Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too :-)
Ltfl: I love writing Connie and Lily scenes :-)
Chapter Fifteen
Lily lay on a bed in a cubicle, her head hung and her hands tucked into the sleeves of her jacket. The only people in the room was her, Elle, Connie, and Charlie, and the door was shut to allow them the privacy.
She felt sick, and her chest tightened everytime someone spoke. Why had she been stupid enough to make herself throw up at work? She hadn't been able to help herself though, it was something that she had to do. Connie may have had her kind and gentle voice on, but she was never going to forget it.
"I...I have work to do," Lily whispered, gulping nervously, feeling determined not to cry in front of Connie again.
"Lily, we can't just let this go," Elle whispered. "Honestly, I don't understand."
"Doctor Gardner," Connie warned, holding a hand up to Elle whilst shaking her head. "Lily, just remove your jacket for me, my lovely."
Lily glanced from Elle to Connie anxiously. It was as if they'd swapped sides; Connie was being all nice and patient, whilst Elle was slowly filling up with rage until she was fit to bursting.
"Lily," Connie whispered, forcing a smile for her. "Jacket. Come on."
"W...Why?" Lily stammered, holding onto her jacket as a sign to say that she really didn't want to take it off. "I've only been sick. I don't know why you need me to take this off for."
"Because I would like to examine you properly," Connie said. "Come on."
Lily shook her head and gave a tiny shrug, whilst locking eyes with Connie. "I'm cold," she said in a soft voice.
"It's about one hundred degrees in here, Lily," Charlie chuckled, exaggerating a little. "You can't possibly be cold." He sighed heavily and said, "you're a doctor, meaning that you should know the drill. If Connie needs you to remove the jacket, then please do so."
Lily chewed down on her lip, digging her nails into her arms.
"Lily," Connie cleared her throat, exchanging glances with both Charlie and Elle. "Come on," she spoke in a soft whisper, gently taking hold of Lily's hood. She waited for a little while, before eventually Lily leaned forwards and shrugged the jacket off of her arms.
She kept her head down the entire time and as the jacket fell onto the bed, Lily's arms stared them all in the face. Connie took a deep breath and slowly and gently took one of Lily's wrists, her thumb tracing her wounds. Lily suddenly couldn't breathe again and tears stung her eyes. She needed to get out of there.
"Where'd you get these?" She asked quietly.
Charlie sighed wordlessly and Elle ran a hand through her frizzy hair, unable to take in what was going on.
"I...I don't know,"Lily stammered, glancing at Connie out of the corner of her eye. It was the worse possible lie, but she couldn't think of anything to say to her. "I...I didn't do them. People who cut are usually attention seekers."
"Well, I wasn't even accusing you of anything," Connie sighed, and Lily could feel herself blushing a bright shade of red. Connie didn't want to jump to any accusations but she could tell what was going on, just by Lily's body language, and the amount of cuts that covered her arms said it for themselves. "Besides, that isn't necessarily true."
"Well, it isn't at all actually," Elle said, tilting her head to one side whilst looking suspiciously at the young doctor on the bed.
"There isn't anything wrong with me," Lily mumbled, pulling her wrist away from Connie and wrapping her arms across her stomach again.
"We didn't say that there was," Connie said gently.
"Lily," Charlie spoke up, gripping the railings of the bed before continuing. "This is serious..."
"Shut up!" Lily cut him off completely in a raised voice, her head flicking round to look at him.
"Don't, Lily," Connie said, placing a kind hand on her shoulder. "Just...How...How long ago did you do this?" Lily shrugged her shoulders, and Connie gently ran her hand over her right arm again. "Some of these look pretty new to me. Are they?"
Lily avoided the question as much as possible and whispered, "please can I get back to work?"
Connie gave Lily a small, sympathetic smile and tucked a lock of hair behind Lily's ear. "I don't think that's such a good idea," she said, sensing the tears that were beginning to form in Lily's eyes. "I need to check your weight, and I need to see if any of those wounds are infected."
"Would you like me to call anybody for you, Lily?" Elle offered. "Is Archie at home?"
