Dumbledore congradulated himself for Harry having been sorted into Gryfindor when he was rudely interupted. It was Hagrid " I wonder what that bastard wants" Dumbledore belched outloud. As Hagrid entered the office Dumbledore greeted him warmly "Hagrid you son of a gun how are ye" Dumbledore belched seductivley. It turned out Hagrid was mad Dumbledore had used the money Hagrid and lent him to invest in the wizard stock market and used it to buy Filch a diamond dick ring. It was well known that Hagrid was disgusted by Filch and Dumbledore being lovers. Just when Dumbledore was trying to sweet talk his way out of this one Filch emerged from under the desk and attacked Hagrid but Hagrid broke his head with one punch. Dumbledore was just about to kill Hagrid with the sword of Gryffindor ehen Snape emerged with something Dumbledore feared a hot fork. Snape pressed it against Dumbledores face leaving a huge red fork shaped burn. Snape then ransacked Dumbledores office for cigars as he and Hagrid took what they wanted to make up for the debts Dumbledore owed. Filch recovered and Dumbledore hid his burn under makeup.
As Dumbledore sat on the toilet that night he swore revenge and promised forks would never be allowed at Hogwarts. "Oh damn" he furiously belched as he dropped his wand in the toilet. But the elder wand exploded on contact with the shit in tje toilet destroying it. The elder wand was gone so now Dumbledore had to torture Olivander for a powerful replacement.