Update Sept 2016: As the previous chapter was edited to reflect changes in Kairi's and Shad's relationship, this one of course had to be too. Enjoy it folks.

Honorary thanks to KKBeckett, who initially mentioned I should write an addendum of the previous chapter from Shad's POV. The reason I needed to no longer applies with these edits, but the fact that she suggested I do so to begin with is still why this chapter exists.

Also because the original version of this chapter was still pretty good in its own right (and had some Shad thoughts that didn't make it into this version) I went ahead and preserved it in ASAS (ch100)

Chapter 125: Scared

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" he shouted, seeing the scene laid out before him quite clearly. His wolf had slipped off, and he'd come to find it, and now here it was attacking Kairi!?

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Sora's Shadow didn't really have another option, so he just ran full force and threw himself at the wolf, knocking it off of Kairi and wrestling it to the ground. It growled heartily and snapped at him a few times. He resisted the urge to growl back, but his lips formed a snarl anyway.

'She's his LIGHT,' the wolf snapped, its voice clear.

"Yeah, I know she is!" he replied, pushing snapping jaws away from his face. "But that doesn't mean you have to—OWW!"

Teeth that could not get his face clamped around his arm instead. Howling, spewing profanities, he kicked at it and pounded it and tried to get it to let go. He'd had about enough of this damn wolf!

He pulled darkness to him and with a well-placed thrust of his free hand, he sent it at the wolf. Yelping, the wolf was thrown back and across the area. Out of the way. Where it wouldn't hurt anyone. Good.

"Stupid sack of bricks," Sora's Shadow grumbled, glaring first at the wolf and then at his arm. It was… fine. There was no blood—of course there was no blood—and the pain would go away… eventually. It was fine.

Now he had to deal with Kairi.

Kairi, who he'd tried to manipulate into thinking terrible things, not that long ago.

Kairi, who had no idea who he was or what he'd done or why he was even here. Who thought they were still good friends and had no reason to think otherwise.

Boy, was he nervous for a lot more reasons than one.

"Uh… sorry about that," he told her, clearing his throat. He could do this. He really could.

"That your wolf?" Kairi asked, her eyebrows raised high. Here she was, acting like nothing was wrong—it made his stomach writhe. Though, nothing was wrong for her. Nothing outside nearly getting killed, anyway, but maybe she always took things like that in stride.

"Uh," he tried, but the only sound he could get out of his mouth after that was a nervous laugh. Finally, after clearing his throat at least three times, he managed: "I mean, yeah. I got it, um, recently—it's supposed to be a magic tracking wolf, but it… hasn't found the thing I wanted it to find yet."

The nervousness he felt bubbled into irritation, which was a relief. He shot a glare over his shoulder at the wolf. Of course, the dumb thing had the nerve to look smug, laying there and relaxing like it hadn't just…! Ooh, it made him so mad.

"And it's been an absolute pain in my- my neck since I got it!" he added, voice trembling just short of shouting.

A familiar look passed across Kairi's face, and Sora's Shadow held back a groan.

"What do you need a tracking wolf for?" she asked, a gleam in her eyes. This was the exact tone she got before prying incessantly about a topic.

"Uhhh…" He drew the sound out, as he tried to decide what to tell her. He couldn't tell her he was looking for Sora—she couldn't know he knew Sora couldn't know who he was—but? Well, he couldn't imagine needing a tracking wolf for anything that wasn't trying to find a person, so he said: "I mean, I'm trying to find someone, so… that's why."

"Find who?" Kairi pressed, barely giving him time to breathe. She even leaned forward, in an attempt to pressure him. "Is it related to you being invisible…?"

There was an almost hopeful note in her tone.

"No!" he snapped.

(Well, yes? But in the way she probably meant, no. Definitely not.)

Kairi leaned back to a normal sitting position, grimacing hard with disappointment. "Aww. Well, one day I'll get that out of you."

He laughed.

"Yeah, sure."

As long as he lived, she was never going to get that out of him. Their entire friendship depended on it.

(The ability to so casually refer to this thing they had as a friendship made him warm inside.)

"So, uh… what brings you off the Islands?" he asked, trying to make conversation. Of course, he was genuinely curious, though he had something of a vague idea. He knew Namine had visited. He knew that Namine and Tifa both had something to do with his hold on her breaking. It should have bothered him more than it did, especially when she was sitting right in front of him and his roiling worries about Sora were only a small pit in his gut, but… no, it was still hard to care.

And, thinking about it, about facing it when she was sitting right here—it was going to make him sick.

"I'm looking for Sora," Kairi answered. There were a lot of things about her tone and about the shifting emotions in her heart that should have caught Sora's Shadow's attention, but no, all he really heard were the words.

