Ltfl: Nah, I couldn't possibly kill Lily off :-)
Sally b: Thank you! You may not be pleased with this chapter then. I will do definitely :-)
Chapter Thirty-Six
Iain stepped into the darkened room, his heart pounding from inside his chest. Connie followed him, her heels being the only sound that he could hear. He wanted to see Lily, but he was so scared. She'd just attempted suicide, Connie said that she was in a bad way, and there was nothing that he could do to take her pain away.
"Hey Chuckles," he whispered, leaning over the bed and removing the hair from her face.
She'd been crying. Her arm was bandaged and so were both of her wrists, and he could see that Lily kept curling her fingers as if she wanted to scratch.
"Come here, beautiful girlfriend," Iain said gently, giving her back a rub. "Can I have a hug?"
"Don't call me that," Lily croaked, reaching up her good arm to wrap around his neck. "You're probably going to dump me now."
Iain couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily really thought that he was going to break up with her, just because she'd hit a rough patch. He hated the fact that she thought so little of herself, that she thought she would never make anyone happy. She was wrong. He'd been extremely happy since they'd started dating, he didn't want to lose her.
"I'm not going to break up with you, Lils," he reassured her. "I love you."
Lily gave a small shrug. A single tear escaped one of her eyes and rolled down her nose. Iain continued to rub her arm with his thumb, and leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead.
"I just want to ask you something though," Iain said. "Were you really intending to kill yourself? Or...Or did you cut deeper than you actually wanted? What happened?"
He didn't mean to pour question after question onto Lily, but he did want to know whether she had actually attempted suicide. After all, it could have been a complete accident right?
Lily nodded her head though and sobbed, "I just wanted it all to end."
"Wanted what to end? You were doing so well," Iain said, glancing across at Connie who remained stood in the doorway.
"No I wasn't." She shook her head. "What's the point in staying alive, when Archie is out there wandering free? I'm terrified to go anywhere, Iain. I just don't want to be here anymore."
"Don't say that," Iain whispered, stroking at her hair. "I need you, and so does Gem. No one else can teach her how to read or spell like you can."
"You can easily do that," Lily cried. "I'm not needed, Iain. Gem can find someone else to help her, you can find another girlfriend, and Mrs Beauchamp can find another registrar. I...I don't need to be here."
"Lily..." Iain tried to speak.
"No!" Lily interrupted him at once. "I'm a failure. I...I even failed to kill myself."
Iain didn't know what to say. He sighed wordlessly and turned to try and read her expression. She looked extremely close to tears and like Iain, had no idea what to say. If Lily really did feel that bad, then what was stopping her from trying again?
Nothing.
"I'm going to go and contact Mary," she said quietly. "Will you be okay to stay, Iain?"
"Yeah." Iain nodded. "Of course."
Connie mouthed a small 'thank you' at him and exited the room, making sure to allow them the privacy by shutting the door on her way out.
"I'm sorry," Lily sobbed, rolling onto her back so that she was looking up at her boyfriend. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just...I just thought that dying would be better than living in fear."
"Maybe a chat with Mary will make you feel better, yeah?" Iain said. "Connie's giving her a ring, I'm sure she'll be here as soon as possible."
"She might have other patients," Lily coughed.
"Maybe," Iain sighed, shrugging his shoulders at her. "But right now, you're a priority." He smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders, before saying, "I'm really glad that you're okay."
Lily just sniffed and diverted her eyes away from him, whispering softly under her breath, "I'm not."
"Thanks for coming in, Mary," Connie said, forcing a smile, as she and Mary walked down the corridor towards Lily's room. "You know I wouldn't usually contact you so last minute. You weren't due to see anyone, were you?"
"No," Mary said. "I only had two patients today and luckily they were both this morning."
"Bless you," Connie sighed. "So I've asked you to work on your afternoon off, have I?"
"Oh no, not at all," Mary laughed, shaking her head. "I would have just been doing some paperwork, and Lily is way more important than that. How's she doing?"
"Not great," Connie answered, as honestly as she could. "She isn't saying much, and she's been crying quite a bit. Iain's staying with her for the moment because I'm in and out and I think she's enjoyed the company. It's just the type of stuff that she's said, Mary."
"I understand," Mary said, as Connie opened the door to Lily's room. "Hi Lily," Mary greeted, smiling sympathetically at her. "Mind if we have a chat?"
Lily was now sitting up in bed, picking at the bandage around her arm in an anxious manner. Iain was slouched in the chair by the bed, looking completely drained. Lily just shook her head, head hung, trying her best to avoid eye contact with anyone.
"Iain can stay," Mary said.
"I don't want to talk," Lily hissed, slowly lifting her head to meet eyes with Mary. "Leave me alone!"
"Lily," Connie warned. "Mary has taken time out of her day to come and speak with you. The least you could do is sit and listen to what she has to say, you don't have to talk but at least listen."
"I don't want to listen either!" Lily shouted, removing the duvet and immediately jumping out of bed.
"Lily, get back into bed," Connie ordered her. "Come on. This isn't helping anybody."
"You shut up!" Lily yelled, tears starting to stream down both sides of her face. "You had no right to call her anyway, just because I've had a few stupid counselling sessions with her! None of you understand."
"We do, Lily," Mary whispered gently.
"No, you don't," Lily sobbed, shaking her head in desperation. "I wanted to die. I want to be away from Archie and if he can't go to prison, then I may as well end my life. No one's getting that, apart from Iain."
"Okay," Mary said, slowly walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder to try and calm her down. "Then how about we chat, and Iain can stay just like I said."
"Get off me." Lily nudged her hand away and wiped away her tears, her whole body violently shaking. She reached out and gave Mary a hard shove, but not hard enough for her to actually hit the ground. Lily just screamed and turned to punch the wall, leaning against it and screaming out loudly in frustration.
"Lily," Iain sighed from the chair, running his hands down his face.
"Lily," Connie repeated, placing a hand on Mary's shoulder and slowly making her way over to the young doctor. "Stop lashing out. I know you're upset about what went on with Archie, and believe me so am I..."
"Why couldn't he just get locked up?" She cried hysterically, burying her face into the wall so that she didn't have to look at anyone.
Connie sighed and looked across at Mary and Iain, who both looked just as concerned.
"Why don't you come with me?" Connie asked. "I think you need a rest."
Lily looked to her with tears in her eyes and whispered, "where?"
"It'll only be for a little while," Connie said. "But right now Lily, we're all too worried that you're going to harm yourself again. You need to be in a place where we can fully assess you, where we can keep a proper eye on you."
Lily shook her head and sobbed, "no." She turned to Iain, who had started to cry himself, and said, "Iain. Please, don't let them."
"Lily," he cleared his throat. "Maybe it's for the best. I'll come and visit you, yeah? Every day."
"You're not locking me up," Lily cried. "It's Archie who needs to be locked up, not me."
"This isn't a punishment, Lily," Connie said, gently beginning to rub her back. "You need the rest."
She sighed deeply and exchanged glances with Mary, keeping a hand rested on the ridge of Lily's back. She could feel her shaking and every now and then Lily would let out a sob, pleading for them not to take her. It was so hard for Connie, but she needed to ignore her and do what she thought was best.
"Iain," she spoke in a small, choked up voice. She sounded almost scared. "Could you get Doctor Gardner for me, and tell her to give the psychiatric assessment unit a call?"
Not the route I wanted to go down but I was doing some research, and it kind of took me to writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. The story will be coming to an end soon, but I have plenty more ideas up my sleeve.