New bonds
When he awoke the next morning, Dagran realized that Zael was still sleeping soundly beside him. Judging by the light coming through the window, the dawn was already passed by now. Being careful to not to wake his friend, Dagran broke free from his grasp and pulled up with a long yawn. With a glance, he noticed that Zael drooled on him during the night, just as he had imagined. He wiped as best he could with the blanket, then he passed a hand over his face, to ward off sleep left. It was time to think about what to do with the villagers.
They will want to see us leave as soon as possible for sure, but I would first help them start rebuilding, and fuck if we earn nothing!
Zael certainly would have supported that course of action, and in all probability Cecil would accept the offer and tried to convince the others to do the same. It was crazy not to accept three pairs of extra hands to help for free with the reconstruction, even though they were mercenaries! The real problem could be Lowell: would he agree to stay there for a few weeks to work without being paid? For what little he knew him, Dagran couldn't say it for sure, but instinct told him that if he had asked, the Mage would accept quietly. Otherwise, he had already produced some argument to convince him.
A thud, followed by a stifled groan, caught his attention, interrupting its reasoning. Turning around, he noticed that Lowell had already risen and that now stood in the middle of the barn, dressed to the nines and bowed in front of an old bucket mumbling something about the messy farmers. When he realized that Dagran was looking at him, the Mage had to get back on its feet, but he moved too fast and he lost his balance, falling on the bucket. At that point Dagran came closer to help him.
«Damn! When one wants to do things quietly...» Lowell chuckled while clutching the hand Dagran afforded him. His behaviour seemed a bit odd.
«What was the need to sneak out this way?» he asked «Do you have a secret date with one of the village?»
«Oh, I wish it were so! It's a shame that the most interesting girls around here are all already involved...» Lowell said softly «Anyhow I just woke up early, that's all. And since you and Zael were still sleeping, I thought I'd let you sleep for a little while longer.»
The Mage glanced worriedly at their friend still under the covers.
«After that we faced yesterday, I thought you needed it.»
Dagran sighed. Maybe it was better to clarify the matter. He beckoned him to follow, and shortly after the two sat in the farthest corner of the barn, in order to disturb as little as possible on their sleeping companion. After plucking up courage, Dagran began:
«Look, about the way we behaved yesterday during the battle, I think it's...»
Lowell interrupted him immediately with a nod.
«There is no need to explain anything to me, boss. Judging from what I saw, I think I have understood at least in part the situation.»
Soon after, the Mage looked at him with sympathetic air.
«It must have been hard for you guys, don't you?»
Dagran looked away for a moment.
«It is something that I prefer not to talk about. Don't get me wrong, it's just that...» he rubbed his eyes in search of an adequate explanation that could satisfy Lowell without rehashing the past. But the only thing that came to his mind was:
«I'm not the type to share my problems with others.»
He immediately regretted that choice. Lowell was offering him solidarity and he went out like that!
Of all the things I could say at a time like this, why I had to choose the more bitch?! Congrats, Dagran!
The Mage, however, did not seem just as troubled.
«It's okay, boss. I knew from the start that you were a private person and you don't like to open. I didn't want to force you to do so; it's just that I'm worried about you two. We have fought together several times and you have never reacted that way, even in the most critical situations, so I thought that this time there must have been something else underneath, and after what you said last night it was clear that in the past...»
«Last night?» interrupted Dagran with an inquisitive look. The Mage seemed taken aback and remained silent for a few seconds before resuming to speak.
«...Ah, well, it's useless to deny it: I was awake too tonight and so I've heard you. It seemed a thing between the two of you, so I pretended to sleep in order to not to disturb you. I tried to eavesdrop as little as possible, but...»
