last fucking months before that swearing on everything that you were the fucking spy."

It all made sense to Remus. That's why things had been so tense, that's why they'd both been withdrawn. Suspicion had crept in between them, made a stinking nest in the heartstrings that joined them and begun to sever the strings one by one. Remus understood what it felt like to wonder if he'd been betrayed.

"I just…I hated myself for thinking that it was you. And maybe I could have come home, fucking knocked some sense into myself and nut up and told you the truth. But… it was the why that made it impossible. I just, shit…" Sirius trailed off.

"It's because of the wolf." Remus' heart sank but he wasn't surprised.

"Yeah. Fuck Remus you don't know how much I hate myself for it. You know I've always loved you despite, no not despite it." he paused to gather better words, "It's part of who you are. I always loved all of you."

Remus looked sadly at Sirius. He knew that Sirius still had silent misgivings, there were some prejudices that took a lifetime to undo. He'd faced them before.

"You'd spent all of this time with other werewolves and I wondered like, if maybe they were giving you shit that I couldn't. I know it's complete rubbish but I was scared." Sirius wouldn't meet his eyes now.

"We were all scared Sirius. And trust me, there was nothing appealing about them. It made me sick to be among them. The ones that wanted to turn children, being close to Greyback." Remus shuddered.

"I know. I know and it's fucked up. I don't think about you in the same damn universe as them."

"Not anymore."

"No, not ever."

"Sirius," Remus looked at him unbelieving, "you've just told me that you thought I was the spy because I'm a werewolf."

Sirius leaned his leaned his head back, looking at the ceiling and rubbing his eyes, "I didn't think it was because you were a werewolf really, I thought it was because of the way people treated you for being a werewolf. I mean I know it doesn't seem like much of a difference but I couldn't blame you if you'd, you know, fucking had enough. If you snapped. I've seen the way people treated you and if that were me I'd be bloody infuriated."

"It's a good thing we don't all have that trademark Black temper."

"No but seriously. And then when I realized what happened, I realized I'd been doing the exact same shit that I was afraid turned you in the first place. And so I couldn't come home without trying to fix it all. It's such a mess. I'm so sorry Moons."

Remus sighed heavily, "It was a long time ago."

Sirius noticed that Remus didn't say it was okay. He knew it would take some time for Remus to chew things over.

"For what it's worth," said Remus, "I made a mess of things too. You were right when you said I should have been there for Harry. I wanted to, but I was afraid that I would have just made his life harder. Surely he'd be better off with a family that stayed in one place, that was stable and not turning into a monster every month."

"No," said Sirius bitterly, "they were monsters all the time."

"I know. And I should have made more of an effort. I did try once when I knew I'd be in the same place for a while, Dumbledore didn't want me to know where he was."

Sirius snorted, "He can be a right fucking prick sometimes, yeah?"

Remus nodded, "I had no idea how they were treating him Sirius, you have to believe me. I would have send him to live with Andromeda at the very least if I couldn't take him. I wouldn't have let them hurt him."

"I know Moony. You fucked up, I fucked up. I guess we basically haven't changed since school huh?"

"Well," Remus chuckled, "except that our fuck-ups have gotten progressively bigger. This is a bit more of a mistake than the time we set Avery's hair on fire."

"God I'd forgotten that. Remember how he squealed?"

"Remember how we'd been in detention for two months?"

"Yeah I can still smell the dragon dung we dried for Slughorn's third years. That was one of the worst detentions."

Remus put his hand over Sirius'. Sirius looked down at their clasped hands and then back to Moony questioningly.

"So...erm...are we good?"

"No, Sirius we're not good. I know this is all probably going to come up again. It doesn't just go away immediately, but I don't want to fight. I want to have you back as my best mate again."

Sirius looked disappointed, "I don't know if I can be mates."

"What?" Remus tried to pull his hand away, but Sirius didn't let go.

"I love you Remus Lupin. I fucking love you okay?"

"It's been thirteen years Padfoot, you don't even know me anymore."

"That's even better."

"How the hell could that be better you prat?"

"I get to fall in love with you all over again. To watch you blush, to woo you, to be nervous about whether you like me. All the shit we did at Hogwarts. Now we get to do it all again. It'll be the best adventure yet."