"O- Oh!" he said. He hoped it sounded genuine, as far as Kairi was concerned.

There was a sickening swirling motion going on inside his chest. She was looking for Sora of course she'd be looking for Sora why else would she be here of all places why would she be here and not on the islands not with her friends she was looking for Sora HE was looking for Sora she was—

"Well, the opportunity presented itself, so I took it," Kairi continued, her voice unbearably sharp through the murky thoughts in his head. "Thought it'd be better than sitting around on my butt. I think—"

He stopped listening there. He had to take a hold of his whirling thoughts and make them stop, had to take everything inside of him and shove it in a box so he couldn't feel it.

She was looking for Sora.

He was looking for Sora.

If she…

It was fine.

It was fine, because if she found Sora, then at least he'd be found. And if he had to do something to get Kairi out of the way then, well—he'd cross that bridge when he got there.

"Any luck finding him?" Sora's Shadow finally had the presence of mind to ask, a hollow laugh in his tone. At least they could relate on this, this desperate search for someone who they seemed incapable of catching up to.

Kairi swallowed, seemed to hesitate.

It was a no, coming, and he knew it. Of course I was a no.

"I mean… technically…" Kairi said, though, and his stomach bottomed out.

"Wait, what!?"

She'd found him? She'd seen him? He'd spent the past few days searching and searching and she'd managed to—

"Well, he was here," Kairi said, and he made himself listen, because this was important. Because this was about Sora. "He was… right within my reach." There was a heaviness in her voice that his ears filtered out. "And I let him go! I let him run off, and now he's gone."

"He's gone?" Sora's Shadow repeated, to be sure.

(Of course Sora was already gone. If he hadn't somehow slipped off, then he would be here right now, and his Shadow would be dealing with a significantly different situation, a situation he desperately hoped he'd never have to face.)

"Yeah," Kairi answered, laughing like she couldn't believe he was asking. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

"I…"

He pressed his lips together to hold in the scream he wanted to let out. So Sora had been here! The wolf had been right, and he hadn't listened, because he'd been so fed up with a sandstorm that he could barely even feel and he'd—

"What?" Kairi pressed, laughing again, a little more readily this time.

"That just… sucks," he ground out, trying to keep the emotion he was really feeling out of his voice. "For you…." And for me, too—idiot idiot IDIOT!

"Come on," Kairi said, prying. "There's gotta be more to it than that. You aren't fooling me."

He took a very deep breath.

He felt like he was going to explode.

There was more to that, of course there was more to that, because he'd let Sora slip through his grasp the same way she had, and now he'd have to try again, try somewhere else. This search was already frustrating enough, and knowing that he'd managed to mess it up and make things worse for himself?

But Kairi couldn't know.

Kairi couldn't know.

"I just… feel your pain…" he said, exhausted.

"Oh, yeah," Kairi said after a moment. "You said you were looking for someone too, huh?"

"Yeah…"

Kairi couldn't know, but he wanted to tell her anyway. Wanted to share this exhaustion with her. She'd always talked about how he'd made the pain of missing her friends feel a little less intense. He wanted to feel something like that, too. And this time, they were more on the same page than they'd ever been before.

He moved over to her, plopping down in the sand next to her. His shoulders dropped, and he pressed his hand into his face. How'd he get himself into this mess?

"Haven't… had any luck finding them?" Kairi ventured, guessing at the problem.

"Mmhmm," he answered. He sighed. He couldn't tell her everything, but he still wanted to tell her some of it. He really did.

Just… how to put it?

"He's a…" he started, but got stuck there for a moment.

Oh, what to call him? Brother? Ugh…

"A friend of mine," he finished, finally, but the words tasted fouler on his tongue than he expected. He grimaced. "Well. It's complicated."

Shoulda gone with brother. You don't have to LIKE someone who's your brother.

"As complicated as the reason you're invisible?" Kairi asked.

"Oh yes," he answered. They were one in the same thing, really. "It's…" But he didn't know where to go from there. Didn't know how to explain it in a way that wouldn't reveal too much, didn't know what he wanted to say.

But if there was one thing, that was worse than no knowing where Sora was.

It was the emptiness, in the back of his head. That emptiness where Sora's constant—if muffled—stream of thoughts should have been.

I want to mention the connection…

I want to tell Kairi how empty I feel without it.

Not that she can fix it, but…

She always said complaining to me made her feel better, so maybe…

"We're," he started, then shook his head, going for a different approach: "There's this… connection, between us. It's… complicated. A- uh, a magic thing." That was a good way to explain it, probably—or good enough.

He continued:

"It lets us hear each other's thoughts. And, for as long as I've known, he's always been there, in the back of my head. But now…" There was a horrible feeling roiling in his chest, and a catch in his voice as he said the terrible, terrible words aloud: "I can't even feel him."

