A/N: If you like my stories, please let me know via review or message!
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Early January, 1942, Small Swiss Border Village
Raivis's health was rapidly recovering. Vash and Lilli had gotten so used to having him around that they had put him up in the spare room. Vash had made an agreement to let him stay for awhile as long as he helped out around the house, but only if Raivis promised to find his own place to live before too long. Raivis had eagerly accepted the offer.
He stood in the kitchen and washed the dirty dishes in the sink, humming softly to himself. Raivis was glad being able to stay with the Zwingli siblings. The two of them had been so kind to him, and he really wanted to be able to pay them back for their kindness in some way or other.
Lilli walked into the kitchen. "Oh!" she gasped. "I wasn't expecting you to be in here! Did you sleep well, Raivis?"
He turned to her, accidentally splashing water onto himself. "Oh! Good morning, Lilli!" His cheeks lit up bright pink when he realized that the water had made a mess all over the front of him. "I slept well. How did you sleep?"
"I feel well rested," she answered through suppressed giggles. "I'm sorry, Raivis. I didn't mean to startle you when I came in. Here, let me help you." She opened a drawer across the kitchen and pulled out a towel. "This should help," she said, handing it over.
Raivis scrubbed it over himself, trying to dry himself off fast. It was cold over by the sink and wet clothes would only make it worse. "Thank you, Lilli. I appreciate it." He looked up at her and smiled. "I am glad you slept well."
She smiled softly at him. "Raivis, did you ever write that letter to your cousin that you said you would write?" she asked him.
His expression faded into sorrow. "I didn't," he answered with a sigh. "I doubt he misses me anyway, Lilli. Toris has Natalia now. He doesn't miss anyone who was once in his life."
Lilli looked down at her feet. "I think it would be best if you wrote him a letter just to tell him you were okay," she softly said. "Maybe it would help both of you."
"How would it help me?" Raivis asked, turning back to the dishes in the sink. "Sure, it would help Toris know I'm safe so he can forget about me like he did with our friend, but I don't see any way it could benefit me."
"You seem to have a lot of hurt stored inside of you from him," she said, scraping her toe against the hardwood flooring. "If you wrote to him and told him how you felt, maybe it wouldn't hurt as badly anymore."
Raivis turned to her, eyes wide. "What makes you think that I'm hurt?" he asked her. "Toris made those choices himself. I don't agree with them, so I don't want to be a part of his life anymore." He clenched his fist. "Feliks died because of him, Lilli. And Toris treated that sacrifice like rubbish, which is what he is! Feliks shouldn't have had to die. It was unfair. Maybe it should've been Toris who died instead."
"You don't mean that," Lilli softly answered. "I don't think you really want Toris dead, Raivis."
"How would you know?" Raivis asked. "Toris betrayed Feliks when Feliks did everything for him!" With a huff, he turned back to the sink and began scrubbing furiously at the dishes.
After a moment, Lilli walked over to Raivis and placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Feliks was your friend in Poland, wasn't he?"
Though Lilli's voice was barely above a whisper, Raivis could feel it booming in his ears. He couldn't believe he had let Feliks's name slip like that. How could he have been so careless? What was she going to think now, knowing that Toris was in love with another man before loving Natalia?
When Raivis didn't answer, Lilli continued speaking. "Feliks wouldn't have wanted you to resent Toris the way you do. He wouldn't have made that sacrifice for the both of you just so you can be separated and harbor hateful feelings later on."
Though Lilli was right, Raivis couldn't help but feel defensive. She had never known Feliks, so how would she know what he would have wanted or not?
"You didn't know Feliks," he gumbled.
"I know enough from what you told me to know that he wouldn't have wanted things between you and Toris to end this way," she said.
Raivis kept his mouth shut tight. He knew she was right, yet he didn't want to acknowledge it. Maybe he enjoyed resenting Toris, just so he could have someone to blame for his misfortune in life. Was that really his thought process about Toris after all? His jaw clenched as he thought more about it. What was his real reasoning for resenting Toris? Was it only because he had betrayed Feliks, or was there something else lying deeper than he wished to look?
"Please say something," she quietly pleaded, worried that she had hurt him with her words.
"You're not wrong," Raivis slowly said, scrubbing absently at the same plate he had been scrubbing for the past five minutes. "Feliks wouldn't have wanted this. But Toris is not the same Toris that was in Poland with Feliks. He is now Natalia's Toris, and I hate it. More like I hate her."
"Hate is a strong word, Raivis," Lilli reminded.
"I know it is," Raivis answered. "But I really mean it. If Natalia had never stumbled into our lives, maybe I wouldn't resent Toris. If Natalia had never accepted Toris's love, then maybe I would've felt more hopeful about him."
"Why blame only Natalia?" Lilli asked. "Toris had something to do with it as well. It wasn't all just her. Love goes both ways."
Raivis sighed. "Then I wish he had never fallen in love with Natalia," he said. "That way we could've still been happy."
