Ltfl: Connie will help her :-)

Chapter Nine

"This isn't a punishment, Lily," Connie sighed.

She and Charlie guided Lily out into the ambulance bay. Lily had her hair tied back and she was dressed in one of the bright green, doctor uniforms, her eyes fixated on Connie's face. "It's simply a training experience and nothing else. You'll have fun, trust me. And it'll be a nice break away from the ED."

She smiled at Iain who was standing in the back of the ambulance and leant against the side of the ambulance with her arms crossed. Lily sighed and chewed on the inside of her mouth, awkwardly shrugging her shoulders, as Iain jumped down from the ambulance.

"Come on, Chuckles," Iain said, hands in his pockets. "This will be a good laugh."

"I don't think so, funnily enough," Lily retorted with a small sigh. "But come on, let's go and get this over with."

Iain raised his eyebrows and shrugged at Connie as they headed round to the front of the ambulance. Jez was already behind the wheel and he had to laugh at the moody look on Lily's face.

"I'm not angry with you," Lily told Iain.

"I should hope not," Iain said, as they started the engine and the siren. "Because we have patients to help right now. Also, you can't possibly be mad at this sparkling wit eh?"

"Very funny," Lily said sarcastically, managing a small smile.

"I do try," Iain grinned.

"So... have you ever thought about being a doctor?" She randomly asked Iain as they sped off, Jez driving as fast as he possibly could.

"Nah." Iain shook his head. "I like the excitement of going out, the adventure. Besides, I'd make a rubbish doctor."

"Why?" Lily frowned. "A doctor is basically a paramedic, they just treat the patient after admission instead."

"I like being a paramedic," Iain told her. "I wouldn't change my job for the world. Hey, what happened to your face by the way? That looks sore."

Lily felt herself panic but quickly replied in the form of a lie. "I walked into a cupboard,"

Iain just nodded at her and they sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

"Don't worry, we'll get you to the hospital in a jiffy," Iain said, as they helped the unconscious, elderly woman into the back of the ambulance. She made no movement at all, and an oxygen mask plastered to her face. "Jez. I'll drive."

Jez nodded, and Iain turned to Lily and gave her a smile. Lily just returned it weakly.

She suddenly wasn't feeling too good. She leant against the ambulance with her arms crossed, Iain's face spinning right in front of her. She tried to focus on his face, his voice, but it was too hard.

She moved away from the ambulance and collapsed to the floor.

"Lily!" Iain shouted, jumping down from the ambulance.

Jez jumped up as well but remained at the elderly woman's side for the entire time.

"Mate, is she okay?" Jez questioned him.

"I...I don't know," Iain said, crouching at Lily's side just as she began to slowly open her eyes. "Yeah...She...She's fine," he answered, holding a hand under Lily's head. "Lily?"

"I...I'm fine," Lily groaned, a hand to her head. "Sorry. I..."

"Ssshh, just it easy," Iain said, gently stroking her hair. "Come on, I'll help you up," he said, gently sitting her up. "Okay?" Lily still didn't feel great but she nodded at him anyway. "I think you better sit up front with me, don't you?" he said. "Come on, Chuckles."

Lily looked over towards the ambulance, watching with tired eyes as Jez shut the doors behind him and the patient. Iain helped her to her feet and slowly but promptly walked her back to the ambulance, making sure that she was safely in the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked. "Because you know I'm going to have to mention this to Mrs Beauchamp, don't you?"

"Please don't," Lily begged, resting her elbow on the side of the door as they quickly drove away. "I'm just really tired. I've not been sleeping well and work has been busy."

"Lily, you just fainted," Iain reminded her.

"And now I'm fine," Lily said. "So please Iain, do not breathe a word about this to anyone, especially Mrs Beauchamp. She'll want to examine me and there isn't anything wrong with me."

"Are you sure?" Iain asked. "Because people don't usually faint unless there's something wrong with them."

"Iain," Lily sighed. "I'm tired."

"Okay," Iain sighed back. "I won't say anything, but maybe, you should book a couple of days off work? It might help." Lily didn't answer him. She just sat staring out of the window. "Look Lily," Iain said. "When we get back to the ED, we'll have a break and we can talk yeah?"

"Psychologist now, are we?" Lily said snappily.

Iain decided to leave it at that point. Although concerned, he clearly was not going to get anywhere with her. He wasn't sure if Lily was paranoid that he'd tell someone, worried, or just embarrassed about the fact that she'd fainted in front of him.

He kept an eye on her when they arrived back at the ED when they walked through the corridor with the unconscious patient on a gurney.

Connie and Ethan looked as if they had everything under control so Iain placed a hand on Lily's back and walked her across to the staffroom.

"How are you feeling now?" Iain asked, sitting her down and grabbing her a glass of water.

"I was feeling fine before," she argued but accepted the drink anyway. "You don't need to worry about me."

"But I do," Iain said, sitting down next to her. "You've um... been acting a bit strange lately."

"How comes?" Lily questioned him.

"You just have," Iain sighed. "I can't explain it. You've just been... quiet. Like when we went for lunch the other day, you didn't eat much and you didn't say much. Then I text you and you never replied."

"I was busy," Lily said, taking a nervous sip of her water. "I don't always have the time to reply to text messages."

"You're not good at talking about feelings, are you?" Iain chuckled. "Well, I'll go first. I honestly don't think a lot of myself, I got rubbish grades when I was at school, never went to university, didn't have many friends, rubbish home life, and I dropped out of the army. I mean, life's okay now and everything, but I guess my self esteem isn't that great."

"I'd say your self esteem is pretty good," Lily scoffed, and had another sip. "I love my life. I don't have anything else to say."

"Well, what about you and Archie?" Iain said. "Are you still...?"

"Together," Lily cut him off. "Yes. Yes, we are. Look, did you actually want something? Because I would rather be alone."

"This is what I'm talking about," Iain whispered. "I'm just worried, chuckles. That's all."

"Well, like I've already said..." Lily turned and gave him a forced smile. "You don't need to be. Could you go now? Please?"

Iain sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up whilst giving Lily a small smile. He went to pat her shoulder but decided against it and just left the staffroom.

Lily groaned and rubbed at her head, placing the drink onto the coffee table in front of her.

There. She'd made Iain upset, pushed him away and caused herself to faint in front of him. Lily bit her lip. She was such a horrible person.

She needed to be punished.

Lily only knew one way to deal with the guilt. She sniffed and made her way over to the counters, opening the drawers to try and find the knife that she had used the other day.

It was still there, looking just as big and shiny as before. She gulped and rolled up the sleeve to the doctor uniform that she was wearing, slowly cutting across the same arm that she had always cut on, finding a bit of skin that wasn't scarred or bloody already.

She let out a small hiss of pain and tears rolled down her cheeks and she began to bleed.

There, Lily thought as soon as she was done, much better.

I loved writing this chapter and I especially loved the scene between Lily and Iain.

I hope you liked it and I hope you enjoyed the episode tonight x