i wAnt everYonE to LooK at wHat KicHi did... it'S a piCtuRe of ME viSiting jOnny's pLace. JusT deLetE the sPacEs to VieW it.
heH heh. Me mE me. iT's me.
i LiKe piCtureS of ME.
http:/ Kichisama666. /art / Joker-germs-for-4ofcups-134319270
QUESTION 19
Dear Joker,
As per this time of year, several of my parent's friends are over to party for the Fourth of July weekend. Personally, I hate being in large crowds, especially with people I hardly know. Unfortunately, my mother does not seem to understand this and continually drags me out to "socialize". In reality, all that ends up happening is a lot of awkward silence and staring. What can I do to stop my mom from forcing me to meet her friends without being mean. I don't want to hurt her, or any of her friends', feelings.
Love,
Anti-social
- - - REPLY - - -
Heh hEH.
aaaaaaaaahhhhhh...
HeLLo, aNti-sOcial.
hOw ReFReshiNg it Is to oNce AgAIn reCeIVe a letTer fRom a reAdeR
...who uNderStanDs that tHis iS
an adVicE coLumn.
tHe LasT reaDer... LEt's JuSt say, she dIdn'T reaLLy unDerstanD the pOint
.
.
untiL she
...uNdersTood
mY PoINt.
HaHA ha Heh. Yeahhhhh...
PoinT. KnIves maKe GoOd pOiNts. Mmmm hmmMm.
... SoooOo,
You arE aCtuaLLy seeKinG aDviCe.
i reAd your LeTter, and aGree thAT yoU are, indEEd, a lost ReaDer in NeeD of di(e)-RecTion. ForTunaTeLY, i'm HeRe to heLp. BecAuse I'm that tyPe of guY.
oKAy, Ant-eYe-SeW-sHawL: I nEed to sTRaiGhten you oUt, HeRe.
FiRst and fOreMoSt,
(SPEaKInG of foRemOst FourmoSt 4mosT… #4 is the MOST imPortaNt pooL BaLL on the taBLe, bEcauSe iT's the PurPLe bAll. It's mY BaLL! JoKer baLL. RememBer that the neXt time you pLaY PooL. Go easY on My bAll with That poINty sticK!)
iF you Don'T mInd mY saying sO,
(PooL PoooooOol. Hmm… a gaMe that haS you sLide the shaFt of a gIant phaLLus thRough yOur finGers as you PoKE at a BaLL that you tRy sinK into a HoLe to LanD in a saCk. i'LL let youR FreuDIan minds Run wiLd inTerPReting the cRoTch sYmboLism thaT aBounDs in that one. Ha hA, crOtch.)
it souNdS Like you're veRy sensItIve, ParTicuLarly when iT comes to otHers' feeLinGs.
KnoCk that off.
NOW.
...WorRYing about wHethEr you're keePing eVeryoNe in a pLAce of waRm fuZzY feeLings is a WasTe of tIme.
BehaVIor LiKe yours is A sYmpTom of whaT's wRong with soCietY.
...(cuRe the iLL, sWallOw a Pill)
toO many pEoPle lacK the couraGe to teLL the tRuth. theY just gHost thRough tHeir oWn LiVes, with a faLse smiLe on theIr faces, LauGhing at otheRs' staLe JokEs, perpETuating the stiFLing sOcial consTRuctioNs that sCReW everYone up to BeGin with. Too ManY in GoTham are SiCk
...(SocIEty's sicK, neeDs a nEEdLe pRick)
with tHe FeaR of shatTeriNg conVenTions and DisPLeasing oThers. ThE peOpLe-pLeasing fRame of miNd you have isn't wORth a daMn. TheSe sAme pEople whose deLICate sensibiLitiEs you're coNcernEd aBout offenDing would cRusH you undeR their FeeT as they scRAmbLed from a buRning buiLding. TheY Don't care aBout you, anY more than yOu preTenD to caRe about thEm.
