QUESTION 10
Dear Mr. Joker,
Do you wear that clown make-up 24 hours a day? Even when you're brushing your teeth, eating, or sleeping? Your skin seems pretty clear and acne-free, so I assume you use oil-free, animal-tested, dermatologist-recommended make-up products on your face. And can you tell me the salon where I can get a perm like yours? And what is the exact shade of dye that you use to get your hair such a perfect shade of greenish-blonde? I would love to hear about your beauty/fashion secrets!
Love,
Nihara
P.S Where did you get your clothing tailored?-purple is my favorite color:)
- - - REPLY - - -
Uhhh….
nO.
...no No no nO NO no…..nuh uh…. Nope
Soooo… NiHARa...
...let mE gueSS: i'm just suPposed tO beLieVe you'Re a raNdoM person aSKing me rAnDOm quesTions, Just for kiCKs and giGgLes… right?
juSt how STuPid do yOu think i AM?
"MisTer joKeR"? ...(hmMmm, where have I hEard that bee-4?)
"NiHara"? ...(FunNy, fuNny funnn-eeee how that's an aNagram of "RhiaNa".)
EFF YOU (en en why) fUnnY
Not the bEst waY to coNCeaL your iDenTity from meeeEe, Rhiana… but I GueSs i coulDn't eXpecT much mOre (rhYmes with wHore - coIncideNce?) than that froM a boRed littLe rich gIrl from GothAm's WeST side, wHose dadDy put her in Arkham beCause she fAked two suIciDe aTTtemPts and mOpes aRounD like A goTh wanNa-Be.
So, RHIaNA, youR sTaLKing efForts have PaiD off, eVEn from WitHin Your coZy littLe rOom in Arkham. yOu reaLLy pisseD me off whEn i was in arKHam, anD you'Re piSSing me oFF noW.
(peRsiSTent littLe paRasitE, aren't you? NOT what I nEEded toDay. FirSt i spiLL Dr. pePPer on the ranSom note I wRote for the haMsTer I stoLe from GothaM PEt empORium, and now i get tHis noTe from YoU.)
Mother fuc!#%^$
.
.
i canNot BeLiEVE that you're stiLL puLLinG this, aFTer eVerythiNG I saiD to YOU...
Jesus H. ChrIst on a Ritz cracKer!
wHy on a Ritz cracker, you aSK? BecAuse cHRistiaNs beLieve he's LorD and saVior, so not JuSt any cRacKer wouLd do. CeRTainly not a SaltIne, and WAsa breaD wouLd be sCRatcHy on his BaCk. RitZ has a deLectable buTTery hiNt, whIch is why i prefeR it as a cruNchy comPLemeNt to a sPreaD of the Holy SoN.
You're a ChriSTian, Rhiana. how doEs it make yOu feeL to know i'M sLinging the saVIor arouNd liKe he was a tAblespoon of Jif? (chOOsy moMs cHoose jiF! That's why mY momMy fed me geNeric peaNut buTTer) CominG to a daIry isLe near you: CrocK 'o Christ, for those LooKing for a low-caRb, sanCTimoNious, hoLier-than-thou condiment (condom-ant). look For it next to the SpRay bottLes of I CaN't BelieVe It's Not BlasPHemY.
LisTen up, biTch.
I've saiD thIs CoUNTLess Times beFore, but i wiLL say it aGaIN.
In no uncerTain terMs: i aM not iNTereSted in You.
Not inteRestEd. NOT.
…Like I toLd you wheN you sTooD neXt to me in Line fOR eVeninG meds, on the nIGht I broKe Dr. bLaKely's arm.
...unDERstanD?
I acTuaLLy reallY disPiSe you,
…like I toLd you As you cLunG to my anKLes when i waLKed acroSs Arkham's couRtYard afTer PanCaKE DaY in the cAfeteRia. (tHough i LAughed ha ha Haha when I sAw hoW bLooDied the gRaveL made your knEEs. haHa you'Re dumB)
...comPREndE?
i tHink you have the Face of a pug
…which I yeLLed for the wHole rec rOOm to heaR, on the NIght when you tRIed to sit on mY Lap, bloCking my view of BumBLe when RudoLph the Red-NosED ReindEEr was on tV.
...caPice?
I thINk you have the boDy of a tuRnip, and tHe i.Q. to mATch.
…which i shouTed as I eLbowed you in The choPs, after you gRabBed my UNiT right afTer I kicKed the aSSes of PoisoN Ivy, the ridDLer and the ScarecRow in CanDy Land.
I don't LiKe you.
...Got it?
i meant it tHe firST time I sAid it...AnD I meAn it now fOR the tWo-huNDred and eIghTY-seVenTH tiMe I'm saYing it.
I meAn, ChrIST on a biKe, you'Re oBTuse!
And yeAh, that's rIght, now hE's moVeD on from beiNG a spRead on caRBohyDrate snacK fOOds to rIding a recREatioNal spOrtinG veHicle. I PiCTure him on a blue SchwiNn, myseLf. With a LiTTle bell.
...oooh, ... here... it... comes...(Ding ding!)
Ha. What dO you thINk of THAT, RhiAna? i stucK jEsus on a bIKe. I'll stIck him wheRever i want to. I'm preTTy damNed thouGhtfuL, 'cauSe A bikE is a heLL of a loT more comFortABLe than a croSs, righT? (Bet those spiKey-thingums hurT, too.)
OffenDed, RhIana?
JesuS won't smIte me bEcause I'Ve got tOO much peRsonaLity. SomEthinG you're sOreLy LacKing.
So sTop coNTactinG me. stoP senDing me PResents. StOp asKing me wHere i get my cLothes DonE and where I bUy my maKe up So you cAn go to tHOse stoRes on a wEEkend pass froM Arkham to aSk the saLes peoPle how scaRy I was whEn I shopPed there.
...i'M the JokEr.
...I'M scAry. casE cLoseD.
You + mE = NeVer gonNa HaPPen
AnD sTop teLLing eveRyone aT Arkham that you weRe my girLfrienD. I can haVe my picK of anY womaN in GothAm I wanT. I'm a ceLebriteeeee. Do you reaLLy thiNK i'd chooSe to be wiTh you? A LiTTLe persPecTiVe heRe, pLeasE?
ChriSt on cRutcHes! (uH oh, Jesus feLL oFF the biKe. Ha.)
The only reaSon I diDn't kiLL you in ArkHam is that I hoPed the sCouRge of your veRy preSence wouLd drIVe otheR inmAtEs to hang theMseLVes or seT thEmsElves on fiRe foR my enTertaInmeNt. If i eveR sEE you out of aRkham, I'm sharPening up mY kniVes on your FaCE, and I'm uSing youR bOdY as a piN-cusHion.
Go sTaLK sOmeoNe eLse. LiKE dR. JonnY CraNe. he reaLLy liKes it wheN peoPLe TouCH hiM withOut peRmisSion. Ha haHa.
-jOker, dEus Magnus eLephantItis
bTw, sOon, more peoPLe wiLL sEE that I'm a dieTy too, and pEOpLe Will be sPReaDing ME on cracKers in coLLoquial eXpresSions. MayBe even wIth grape jeLLy. Ha haHa ha. Yum.
-4oC, 2009.07.16