Chapter 119: A Tough Decision

They stayed at Hollow Bastion for a few days, and, it was nice. Everyone was generally pleasant to be around—even if Cid spent most of his time locked in his room and Yuffie was bad, it seemed, at talking to people she didn't know yet—and as far as staying at someone's house went, it was probably the best experience Kairi had ever had.

She and Namine ended up sharing a room, while Riku kept his to himself. Aerith said it was so he could rest easier, at which Kairi and Namine had shared a look of raised eyebrows because they both knew Riku well enough to know it wouldn't likely make a difference. Tifa, meanwhile, slept on one of the couches. ("I'm not going to be staying long enough to make it worth dragging another cot upstairs for me, Aerith, it's fine.")

Most of all, it was nice being around Namine and Riku again. She'd missed them both dearly. She'd missed laughing with Namine about the silliest things into the dark hours of night. She'd missed teasing Riku, seeing Riku, the awkward way he seemed to stumble around any conversation topic. She'd even missed his pouty scowl.

It would be great, she thought, to keep spending time with them like this, even with everything else that I guess is going on in Castle Oblivion.

But then… There was Tifa's offer to consider. She could look for Sora, and that would be great, but would they really have any chance of finding him? And going with Tifa meant she couldn't stay with Namine and Riku.

It was a lot to think about.

xxx

"How'd this healing session go?" Kairi asked, sliding into the room as Aerith left. Namine was already sitting in here with Riku. Kairi would have sat in on this healing session, too, but she'd been asking Tifa some questions about traveling. (From the sounds of it, Tifa didn't have any concrete plans about finding Sora, which was fine, technically, but didn't help Kairi in making a decision at all.)

"Fine," Riku answered shortly. After a moment, realizing she probably wanted more, he added: "Better than the last one. Didn't hit anyone this time, so, that's a plus." He laughed, but it was hollow, a little bitter. He sat on the edge of the bed rather than reclining in it, fidgeting, playing with his fingers, staring at the wall behind Namine like it were something hostile and unpleasant.

"Leon understands it was just a reflex," Namine said, probably trying to reassure him. Riku didn't acknowledge her at all. "He's not mad."

Kairi sat herself down in the free chair and plopped her chin into her hand, elbow resting on her knee. "Same problem it always is?" she asked, trying to sound casual, though in reality she was studying each of Riku's movements very intently.

Riku swallowed. "Mm." An affirmation.

Namine frowned between the two of them.

"What problem?" she asked.

Riku pulled his gaze away from the wall and sharply cast it to the ground instead, turning deliberately away from Namine and Kairi both. He wrung his hands together now.

Kairi cleared her throat and explained so Riku wouldn't have to: "It's… I'm not sure what it is, exactly, but when he first arrived—well, we had to take him to a healer eventually and there was something that the healer did which made him super freak out." She remembered that very vividly. Riku'd nearly broken Sora's arm in the panic. "It took me and Sora like an hour to get him calmed down enough that the healer could finish."

"I just don't like being touched," Riku mumbled.

Kairi took a deep breath. That, she knew, but hadn't been sure enough about to share.

Namine sent a confused look at Riku. "You don't…?" she began. "Wait, but—"

"I mean it's, it's fine when it's you," Riku said quickly, his tone a little sharp and extremely frustrated. "When it's you or, or you Kairi, or Sora… that's fine. I don't mind that. But when I don't know them…? I mean I- I know Aerith but not that well and. Ugh!" He pounded his fists into his knees. "I know it's stupid I just- It just- It makes me…" He fumbled for the words for a couple more seconds, then scowling, finished quietly with: "I don't like it."

"I mean…" Namine took time choosing her words. "I don't think that's stupid."

"Definitely not," Kairi agreed. "But I bet it's frustrating—not even knowing why it happens."

"No, I know why it—" Riku cut himself off sharply, clamping his mouth shut. But he'd said enough.

Kairi leaned a little bit forward, trying to get a better look at his face. He'd darted one glance at her and then dropped his gaze back down, though now he clutched himself like he was waiting for the worst. Last Kairi'd known, Riku'd had no idea why this was a thing, just that it was.

"Well that's a new development," Kairi said, a little sing-sing song, a lot prying.

"It's-" Riku shot a glare at her. "Listen. I just remember a lot more about my past than I used to."

That made Kairi pause.

"There's… something in your past that's related to…?"

Riku turned away again.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Kairi studied him carefully a moment, trying to discern something further from his features. An exchanged glance with Namine told her Namine was just as confused as Kairi was. Kairi sighed. She dropped the subject.