Remus' heart flipped upside down in his chest and he felt momentarily light-headed - Sirius was looking at him with narrowed eyes, a canine smirk on his face. He felt suddenly nervous under the gaze of those predatory eyes. He knew exactly what it meant when Sirius Black looked at him that way.

"Shut up you sap. Just fucking kiss me." Remus said, a bit more confidently than he felt.

Sirius crossed the distance between them in an instant, leaning forward on all fours to capture Remus' lips in a kiss. There was no hesitancy, no worries in the back of their heads about how this intimacy would be received - just aggression and passion as they claimed one another. Remus bit Sirius' upper lip hard, and Sirius opened his mouth to allow Remus to deepen the kiss even more, sliding his tongue against Remus' and leaning in as far as he could. The kiss was hungry and hot - it burned deep, like coals that had been smoldering for hours, sprung up into flame again with the addition of fresh fuel. Remus reached a hand to pull out Sirius' soft dark hair and tangle his fingers in it, tugging Sirius roughly toward him until the other man was straddling Remus, who leaned back against the headboard. Remus thought he might have never seen anything as utterly arousing as Sirius Black straddling his hips, his eyes dark with lust, his upper lip red from where Remus had bitten him. Sirius would probably have a bruise there later, but Sirius had always been a glutton for a certain amount of punishment.

Not letting go of his hair, Remus tugged enough that Sirius let his head fall back, giving Remus access to nip and kiss all of his neck, tracing his teeth and tongue down Sirius' throat and pulling the collar of Sirius' shirt sideways to expose his collarbone. He could feel the muscles there under the skin, taut and wiry, feel the rapid thump of Sirius' pulse in his chest. Sirius moaned, a deep gravely, needy, thing that only made Remus harder and he felt a pull in his chest, something animal, something primal. A need that he had long since buried. There would be no teasing this time, no pulling away, they were both too high on their emotions to do anything but touch every available piece of skin with wandering fingers and desperate mouths.

Sirius broke away from Remus' mouth to pull his shirt over his head in one fluid motion, rocking gently as he did against the bulge in Remus' pajama bottoms. Remus sucked in a breath and Sirius grinned cockily.

"You like that?"

"Do it again." Remus growled and gripped Sirius' exposed hips as Sirius ground down on him. The feeling of their hardness rubbing against one another was just enough pressure and stimulation to frustrate - with Sirius' chest bare Remus could see the muscles of his hips as he rocked, and he ran his hands up from those intoxicating hips over the planes of his stomach and to his strong tattooed chest, then pulled him down for another kiss.

"You are," Remus breathed against Sirius' lips, "So sexy."

Sirius laughed softly, "Tell me something I don't know Moons."

"God, don't you ever shut up?" Remus thrust his hips up harder and Sirius' sassy reply died on his lips, turning into a gasp instead. Sirius leaned forward to tug at the hem of Remus' own tshirt but Remus stopped his hands, covering them with his own.

"It's not a pretty sight…" Remus explained to a confused Sirius, "all those years transforming-"

But Sirius cut him off, kissing him, "I don't care Moony."

"You're sure?"

Sirius tugged softly again, "We've all got scars. Take of your damn shirt and let me kiss your chest."

Remus complied, struggling awkwardly to get out of his shirt without bucking Sirius off his hips. He watched Sirius' face intently once he'd removed it, searching for any fear or disgust. But there was none. Sirius leaned forward to kiss Remus again, wrapping a hand around the back of Remus' neck as he did so and touching their chests to one another. He made no mention of the crisscross of scars that covered Remus' chest, some of them still red and angry looking. Instead Sirius scooted off Remus' hips and moved down his chest, leaving nips and open-mouthed kisses as he went. He reached down and palmed Remus' erection, rubbing it slowly though his bottoms. Remus groaned and thrust his hips into Sirius' hand.

"God, Sirius." Sirius looked up at him mischievously through his hair, then bit Remus' nipple. Fuck! Remus thought, You cannot come in your pajamas Remus Lupin, you are not 19 anymore. But Sirius was licking at his nipple and then he was reaching under Remus' waistband and Remus let out a long, low whine as Sirius ran the pad of his thumb along the head of Remus' prick before wandlessly casting a lubricating spell on his hand. Remus was on fire, his belly hurt from the tightness in his abs and he felt like didn't know where he was any longer. Sirius' body heat was intense, he moved to kiss Remus' stomach as he began to stroke him firmly, just slow enough that Remus was writhing and panting. It was if there hadn't been thirteen years since Sirius had touched him. He still remembered every little detail of movement that turned Remus into a mess of nerves and moans.