He heard him thoughtfully while Lowell explained. The thought that one of his companions spied on him like that was quite annoying, but in the end he could not blame him guilty: what the heck, they were close and in the same room after all! Thinking about a second then, Dagran had to admit the fact that Lowell now knew more about their past might have some positive effect. He doubted that any intrusion of the Mage would could help them the night before – so many memories to explain, moreover, just as the Mage had just said, that was one thing among them – but he could also be wrong. The problem was that at the time he had trusted even by Zoran, and the thing ended up badly, though he felt that the situation was different now. He didn't know if it was because they were closer in age, because Lowell had almost died to protect them during their first mission together, or just because he hoped to be so, but he was sure that things would not go wrong with him.
«There is no problem, they were just talk» Dagran assured him «in fact, I apologize if we've kept you awake. After a tiring day like, this was not really the right thing to do.»
«Don't worry!» The Mage at that point allowed himself a smile. «However if I may say so, I have to admit that Zael's fear was founded after all. For a few seconds I really misunderstood the situation, but then... well, let's say that personal experience made me recognize something I missed for a while.»
His voice had become increasingly sad, and this was a novelty. Until then Dagran had thought Lowell was some kind of clown, a great fighter with impressive magical powers, but unable to stay serious for long, even in battle. Now he was showing a side of himself that Dagran had never seen.
«You know, I envy you very much» Lowell began talking again «The bond between you two, I mean. Gosh, when I look at you I am reminded of my childhood with my brother Richard.»
A brother? That was another novelty.
«I didn't know you had a brother.»
«In fact I never said; before I didn't think it was important to let you know it. And then keep secrets increases the appeal of a person! Anyway yes, Richard was my younger brother, I was five years older than him.»
Dagran listened attentively. He noted that Lowell talked about the past, abandoning completely his cheerful tone, therefore Dagran suspected that something unpleasant had happened to them.
«Look, it's not necessary,» he hastened to say when he realized that Lowell was going to go into that «Just like you, I don't want to force you to share your memories. It is obvious that something bad happened to you, but that doesn't mean you must feel forced to tell me your story.»
«Oh, but I want to do that! Although involuntarily, with your actions you have revealed an important part of your past. The past of both of you. Now I can understand you better, and I think it's only right that you two can do the same with me. And then I read somewhere that doing a thing like this will not only help to overcome traumas, but it also strengthens the camaraderie or something.»
Basically that was almost the same thought that Dagran had shortly before. Since they both had thought pretty much the same thing, he let him go. Thankful for allowing him to share his burden, Lowell told him about an episode of his childhood with his brother.
«When I was still a boy, Richard was kidnapped by slave traders while we were at the market. I tried to stop them, but they beat me until I passed out and then they escaped. Apparently I was too old for their tastes...» in his voice there was a strong note of disgust and contempt that Dagran fully shared «The guards managed to capture them before they could escape and brought my little brother home safe and sound. Or so we thought. The traders didn't had done nothing to him yet, but the mishap had traumatized Richard: he didn't want to leave home and screamed if someone approached… He had always been fragile and those bastards had destroyed him. Since that time, he wake up crying because of the nightmares every night. He could sleep only if I was in bed with him. I never left him and I kept saying that I wouldn't let anyone take him away again.»
The Mage broke off. Dagran already sensed how the story ended, however he could not help but make him conclude.
«Now where's Richard?»
Lowell glanced away. He waited a bit before answering.
«He went on like this for a year, then one morning he didn't woke up. We had called a doctor, but it was useless: Richard died in his sleep. His heart was too weakened, or something» he ended with a sigh.
Dagran observed him for a long time. The man before him seemed a completely different person from the one he knew. He felt ashamed at the thought of the image that he had made about him at first.
I really misjudged him.
«I didn't mean to get you back memories like that» he said to him at the end. Lowell shook his head, recovering part of his usual good-natured behaviour.
«Don't worry. This is only a small part of my story. But if you want to know the rest, you will have to wait until we're even more confident. And anyway, let's leave aside these dreary, otherwise we ruin our day! It's best if I'm going to see if Cecil has prepared some breakfast for us too.»
When he heard the word "breakfast", Dagran's stomach uttered a muffled gurgling. Just at that moment he remembered that the day before they were so exhausted that they were gone to sleep without dinner, and during the night other problems had kept away the meal off from their mind.
