A/N: In light of yesterday's bombshell release, and the explosion known as my personal headcanon bursting into Voldemort-like confetti, I had a plot alien (and a request from a really sweet anon) who requested that I write about the previous possibility of why Rita Skeeter wouldn't mention Rose and Hugo in her article. So, here is my raging plot alien, fresh off of Rita Skeeter's face, in smiling glory.
A/N2: My barrister wanted to remind everyone I'm not Jo (and if I was, Ron wouldn't have potentially left the Aurors after 2 years, just saying!) and I'm not Hermione, Ron, Rita, or even Pansy. I don't own copyright or IP for anything HP related. I did study journalism back in the dark ages, and my ethics in newsreporting are considerably stronger than Rita Skeeter. -DG
Hermione turned off the shower faucets in their en suite. She had a week left before going on Holiday with Ron and Harry and Ginny and the boys in Argentina. It was the Quidditch World Cup and she still wasn't a fan of it, but since it was the World Cup, and Harry was paying their way, she couldn't resist the Holiday. Ginny had already left for Patagonia, since she was the reporter on assignment. Harry had the kids at home with him until it was time for their mutual Portkey to leave London.
Hermione looked forward to the time with her friends and family. It had been entirely too long that the three women could sit down and just talk. Each time they had tea, the kids were running around, pulling on skirts or, in the case of James, breaking things on accident.
Hermione only had to get through the mountains of files and paperwork and depositions this week before she left on the vacation she needed. It would have been nicer had they had a hotel room for their stay but the family had a large collection of tents at their disposal, along with their own VIP campground, with security warlocks assigned to just their camp.
But it was Ron's mirthful smile, and the mention of their tent having a king sized bed – and no kids for two weeks since they were staying with Gramma and Grampa Granger – that the offer became too enticing. So, while their children were on Holiday with their grandparents, in Italy, they would be in Patagonia.
She reached for the towel on the rack and went to work getting ready for the office. It was too early in the morning for her to be leaving, but since they were going to be gone for at least two weeks, maybe even three, depending on whether the investigation reports for the building collapse in Glasgow ever get finished. Whoever blew it needed to get caught and she was the one who would prosecute the case.
Hermione wrapped the towel around her ample bosom and went to work on her hair. A quick wipe of the mirror and she saw the first strands of grey peeking out among the dark brown ones. Sure, Ginny might be vain enough to hide her few streaks of white, but she didn't care. Ron didn't mind them in the least and that was all that mattered.
A half hour later, she stepped out of their bedroom and made her way towards the breakfast nook. Ron and the kids wouldn't be up for another hour so she had time to make coffee and eat a bowl of porridge with some berries before work.
A loud tapping on her window turned her head away from the stove. She walked to the window and opened it in the brisk English morning to finding their delivery of the Daily Prophet. The owl got a treat for his hard work, delivering the paper from London this time of the morning.
She walked back to the stove, throwing it on the table while she stirred the pot of oats for her breakfast.
Minutes later, she returned with her bowl of porridge, crème and berries along with it, and her coffee, with milk and no sugar.
She opened the Newspaper and glanced along the top headline.
Below the fold, on the bottom of the front page, a headline stuck out like Ron's head in a crowd.
Hermione Granger and her children – but is her husband the father? See page 6 for the entire story.
Hermione turned the pages frantically, scanning it to find the photograph. Sure enough, it showed her holding Rose and Hugo's hands as they were walking along Diagon Alley last week. It was a good photo, one where Rose's hair was reasonably tamed at that time of the morning, and Hugo was looking adorable holding Puff.
She smiled at the photograph, remembering everything she had gone through to have the most precious treasure in her life.
But questioning their paternity soon drove her curiosity to read what the paper had libeled her for.
Trouble in paradise? Deputy Minister of Law Enforcement snared in Scandal, by Rita Skeeter.
Hermione scowled instantly and the insinuation.