"No!" Lily shouted at once, completely forgetting the fact that she wasn't alone. She couldn't have Archie there, how would he react if he found out that she was cutting and making herself sick? She knew that there wasn't anything wrong with her but he was bound to call her crazy and break up with her. "I mean, I...I don't want to worry him. Please, just don't call him."
"Well, what about Iain?" Elle sighed, trying her best to ignore Lily's sudden outburst. "He was asking me about you earlier, and he seemed quite concerned."
"I don't think we should be informing anyone in the ED about this just yet," Connie said.
"I don't want to see anyone," Lily spoke softly, and shook her head at the clinical lead. She then turned to Elle and said, "please don't call anyone, especially Iain. No one can know. Please."
"Okay." Elle nodded faintly at her, before turning to address Connie. "I'll go and make sure that everything's okay then. You and Charlie look as if you have everything under control."
"Doctor Gardner!" Connie called, as Elle made her way towards the door. "When Lily says that she doesn't want anybody to know, she means it."
"Right," Elle whispered, opening the door up. "I know, Connie," she added, subtly rolling her eyes before leaving.
Charlie said nothing, but glanced at Connie suspiciously.
"What?" Connie asked, even though she knew what he was thinking. "I need her to keep her mouth shut about this, and I had a feeling that she was going to go behind my back and mention something to someone."
"She won't, will she?" Lily questioned her.
Connie shook her head, forgetting that Lily was even there for a small moment. "No," she replied. "No. She won't, don't worry." Lily nodded and Connie continued with saying, "could you just come and stand on the scales briefly for me?"
Connie set the glass of water down on the desk beside the bed and pulled up a chair. Lily was sat on the bed, pleased that she now had her jacket back to keep her arms covered. She was thirsty, but she daredn't move to pick up the glass. It was just her and Connie now, and she guessed that Connie wanted another chat, this time about her cuts.
"So, do you want to tell me what this is about?" Connie questioned her. "Because this is so not like you."
"How do you know?" Lily mumbled.
"I've been your boss for a number of years now, Lily," she sighed. "You are very dedicated to your work and you get yourself worked up over it sometimes, but you have never ever hurt yourself. Something must have happened to make you do this."
"Nothing happened," Lily whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I just...I had to do it."
"Can't explain it any better than that?" Connie asked, and as expected Lily just shook her head. "Okay. That's fine. Well, do you think we need to get you some help?" Lily shook her head. "Why not? I can make you an appointment with Ben."
"I just don't want to talk to anybody," Lily said, her lower lip quivering slightly. "I can't help it."
"I know," Connie sighed, reaching out and taking hold of Lily's hand to try and comfort her. "But we can't just let it go, the cutting and the eating disorder."
"I don't have an eating disorder," Lily whispered.
"You told me that you wanted to lose weight," Connie reminded her.
"So?" She gave a small shrug. "It doesn't mean that I have an eating disorder."
Connie smiled, not quite sure what to say. She couldn't exactly tell Lily that she didn't have an eating disorder because that would be giving wrong information, but then if she did tell her that she had one, the two of them would just keep arguing about it.
"Okay." She nodded at her instead. "Can I ask you something though?" Lily nodded, knowing that she didn't really have a choice. "Is everything okay between you and Archie? You seemed pretty upset when Elle wanted to call him, and you've been making yourself sick."
Lily didn't answer her.
"Lily, you don't need to change who you are for any man," Connie said. "If he doesn't like you as you are, then..."
"Things are fine," Lily interrupted her, avoiding eye contact and praying that Connie wouldn't see through her lies.
"Are you sure?" Connie asked, wanting to give Lily every opportunity to talk to her. She nodded though, seeming quite sure of herself. "Okay. Well, why don't I arrange you one appointment with Ben, and we can go from there? Does that sound like a deal?"
"I guess," Lily whispered, fiddling with the ends of her sleeves.
"I'm going to stay with you for a bit," Connie said, running her thumb over the back of Lily's hand.
"I...I'm not going to do anything," Lily whispered. "If that's what you're worried about."
"I'm not," Connie sighed, even though that thought had been going through her head. "I just thought that you could do with some company."
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. There will be some Lily and Iain scenes in the next one :-) x