Paige didn't know how to answer when Walter asked her if everything was okay.

Everything was great, on the surface. They'd never officially talked about it, but he was pretty much living with her and Ralph now, and Paige knew that her son was as thrilled about that as she was. She used to be scared, before she and Walter got together, at how the three of them hanging out together felt. But now...now they were a family, and she supposed that maybe they always had been, and it just took them a while to find each other.

And during the day, and in the evenings, everything was the same. There were the little touches at work. There were the quick hugs and the longer embraces. He held her hand more often than any of her previous boyfriends did, and she realized that she really, really liked that. They cuddled on the couch while watching the latest bad horror movie, and for someone who still said he was bad with words, he certainly never held back telling her he loved her.

He wasn't even acting any differently than he ever had when they went to bed. They'd talk, sometimes for an hour, before going to sleep, and he'd even hold her hand sometimes then, too. Sometimes they fell asleep facing away from each other – as all couples do – but sometimes they'd sleep with their foreheads touching. Aside from the fact that they hadn't had sex the past week, there was absolutely nothing different.

But for them, going a week was unheard of.

And it didn't seem to be bothering Walter at all.

Paige had gone to the library two days prior, seeking out other people who were in sexless relationships. What she'd found made it all seem even more complicated. There were asexual people who liked sex, asexual people who didn't care but did it for their partner, asexual people who were sex repulsed, then there were people who weren't asexual but despite experiencing attraction, had little to no sex drive, or who experienced sex repulsion. Then there were the people who experienced touch or germ related phobias that might not be directly related to their libido or sexual orientation, but still affected their sex lives.

Even knowing that Walter wasn't asexual didn't make any of this any clearer because that had nothing to do with your sex drive or your desire to actually do something about your sex drive. The only thing that was clear was that some people ended relationships over disagreements about how often they would be having sex. You're allowed to leave someone for that reason, a comment said. You don't get to guilt trip a person, or manipulate them, and you have to understand that they are just as allowed to not want to have sex as you are allowed to want to. But if that really is a deal breaker, it's okay to move on. Just don't be a dick about it.

Breaking up with Walter was out of the question. After all, the reason she loved sex with him so much was because of their bond, the trust they had, and how much they loved each other. She couldn't fathom giving all of that up.

But giving part of it up was going to be hard.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she said with a smile, reaching over and stroking the side of his face that wasn't pressed into the pillow. "I just have a lot on my mind, is all."

His hand trailed lightly from her shoulder to her hip – a touch that was meant to be affectionate and comforting but was threatening to light her up like a kindling fire. "I'm here if you want to talk about it. I uh, I know I'm not good with words myself, but you've said I'm an excellent listener."

This isn't something I can confide in you about. "I know. But I just need to clear my head. I'll be okay."

"Okay." He scooted closer to press a kiss to her forehead. "Good night, Love."

She sighed. It wasn't wrong to want, was it? She knew how it all felt. She knew the feel of his hands on her breasts, on her stomach, on her butt (Toby laughed at her once, butt is so juvenile, say ass but it sounded wrong to her for some reason, to use in this context). She loved how his mouth felt, working its magic on her neck, breasts, and between her legs. She loved his hips against hers, the feel of them rocking together, the way he shuddered above or below her when he got close and how his breath was hot when he groaned her name against her lips or neck. She knew it all so well and was it so bad to want? She'd never pressure him. They'd never do any of that again if the alternative was making him uncomfortable but was it so bad to wish, if only internally, that things were different?

She thought it wasn't so bad. But maybe she was only trying to prop herself up.

She knew Toby had been surprised when she showed up at two in the morning in tears, and she was grateful when he pulled her into a hug before even asking why she was there.

But when he did, it all came pouring out.

Maybe she even gave too much detail.

"Wow," Toby said, shaking his head slowly when she finished.

"I know it's late," she blurted, shifting uncomfortably, wondering, now that she'd spilled, if she should have done so. Walter was one of Toby's best friends, after all. "You won't say anything about this? To Walter?"

"Of course not," Toby said. "I haven't before, have I?"