"I want to suck your cock so badly." Sirius breathed the phrase out heavily and Remus was so overcome that he could barely catch his breath let alone find something cheeky to say. He merely nodded.

And then Sirius was pulling off Remus' pants and wrapping his mouth around Remus and it was blissful, the heat, the wetness, the softness of Sirius' lips as they slid down Remus nearly all the way to the base. Sirius never broke eye contact as he laved his tongue along the underside before swirling it around the head and then sucking his cheeks in. One of Remus' hands fisted the sheets, the other wrapped itself in Sirius hair, probably gouging the back of his head with his nails. He wasn't going to last long, and Sirius must have known because he didn't waste time teasing or showboating for once. Instead, he held Remus' hips down with one hand and wrapped his other hand around the base of Remus' dick, sucking and working his hand without ever breaking eye contact with Remus. Remus' mind went blank as he got close, he stopped breathing entirely, his lungs started to hurt and the world seemed suspended, quieted, as if the volume had been turned down. His eyes rolled back in his head.

Remus tapped Sirius rapidly on the head but that's all the notice Sirius got before Remus came down his throat, grunting so deeply and so loudly that his voice hurt from it after. Sirius didn't raise his head for another few seconds, but continued to suck. Remus' whole body felt limp, like his muscles had ceased to exist entirely. Sirius wiped his mouth and crawled up to kiss Remus, who tasted himself on Sirius' lips and found that he didn't even mind.

A minute or two later Sirius pulled away, "Not too bad eh?"

"Gold star." Remus replied lazily, before he flipped Sirius over onto his back, "Shall I return the favor?"

Sirius grinned and hastily pulled his trousers, his erection was warm and thick in Remus' hand, even bigger than Remus had remembered. Remus reached for his wand and mirrored the charm Sirius had used earlier before stroking and twisting gently while kissing Sirius' neck. He whispered against Sirius while he jerked him slowly. Sirius had always loved it when Remus swore, something about the good boy talking dirty drove him mad. So, with his body pressed up against Sirius' side and both of their eyes on Remus' hand, Remus told him exactly how and how long he'd wanted to touch Sirius again.

"I never stopped fantasizing about you," Remus said, kissing Sirius' jaw gently, "All these years I'd take my cock in my hand at night and stroke myself slowly and remember that time that we fucked the dormitory the last night of school. Do you remember? The first time you topped me?"

Sirius' eyes were wide and he gasped out a "yes" as Remus continued.

"You stretched me out perfectly and bent me over the bed. And you were so big Sirius, it hurt but deliciously so. So, slow, so hot, so perfect inside me, filling me up. And I bet I was tight, hm Sirius?"

Remus sped up and grinned against the side of Sirius' neck. "All these years I've been alone in bed, touching myself nightly, thinking about how you feel inside me, how much I want to be filled up by you again. But no one else would do, I needed you Pads. Promise me you'll fuck me soon. I don't think I could wait."

Sirius choked a bit, his breathing was rapid and his hips had started to lift just slightly with each stroke, "Holy fucking shit Remus, I'm going to-" Sirius came hard on his stomach and Remus' hand bucking up wildly, "Fucking fucking shit."

After, they both lay there panting, Remus smiling and quite proud of himself, kissing Sirius over and over until Sirius laughed and pushed him off.

"You wanker," Sirius laughed, "Don't look so bloody pleased with yourself."

"I'm just saying, you seemed to enjoy yourself."

"You're the first person to touch my prick for twelve years, don't get too ahead of yourself."

"I'm offended Sirius," Remus grinned wolfishly, "see if I do it again."

"Bet you will. Though next time feel free to use your mouth."

"Fuck off dogbreath!"

"Oh I will." Sirius tackled Remus playfully and kissed him deeply, "that's the idea isn't it Moony?"

Back at Grimmauld Place, Harry looked at the time, smiling. He supposed the fact that Sirius still wasn't back was a good thing.