Lilli didn't want to comment on how unfair that seemed for Toris. She didn't want to upset Raivis any further. "I'll go work on my embroidery in the living room," she softly said before giving his arm a gentle squeeze and leaving the kitchen.
He turned slightly to watch her leave, wishing that they could have talked about happier things. He knew the topic of what happened with him and Toris was going to come up, but he really hoped he hadn't upset her too much. Making a mental note to apologize to her after chores, he went back to washing the dishes.
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Lilli's heart wasn't completely in her embroidering like it usually was. She couldn't help but feel that she had caused unnecessary tension between Raivis and herself. Her mind kept wandering to better things she could have said, but she knew she couldn't overthink all of it. It would only upset her more.
She cried out as the needle stabbed into her index finger. Her eyes watched a small pearl of blood form on her fingertip. Lilli quickly popped the finger into her mouth out of impulse, hating the metallic taste of her blood.
Vash was instantly in the doorway. "Is everything all right?" he asked her, eyes wide in concern.
Lilli quickly nodded. "Just pricked myself with my needle is all," she grudgingly muttered.
"Maybe you shouldn't embroider when something is on your mind," Vash said, leaning against the doorframe.
"How did you know something was on my mind?" she asked, looking up at him.
"The only time you prick your fingers is when your mind is occupied with other thoughts," he answered. "I pay attention to your mannerisms, Lilli. Now what is on your mind?" He moved to sit next to her on the sofa.
"Well I spoke with Raivis this morning about his cousin," she softly said, keeping her voice low so Raivis couldn't hear from the kitchen. "I think I upset him greatly, but it also upset me to see how resentful he is toward his cousin." Lilli folded her hands in her lap and focused her gaze on them. "You see, I think Toris is the only relative he knows is still alive after the war, and I feel as if they should stay on good terms, being all each other has left." She sighed. "But he seems to not want to make up with Toris at all."
Vash frowned. "Lilli, you care too deeply for people you just met. Yes, he has his own issues that need to be dealt with, but you can't make his issues yours as well." He sighed. "You have a kind heart, Little Sister, and those are the hearts that end up hurting the most at times. I am sorry that you have to experience it."
Lilli frowned as well. "I just want Raivis to be happy."
"What makes you think he's not happy here?" Vash asked. "After all, this is the place he wanted to be. Maybe he needed to get away from this Toris guy."
"But it's sad that he won't even let Toris know that he's alive and well," she answered. "I know he's happy here. He smiles a lot. But sometimes I wonder if those smiles aren't just a mask for something deeper."
Vash chuckled and ruffled Lilli's hair. "You think too much, Lil."
"Doesn't it make you sad?" Lilli asked her older brother.
He shrugged. "I have no opinion on it. I don't know Raivis well enough to decide for myself what should make me sad about him and what shouldn't."
She bit her lip. "I suppose you're right. You don't talk to him as much as I do." She picked her needle back up and began embroidering once more. "I just want him to be well."
"Don't make it your own mission to make sure he's happy," Vash reminded. "Let him figure things out for himself as well. I don't want you getting stressed out or upset over things like that. Because we don't even know how long Raivis will even be in our lives, Lilli. He might even be gone by this time next year."
Lilli's heart sunk at that. She wanted to ask Vash not to say things like that, but he would only ask why she was making such a request. Her mind wouldn't let herself even think about explaining the feelings she felt around Raivis, because she knew Vash would never understand. She doubted her brother never cared deeply about anyone but her. Part of her was glad that she was the center of his world, but the other part wished that there was a special woman in his life for him to care about just as much.
"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No, nothing," she answered. Her mouth formed into a forced smile. "Thank you for talking with me, Vash. I feel much better."
"Well that's good," he answered, standing up. "I'm going to get back to cleaning my ammunition room. If you need anything, don't be afraid to come to me."
"I won't," she answered. A genuine smile now played on her lips. "Have fun."
He laughed bitterly. "Oh yeah, I will."
She giggled and went back to her embroidery after he left. Her mind would not free her from the thought of Raivis, but at the same time, she didn't want it to. If her mind could be filled with positive thoughts of Raivis, she hoped she would never have to think of anything else.
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Raivis found Lilli in the living room about fifteen minutes later. His fingers were shriveled, but he felt accomplished. He saw Lilli struggling to thread her needle. "Would you like some help?" he asked her, sitting next to her on the sofa.
Exasperated, she handed over the needle and thread with a huff. "Please," she sighed. Her arms crossed over her chest in fury as she glared at the needle. "This is so stupid."
He threaded it with ease, ignoring her scowl when she handed it over. "Hey, I just want to say sorry for my behavior. I shouldn't have taken my frustration out while talking to you earlier. I hope you can forgive me."
Lilli blinked at him. "You mean it?" she asked.
"I had a lot of time to think while washing the dishes." He folded his hands in his lap. "You didn't deserve my attitude that I had."
"Thank you for your apology," Lilli told him. "I forgive you." She blushed and began embroidering once more. "Did you finish the dishes?"