She didn't want to make Riku any more uncomfortable, plus she knew how stubborn he was, and wasn't in the mood to out-stubborn him. Not now. Not on this.

"Maybe you should tell Aerith about this?" Namine suggested.

"No way," Riku answered, nearly before she'd finished.

"Riku she can't do anything different if you don't tell her something's wrong."

"She also can't, like, not touch me if she's gonna heal me," Riku argued. His scowl had become a little more like a pout. "So there's no point bringing it up."

"It's all magic, though?" Namine said. "She should be able to—"

"I'm fine!"

Namine stared at him a moment, and then sighed, dropping the subject as well.

They moved on to talk about something else.

xxx

Tifa pulled Kairi aside after lunch one day, or rather, grabbed her by the arm as she was getting up from the table. Kairi, though annoyed, decided not to question. She sat down in the chair next to Tifa—the one at the foot of the table—and Tifa let go of her.

"Yeah?" Kairi asked.

"Well, I never did get a yes or no on whether or not you're coming with me when I leave," Tifa said.

"That's because I haven't decided yet," Kairi answered, truthfully. She scowled a little, though, because this was a frustratingly difficult decision to make, and it felt like Tifa was pressuring her. "Like, I want to find Sora, yeah, but also…? It'd be weird to just, up and leave Namine and Riku already." Or, leave them at all, honestly. "I missed them a lot and I'd like to spend more time with them but… I want to see Sora, too…" She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know."

Tifa shrugged her shoulders, making a face Kairi couldn't quite read. She wouldn't call it understanding, but calling it approving seemed weird. Perhaps it was a little amused?

"I guess that's understandable," Tifa said.

Apparently willing to drop the conversation there, Tifa thumped the table once and then got to her feet. Before she could move anywhere, though, Cid came up to her, demanding her attention. (He hadn't eaten lunch with everyone else.)

"Alrigh', I fixed it," he said, slapping something into Tifa's hand. Something that looked suspiciously familiar. "You hang onto it though—I'll just lose th' darn thing if I keep it."

"Keep what?" Kairi asked, peering. She didn't have to peer far before the achingly familiar crown-shape came into view. "Wait is that Sora's—!?" But of course it was. There was no mistaking it. She leaped up and snatched it from Tifa's hands.

"Geeze!" Tifa gasped, yanking her hand away and shaking it like she'd nearly been bit or something.

"Yeah, it broke," Cid answered, apparently unbothered. Tifa glowered a little. "I was fixin' it, but he up 'n vanished before I finished so it wasn' like I could return it to 'im."

Kairi clutched it tightly to her chest. "Well, I'll hold onto it," she said, definitively. She plopped it around her neck with her own necklace, for good measure. "I'm his best friend—it makes the most sense."

"Alrigh', alrigh', relax," Cid said, laughing. "No one was arguin' with yeh!"

Kairi knew that, but, still. Clutching it in her hand, she slipped out of the room and went to go do what she'd been planning on doing before Tifa had stopped her.

xxx

It'd been a couple nights. Riku was healing. Kairi was still on the fence about her decision.

Late one night, she slipped silently into Riku's room. He wasn't asleep, though Kairi had definitely not expected him to be, even at this hour. He seemed surprised by her appearance, though he didn't seem uncomfortable, or tell her to go.

Kairi sat down on the end of his bed. Riku shifted so there was room.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I already talked to Namine about it," she said, slowly, something like a heaviness in her chest. She'd been lying awake for at least an hour now because she couldn't stop thinking about it. "But I wanted to make sure you felt the same way."

"About… what?" Riku pressed, a little bit of skepticism in his tone. Kairi didn't blame him.

"If I were to go with Tifa, you wouldn't be like, mad, would you?" Kairi said. She held Sora's necklace in her hands, pressing the shape of it into her fingers as she looked cautiously in Riku's direction. "I'm- I'm still not sure I wanna go, because I missed you guys a lot, but…"

But what if Sora needed her?

(If she abandoned her friends, how would that make her any better than them?)

Riku shrugged, nonchalant. "Eh, it's no skin off my back," he said. "We gotta do what we gotta do sometimes."

"You sure you aren't mad?" Kairi pressed, just to be sure.

"Mm-hmm. Positive."

Kairi let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, that's good to know," she said.

"Have you made up your mind?" Riku ventured.

Kairi shook her head. "No." She found herself smiling, though, despite that. "I'm still thinking about it."

Riku smiled back at her. After a moment or two, he leaned forward and nudged her gently. "You should get some sleep," he said.

Kairi chuckled, sliding off of his bed.

"You should too."