QUESTION 20, PART 1
Dear Joker,
This letter is brought to you from the computer labs of Arkham Asylum, as the havoc you wreaked on Jonathan's apartment attracted the notice of the other tenants as well and, long story short, the GPD was competent, for once. (I don't know why you feel the need to torment my other half this way. He thinks it has to do with over-compensating for your own issues, whereas I'm inclined to think you're a bastard).
Anyway, onto the advising portion. I am, as you know, an Arkham inmate, and have been having issues as of late with a fellow patient, let's call him "Jokester." (That's you.) Currently, he's out of the asylum and persuing a career in journalism, but I know it's only a matter of time before he's back in the neighboring cell, driving me mad with his nonstop monologues on chaos, society, and cottage cheese, intermittent with his love poetry to the Batman and soliquies on his own "beauty," as he delusionally views it. All mixed with incessant giggling. I can handle this but Jonathan's not so good at it, and I want to know how you'd advise me to shut the clown up before my other half loses touch completely. I already share my home with madmen, I'm not letting the bedlam into my mind as well.
Sincerely,
Scarecrow
PS: How on God's green earth are you having these things published? Especially in this format? I'm honestly curious.
- - - REPLY - - -
weLL, lOOk who
showed UP
as sOon as jOnnY Boy got my rePLy and ran aWay like the cOwarDly
...siSsy
...that he is.
wHat a suRprisE.
NoT.
iT's the gReat and MigHty...bUrlaP bAg,
AKA sCareCRow.
oooooooooOohhhhh, scaRy. (YaWN)
Has anYone eVer toLd you or JonNY that when hE wears a
...PoTato sAck
on hIs head
he JuSt ends up looKing Like an
uP-side-doWn taLKing scRotUM?
sEriousLy. i haVe to figHt the urge to scRatch my baLLs everY time i see it.
i woNder if it hAs the same eFfect on BATmaN. i doN't thiNk he can sCratCh his BAlls thRougH his bATsUit. In fAct, he- waIt a minute...
...thAT couLd be an eFfectiVe deteRRent.
hMmmmm...teLL you wHat: neXt time i'M out on the toWn, bLowing thinGs up and caRving haPPy faces onto pEople, i'LL take you wiTh me. if bAtMAn shows uP, i'LL turn you tO face him. wHen he seeS your sCratchy-looKing baLL sack for a fAce,
he'LL pRobaBly feeL the need tO iTch somEthing. sOmething he caN't get to veRy easiLy.
as hE's diStractEd, looKing for somepLace to disrObe where an inNocent granDmoTHer won't acciDentallY see his Bat-SchLonG, i'll ContiNue on my
mErry way,
maIming, kiLLing and dOing what I do bEst.
Ah... yep. TheN i wiLL proBably
ppppppppppppppppppppp...prgthml, fffffpt... um, oops.
See ThAt?
yoU're jusT so BorING that i feLL asleeP on my keYboarD. iS that your otHer suPer viLLain power, hmmm? wHen you'Re not maKing meN scrAtch their JeWel baGs, you bOre them to sLeep?
...
i nEEd to waKe up, if I'm going to fInisH what i Have to saY to you.
there are a feW... uh,
maTters thAt i wiLL adDress with you
DirectLY.
...LATeR. rIght after i gEt
bAck.
I'm headInG out to roB the KorEan convenIent stoRe down the bLock, beCause i wanT some raSpberRy ZingeRs. i nEed a sUgar jolt to waKe me uP, so you doN't bore me bAck to La LA laNd.
buT befOre i leaVe, and bEfore I
satIsfY your cUriosiTies, i wanT
YoU
to saT-is-FY (Bat-is-wHY) a curiosity
of mine.
m'Kay?
Heh heh...
...aaaaaahhhhh...heh
Ha Haha HA
hAhaHa
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heRe goes:
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wHen i was in aRkhAm, in a ceLL nexT to jOnny, he uSed to
waKe up
scrEaming
in tHe middLe of the niGht.
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sHrieKing aBout the
BAT
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seeMs tHat dR. crAne has a littLe
iSsue
with BaTs. (fRaidy CAT afraId of the BAT)
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so heRe's my qUestion:
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Did JonnY just peE hiS panTs?
Ha haHa HA!
-jOker
Don'T think i'm done with yOu yeT, sNorecrow. i jUst neeD a sugaR fix firsT. mmmMm, refIned sugaR and reD dye #3. my FavoriTes.
-4oC, 2009.08.26