Sallyxo: Thank you. Ah of course, no worries. Yes, that is certainly a good thing :-)

Ltfl: Thank you. Me too :-)

Wow! I can't believe that I've reached the fortieth chapter of this story. Thank you all so much for the reads and the lovely comments. Unfortunately the story will be nearing the end but I have loads more ideas up my sleeve.

Thanks again and on with the chapter x

Chapter Forty

Lily still wasn't feeling well.

She lay in bed, the covers pulled right up to chin, a thermometer sticking out of her mouth. Connie sat on the edge of her bed whilst Iain and Gem hovered by the door. The two of them had been so disappointed when they'd come to visit Lily, and found that she'd been sick again that morning. Iain wasn't going to lie, he was rather concerned for his girlfriend.

"Well you don't have a temperature," Connie stated, removing the thermometer from Lily's mouth.

"I told you I didn't," Lily mumbled. "Could you just let me sleep?"

"No, I'd rather someone stay with you," Connie said. "I'm a bit concerned that you could be going back to your old ways, after you were doing so well too."

"I'm not," Lily whined frustratingly. "I haven't forced myself to throw up in ages, and I...I don't cut anymore. I still have urges but..."

"Urges?" Connie frowned at her. "See? Now I'm worried, Lily."

"Give me a break," Lily said, beginning to cry. She just wanted to be left alone. "It doesn't mean that I've done it. I just...I'm finding it hard to stop, but I swear I haven't harmed myself."

"Maybe you're pregnant," Gem piped up from the corner.

"Gemma," Iain hissed at his sister.

"I'm just saying, shouldn't we look at other possibilities instead of jumping to accusations," Gem said, shrugging her shoulders. "It isn't fair for Lily to get into trouble for something that she hasn't actually done. If she says she isn't harming herself, shouldn't we believe her?"

She sighed heavily and turned back to Connie.

"You don't know about their little 'get togethers' in here," she said.

"Gem, stop it," Iain threatened, teeth clenched.

"What on earth are you on about?" Connie asked her.

"These two," Gem said, gesturing from Lily to Iain. "Have been coming in here to have sex, without you or any of the other doctors knowing. Wrong, I know, especially as you're currently sitting on the bed that they've been doing it in."

"Shut up!" Iain shouted, causing everyone to jump.

Without realising, Connie grimaced and moved from the bed, looking down at Lily who just lay there in silence with her hands over her face. Gem smirked proudly to herself, but Iain just stood there shaking his head at her. He couldn't quite believe that she had just done that.

"I think we need to run some tests," was all that Connie said.

"That's it?" Lily asked, peering at Connie through the gaps in her fingers.

"Iain is your boyfriend," Connie sighed. "I can't stop what goes on in this room, can I? Neither can the rest of the staff."

"I'm not pregnant," Lily whispered, not even wanting to think about the idea.

Connie rubbed at the back of her neck anxiously and turned to where Iain and Gem were standing. She asked if they could give them a minute and whilst Gem left straight away, Iain took a little while longer but eventually followed after her.

"Okay," Connie sighed and sat back down on the edge of the bed. "So you might not be pregnant, that's fine. What if you are though?"

"I can't be," Lily said. "I don't want a baby."

"I thought you'd always wanted children," Connie said, staring at her in confusion. "You often said that you wanted a family of your own someday." Lily just gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "Lily, talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I can't even look after myself," Lily confessed in a small voice. "How will I be able to look after a child? Also..." She stopped mid-sentence.

"Also?" Connie encouraged her to finish.

"When...When you're pregnant..." Lily gulped to try and stop her tears from falling. "You have to eat, and...You gain weight. I'm not ready for that."

"Of course you'll gain weight," Connie laughed. "That's what pregnancy is all about, and yes you will need to eat to look after the baby. You've been doing so well though, Lily. Honestly, I'm really proud of you."

"I just don't know if I can do it," Lily said, wiping away a small tear. "I'm too messed up, Mrs Beauchamp."

