QUESTION 11

Dear Mr. Joker,

Help me! I know I'm not crazy, but everyone else seems to think I am. It's not even that bad, I don't go on a murderous rampage or anything, I just start laughing uncontrollably at really weird times. It's not my fault if I suddenly start cracking up at the end of 'Titanic' and can't stop. I thought that if anyone could help me, it would be you, 'cause people always call you crazy but you aren't. So, what should I do? I can't take much more of this!

Sincerely,

I'm Not Crazy

P.S. What happened to Ms. Grace?

- - - REPLY - - -

Ah, heh… hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii there, "I'm NoT Crazeeeee"...

...heh ha...HA ah Ha haha... hA... (kRa-Z)

You kNow what? liFe is shoRt.

...(VeRy sHort, if i'm iN the neIghboRHood…)

so Get your YucKs whiLe you can, tOOts.

hA haHa, i sAId "toot". ha haha TooT heh heh haaaaaaa... my neW word for tHe daY... (doEs anyone eLse thinK it looKs fun-eeee?) tooooOoot...

iRRevereNce is the cheaPEst and beSt coMedy out theRe.

TaKe funerals, for eXamPLe:

(you cAn't speLL "funeRaL" wIthouT "fUn")

looK at aLL the PeopLe bOO-Hooing becauSe old GrandPa Joe finally kicKed the BuCket… then thiNk about the FaCT that the beST cLothes he's weARing came fRom SeaRs. as he's Lying in that buDget coFFin his famiLy sprang for, realiZe that he's beiNg buried in cLOThes bought aT the same StoRE wheRe he bought his wEEd whaCkers and bug zapPers. WhackITY whAck, zap ZaP!

TheN wonDer what his widow wiLL do with All those hALf-used tuBes of PreparAtion H from his side of the MediCine cabinEt. seRiousLy. Is there a chariTy out theRe for people whoSe aSses have neeDs their waLLets can't satisFy? I woNder if those tUbes are given to the hOmeLess. They have ass-needs, too, yOu Know. TooT. Ha ha.

I inviTe you to do tHis: crash tHe funeraL of any Man who dIed oLder than age 40. Look around at ALL the gRieF-stricken famiLy memBers, estEEmed business coLLeagUes and friends who tooK the time to paY their respecTs.

tHen, in the middLe of the eulogy, staNd up and ask, "Hey, did he eVer use that plane tiCKet to ThaiLand, represenTing NAMBLA to recruIt more youNG players for 'thE Team'?"

Then, snAP a few phoTOs to caPture the occaSion: the faces of tHOse who don't KnOW what NAMBLA is, along wiTh the facEs of those wHo do.

Ah, Kodak moMenTsssssss...

I thought Titanic was hYstericaL:

...biG boat.

...bIg oCEan.

...BiG fuc!# misTaKe. Ha

...iceBeRG! tOOt toot!

The pRobLem isn't that you can sEe the humoR in what's supPosed to be dramaTic and seRious. The PROBlem is that oTheR peopLe can'T.

scREw 'em.

hAve fun inSIde of your owN head, evEry chance you get

tHe neXt time you see MaYor Gar-see-ah giVing a live speEch, wonder wHetheR or not he rememBered to Zip up his fLy after his "perSOnal assistanT" bLew him to heLP relieve streSs. Ha haHa ha... uh, yeeeeeah. (tooT)

thiNk abouT how crushed and deVasTated the architEct of a downtoWn building wouLd be, if afTer the 2 yeaRs it took to buiLd it, someone bLeW it up on its oFFicial opening DAy to the pubLic. Ha ha hahaHa.

ThinK about wHether or not the BatmAN had the foREsight to buiLd a backDooR escape haTch into his BatsuIt, on niGhts when a diNNer of refRied beaNs catches UP to him QuicKer than he thouGht it WouLd. Ha hahaHaha beeeeeeeeans ha tooT Haha

ha...BatBeans...

PictuRe someone's teRRified face as a kNife saws thRough the tenDer flesh of their chEEks, and know that if theY surviVe the inJury, theY're disFigured for LifE.

That is comeDy.

Ha

ha

HA

geT out there aND heLp peoPle see the funNy side of LiFE.

Happy sLashing, tooTs.

-JokEr

...(Toot!)

peE eSs: heRe's the cLiff noTEs version of wHat haPpened to Ms. gRacE: Eeeek! OooOops! cRacK! crUncH! CrAsh! sPLat!

Pee pEe Esssss: doN't knocK a muRDerous ramPaGe untiL you've actuaLLy gone on onE.

-4oC, 2009.07.20