Chapter 138: Taming the Beast

Namine and Riku hit the ground in—Riku's room, which is where Namine had decided to take them. Why here instead of hers, she wasn't sure, not that it really mattered.

Riku shoved her off from on top of him, and she hissed in surprise, a little in pain. An unkind word she'd learned from Kairi burned on her lips. Darkness flowed across Riku's skin, and it nipped at Namine as he pushed her back. She focused on breathing deeply, trying not to freak out.

"Riku," she demanded, as he rolled over and pushed himself upright. His eyes were sharp, wild, darting around the room. "What's going on!? Look, I'm not hurt." She held out her bare, undamaged arm. "And, given the circumstances, that really wasn't—"

"She deserves it!" Riku spat, cutting her off. He swiped a hand through the air, darkness trailing behind his fingertips.

Namine reeled backwards. "What!? No she doesn't!"

"Yes she does!" Riku shot back. "After everything she's done to me, done to us—!"

And suddenly, Namine understood.

Honestly, she'd had a feeling this was what was going on from the moment she'd thrown herself between Riku and R. She'd seen, then, the dangerous thing that burned in his eyes. She'd seen the unsettling way his lips had curled upwards into a crooked smile. She'd seen the way he wouldn't look away from R, writhing on the ground in pain.

Her heart thudded in her chest, and her throat felt very dry.

She could feel the things Riku desired, burning in her veins. The opportunity he saw, the things he wanted to do…

She understood it, and it terrified her.

Because this desire took his face and twisted it up into a furious snarl, teeth showing. There was hunger in his voice, that wild—but distant—look in his eyes. Darkness still burned on his skin, hard to forget. Sora had looked this wild, this distant, when he had turned to attack Namine in a flash of anger. It was darkness that moved Sora, in that moment. It had to be darkness, now, that moved Riku.

(But how much of it was darkness, she wondered. The reality that not all of it was, was painfully apparent to her.)

"Riku, please," Namine began, fumbling for the words, fumbling for how to confront this terrible reality.

Riku sneered at her and turned away, hopping to his feet and moving to make a dark corridor.

"NO!" Namine screamed, throwing herself at him again. He side-stepped, but she caught him by the arm at least, preventing the dark corridor. He was resisting, and much stronger than her, so this ended with her on her knees, clutching his arm to her chest, and him standing, scowling.

"Namine, you have to let me do this," he said.

"You can't."

"She deserves—"

"You have the wrong person!"

Namine's voice echoed throughout the room. Riku's arm went slack.

"I- I- I—" he stammered, like a broken record.

Namine squeezed her eyes shut and hugged his arm tighter, not wanting to look at him. Just in case. She could only bear so much of the cruelty that was written on his face. She could only bear so much of seeing him twisted by this desire.

Larxene deserved it, yes, but that was not Larxene. They shared a face, but R was someone different. Someone completely different. And she didn't deserve death, and she definitely didn't deserve the things Riku wanted to do.

"Riku, please," Namine said, unsure of what else to say. Tears left hot trails down her cheeks. "Please, don't do this. R doesn't deserve it. You've got it all mixed up. Please, Riku. This isn't you. This is the darkness—"

Except some of it was him. She just. She couldn't bear to admit that, couldn't bear to believe that.

"I…" Riku whispered. "I…"

And then he sat down.

Namine loosened her hold on his arm, and dared to look at him. The wild look had left his eyes, and the darkness faded from his skin. He sat there, staring off into the distance, looking stunned.

"Oh thank goodness," Namine sighed, relief welling up so strongly in her she thought she might cry. "You- You scared me so bad."

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"No, it's fine," Namine assured him. "I'm just glad you didn't do anything horrible."

"I wanted to," he whispered.

"Well, you didn't. That's what matters."

"Yeah."

Riku didn't sound entirely convinced.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, Riku sitting back, legs splayed out in front of him. Namine was still on her knees. They sat facing each other, for the most part, legs brushing together. If either of them looked directly forward, they would be looking a few inches to the left of the other's face. That's where Riku looked now, as Namine studied his face worriedly.

Namine wanted to say something more, but wasn't sure what. She wanted to check on R, also, but wasn't so sure it would be a great idea to bring Riku around her, even if he had calmed down. Besides, she couldn't leave this moment. Not until she was sure Riku was okay.

"I," Riku said finally, and hesitated there. He wet his lips. Swallowed. Kept looking everywhere but Namine's face. "You don't… think I'm a monster, do you?" he asked, voice dreadfully quiet.

Namine shook her head in surprise.

"What?" she said, utterly confused by the question. "No," she assured him, gentleness and fondness brimming into her voice alongside her disbelief that she had to be saying this. "You aren't a monster. You just- lost control for a moment. It happens."

"Right," he answered. Just that one syllable, delivered in near monotone.

Namine squinted at him. What was eating at him?

She didn't get the chance to ask.

He jumped to his feet, then offered a hand to pull her up. "Should we, uh, go check on R?" he asked, as he pulled her to her feet.

Namine hesitated a moment, then shook her head. She wanted to, but… "No. 7 will take care of her." And she could ask him, later, and he'd tell her what had happened. It wasn't like Riku actually cared to know, anyway, so it was better if she just asked later, on her own.

"Well…" Riku dragged the sound out for a moment. "Want to do… something else?"

Namine smiled at him.

"Sure."

xxx

Riku was still unsettled, though, a little bit. A more than a little bit.

He lay awake in his bed that night (well, there was no way to tell if it was night, but he was supposed to be sleeping so it counted as night) too busy churning over the events of the day to sleep.

It was just the darkness, Namine had said. And she was right. But that was the unsettling thing.

The darkness in him seemed to burn stronger than he remembered it ever burning before. It seemed to run deeper in his veins. It clung to him, clung to his anger and his lust for revenge, and it didn't want to let those things go. Even though Namine was right. R was the wrong person. R did not deserve his fury.

But seeing R in pain—by his hand—had given him the taste of something he hadn't known how badly he wanted until he had it for those few seconds.

Larxene deserved it.

Larxene deserved the pain she'd caused him paid back tenfold.

She was dead, of course. So he couldn't actually do anything. But he wanted to.

The darkness bubbled up in him as he tried to put his dreams of revenge to rest. Something sour churned up his insides.

A memory rang in his head.

"Oh, Riku," a voice cooed. A voice he didn't recognize, but it was slick with some kind of euphoria, laughter in the words. "How you'd SQUIRM if you knew what a wonderful monster you make!"

He felt like he was going to be sick.

Namine said he wasn't a monster. He just lost control for a few moments. But… This terrible thing that boiled within him, this darkness, this anger…

He'd had no right to lash out so strongly at R. Namine was right about that. R had hurt Namine, yes, but he'd overreacted, and—

That wasn't the only time. There were so many others, when he overreacted. When something ugly reared up inside him. It lashed out. It took and destroyed. It didn't stop until it had what it wanted. It was a beast, living in his chest. The darkness? Something else?

Either way, it was unsettling, to know it sat just under his skin.

Either way, it disgusted him, to know how much of a monster he could be, how much of a monster he was—

He pushed the thoughts out of his mind, biting his tongue and rolling over onto his side.

He was fine.

He wasn't a monster.

Namine wouldn't lie to him.