«Eh eh, apparently I'm not the only one to be hungry!» chuckled the Mage «Come on, I'll try to come back with something edible as soon as possible.»
Lowell stood up and started to leave, but Dagran caught him by the arm and held him back. He had felt those same feelings too long for failing to recognize them in his friend, as far as he tried to hide them behind laughter and jokes.
«Lowell, I know how it feels when such things happen. You did everything you could for your brother: stop blaming yourself.»
The Mage looked at him surprised. The words came out natural – he really believed in what he had said after all –, but looking back, for a moment Dagran feared of being pushed farther than necessary. The friend, however, gave him a smile.
«I hope to do that one day...» he said. Dagran suspected that there was more to it, but at the time this was enough, so he let him go. Lowell had to go out, but then he stopped, as if he was thinking about something, and shortly thereafter he looked at him straight in the eye.
«Thanks, Dagran» he said.
Dagran stared at him in silence, before nodding. That was curious: since he had joined them, Lowell had called him by name only when they had introduced, otherwise he called him "boss", even though he was older than him.
Maybe it was an insignificant detail, but after that talk Dagran was certain that there was something deeper behind that choice of words. While the Mage was going towards the door of the barn, he remembered something else, so he called him.
«Wait, there's still something that I'd like to discuss for a second.»
Lowell went back quizzically. Since he had the chance, he might as well ask the Mage right away.
«I was planning to stay for a while to help the villagers with the reconstruction. I warn you, after how they reacted yesterday, there are chances that even if they accept, we should work for free... though I don't want to go away just like this.»
He said no more. He didn't attempt to sell it as something worthy of good Knights, and never took out any the motivations that he wanted to use with Cecil and his fellow villagers. Basically, after their talk, he was pretty sure that his friend would have understood why he wanted to do it.
«I'm okay with that. To be honest, I don't want to leave them here amid the smoking ruins» nodded Lowell «Fell free to not believe it, but I was thinking about it since yesterday evening and I wanted to suggest you the same thing just after breakfast.»
Just as he had imagined.
«Great, then we just have to rely on Cecil to convince the others to accept our help. In the meantime I will explain the matter to Zael. I am more than sure he will agree too.»
«No doubt on it,» said the Mage «Ah, can I ask you a question?»
When motioned to continue, Dagran expect the Mage to ask him how long he wanted to stay to help, but then on the face of Lowell began to form the grin he sported whenever he said one of his crap, and so he didn't know what to think.
«Are you going to hug me like that sooner or later?» he said in a mawkish voice, glancing towards Zael «you know, even I need comfort sometimes, especially when I get dumped by a girl!»
Dagran tried to stifle a laugh. He had to expect something like that.
«We'll see,» he granted him «but only if you deserve it. Now go to see if they want to give us something to eat, before I kick your ass out of here!»
«In a hurry, boss!»
Having said that the Mage walked towards the door and came out of the barn, leaving behind Dagran who smiled satisfied. That little talk with Lowell had revealed a lot about him. While returning alongside Zael, he mused about how much Lowell had told him about his brother.
He had no idea he could have lived a similar experience... or maybe yes?
Basically he was the one to ask Lowell to follow him, just as he did with Celes, and still earlier with Zael. Was he carried unconsciously to choose people similar to him? Over the years he had known several warriors, clutching friends with them... and yet he felt some kind of wall that separated him from the others, a barrier that he himself had raised almost without realizing it. Only three people had managed to break down that barrier and created a real bond with him, though in very different situations and ways, and now Dagran suspected it was going to happen a fourth time.
He gathered his belongings and those of Zael, he put on the boots and the jacket, then he fumbled in the saddlebag and pulled out his ornamental feather from the pocket he had sewn on purpose to withdraw it at night. He turned it pensively in his hands before he tied it at the usual lock on the nape. The story of Lowell made him remember a promise he had made when he was a child, many years before. A promise linked to that feather. When his father had given it to him, with his last breath he had made him promise to always protect the people he loved, no matter what. Not even ten minutes after he had seen his mother burn alive in the barn where the two Knights had trapped them. For years he had felt guilty for failing to protect her, and only after that Zoran had begun to teach him the art of sword, he had finally realized that a child like him could not have done anything to prevent her death.
