Chapter 160: Conflicting Promises

"Namine!" Riku called, running slightly to catch up to her.

She paused, let out a long breath, then turned to him, looking rather annoyed.

"Riku, I thought I told you to get all that sorted-"

"I know," he interrupted. "I just… I…" He swallowed, not sure what to say. He just wanted to make this better. The idea of having a fight with Namine left a bad taste in his mouth. They'd never really… fought before. Not- not like this. He couldn't remember them fighting like this, at least. Fighting, maybe, but it was usually over trivial things that he couldn't remember later.

"Are- are you mad?" he stuttered, unable to come up with anything better.

"Of course I am, Riku!" she said. Her voice was shaking with some sort of emotion he couldn't define. Was that really anger?

At him?

He swallowed another time. "Can- can I-" he tried, but he couldn't get the words out.

Namine rolled her eyes, looking frustrated, but understanding. "Riku, I just-" she said, but she had to stop, too. It was funny how fleeting words could be when you needed them the most. "I- I don't want you doing this!"

Her words came out as something between a shout and a plea. Riku stood there, staring at her, feeling very, very useless right now, and not sure what to do about it.

"Okay," he said. He was having a lot of trouble getting his throat to work right. "Wh- why not?"

"I don't want to be separated from you," Namine replied.

It was just that. That simple. No extra words, no emotions, nothing in the way that could muddle exactly what she meant. The meaning was crystal clear, and Riku wasn't sure how to respond right away.

"It's… only a week," he said, finally. That seemed like the best thing to say. "We- we won't be separated for long."

"Not now, no, but-" Her voice caught, then. "But if they're right—" And her voice broke and she shut her mouth. She was trembling now, though Riku couldn't gauge if it was fear or anger or what from where he was. He wanted to comfort her, hold her tight and stop the trembling, but that… that didn't feel like a good idea right now.

He took a step closer to her anyway. Her eyes were fixed on him, watching him. He swallowed again—his throat was really tight right now—and opened his mouth to speak, though he couldn't think of any words to make this better and all other words seemed useless.

Namine spoke, then, saving him the trouble of having to come up with something. "I- I said I'd never leave you." And she looked down now, her confidence faltering, and now she was mumbling. "That I'd- stay with you… no matter what."

Riku frowned. He didn't… remember that. And he felt like he should; that this was definitely one of those things he should've remembered. But he didn't remember it.

"When- when did you say that?"

He felt awful for having to ask.

"When…" Namine swallowed. "Remember when you were accidently electrocuted? And then- then you told me about Larxene?"

He nodded.

"After that. While you were sleeping," Namine continued. "You kept having nightmares, and you were worried that I'd leave you and I- I promised that I'd never leave you. That I'd- I'd always be with you. By your side."

No, he definitely didn't remember that. He felt terrible about it, seeing as it meant so much to her, but…

"I- I don't… I don't remember that."

He had to be honest with her.

"I know," she said. Her voice was wavering, though her eyes had met his again. "That's why I'm saying it again. I promise I'll never leave you. That I'll always be by your side. No matter what happens."

He wasn't sure what to say. How should he respond? This was usually the other way around. He was the one making promises to her. But… now she'd made him one, and…

And she'd just said she'd spend forever with him.

"Namine…" he whispered.

Forever? With Namine? That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. But. No. He couldn't let her make this promise. He couldn't accept it. He couldn't spend forever with her, not if it was going to hurt her. And if he was causing her meltdowns…

"You can't-" he began.

"I know," she said. "I can't really never leave you. It's not… realistic. But if I could… I'd…" She was looking away from him again. Off to the side. Her voice was quiet, too, not that he had to strain to hear her. "Spend my every second with you. If I could… I'd spend forever in your arms…" She chuckled then. "But that's even less realistic. But if I could-"

They were closer to each other than they had been before. Had she stepped closer to him, or was it the other way around? Riku wasn't sure. All he knew was that Namine looked maybe a little upset, and that he was close enough to wrap his arms around her… pull her close… just like she wanted…

But, no. No. He had to focus. If he really was causing her meltdowns—

"Namine," he began, hoping to catch her attention. And then he'd try and calm her down. He'd pull her close and hold her tight and calm her down that way, but telling her she couldn't promise to spend forever with him while she was in his arms seemed counter-productive.

"Namine, listen," he said. "I can't let you-"

She wasn't listening.

"I want to spend forever with you," she said, firmly. The look in her eyes was fiercely determined. "I don't- I don't ever want to leave you."

This was a promise he couldn't let her make.

He took her face in his hands, hoping to catch her attention and stop her from talking for a moment and maybe even comfort her at the same time.

"I don't want to leave you, either," he told her, gently.

Her cheeks were wet, he realized, now that he was holding her face in his hands. She was crying. His stomach plummeted. He really hated it when she cried, and—

"Then- then tell them you won't do this," she choked. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and her voice cracked. "That you refuse. That I refused."

He squeezed his eyes shut, too.

