Here we go! This roller coaster ride is just getting to the good stuff!

To LionsandTrolls: Damn, I was hoping to surprise people. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosy. And hopefully Skulduggery is hot enough for you. Just don't get burned *is promptly shot by Skulduggery*.

How take your damn chapter and leave me to die in peace. Exams are a more terrible killer than Lord Vile/a pissed of Skulduggery.

Chapter 6 – C'est la Vie

When Skulduggery woke up, he couldn't move, his head ached, there was an excruciating pain in his chest and his legs felt as if there were several dozen knives stuck in them. Everything he heard was distorted and echoing in his skull, clamping a vice over his head, and whenever he tried to look at something, it triggered stabs of pain in his eye sockets, as if he had eyes there and they were being stabbed out.

And he couldn't move. Did that cross his mind already? He couldn't remember.

'Something's wrong,' Vile muttered quietly.

'I think I got that, you dumb-ass.'

"...ulduggery?"

Skulduggery flinched, growling in discomfort. He recognised the words but the voice was still ringing painfully.

"Are you okay?"

He recognised that voice. It was Ghastly's. Sounds were clearing up a little, now. He tried to answer, but his ability to speak had deserted him, and all that he could manage was a 'wonderfully intelligent' grunt. Damn, even that hurt.

"Shut up, you," a woman snapped. Synecdoche. "We still don't know what to make of this yet and you may hurt yourself."

If Skulduggery had a face, he would have frowned. What was wrong with him? He tried speaking again, and this time he managed to croak out a small 'What..?'

Synecdoche sighed. "What did I just tell you?"

"If I may, Doctor," Ghastly offered. Skulduggery's vision was still a mess, so he couldn't see any of the looks that may have passed between his friend and the doctor. "Skulduggery, something happened in the caves; a magical surge of sorts. It hit you hard, and... The outcome came as a shock to us all."

Skulduggery tensed. This wasn't good.

"Ah, ah, ah," Synecdoche barked. "Relax, or you could end up hurting yourself."

Okay, now he was actually quite scared. "What happened?" he rasped.

"Try sitting up," Synecdoche instructed, as if he'd never said anything. "Do it slowly."

Thoroughly worried, Skulduggery obeyed. It hurt like hell to move, and it took a lot of willpower not to let the pained groan that was rising up in his empty chest escape him. He felt Ghastly grip his upper arm to help him, and when he was finally sitting up straight on the hospital bed; overwhelming pain shot through his mind. Groaning, he lifted his hand to clutch his head.

Fingers intertwined with long, messy hair...

Skulduggery froze, but relaxed when he came to a conclusion.

"Very funny, Ghastly," he croaked. "Putting up my facade, hehe... hilarious..." He lowered his hand to his collarbone, brushing against flesh that didn't recede...

"Skulduggery, that's... not your facade..." Ghastly said quietly. "Like I said... it was a shock to all of us."

Skulduggery was shaking, his mind in suddenly turmoil as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Air was rushing from his mouth, and his shoulders were rising and falling rapidly. "S-stop... stop messing around..." he growled weakly. "That's not... that's not..."

"Pleasant," Synecdoche said, her tone firm. "Calm down."

The facade only covers my skull and neck, Skulduggery thought frantically. He brought his hand to his abdominal area, hardly prepared for the hard, wiry muscle beneath the hospital gown that met his grip.

"N-no," he stuttered harshly, denial flooding his being. "No. No, nononono..."

"Calm down, Skulduggery," Ghastly reassured, placing a hand on Skulduggery's shoulder, only to recoil when the once dead man flinched violently at his touch.

"I... I n-n-need a-a m-mirror," Skulduggery stammered. He literally stammered; his words slurred and messy. Synecdoche nodded, handing him the small handheld mirror that she kept in her pocket. He took it, his flesh-covered hands shaking uncontrollably to the point that he almost dropped it, and looked at his reflection.

Wide, panicked eyes stared back at him, the deep purple irises mere slivers around pinprick pupils.

A high, strangled sound escaped his lips, and he fainted.

Erskine looked up from where he was sat with Valkyrie, Tanith, Saracen and Dexter; alerted by a strangled, half scream half moan coming from the closed off ward where Skulduggery was. It sounded like a dying dog, and the others must have heard it too.

Worried, they all got up and walked over, only to be stopped by Clarabelle.

"Sorry," she said, determination replacing the wistful look that usually filled her eyes. "I can't let you in. Only one visitor at a time; Doctor's orders."

"Clarabelle, please," Valkyrie insisted. "I need to see what's wrong. That's our friend in there."

The girl; who's hair had been died pink today; shook her head. "Only one visitor," she repeated.

Saracen sighed, and his shoulders slumped. "Okay, then," he said.

Moments later, Ghastly's head poked out of the ward curtain. "He fainted," he stated, worry glinting in his eyes. "Clarabelle, Doctor Synecdoche wants you to check the Pups for her. They've started to wake up."

The strange girl grinned happily at the mention of the three little patients, and skipped into the ward. Everyone's eyes met with Ghastly's.

"Mind if we come in?" Valkyrie asked. "We won't cause any trouble."

Ghastly considered it, waiting a few moments before speaking. "I'll ask Synecdoche," he said. "It might do him some good to see some more familiar faces."

He retreated back into the ward, and hushed voices were heard. A few minutes later, he reappeared and nodded.

"Keep quiet," he murmured. There were nods of consent, and came into the ward. Valkyrie went first, then Clarity and Erskine, followed by Saracen and Dexter. Tanith hung back, just outside the curtain.