This is no longer so. Now I can protect my family.
He was no longer a timid and puny little boy who hid when he saw strangers; now he was an imposing man that could both inspire confidence and being intimidating. Sure, maybe he wasn't the best warrior in circulation, and he sure wasn't cultured as a scholar, but he was strong, much stronger than an ordinary man, and even smarter than most people could expect looking at him. The life on the streets had matured him quickly, forcing him to develop various stratagems in order to survive, and the presence of other people to take care of had pushed him to become even more creative. All to defend his companions.
Thinking about it well, their wasn't a mere mercenary group after all; it was a family in all respects. His family. The one with Zael was the strongest bond he had and he doubted anyone else could match him, however he felt that Lowell was proving to deserve his respect, earning a place in that devastated family. Now Dagran understood it, therefore that old promise now extended even to the Mage, and he now knew that he can keep it.
No matter what will happen in the future: I'll always protect you, even at the cost of my life.
He put aside those thoughts and glanced at Zael, lying at his feet and wrapped in the blanket. His friend was still asleep, his hair all matted that framed his face. Dagran knelt beside him and with a fatherly gesture he drew away a lock from his face. Zael seemed so serene...
He was sorry to have to wake up him, but it was getting too late, so Dagran began to gently shake his shoulder. After spending almost a full minute to rouse him getting only moans, Zael finally opened an eye.
«Good morning, sleepyhead» greeted him Dagran while the other drew up.
«What time is it?» Zael drawled as he stretched.
«I have no idea, but it's definitely late. Now stand up: we have several things to fix today.»
He held out a hand and helped him to get up, then while Zael finished to dress, he informed him of what he planned to do. Just as Dagran had predicted, his friend was immediately agreed.
«We cannot leave them in these conditions. What if the bandits we faced yesterday were only the vanguard of a larger group?»
It was unlikely, but even Dagran had thought the same thing. After an exchange of views, they came to the conclusion that in addition to help with the reconstruction, they taught the villagers some of the defensive tricks they had learned during their travels, so the village could face future attacks without problems.
«Maybe we could teach them even a few basics with weapons, just to be sure» suggested Zael while they went out of the barn.
«In fact it would be ideal» agreed Dagran «Most of the bandits are unused to deal with people able to stand up to them: even a minimal training could make a substantial difference. The only problem is the shortage of swords...»
«Hey, guys!»
Lowell was calling them from the threshold of the farm. When they caught up with him, the Mage told the two that Cecil had prepared some food for them.
«Among other things it seems that the people who he hosted last night discussed a lot about us and what we did for them,» he added «and in the end they decided to offer a reward to us for helping them. When they raised the issue with me though, I told them that we reject the reward...»
Listening those words, Dagran and Zael googled with astonishment.
«Hey, don't look at me like that!» Lowell said uneasy about the looks of the companions «I knew what you thought about the question and I responded instinctively. These people don't have much, especially after the fires of yesterday: we just saved them from the bandits, it didn't seem appropriate to take away that little they have! But they insisted, so I said it was too early to be paid and... I let it slip that we still had something to do. Now they're in there ready to hear all the details» he ended with a nod to the door behind him. Dagran and Zael glanced accomplice. They were prepared to fight to persuade them to accept their help and instead everything was solved by itself!
We will struggle like slaves, but at least it will be a more fulfilling job than usual, Dagran thought, not to mention that perhaps that fatigue in particular, would help them to soothe the pain of their past, even partially.
In the end Zael was the first to break the silence.
«It seems that our stay here will last longer than expected» he said with a radiant face.
«Yes» nodded Dagran «In that case, it's better if we don't let them wait too long and enter. By the way, Cecil has prepared food for us, right? I don't know about you, but I'm starving!»