He wanted to reach out for the connection, to try and see if he could find it. Only knowing the incredible pain he'd feel when he couldn't kept him from trying.

(It burned him, to know that missing this connection—missing Sora—made his chest ache so, but there was no denying it, either.)

"I'm… I'm sorry," Kairi said cautiously.

He shook his head.

"It's not your fault," he told her. "I'm- I'm just—"

But admitting this feeling was just as bad. The thought of admitting it made it hard to breathe, but he wanted to say it. He wanted Kairi to know, because even if she could not help, maybe it would make him feel better.

He'd do anything to have this pain in him lessen.

"I'm… terrified," he said.

The words were like ash in his mouth.

Kairi was silent for a long moment, and when she spoke, her voice was quiet.

"Do… do you think he's dead?"

Can't be dead. You just saw him.

"No," he said, aloud. "I think it's worse than that."

"Worse?" Kairi asked, surprised.

"Someone's blocking our connection," he answered with a certainty, though there was a heaviness throughout his entire being. Just thinking about it wore him out. "That… That shouldn't be possible."

The connection between me and Sora is like a law of nature, of our existence.

Kairi didn't totally get this, so he had to keep explaining:

"So if- if they're blocking the connection, they're very powerful. And if I… If I have to fight them to- to get him back…"

He would have to fight them, whoever they were. If they were doing this to protect Sora, then of course he'd have to get rid of them. And if they were doing this for another reason… Well, it still didn't matter. As long as they stood between him and Sora, they'd have to go.

(Just like Kairi… no no no n—)

Kairi smacked him on the back, hard, and he jolted forward, all the air leaving his lungs. What had that been for? If he could breathe, he would have asked.

"You can do it," Kairi said, though, and when he turned to her, he saw she was smiling encouragingly.

Of course. If the residual memories of Sora he kept were right, this was Kairi's favorite way of being encouraging. Smacking people. Because somehow that worked.

He laughed sharply at her suggestion, though.

His lack of luck in finding Sora before now and the emptiness that beat constantly in the back of his mind sure said otherwise.

"I mean it," Kairi said, though, like she wasn't going to let him think otherwise. The sincerity in her tone was… comforting, actually. "You'll find him," she continued. "I know you will. And everything will be okay."

Everything will be okay.

"Y- yeah," he said, because how was he supposed to do anything else? Nervous laughter bubbled from his lips, desperate laughter tore from his chest.

Honestly, he felt like crying.

"Here."

Movement caught his eye, and he looked up. Then he stared dumbfounded at Kairi's extended hand, her pinky finger the only one hanging out.

"Huh?"

"You know how pinky promises work, right?"

He spluttered.

"I mean—"

"Well, let's promise," Kairi plowed forward, a sincerity burning in her eyes. She was really serious. "Promise that we'll both find who we're looking for—or at least that we'll try our hardest. Because we know there's someone else out there trying their hardest too."

He wanted to laugh, but, she was serious.

Oh, she was completely serious.

(Again, how had he gotten himself into this mess?)

"I…" But he didn't know what to say. Could you refuse to make a promise like this?

Blowing her off—saying this was dumb—would probably make her feel bad. Outright saying he couldn't would just make her laugh like he was the one being silly. But—

Kairi leaned a little towards him, shaking her pinky. "Come on," she laughed. "You're gonna have to help me out a little here."

"Oh."

Since she couldn't see him, of course.

He eyed her extended pinky nervously, heart pounding in his chest.

He really shouldn't…

But…

He hooked his pinky around hers, and squeezed, went through all the other motions that went with a pinky promise. His stomach roiled like he was going to be sick.

We'll both find who we're looking for.

We'll try our best, because someone else out there is too.

Everything will be okay.

He jolted away from her, like he'd been burned.

What had he been thinking!?

"I- I need to go," he stammered, shoving off from the ground and staggering to his feet. He couldn't believe himself. "I- I need to. Um." But there was no excuse, he had no excuse, he was going to be sick, so he just…

He flashed away, to a familiar place, falling hands and knees into cold black sand that was familiar and a comfort but that he hardly even registered.

Frantic, desperate laughter tore from his chest.

He pressed a hand to his face, gasping for air.

What had he just done?

"A promise- a pinky promise," the words came out between his laughs and gasps, and he pulled at his hair, chest tight. "That we'd both find- that we'd—"

But they couldn't both find who they were looking for, because they were looking for the same person. If she found Sora, then he'd have to take him from her. And if he found Sora, she'd never see him—see either of them—again!

Everything will be okay.

Caught somewhere between laughing and crying, he fell backwards into the sand.