QUESTION 12

Joker-

You are sick. I order you to show your cowardly face - fight me like a man, whatever you are. Coldly murdering countless innocent citizens, yet still laughing with inexistent remorse...I will not stand and watch while you destroy Gotham. I will find you.

And I will kill you.

Batman

- - - REPLY - - -

Ahhhhh…

Ha

Ha haaaaaaaaa...

...Ha

Ho hO heeeeEee! Ha HA!

...It's—

...it's—

(gasp!)

the bAtmaN!

oH! Oh! I'm so gidDy i don't Know what tO say.

Wow!

GoLLy!

geE!

Oh! oh! oH! oh. oh... oh.

...oh. (yawn)

UmmmmMm... oKay, that worE off fAst.

weLL...

hiYa, BatBOOb.

How'Re they haNgin', champ?

WorD on the strEEt is, you raped the tOoth FaiRy. What's uP with that, homEy?

that wasN't very pOLite.

in facT, that soRt of maKes you a DiCK, doesn'T it?

Lest you ForGet (yeah, LEsT!), you ARE a role-moDEL to the kidDies of GoThammmmm... diD you eVen use a BaT-CoNdom? onE with littLe piCtures of bats aLL over it?

waIt a minute, JusT how biG are bat PenisEs, anyway?

gOsh, come To thinK of it (ha! i said 'coMe' rigHt after I saId 'pEnis'), they probABly don't maKe cOndoms that smaLL...

...wHich means yOu dIdn't USE a conDom...

HeaVens to muRgatroId! That meAns you couLd haVe sired littLe Bat-Bastards! (and thEy'd be 'tarDs, i HavE no douBt.)

What wouLd the oFFsprinG of a faiRy and a bat be caLLed, anyway? A 'bairy'? a 'FaT'? Hmmm… whateVer it is, I beT the Bat-BrAt is gonNa be one ugLy tyKe. Are you goIng To be one oF those oBnoXIous parents who puTs a bumPer sticKer on his Bat-MobiLe, decLaring that hIs kid was 'stUdent of the moNTh' at PretenTious-pRicKs-R-Us ElemeNtaRy?

Jeez, now i'LL have to fInd some bRoaD to PoP out one of mY ponIes, so he can bEat up your KiD at schooL. Ha.

i aLso heaRd you kiLLed SanTa.

...and eviDentLy, you aTe the eAsteR BunnY, too?

Jeez, BaTman. Got a LittLe inferIority COMpleX you neEd to taLk to someone aBout? It sounDs liKe none oF the hoLiday chaRacters are saFe. I'd beTTer keEp on the LooKouT and waRn LeprechAUns on St. PatTy's daY that you're on the prOWl, so theY can guaRd their bacK dOOrs.

You LooK like the rOugh-'n'ReaDy type who doEsn't use LuBe.

(ow!)

Don'T be a BaT-Boob, use sOme bAt-Loob!

tHere, that's mY adVice to YOU, bATmAN.

But aLL this maY be mOOt…

…Pardon my cYnicisM…

but are you reeeeeeeeeeEeeally batmAn?

I mean, THE baTman?

The REAL BatmaN has ruLes, see. and I know for a faCt that he wouLd neVer kiLL me. i gaVe him that chanCe.

Several timEs, in fact.

And he dIdn't take anY of themmmmmmmmMmm.

He didN't flaTTen me with hIs Bat-POd (vRoOm vrOom!), when i tauNTed him in the MiddLe of the strEet, as i sHot at iNnocent peoPLe driVing theIr cars.

He dIdn't bash my heaD to a puLp in the inteRrogatIon roOm, no maTTer how I prObed him aboUt his littLe trYst with the D.A.'s baBe. (Ha haHa she blew up BOOM)

And he DiDn't eVen let me faLL to my death off of a buiLding, afteR i trIed to bLow up two feRries fiLLed to the bRim with GothamiTes.

I'm beginNing to thInK...

...you Are an imPostor.

I shouLd tEll you:

I don't liKe impOstoRs.

i dOn't LiKE it when pEople try to pLay gaMes with meeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i cauGht a Bat-ImposTor once. we had ouRseLVes a littLe tête-à-tête in a meAt locker. He wOn't be impeRsonAting anYone again.

eVeR.

so here's a LittLe warning… if you're NOT the real BatMAN...

...and I fiNd out…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You're goiNg to bleEd from pLaces you didN't know you couLd eVen bleeD from. BLEEEEeeeeeeeeeEeed.

I'll maKe it huRt, I promise.

i'm vEry, VERY good at inFLictiNg pAin.

I'll maKe you sCream.

And i'LL maKe it laSt longeR than you thougHt it was hUmanLy poSsibLe to suFFer.

gEt? my? PoinT?

Oh, and iF you aRe the real BatmAn...

...(how dO i say thIs tactfuLLy?)...

You reaLLy coULd use somE deodorAnt. Your Bat-pits stInK, pal.

So for the loVe of all that's hol(e)y (Swiss cheese!), stoP at the DruG stoRe and picK up an anti-BatStink stick, m'kay? I'm sure you'd smeLL smashing in Brut, you big bruTe, you. It's the EssEnce of Man, but i'M sure thEy'd maKe an exCeptioN and leT you wear iT, tOO. Ha haHaaaaaa!

-Joker

PosT sCript: Your deTEctive skiLLs sucK. I've loSt count of how manY monThs i'Ve beEn out of ArkhAm. Not that I'm compLaining, beCause the loNger i'm out, the moRe I get to prActice my haNd-to-HanD knife coMbat (rhymes with womBAT) sKills on random citiZens in dark aLLeys (anD toMcat. rHymes with tomCat, buT i wouLdn't staB a tomcat. tHey don'T scrEAm loud enougH).

Pee Pee Ess: mAybe you sHouLd spenD more time LooKing for ME and leSs time rapIng fairies. But hey, maYbe that's how you swiNg, FruitBat. Ha!

-4oC, 2009.07.25