QUESTION 14
Dear Joker,
Do you hate mimes as much as I do?
Allan
- - - REPLY - - -
Ah.
you kNow, aLLan, this iS an AdVIcE coluMn, and noT a, "I'm-BoRed-so-i'LL-asK-ranDom-QueStions" coLumn.
...Do yOu know what 'adVice' means, DuMbAss?
LeT me speLL it ouT for yoU:
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.
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A: as in, AsK a qUestion fOR whIch you nEEd cOUnseL on acTionS
D: as in, DOn'T wasTe my tIme with duMb quEstIons liKe thIs one
V: as in, VeRy FooLish of You to incLuDe youR rEtuRN addResS on tHe enVeLoPE
i: as in, I kNow wheRe you LiVe now... (anD locKs can'T keeP me out)
C: as in, CraPPy taSTe in beDrOOm décOr, you'Ve got there, aLLaN... eSPeciaLLy the 3 DooRs doWN pOsTEr aboVe the bLue-paInted woOden niGhtsTanD
e: as in, EvER thouGhT aBout what it wouLd fEEl LiKe to haVe your hands naILeD to youR bEd's HeadBOard whiLe your ToeS are saWed oFF oNe-by-onE?
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i tHInk it wOUld bRoaDeN your duLLarD's horiZons TRemenDousLy to Find OUt.
I'll dRop by some eVening... aFTer beDDy-bye time.
oNce i'Ve naiL-GuNneD your haNDs in pLace,
...i'LL geneRousLy use sOme of my fAce paInt
to doLL you uP
to LooK like
MarceL MarcEau.
tHen, I wiLL cuT off a FeW of the liTTle piGgieS on yOur right FooT.
(sQueeeeeeeeeEeeeal!)
iF you'Re aBle to sTaY siLent aFter I cut oFF two tOes...
...then...
i'll leT you KeeP the reMainIng ones.
Mmm hMm.
See… foR the reCoRD, i doN't haTe mImeS.
They just…
…DisaPpoInt me.
...BecAuse...TheY're suPpoSed to be siLenT...
but eVeRY one i'Ve EveR come acRosS aLways EnDs up shRIeKing oNce my KniFe maKEs the FirsT sLice.
So
DisaPPointInG.
wiLL you eNd uP dIsappOIntinG me, AllAn, LiKe all tHe resT of the MiMes do?
LeT's Find ouT.
sTart deCiDing which End of the fOOt i sHouLd beGIn wIth: the onE with the PiggY goIng to marKeT… or the piGGy that GoeS "weeE wEee WeEe" all the waY home.
youR cHoice, pRicK.
-joKer
-4oC, 2009.08.14