"You are not messed up," Connie reassured her. "Trust me, I've been helping out on this ward Lily and I have seen people more messed up than you. You are nothing compared to them, okay?"

"Thanks." Lily smiled at her. "But it's true, isn't it? How can I look after a baby when I can't even look after myself?"

"You'll get there," Connie said. "And it's not like you'll be doing it on your own either. I know the weight gain is scary but you can't let that stop you from having children, because missy you are beautiful and don't need to lose weight. I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it as well."

"You're the best," Lily laughed.

"I try," Connie said. "Come on, why don't the two of us head up to maternity and we'll see if Mr T is around to get you seen to? Iain can come as well, whatever makes you feel more comfortable."

Lily faintly nodded and said, "I want Iain."

"Are you okay?" Iain asked, as he and Lily sat on the sofa in the lounge of the psych ward.

Everyone else was at dinner but Lily and Iain had only just arrived back from maternity with Connie. Connie had gone to speak with Kirsten so Lily was allowed to skip the meal just for this one time.

"I don't know," Lily whispered, shrugging her shoulders at her boyfriend. "I'm meant to be happy, right?"

"All women react dfferently," Iain whispered back. "It depends on the circumstances."

Lily looked to him and admitted, "I don't know if I can be a mum."

"Why?" Iain cleared his throat and asked. "Because personally, I think that you would be an amazing mum." Lily didn't even answer him, she'd been told the same by Connie, and she didn't really know what to say. "You will get better, Lily."

"There's just a lot to think about," Lily said. "It's scary."

"I know, and I get that," Iain sighed, reaching out and giving her arm a comforting rub. "Being a mum though doesn't mean that you get to stop your counselling sessions, and it doesn't mean that you can stop your medication either. People aren't going to expect you to turn just like that, just because you have a baby."

"But I'll have to be responsible for a child," Lily said. "When I cut myself, when I find it hard to eat, and when I take medication and have had to spend some time on a psychiatric ward. It just won't be fair."

"Hey, Connie said that you won't be on this ward for long," Iain said. "You're doing so much better with your eating, and yes you will still have urges to cut but so far you've been doing well with that as well. You can still see Mary, if you feel like you need to."

"But what about my medication?" She asked. "I might need to come off it."

"I'd talk about that with Connie," Iain said. "But you can always go back on it when the baby's born."

"But women with depression can have a higher chance of developing post-natal depression afterwards," Lily stated.

"But you will still be going to your sessions," Iain said. "You'll get the support, Lily."

"We're making this all about me," Lily said. "This is your child as well."

"I know, but I'm not the one who will have to go through pregnancy," Iain said. "Come on, I just want to make sure that you're okay with everything before I tell you what I think."

"I would like to be a mum," Lily admitted. "And I may not get another chance for it. Honestly, I...I didn't think I'd ever be able to have children. It's been a bit of a shock."

"Why is that?" Iain asked.

"I've been damaging my body," Lily whispered. "My fault, but I always thought that it would just ruin my chances for whatever reason. I would like to be a mum, but I'm just scared."

"You're bound to be," Iain said. "Every first time mother feels that way, and you've been through a lot. This baby will be lucky to have you as a mum though, and I'm not just saying that."

"So..." Lily squinted her eyes, terrified to hear Iain's answer. "What are your thoughts?"

"Well, I'm glad that you've said that to be honest," Iain said. "I'd like to be a dad."

Lily smiled happily and said, "how you've put up with me, I do not know."

"Come here," Iain said, pulling her in for a hug. "Speak to Connie, okay? Arrange some sessions with Mary, and try and sort your medication out. It's important that you keep up the eating though, baby needs the food."

"I'll try," Lily whispered. "It's just going to be hard."

"I know, Chuckles," Iain sympathised. "But that's what I'm here for."

So the story will be nearing the end soon. It's reached that point, and I have a new idea I want to post when this one is completed.