Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)

heather curtis-rich: So do I, I've had many experience with it. I hope so as well. Iain will be in the next chapter.

livingthefictionallife: Let's hope so :-)

Chapter Four

Although Lily didn't want to admit it to herself or anyone else for that matter, she'd really enjoyed her break. God, it even made her feel guilty to think it. After all, she was meant to love her job. But it was getting increasingly difficult when all she felt was stress, stress, and stress.

Losing a patient was always hard and she couldn't help but feel like it was her fault, even though Cal had said that they'd done their best.

She felt stressed for the rest of the day. Not only had a patient died but the ED was getting busier and busier, and Connie had asked her to work late again. She was stood at the reception desk, flicking through a file and trying to find some information when the paper caught her finger. She hissed in pain, missing the page that she was on in the process.

"Ouch, bad paper cut?" Elle sympathised and sighed whilst Lily just cradled her sore finger. "Go and get a plaster. I'll finish up here if you want, I'm not too busy."

Lily gave her a thankful nod and headed off to the bathroom so that she could run it under a tap first. She noticed that her finger was actually bleeding. Her wound hurt but somehow it made her feel better.

It was like a distraction from her guilt for failing to save the patient and a punishment at the same time. It was impossible to worry about anything else while her skin was sliced in two, after all.

She squeezed her skin together, causing more blood to pour out of her cut, and quickly ran the cold tap.

She gulped and turned off the water, looking back down at the cut. Taking a deep breath, she peeled back a bit of her skin and hissed in pain as more blood appeared.

"Shit," she cursed, tears stinging her eyes.

The door to the bathroom opened and she turned her head to see Elle hovering nearby. Lily immediately jumped, then blushed, embarrassed at her behaviour.

"That looks even worse than it did before," she said, peering over Lily's shoulder. "How did that happen?"

"It... It isn't any worse," Lily lied quickly, blinking back her tears. "It was this bad before. Honestly."

"Are you sure about that?" Elle asked. "Didn't I tell you to go and get a plaster?"

"I was giving it a wash first," Lily said, grabbing a paper towel to dry it on. "You...You're not even in charge around here anymore, Doctor Gardner. Mrs Beauchamp is."

"So shall we go and see Mrs Beauchamp about your jumpy behaviour then?" Elle suggested, clearing her throat and folding her arms across her chest.

"I'm not jumpy," Lily lied and chucked the paper towel into the nearby bin. "See? All better now."

"That still needs a plaster," Elle said, glancing at Lily's cut suspiciously. "Come with me and I'll find you one."

"I can find it myself," Lily stated.

"I would rather come with you," Elle said, placing a hand on her back. "I know how dedicated you are to your job Doctor Chao, you're bound to head straight back to work without taking care of that cut first."

"It's just a paper cut, not a broken arm," Lily said, reluctantly following Elle out of the bathroom.

"But when you work in a hospital, you need all cuts covered up so that infections don't happen," Elle said. "I will get you a plaster and then I will leave you alone. I promise. This will need recording in the accident book, though."

"I know," Lily sighed.

Elle quickly grabbed Lily a plaster and had her sign and make a note of her injury, before sending her on her way. She'd never seen someone so determined and eager to get back to work and she had to laugh. Signing her own name next to Lily's, she tucked the book under her arm and headed across to Connie's office.

"Lily's just accidentally cut herself," she informed the clinical lead and threw the book onto her desk. "I've recorded it in there for you."

"Okay, thank you," Connie sighed, clearly busy and swept off her feet. "Do I need to change the rota?"

"No." Elle shook her head. "It was just a paper cut, nothing big."

"Okay, thank you," Connie said, lifting her head slowly. "Was that everything?" Elle nodded, her hand on the handle of the open office door. "Well, you may go then, please. I am extremely busy."

"Clearly," Elle sighed, rolling her eyes before exiting.

Lily scrambled around in the back of her locker for her phone, managing to find it after about ten minutes of searching. She grabbed it quickly, dropping it to the floor as she did so. Quickly crouching to pick it up, she unlocked it and checked her recent messages.

Archie.

The first message made her feel sick to her stomach.

You useless idiot! You left the tap on this morning and now the entire place has flooded!

Lily frowned for two reasons. One, she knew that the tap was turned off when she left the house. Two, why had Archie even gone round to hers anyway? He had a key to her flat but that was usually just for emergencies.

Seriously? Can you not do anything right?

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she chucked her mobile at the wall. She didn't deserve Archie. She'd almost flooded her flat and she hadn't even realised, how stupid could she get? She gasped and dug her nails into her arm, gasping and biting down on her lip as pain shot through her. She squeezed her eyes shut and continued to dig her nails in, praying that no one would walk in on her.

Opening her eyes, she rolled up her shirt sleeve and saw that she'd actually pierced the skin. She was bleeding. She didn't even care though. She kicked the lockers and picked her phone up before chucking it into hers and slamming it shut. She couldn't bear to look at another message from Archie.

She looked down at her arm again and a small smile formed across her face. She leaned back against the lockers with her arm held out in front of her and picked at the loose bits of skin. Blood came harder and with every bit of damage, Lily felt a little bit better.

She knew that she couldn't head back to work like that, though. She grabbed the tissue that she kept in her pocket and quickly wiped away the blood before rolling down her shirt sleeve.

She couldn't see a thing, which meant that no one else would either.

"Lily!" Robyn hurried in after calling her name.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief, thanking the fact that Robyn hadn't come in earlier. Who knows what she would have walked in on?

"I'm sorry for disturbing you," she apologised. "But you're needed in resus. We have a major RTC coming in."

"Okay," Lily replied. "I'll be right there."

Robyn nodded at her and rushed back out to go and help. She hadn't even noticed that there was something wrong with Lily. She hadn't even asked if she was okay.

Lily bit her lip and sighed before exiting the room, rubbing at her sleeve to feel the stings of her small cuts on her arm.

Lily didn't mind the stings of pain. Not at all. After all, she deserved it. Didn't she?