She smiled in relief. "No. Thank you. I just don't know what to do. It's late. I'm sorry. Is Happy here?"

"She's still asleep." Toby gestured to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Toby smiled, lifting his hat off of his head – did he sleep with that thing? – and placing it on hers. "You took a lot of my late night calls when I was initially shaking off gambling. If anything I owe you."

"You don't," Paige said. "But thank you for listening anyway. I just don't..."

"You're happy," Toby said. "And you love the way things are, and now you're terrified that that was just an illusion."

"Yes."

"Look, Paige," Toby said, leaning forward, resting his arms on his knees, "I obviously don't know as much about your private life with Walter as you or he does. But...I don't think you were fooling yourself."

She blinked. Her eyes hurt.

"He's attracted to you. He's told me as much. And I know he's told you as much. I've seen the way he looks at you sometimes and I'm not talking about the loving looks. If I've noticed them, so have you."

"You can be attracted to someone and still be uncomfortable with..." Paige didn't know why she was hesitating to say sex after all the information she'd just unloaded.

"Yes. You can. But you can also come off as being uncomfortable with something because you never are the one to get it started, but in reality you're just bad with words and expressing how you feel. Doesn't that sound like a genius we all know? And that I know a little bit...better...after tonight?" Paige turned beet red. "Don't do that," Toby said with a smile. "I told you I'm not going to blab. But I am going to give advice."

"Talk to Walter?"

"Precisely."

Paige drew her knees up to her chest. "I'm just scared that what I'm fearing will be realized and I don't know if I can handle hearing him say that I've pressured him."

"I really don't think he's going to tell you that," Toby said, "but don't you want him to be able to be honest with you? And if he was doing something to pressure you, wouldn't you want him to talk to you about it?"

Paige bit her lip, then sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, I would."

"Talk to him, Paige. Find out what he is and isn't comfortable with. From what you've told me, you're incredibly frustrated right now, and you need some sort of outlet for that. Even if he isn't comfortable doing everything, there might be other things he's fine with doing for you. You won't know until you talk to him. And not talking to him is just going to make this situation pretty unhealthy. Especially if you're not...taking care of you yourself."

Oh God. She had really overshared. But that was something new to her, too – when she was having regular sex with Drew, or during short time periods he was away at games, there was no issue with taking care of an urge herself on occasion. And when she was single, she was so rarely reminded she had a libido anyway, that her hands or a toy were more than enough. But this past week, craving physical intimacy with the person she loved and not having it, and not knowing when or if she would have it again, those methods just didn't hold her interest. It was nothing against Drew or either of the people she had slept with before him. Those situations were all different from this one because in those situations, she wasn't solely relying on herself.

Some people on those message boards took care of all their urges on their own, long term, and they were completely satisfied that way. Paige wished she could be like them. But the idea of laying in the bed she shared with Walter, crooking her fingers inside herself and knowing that was all she was ever going to do...it was unappealing. She would rather ignore her urges and do nothing about them at all.

"Paige?"

She jumped. "Huh, yeah."

Toby raised his eyebrows. She sighed. "Yeah, I know, I'll...I'll try to talk to him." She stood, and when Toby rose with her, she stepped closer and hugged him again. "Thanks. I really mean it."

"It's strange to hear Dineen be so unsure of herself when it comes to a relationship," Happy said.

Toby jumped, then whirled around to see his wife standing in the doorway between the living room and their bedroom. "I told her I wouldn't tell!"

The corner of her mouth turned up in a smirk as she folded her arms. "You didn't tell me, you dope, I overheard." She tightened her robe around her. "I wonder what Walt thinks about all this."

"He probably doesn't even know she thinks anything is wrong," Toby said with a shrug. "They've never been the best at communicating, and little problems – ones that could be resolved with a five minute conversation – can get a lot worse if they're not talked about."

Happy nodded. "She's not going to talk to him, you know."

"You're thinking she's going to be too scared," Toby said, with a nod of agreement.

"Uh huh. I may not be breaking any E.Q. records, but even I can see that when it comes to her and him, she's just as afraid of ruining it as he is."