It seems that the Deputy Minister for Magical Law Enforcement is embroiled in yet another scandal this week. According to my sources, with verification from a second source at St. Mungo's Hospital, that Minister Granger's children are, in fact, not her husband, Co-owner of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, Ron Weasley, but secretly, the product of an incestuous affair with his older brother, Charlie Weasley. My sources confirmed, with documentation submitted to Law Enforcement, that Minister Granger didn't want children by her husband, who admitted years prior to having dealt with a nasty piece of foul dark magic that confunded him enough to make him unsuitable for being a father. Instead, according to my source inside the Ministry, she begged his older brother, Charlie, who lives in Rumania and works at a Dragon preserve. He was only too happy to comply with the family's wishes.
If you look at the precious poppets, they look nothing like her husband, former Auror and War Hero Ron Weasley. They don't have Ron's lean build and lack of freckles is puzzling, at least to this reporter. Even the question of their eyes and other physical attributes is puzzling.
They are certainly Granger's children. There are plenty of news reports of what the War Hero and Ministry official went through to have her children. But the documents bring to light that her husband might have had more problems than anyone was led to believe, including potential sterility issues.
My sources confirm, with documents from St. Mungo's, that Mrs. Granger has the actual father's name on the children's birth certificates, on file with the Ministry, and had a second set drawn up for documentation purposes, with her husband's name on it. Why would a Deputy Minister have two sets of documents on file in the Ministry? What nefarious purpose does the brilliant witch have? Will this corruption in the Magical Law Enforcement office, especially by someone who has had a meteoric rise in the ranks of legal law enforcement, derail her career before it even takes off? How will this affect the Weasley brand name, already a household name in England and on the Continent? Will this spell the financial doom for the Weasley family?
Hermione threw down the papers down onto the table in absolute fury.
"Mornin," Ron said as he walked into the kitchen. He turned to the stove and pulled the kettle from the back, pouring water into it before starting his morning cup of tea. "Heading into the office early?"
Hermione ignored his comments while trying to decide a prudent course of action towards the libel foisted on her family.
Ron turned and saw his wife boiling over in anger. "Whatever I did last night, I'm sorry."
"It's not you," she growled through her teeth. "Skeeter has crossed the line for the last time."
"What did the Bug write now? Another affair with Harry? Are you taking a Portkey to Bulgaria to see Viktor for yet another torrid affair?" Ron looked at his wife who was growing angrier by the minute. "Has someone we know said that you were snogging George in the alley behind the Wheezes again? Or is it more insidious, like you're leaving me and breaking Harry's marriage for a three way with Ginny and Luna?" Ron laughed at the incredulity of that statement.
Hermione picked up the paper and shoved it at her husband. "No, it's something completely worse."
Ron scanned the page and stopped. He looked over the top of the paper at his wife who was still seething. "Buggering Fuck, why would she stoop so low?"
Hermione's hair started to give off red sparks. "I don't know but this libel won't stand, not if I have anything to do about it."
"Calm down, love." Ron walked over and knelt down in front of his wife. "You could out her as being an unregistered animagus." He rubbed her arms to get her unrestrained magic settled once again.
Hermione huffed in indignation. "Not anymore. She registered two years ago. She paid that fine and all is well. You were busy that day when the news broke."
Ron settled his hands as well. "Well, shite."
"You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to shove her head in a pile of dragon dung."
Ron grinned. "Not a bad idea, but why not do something a little more substantial? You could always send a Wheezes Howler. It's guaranteed to let all of Magical London know your ire at her."
Hermione let the gears in her head churn for a moment. She looked at her husband's, and his beautiful blue eyes. "Are they ready for use?"
"We got the first batch in last week. George hasn't put them out yet. He was hesitating because of noise ordinance issues."
A nasty smile crossed Hermione's face. "Do you think it would work well enough?"
"Mum inspired it, if that's what you're asking. You remember the howler I got for stealing the car to take me and Harry to Hogwarts that year. I was humiliated." Ron looked at his wife and rolled his eyes in the early morning light. "Yeah, I reckon a trip to St. Mungo's for the bug would be a small price to pay for it."