"I can't…"

He wanted to tell her otherwise. He wanted to stop her tears. But he had to do this. There was a chance he was causing her meltdowns. He had to be positive. He had to be positive that it was safe before he agreed to spend forever with her.

"Riku, please, if they're right—"

He touched his forehead to hers, taking a deep breath, though it was shaky. It was hard to hold himself together. And being this close to Namine, breathing her air, really wasn't helping.

"I can't stand seeing you suffer," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Anything to stop the meltdowns. Even- even if that means… even if it means spending forever away from you…"

Namine sobbed slightly.

"But, Riku- I promised—"

She promised. But he'd made a promise, too. A long time ago.

"I promised I wouldn't let anything hurt you, Namine."

There was a moment of silence. Namine was trembling again. Riku started to wipe her tears away, to comfort her, but she pulled away from him.

"Why are you so stubborn!?" she demanded, voice shaking as she reached up and wiped her own tears away.

It took Riku a few swallows before he got his voice working again.

"Because I-"

"Forget it!" she snapped, shaking her head and taking another few steps away from him. "Do whatever you want. Maybe I don't need to spend forever with you."

He stumbled back, as if her words had been a physical thing and he'd been struck. It felt like he'd been—actually, being struck would've hurt less. His heart ached, and it stung, and, great, was he crying?

He reached up to wipe his eyes. Yup. Those were tears.

Namine was walking away, now.

And he hurt and maybe he didn't want to try talking to her again, but-

"Wait, Namine!" he called.

He hoped his voice really didn't sound as pitiful as he thought it sounded.

"Don't bother, Riku," she replied, not even turning around. "Go get things taken care of. I'll be in my room."

Riku stood there, not sure what to do. It was like his world had come to a stop. He couldn't move. He couldn't really breathe. Not until Namine wasn't mad at him anymore.

"Fine!" he called. "I- I won't go."

She turned to him, slowly. She studied him for a minute, and then her face softened, and she took a few steps toward him again.

"No, Riku… you…" She sighed. "You really want to do this, don't you?"

"I- yeah." He couldn't deny that. No. "I mean, I'm not… crazy about being separated from you, but I really want to figure out how to make your meltdowns stop." He paused for a split second. Was this the right thing to say? Probably not. He wanted to make her not mad at him. But he couldn't keep the words from tumbling out of his mouth. "They hurt you, Namine, and I really don't like seeing you hurt! I'd- if this'll help, then… there's no harm trying."

"You should go, then," she said.

He frowned. What? But she didn't want him to go. She wanted to spend forever with him, or, at least, he was pretty sure that's where they were still at. She wanted to spend forever with him but wouldn't happen if he really was causing her meltdowns and… She didn't want to find out, but he needed to, and—

"You sure?" he asked. "I know you're not happy with the idea—"

"I'm not," she said. "But." She paused for a second, and then smiled, though it looked a little forced. "But, y'know, it'll be good for you. Getting out of this Castle! I don't know how you've survived, cooped up here like this."

Was that- was that a joke? Were they joking again already?

It felt really odd, especially since they'd been arguing not ten seconds ago.

"Hey, I'm starting to like my room a lot more!" he said, trying to keep the upbeat mood she was apparently trying to set.

She smiled, and it was a genuine smile. He liked her smile.

"Thanks," she said. "But… you should go."

He grimaced, unsure of what to say. He was so confused. She was agreeing with him now, but she'd been upset before, and arguing, and they'd had different opinions but now she was siding with him and- why? Why would she do that? Was she still mad at him? Was she—

"You don't want me to go, though…" he said, slowly.

"No!" she said, quickly.

Okay. That hadn't changed.

"But-" she continued. "But I don't have any good reasons for it... Not any that'll convince Alpha, anyway. Besides the gut feeling, all I can come up with is that I had meltdowns before I came here and started spending so much time with you."

"You did?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I had meltdowns back on Destiny Islands when you were here and we weren't seeing each other all the time… It was- was only a few, though- I don't even want to bring it up!" She threw her hands up in the air, before letting them fall. "Because, I mean, it was only a few. And, me and you, we've… got this connection. And I know what's going on in your head so much of the time and- and if Alpha's right, and it really is your emotions triggering the memories inside of me, then the fact we've got this connection easily explains why I had a few meltdowns when we were nowhere near each other!"

Riku swallowed.

"I could still tell Alpha-"

"It's not worth it, okay?" Namine snapped, before he could say anything further. "I honestly think this is a load of bologna because- it's not like distance is going to matter much, seeing as we've got this connection, but- whatever!" She shrugged, helplessly. "You want to do this, so, go ahead."

"Namine, really, if you-"

"Riku!"

He stopped. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be safe. From the looks of things, he was going to be lucky if he even got one of those.

Namine stared at him, looking very frustrated and very much like she had no idea what to say anymore, either. "Just. Go ahead, alright?" she said. "I don't- I don't see any point in arguing with you anymore. I don't want you to do this, no, but that's not going to change anything. So go ahead and do it."

And she walked off.

Riku didn't have the courage to stop her again.