QUESTION 6
Dear Joker,
I've recently gained a number of scars around my wrists and hands thanks to my new cat, and I often find people staring at them. I've explained what caused the marks many times, but I get the feeling not everyone believes the explanation and thinks I'm self-injuring. I don't want to cover them up for fear of adding further suspicion. How would you handle it?
Lauren
- - - REPLY - - -
Hell-O
hell-oooo...oOooo...o...OO.o...O
hell-OOooooooOooooooo O o
HELLO... lauReNnnnnn.
So you'Ve got youRSelf a Kitty cat. does iT have the letter "M" on its kiTTy cat foRehead? (emmmmmmm) i liKe that letter. Some gReat words begiN with M.
like monster. And maelsTRom and
Maniacal. maliCe
meNacing. (here, kittY kITty kitty)
M . e . r . c . i . l . e . S . s
(C'mere, KittY. come HERE!)
So does MussoLini. ha hAha Ha haha fascism hA
And one of mY favorite woRds…
ME.
it's also the first leTTer in the word Manx. Is your kitty Cat a Manx, Lauren? If it's noT, you can maKe it one with one quick chop. i've got a Perfect tool for that. Heh haha ha Ha. Tool. Ha
WhaT do i advise, yOU ask? (me me me she asKed ME)
do NOT cover up yoUr scars, do you Hear me, kiTTy cat LAuren? meeeeoooowwwwwwww heh heh, ha
Cat rhyMes with BAT But cat and bat don't reallY rhyme with twat, do they? mmMmmmm, no nope No same speLLing but pronouNced differently. Can i petiTion someone about that? (There, you see?) That rhymes with cat AND bat. But twat sort of standS on its own. who iS in charge of the engliSh language, aNYway?
scars tell the world wHo you ARE.
Do you know who I am?
Do you KNOW who i AM?
Sure my clothing is a biT on the LOUD end of the color SPECtrum i like loud and i blow up builDings with D.A.'s in them and my knives give mE a wide berth when I walK into McDonald's for my quarter pounder WITH cheese, thankyouveryMuch (supersiZe me, BABY!)
but it's really...
the
SCARS
That define me.
...wanT me to teLL you - in PERsoN - how i got 'eM?
am i mAKing my poinT, kitty cat Lauren? (I'm shoRTening that to kiTTen)
your new scaRs... If people stare at 'em…
GOoD
you can't Spell "scare" without "scar", can You? That's Because scars are scary.
Scar + e = scare, which doesn't begin with M but is still a GReaT word. heh heh...
So tape some mice (ha Ha more fun with the letteR emmmmm) to your forearMs by their liTTle mousey Tails and let your kittY cat scratch the heLL out of your aRms. Then i want you to rub salT in the fresh CuTs so they'll be AGITATeD and red.
Buy some nEon yeLLow poster board, cut out big aRRows and tape theM to your arms at the eLBoWs, so they Point to the sCAr(e)s. ha ha Haaaaaa
Then NO ONE will be able to iGnore them. Ha ha ha haHa hA! Watch people bAck away from you when they See your scaRs. It'S because they're scared of you. Scaring people is funnnnnn
Right, Kitten?
if they tHinK you injuRe yourself...
SO WHAT?
If i find out That you've been coVering up your ScaRs, I will sneak into your bedroom whiLe you sLeep and GIVE you scars that you can't eVer ever EVER cover up. Heh.
-JokeR
p.S. mildew Begins with M that woRD maKes me LauGH ha
p. P. s. Send me a phoTO of your kitty cat. I wanna plaY with it. reaLLy, thaT's it. (ha ha haHahA ha Ha) i promise. Trust meeeeeeee...
Seriously, who Took my KNifE?
-4oC, 2009.07.03