Hermione considered both actions. She could shake off the repeated allegation of an affair on her husband. But questioning his paternity for their children was entirely too much for her limits of civility. After everything they went through, after the war ended, and her troubles conceiving, and nearly dying while giving birth to Rose, Skeeter had to pay, one way or another. There just was no other alternative to the slander she heaped upon her precious children.
"I'll pop in at the store on my lunch then. But first, I need to write up the lawsuit I'm going to hit her with later today. It's one thing to tar and feather me, but to question our children's parentage is way out of line." Hermione smiled and it was hardly pretty.
"I figure if both of us are sending her the howlers, she might get the message." Ron smiled at his wife. He saw the determination on her face. "Give her hell, love." He stood up first, towering over his petite wife.
"I loathe when she gets like this." Hermione stood up and folded the paper. "I get pestered all day and can't get a blasted thing done in the office. And it's not like I don't have a mountain of work to get through daily."
Ron pulled her face up and brushed his lips across hers. "We'll get it taken together, right, Love?" He gave her another kiss, one that promised more this evening. "We can have a few in the stockroom before you return to work, I reckon."
Hermione blushed. "It has been a few, hasn't it?"
"Yeah, I reckon it has." Ron pulled her close and squeezed her ample bum under his large hands. "And it's not like we'll get much privacy next week, not with everyone there."
"Fair enough," She said into his vest. "I'll head into work. See you around half twelve, then?"
"I look forward to it."
Rita Skeeter stepped through the door into the newspaper offices. Quills scratched everywhere, trying to make deadline and get copy to the layout men downstairs. Artists were drawing up the last of the advertisements, intended to fit in where other reporters didn't make the daily deadline.
She had a few hours before her own article was due, a follow-up of the one she wrote for this morning's copy. She loved getting the information from her source inside the Ministry and getting an old source to verify it at St. Mungo's was a nice touch. The law protected her by having two sources now. It was a shame when Parkinson demanded it of her years ago, when she wasn't doing actual reporting from the Wizengamot.
She walked into her office and closed the door, letting the snap of the metal into the doorframe tell everyone out in the office that she was now working on deadline.
She opened her satchel and pulled out the bottle of Gin from her purse. A wee nip before starting was a habit, borne of years of comfort and plying sources for information. On her desk as well was a stack of correspondence, probably delivered earlier after her bombshell article.
It'd been years since she even caught a whiff of scandal about Granger, and Weasley, too. No matter where she dug for information, there was none to be found. Everyone believed to their bones that the jumped up, bushy haired bint was as close to perfection as possible. Few people would denigrate one of the heroes of the war, either with salacious gossip or innuendo.
Either she had a fantastic PR department or the scandals were buried under piles of legal paperwork. Rita assumed that they were buried by the witch's standing in the Magical Law Enforcement office.
At least they had been until this weekend, when she overheard a particular fellow in a pub talking about the papers he came across his desk. He was such a helpful sod, getting her copies of those papers, in exchange for a few drinks that were too cheap for her tastes. She plied him for information, documenting that he had seen the Granger-Weasley birth records.
The birth records for the Weasley children were a treasure, and so was the note attached that said that brother Charlie was the actual father. Brother Charlie was still in Rumania, working on the preserve with Dragons. He was a fit bloke, for being quite younger than herself. She wouldn't mind a leg over as well, if he wasn't in a long-distance long-term, on and off again affair with her boss.
It had been a week before she could get the information verified at the hospital. No one, save one old source, was willing to say, yes, those are actual birth records. He said that the records had the proper signature. He never did say whether the information was accurate.
No matter. She had it verified.
"Package for you, Rita."
"Bring it in, Ari."
A mouse looking young man came in and dropped a parcel on her desk. "This came over from MLS just now. The delivery person said it was urgent."