So sToP preTenDing to caRe.
...It's eVery mAn for himseLF out tHere. you'D beTTer LeaRn that nOw.
as FoR the aVoiDance of cRowDs,
you'Re lOOking at tHis aLL wRong:
LarGe cRowds aren't somEthing to dRead. MeeTing new peoPLe can be tHe besT part of My day. (I ALWaYS make an iMPressIon.) It souNds Like you'Re inSecuRe, beCause you dOn't know What to taLk aBout.
That's eaSY. i've got some suGgestIons that yOu can pRactIce with, and You'LL be a HiT in anY soCial situaTion.
i aLwaYs am,
and I wouLDn't stEEr you wRong, WouLd i?
...(wooD eye. BeTter a Wood eYe than a gLass JaW)
I can'T be ceRtaiN from YouR leTTer if yOu're a giRL or a QueEr guY. (a StrAIght guY wouLd neVeR asK such a puSsY QuestIon.) to coVer aLL baSes, I'll giVe you eXamPLes for BoTh genDer consiDeRations.
HeRe are soMe conVersAtion staRterS to use, aFter your MoM's out of eaRshot (bAng!).
.
.
.
If you'Re a girL:
"do yoU kNoW if tHere's anOther good SourCe of poTasSIum besiDes banAnas? I'Ve been cRamPing fRoM thE PosT-aBorTion meDication the cLinic has me on, aNd i heARd pOtasSium heLPs."
"I diDn't get tHe coLLege sChoLarshiP I apPLied foR, but i'Ve got a sUre-FiRe bacK up pLan. I staRTed my peRiod on tUesDay, and I sOmehow manaGed to sTain a maXi PaD so that it LooKs eXactly LiKe Ed AsneR. I'm gOing to seLL it on eBaY and maKe a mInt. wAnna see iT?"
.
iF yoU're a bOy who enJoYs ass-sPeLunKing:
"I don'T know WhY mom's stiLL Mad at me. I mEan, i waShed her bRa and ThoNg aFter she cauGht me masTurBating whiLe weaRing them, so i wAs beIng reSPectfuL, right? At BibLe camp lAst sumMer, the minisTer showed us that it's heaLthY for boys to eXperiMent with tHeir femiNine siDes. I waS onLy doiNg what GoD wanTs me To."
"Is it JuSt me, or is BruCe WaYne absoLuteLY the most scRumpTious DeLectabLe to come ouT of the PaLisaDes? i beT you couLd bouNce a QuaRter on that ass of hIs. It's harD finDing a GooD tiGht ass theSe days. God kNows i've looKed higH and Low and dEEp."
.
Use oNe of thEse iF you're a giRL OR a fLamIng maLe hoMo:
"Doesn't my MoM looK heaLthY? yeah, the sAlloW hue of HeR skIn is FinaLLy fading. Her bouT with HePatitis C has bEen pretty haRrowing. i WarNed her aBout that taTtoo parLor, but she wAntEd to coMmemoRate her CariBbean FLing with TaRiq. Dad doEsn't knoW."
"HeLp me out, i cAn't asK my Mom thIs: afTer I giVe a bLowJob, is it Best to poLitely eXPeL the mouThfuL into a tIssue, or sHouLd I JusT sWaLLow? MayoR GarCia maDe me swalloW, but it dIdn't tAste veRY gOOd. i tHink he'D had aSparaGus for dinNer."
.
.
.
tHerE.
.
.
.
I thINk we can oFFiciallY check the cHecKboX:
ProBLem wiTh mOM foRcinG you to taLk to heR FrieNds - SOLVeD.
DamN, i'm gOOd.
and I'm feeLinG Like PlaYing a SpiRIted game of pOoL. i liKe kNoCKing That puRPLe bAll into the bLack one (BAT one) as haRd as I cAn. Ker-POW!
-jOker
-4oC, 2009.08.22