Ltfl: Me too :-)

Sallyxo: Good to see that you have an account on here now. It will be ending very soon I'm afraid.

CasualtyFanForever81: That's okay. Thanks for reviewing and it will have to, I'm afraid.

Chapter Forty-One

A few weeks passed and Lily was soon discharged from psych.

She was pleased but also rather scared. In psych, she'd been safe and she almost felt scared about going out into the world. Iain had reassured her that she'd be fine though and that he'd look after her and be there for her.

Her sessions with Mary were going really well and she'd been having regular appointments with Connie, mainly to make sure that she was eating and that the baby was growing properly.

"What if I relapse?" Lily asked one day, when Connie was examining her.

"Why would you?" Connie questioned her. "You're out of psych now and you're doing amazingly well."

"Parenthood can be hard," Lily said. "And so can pregnancy. What if I relapse and...What if I put my baby's life in danger?"

"That isn't going to happen, Lily," Connie said. "And if you feel like it might, then you can always talk to someone. I'd be happy to see you and so would Mary, you can always pick up the phone to talk to her."

"I guess," Lily whispered.

"Hey, Iain is going to be there for you," Connie said. "He's going to keep an eye on you and I've told him to let me know if he has any concerns."

Lily nodded, as Connie began to examine Lily's arms. There was a new wound, one that looked fresh and one that Connie had never seen before. The clinical lead sighed, wondering how on earth someone could use their arms as a chopping board, especially someone like Lily. She knew that it was a coping mechanism though and that self harm was more common than anyone ever imagined.

"When did you do this?" Connie asked, referring to the new cut.

"Yesterday," Lily admitted quietly. "I'm sorry. I was just feeling really low."

"It's okay," Connie sighed, giving her shoulder a rub. "Thank you for telling me that. You hadn't hurt yourself in a while though."

"Sorry," Lily apologised.

"It's important that you continue with these sessions, okay?" Connie said. "Not just for your health, but for your baby's as well."

"I know," Lily whispered. "I'll try."

"That's really good news, Lily," Mary said, as she sat opposite Lily.

They were in the spare room of Mary's house, the room that she called her office. It had taken a while but eventually Mary had stopped coming to Lily, and Lily had started going to see her at her house like the rest of the people who saw Mary. Mary was lovely, and Lily found that after a while she actually grew to enjoy the sessions.

"Are you excited about becoming a mum?" Mary questioned her.

"Yeah, I am actually," Lily replied. "Scared though. I...I'm still not completely better."

"But that's why you're having these sessions," Mary said, nodding at her. "How was it in psych?"

"It was okay," Lily said. "It did actually help, and I had visitors and made some new friends so it was actually okay. I kind of miss it, sounds weird I know."

"That doesn't sound weird at all," Mary said. "You were in there for a while. It was what you were used to."

"Mrs Beauchamp said that I'll be able to continue my sessions if I wanted," Lily said. "Even after the baby is born."

"Of course," Mary said. "Tell me Lily, how are you doing with your eating?"

"It's going okay, I guess," Lily whispered. "I'm worried because I...Part of me still feels as if I need to lose weight, but the baby needs to eat so I know that I have to try and put that thought to one side."

"The thoughts will always be there," Mary said. "But like you said, you just need to put them to one side and not let them take over." Lily nodded, agreeing with her. "Hey, you'll bring your son or daughter to see me won't you?"

"Of course I will," Lily laughed. "I didn't have the best childhood, and my mum didn't even know about Archie to be honest. I'm determined not to become the mum that my mum was. I want to give this baby the best childhood it could possibly have."

"And I'm sure you will," Mary said.

They spoke about the baby for most of the session. They discussed baby names and Lily told her how she and Iain had already been planning the nursery. She wanted a girl more than anything so that she could buy dresses and princess outfits, but she'd still be happy if she had a boy.

Mary gave her some tips and a book that she'd bought Lily on parenting. Lily was ever so grateful and scheduled to see Mary for the same time next week. Once again, Mary told her that she could always ring her for an earlier appointment if she needed to.

Iain was outside waiting for her when she was finished.

"Hey beautiful," he said, wrapping an arm around her neck and kissing her on the lips. "How did it go?"

"It went well," Lily answered shyly. "Mary got this book for me. It's all about parenting and first time mothers. Um...It has a small piece about prenatal and postnatal depression in there as well."

"Do you think you might need to read that?" Iain frowned at her, removing the loose strands of hair from her face so that he could see her properly.

Lily sighed and shrugged her shoulders, suddenly feeling quite awkward and uncomfortable.

"Hey, I'm not judging you here," Iain told her. "You've had a rough ride and if you feel like you might need to do a bit of reading up on depression during pregnancy, then I understand."

"I'm just concerned," Lily whispered. "I already feel like I should have maybe had an abortion. I know I...I can't though, I'd regret it too much."

"Did you talk to Mary about this?" He asked, and she nodded at him. "What did she say?"

"That a little fear was normal," Lily replied. "And that prenatal and postnatal depression could possibly happen because of...My history. I'm seeing her next week as well."

"Anything to help you, eh?" He said, kissing her cheek as the two of them began to walk. "I love you."

"I love you too," Lily said. "Thanks for putting up with me."

"How about the two of us take a shopping trip tomorrow?" He asked. "We can have lunch, look at baby things, and I may even treat you to some new jewellery or shoes or whatever it is you want."

"That sounds good," Lily said. "But would you mind if we eat at home? I just don't think I'm ready to be eating out in public just yet, it...It still panics me."

"That's fine, don't be embarrassed," Iain said, rubbing at her back comfortingly. "Whatever makes you comfortable. We'll eat at home, okay?"

Lily thanked him and nodded her head, before leaning in against him. She felt so lucky to have a boyfriend who loved her and cared for her, especially as she didn't think it would ever happen.

So not long to go until the end guys. I'll be sad to see this story finish but it's got to that point I'm afraid. I'm sorry about that but I don't know if I can carry the story on as it may start to drag quite a bit. I'd rather finish it at a good point x