"I did," he answered. "I'm just resting up a bit before tackling the pantry."
Lilli giggled. "Tackling?" she asked. "That sounds like a fun word. What other chores do you have to do?"
"Let's see," he said, looking up to the ceiling as he thought. "I have to sweep the pantry, water the indoor plants, sweep the walk outside, and clean the kitchen."
"You're a busy man today, Raivis," Lilli laughed. "I hope you'll have time to come and spend time with me."
Raivis felt his cheeks growing hot. "What makes you say that?"
"I enjoy talking with you, but you need to make sure your chores are done first," she answered. "Vash may become upset if not, and no one wants that."
"I feel as if he doesn't like me all too well," Raivis admitted with an uncomfortable laugh. "He is always really quiet around me and doesn't talk to me nearly as much as you do. Do you know if he's uncomfortable around me?"
"It's hard to say," she answered with a shrug. "But I'm sure he likes you. Why else would he let you live with us for this amount of time?"
"I suppose you're right," Raivis agreed. "Thank you for that." He grinned at Lilli. "So who are you embroidering this for?"
Lilli looked down at her embroidery. It was a sunflower with the sun shining down on it. "I'm not sure," she answered. "I don't know who I wish to give it to."
Raivis thought for a moment. "You're excellent at embroidery." He looked closer at it. "Is there anything else you do with embroidery."
"That's a secret," Lilli answered with a sly smile. The truth was, she had been working on an embroidery of the Latvian flag with Raivis's initials on it. She worked on it in her room, knowing that was the one place in the house where he wasn't allowed. "But I am working on another project."
"What is it?" Raivis asked in genuine interest. He leaned toward her, looking at the embroidery and her careful hand motions.
"It's a secret," she answered with a wink. "But I know you'll like it."
"It's for me?" he asked, eyes widening in surprise.
Her eyes widened as well. "Um, I mean…" How was she going to get out of that? "Yes," she softly answered, cheeks blushing a bright red. "It's for you."
"Then I can't wait to see it," Raivis finished.
Lilli's finger slipped as she pricked it once more. "Ouch!" she squeaked. Once more, she dropped the embroidery and popped her finger in her mouth. The metallic taste hit her taste buds once more and she frowned.
"Are you okay?" Raivis asked. He grabbed her hand, pulling her finger out of her mouth to inspect it. "It doesn't look too bad." One single pearl of blood came out, but that was it. "It looks as if it's done bleeding."
She blinked in surprise at him. "You think so?" she asked, unable to say anything else. "I mean, it didn't hurt that bad." Her face was a deep red, she could feel it.
He inspected it further. "Yeah, it's good." Raivis smiled at her. "You're good now."
Though the pain was gone, neither of them let go of the other's hand. Lilli looked up into his blue eyes and felt her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red. Raivis looked back into her green eyes, feeling his face growing hot. He couldn't bring himself to let go of her hand, even if he was going to be dead if Vash were to talk in.
"Raivis…" Lilli softly said. She couldn't bring herself to look away from him.
"Does your finger still hurt?" he asked, fishing for an excuse to keep her hand in his.
"A little," she softly said, hoping that he wouldn't let go. She looked away from him for a moment, the intensity in his eyes starting to get to her. "I should get a bandage. This is the second time I have done this today."
"You should be more careful," Raivis told her. "What made you do it the first time?"
"I wasn't thinking clearly," Lilli answered. "It was my fault." She looked back up at him. "But thank you for worrying about me, Raivis. You are very kind."
"I try," he answered.
The two of them sat there like that for a few moments. Lilli moved her fingers to lace them between his as they gazed into each other's eyes. She could feel herself being drawn to him and wondered if this was what being in love felt like. Her mind had an inner desire to kiss him, but she knew she couldn't give in. It was too early.
Raivis found it harder to hold his feelings back for the beautiful girl before him. He could feel his heart racing in his chest and was wondering if she was feeling that as well. "Lilli, I…"
"You what?" she asked him. Her heart raced in her chest.
"May I kiss you?" he asked. He blushed a bright red. "I have never kissed a girl in my life, and I was wondering if you could be my first kiss…"
Lilli stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes. "Okay," she softly said. Her heart felt caught in the throat. "I have never kissed anyone either," she admitted, looking down.
Raivis smiled at her and moved forward. He felt his lips connect to hers, and it was a feeling like nothing he could describe. Though he had never kissed a girl before, he knew that it was supposed to feel magical and perfect. This kiss felt even more amazing than that. Everything felt perfect, but electrifying at the same time. He wondered if Lilli felt it as well.
When they pulled apart, Lilli's face was as red as the Latvian flag. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him. She couldn't find any words to say. All she wanted was to kiss him again, so she did.
Raivis could feel his blood rushing in his ears. He was glad that she kissed him back. All he wanted was to keep kissing her and experiencing the feeling, but before he could, the atmosphere suddenly went dark.
A voice was heard from the doorway moments later. "What the hell are you two doing?"