A NOTE FROM MEEEEEEEEEE
HeLLo, eVeryone.
it's meeeeeeEe.
tHe man. tHe cLowN. the BAT's Foe in ToWN.
HiYa. Heh ha HaHa.
Soooo... i'M passIng a littLe note aLonG to all of YoU, mY faiThful rEaderS:
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I reGRet to inForm you that the Jee PEe deE (GothAm PoLice DepartmEnt, for thoSe of you who CAn't reaD acronYms) has finaLLy becOme…
.................Semi-comPetent.
i kNow, I Know. i was as sHockeD as you aRe, buT i'm aFraid it's tRue.
i fOund out mYself just lasT night.
(hOweVer, i shouLd qUaLifY that sTatEMent: tHey're nOt enTirely coMpetent. If theY were, then EdGar wouLdn't haVe been kiLLed.)
................................EdgaR was my
erRand HencHman
who retrIeved all yOur LetteRs from a P.O. boX I kePt at the EXeteR StreeT PoSt office. eDgar was maKing a deLiVery last nighT, brinGing me a neW batch of your aDvice QuestIons,
when sOme of CommIssioNer GorDon's men traiLed him
bacK
..................................to mY door.
...................................Yep.
aFter a sTand oFf, in wHich i used edgAr as a huMan shIeld…
TherE were fOur dead poLicemen, thrEe dEad neIghboRs, tWo deAd fiRemen and
one DeaD Edgar.
Oh, and mY pLace sort of
cauGHt on FiRe.
(............................................................................................i Lost a reaLLy nice FeRn in the enSuing dIsasTer, whIch sort of bRings me doWn a bIt.)
it waSn't a tOtal LoSS, thOugh, becaUse the BatmAN maDe a bRief aPpeaRance.
i wAs climBing doWn the fire eScape, wHen i saW some
.....................................MoVement
ouT of the cOrner of my eYe.
i ducKed juSt in tiMe, sO the bAt's fiSt hit the rAiLing insTead of my eAr.
HaHA, you mIsseD!!
(reAlly, who TrieS to hit a guY in the eaR? tHat's jusT weird.)
I jumPed dowN to the baLconY on the fLoor beLow minE, wheRe some dIpshiT kid hAd cLimbed out to sEE what tHe fIre trucKs had coMe for. thE kid was wEaring BatMaN paJamas. nO Joke.
tHat piSsed me oFF.
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wHy doEsn't anYone eVer weaR pAjaMAs wiTh MY facE all over 'em?
huH?
sO i gRab this fRiggin' bAt-BRat by the scRufF of his Pee JaYs anD i
tOss hiM oFF the balConY.
(tHose BaTman paJamas don'T come wiTh a gRappLing guN, do theY, kiD? HA!)
so, pRedictaBLy, the batmAn jumPs thRough the aIr to saVe the kiD from hiTTing the paVemenT beLow (sPLat!), and i taKe the dIstrAction as an oPPortunIty to
......................................................................eXit sTage leFt.
AnywaY,
heRe's the probLem:
The poLice conFiscAted Edgar's sack and raIded my maiLboX at the post oFfice. So for anY of you with QuestIons about ErectiLe DisfuncTion, some bEat coP is probabLy going to rePLy insTead of me. oR, maYbe the bATMan wiLL. i caN't voucH for thE QualiTy of hIs adVice. (iF it'S anything liKe his conVersatiOn sKills, don'T get your hoPes uP, foLks.)
If you didn'T send me a LetTer wIth your aDvice qUestion bEfore LasT nIght's raiD,
I'm noT going to Get iT.
tHat mEans....
I wOn'T be abLe to aNsweR aNY new LettErs, siNce the GPD wiLL inTercePt all oF them.
tHey tooK my freaKin' poSt ofFice boX. PiGs.
aLL letteRs i ReceIved thRough lAst nigHt arE stoRed safeLy witH the eDitor of tHis adviCe column, in a seParate buiLding.
tHat means i
WiLL
anSwer wHat waS deLivered to mE beFore LaSt niGht. the laSt letteR I got wAs fRom the ScaRecrow. So afTer i tell that gOnad pouCh where he cAn stick his saNctimOnious bloWhard opInions, I've got tO go bacK to teRRoRiZing GothaM to paSs the time.
But you BeTter keeP reaDing my rePLies. do You heAr me?
Keep ReaDing Them.
I'll kNow if you Don'T. And that wiLL piss me oFf.
and i'LL toSs YoU oFF a baLcony. Mmm, yeah. i wiLL.
SoooooooooOoo.... as for tOnight:
i'Ve got my sPatuLa,
I'vE gOt mY tuB of coTTage cHeeSe (LarGe cuRd, of cOurse),
aNd mY joKer jaMMies.
iT's tiMe for Bed. Ha hAha.
-JoKer
P.S. Wanna knOw whAt jOker JammIeS are?
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i'm a bit of a fRIskY man.
and i LiKe to
.......................sLeep
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au NaturaLe.
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tHat's whAt jOker jaMmies are: baRe-aSSed, in-the-BuFF, naKed noThinGness.
i Look dAmned gOOd in MY JoKer JammIes.
Ha Ha HA!
A/N: Due to recent increased project responsibilities with my job, I will not have the time to answer any more questions beyond what has already been received, as of 10:30pm EST on 9/1/2009. Aside from having limited time, I also don't want the caliber of the answers to suffer out of weariness on my part. You all have been incredibly supportive, and I want to try to give you the best "Joker Replies" that I can. I greatly appreciate your understanding, and hope this isn't too disappointing. Thank you again to everyone for the tremendously positive feedback. It's appreciated more than you know. :)
-4oC, 2009.09.01