QUESTION 7

Dear Joker,

Is it a bad thing that I want to know how you got those scars? And I mean how you really got them, not some lame cover-up you throw around because you don't have enough balls to tell the truth. You know it's true - if you were as secure in yourself as you act, you would have told everyone exactly what happened when you got that wonderful smile.

-Middie

- - - REPLY - - -

Ahhhh… aha, ha. Ha haaaa.

Ha. hA. HA.

Well, now. MidDie.

Mid-E

haHa ha hA haaaAAaaaaaA... ha hAha hahahastinKin'fresHMouthedbrathaha

M.i.D.d.i.E

...ahhhh ha ha mid-eeeeEeeee

areN't you the feiSTy one, mmmmMM?

Mmmmmmiddie…

You knoW what they sAY about curIosity…

kiLLs the Kitty, killS the kiTTy, kills the kiTTy kitty KItty

(sounDs like miDDie)

WoRds truly canNot convey how soRrY i am that I can'T ansWer your Question in peRson.

...you knOw...

UP CLOsE anD PerSonal.

...CurioSITy kills THE kittY...

...cuRiosity kiLLs the middiE...

the trUth is, liTTle middie, that I only tell that sTory to people… in PErson.

...WHat a shame... i wouLd reAlly enjoy teLLinG you that story fAce to FacE.

ThEre's just one little proBLem… since i'm tek-nick-Lee a "cRiminal", I caN't meet yoU on the strEEt somewhere, even in hErE in gotHAM.

(gotHAM? Got haM? Got miLK?)

Oh, poopers, Middie! I REaLLY like your SnoT-nosed attitude. i wish I coUld tHink of A way to—

wait a 2nd…

i could have soMe of my men bring you to Me! LeT's do that, shaLL we?

See, I'm gOOd frienDs with the MoB in GothaM reaLLy good friends we LIKE to punk each other From tiMe to timE. it's our tHing. When I stole their $$monEy$$ from some BanKS around Gotham, they thouGht it was preTTy fUnny and cleVer of me. (Yes they DID yes tHey did)

So we're Pals now. honESt. We get aLong famouSly. haHa

since this IS an advice column, here's what I would adVise yOU to Do, so you can mEEt me, m'KaY, miDDiE?

TomoRrow night at 11:30pM, go throUgh the bAck door of a Little Eye-tal-yun food JoiNT called "Trattorio's", in East GothAm, near the corNer of 46th and KeLLer (killer... kill her) AveNUe. Tell them yOU're looKing for the "cappo bass-tone-ee". That's how You pronounce iT. That's Italian for "Joker's best frieND".

when they BRing you to him, tell him, "You really tOOk one up the ass wHen the JoKer hit your Banks, right, ya wop faGGot?" ("wOP faggot" is actually iTalian for "swell gUy".) It may souND a bit crude, but it's juSt a code phrase, actually. Follow that uP with, "Did I interRuPt you dagos (proNounced day-goes) from youR nightly circle jerK?" You don't nEEd to know what that means, MiddIE. He'll know, and he'll lauGh good-naturedLy, sLAP his thigh, and oFfer to take yOu to me RigHT after he giVes You a lolliPoP for your cleVer phraSing.

Oooh... I jusT

can't WAIT

for you to mEEt him! You'LL maKe such an imprEssion on hIM. ahhh haHa hAha...HA

And if, for some oDD reason, we're unABle to conneCt toMorRow night after you haHa inVoKe the SpeCIAL Joker CluB Super SecRet phrases with THE capo bastone (haha Ha), I'll Just haVe to come lOOking for you.

(...pRobably on the BaCK of milk carTons or sleePing with the Fishes in GoTham's East RiVer)

Got miLK, Middie?

-joKer

-4oC, 2009.07.08