Lying on the bed closest to the entrance was a tall, long-limbed-but-not-lanky man of around thirty, with long, tangled, dark blonde hair, high cheekbones and a strong, square jaw. The hospital gown he wore hung loosely over a frame that was clearly too thin to be healthy. His eyes were closed, and his pale face; which bore several faint scars; was creased with stress.

"Please refrain from crowding him," Synecdoche requested; her tone clipped and formal. Everyone obeyed, not wanting to risk the doctor's wrath.

After ten minutes of fretful waiting, the blonde man finally stirred, a harsh groan escaping his lips. It was Skulduggery's voice, but it was hardly the velvety tones that anyone was used to. He blinked awake, revealing almond-shaped eyes with amethyst irises. Eyes like Clarity's.

Sitting up, the man rubbed his eyes, still groaning. When he was fully awake, he looked at the group with a defeated expression on his face.

"I wasn't dreaming, was I?" he asked, voice still harsh, and a little hesitant. Nothing like the Skeleton Detective's. "I-I'm really..?"

Ghastly nodded, a half-hearted smile gracing his scarred features. "You're alive, again," he said. "And actually alive this time."

Valkyrie wasn't entirely sure how she'd expected Skulduggery to react to having his living, breathing body back. Half of her had predicted an angry outburst, the other half had expected him to be happy.

She wasn't expecting him to curl up into a ball and shiver uncontrollably, looking for all the world as if he was going to burst into tears.

Frowning, she walked up to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Skull?" she ventured, unsure of what to say. This was completely unfamiliar territory for her.

Skulduggery lifted his head to look at her, eyes glimmering wetly.

"Okay, who are you, and what've you done to Skulduggery Pleasant?"

A harsh, throaty laugh escaped Skulduggery's lips, and a smile met his eyes. "He went on vacation," he joked weakly. "You're stuck with the shivering wreck until he remembers to come back."

Valkyrie smiled, glad she was getting somewhere. "I guess I'll have to send a postcard."

After five minutes of the same repetitive exchange of banter, Synecdoche swooped in. "I'm afraid you'll have to leave," she said. "Visiting hours are almost over for now, and I need to run some final tests. You can come back in the afternoon."

There no protest, and the visitors vacated, leaving Skulduggery alone.

Skulduggery wasn't a man to feel fear, yet he couldn't help but feel very scared in this insanely new position he'd found himself in, and for some reason, that same fear was lurking in the back of his mind where Vile resided.

It seemed they'd have to figure this out together…

After a sequence of thorough physical examinations, Skulduggery was given a bowl of liquidised vegetable soup to eat, because Synecdoche didn't think his stomach could handle solid foods yet. She was proven to be more than right, when five minutes after he'd swallowed the first mouthful, he had his head in a bucket as he emptied the contents of his stomach into it. He spent the next half hour in that position as he repeatedly dry heaved and trembled feverishly. Tears streamed uncontrollably down his face, and his skin was dry and hot to the touch, raising concern from the doctor.

"You'll have to stay in for a few days. At least until you're a little more stable," Doctor Synecdoche said. Skulduggery didn't bother responding.

Ghastly came in a few hours later with Valkyrie to find Skulduggery sat on the edge of the bed with his arms on his knees and his head resting against one of them. He didn't look too good. In fact, he looked horrible.

"How's our best detective?" Ghastly asked, his voice full of optimism.

"Please, just kill me now," Skulduggery moaned, sounding as if he genuinely wanted to die again.

Ghastly frowned and walked over to him, tilting his head up to take in his bloodshot eyes and flushed, yet sunken cheeks.

"Not doing too well, huh?" he said.

"What's it look like?"

Ghastly sighed. "Valkyrie, mind getting him a glass of water? Make sure it's cold."

Valkyrie nodded and picked up a glass that was on the bedside table, leaving to find a water fountain.

Ghastly sat down on the bed next to Skulduggery and rubbed his back gently. He felt the man's ribs through the hospital gown.

"I'm going to shoot whoever did this to me," Skulduggery vowed weakly.

"They certainly seem to have done more harm than good," Ghastly mused.

"I'm going to be out of bloody work for who knows how long."

"You'll need a new wardrobe, too."

"Are you offering to make me one?"

"Something other than suits, Skulduggery. Having a stomach means going out to buy food, and wearing suits day in, day out might raise some eyebrows, no matter how exquisitely made they are."

"Is that a 'no' then?"

Ghastly rolled his eyes. "I'll make you something, just don't complain when it turns out to be something other than a suit."

At that moment, Valkyrie walked in with a glass that dripped condensation from the water inside it.

"Drink up," she said, handing Skulduggery the glass, which he gratefully took and brought to his dry lips. Ghastly had to hold him back from completely chugging it down, lest he somehow drown himself or get sick again.

"Better?" Valkyrie asked when he was done.

Skulduggery nodded. "Much," he said. It showed too; his cheeks were a little less flushed and his posture was straighter. "Do they know how I got my body back? I'd sure like to."

Valkyrie shook her head. "China's looking into it. She think the three kids we found there might have some sort of link to it."

"Kids?"

"Long story short; we found three kids in the caves. We're just as surprised as you. Synecdoche won't let us near them, but Clarabelle calls them 'the Pups.'"

"Hardly the strangest thing she's done since I met her."

"True. Look, I need to go. Try not to drown yourself or… whatever else could happen to you now that you're alive again."

Skulduggery smirked, a flicker of his old ego rising up. "No promises."

"Shut up, you are not getting yourself into another calamity, and that's final."

"Of course, mother."

Back again.

Look, I know that this seems to be strange behaviour for Skul, but I figured regaining his living, breathing body would be somewhat traumatic, and the reason he's in such shitty condition is because whatever gave him his body back, it didn't exactly have the best idea of what a healthy human's physical state should really be. Damn entities need to read up on human biology...