"Yes, I'm sure MLS thinks they can dictate copy at the Daily Prophet. Silly sods don't understand that we report the news, not their PR department. They can't stifle the news no matter how much they boast about their efforts."
Ari nodded and closed the door behind him.
An urgent tapping alerted her to another delivery. Rita turned in her chair and let the owl into her office. "Bringing me more fanmail, I presume?"
She took the parchment parcel from the owl and he flew back out the window.
"Ruddy bird," she muttered while unknotting the twine around the parchment roll in her hands.
All she heard was a loud bang before the glass exploded out of her office, blowing her back into her chair. It crashed into the far wall of the office, rattling her head a second time. Her protective cocoon of her office, as well as the windows out over the corner of Knockturn and Diagon alley, were blown out.
She opened her eyes and saw all of the parchment on her desk was burned to ash, save the parcel that was sitting on her singed and smoldering desk.
The parchment on the ground immolated and two ghostly heads floated up from the ashes. "Rita Skeeter! How dare you insult us, and slander our children," The exceptionally loud voice of Hermione Granger-Weasley shrieked from the smoke vapors.
Rita looked around and saw everyone in the office was looking at her and her office.
"Rita, you drunken Bint! Leave our kids alone or there will be more than you are willing to pay for your slander," The booming voice of Ron Weasley echoed through the office.
"Furthermore, the package on your desk is a cease and desist order, and a summons to the Wizengamot for answering the charge of Defamation, in regards to our children." Hermione scowled through the smoke. "Slander me all you want, but you leave our children out of your articles."
"If you so much as write another word about our children again, especially shite that is utterly wrong, you will pay for it, in a court of law. You got that, bug?" Ron scowled through the smoke in the office.
"I will see you tomorrow in court. Bring your barrister because I will demolish you in the court of law."
The smoke ghosts disappeared in an instant, along with the remainder of the ash.
Four heads poked in from the writing desks, all looking inside the demolished offices. "Bloody hell was that?"
"Sure was one hell of a howler, from the looks of it."
"I dunno, if you pissed off Granger and Weasley, you're lucky to still be alive, I reckon."
"Rita! Get in my office," a shrill voice echoed in the office. "Now!"
She shook her head and took the flame resistant parcel with her to Pansy's office at the end of the floor.
Rita went into the office and closed the door. "You've got a lot of nerve, pissing off Granger and Weasley like that. You're lucky that Weasley is already in Patagonia. She'd have hexed you for writing about her family like that."
"But I had sources verify the information, Pansy." Rita whined further. "I had documents before they blew up my offices. I had statements from my sources. Everything I wrote was on the up and up."
"And they're shite. I spoke with Charlie last week, you lush. He's never touched Granger. She's not his type at all."
"And he'd tell you that?"
Pansy gave her a dirty look. "Of course he would. I told you, and you forgot in your drunken haze, that Charlie Weasley is off-limits." Pansy looked at the same parcel on her desk. "You've cost me money once again. So, go tomorrow, pay up whatever they ask, and leave the kids out of it from now on."
"But, my sources said the news was legitimate."
"Burn those sources. They've cost me money. They aren't worth a damn." Rita fiddled with the leather strap on her parcel. "They've named me in the lawsuit too, since I let you print it."
Rita rubbed her head, feeling like a migraine was starting. "Alright. Who won the office pool?"
"Wilkins did. He said you'd get a howler within hours of publishing. But I won because I said you'd get hauled into court for libel. Damn. Why'd you have to bring their kids into it? Don't you know better? Kids are off-limits. I thought you learned that after the last time you went after Weasley and Potter."
"She's suing me for libel? Bloody hell."
"Yep. The defamation suit is for malicious libel. She's suing on behalf of the kids whom you impugned. So pay up tomorrow and write that off."
Rita stood up from the chair and walked to the door.
"And Rita, quit taking that wee nip in the afternoon. Your copy stinks with it."
Rita nodded before closing the door behind her.