Chapter 4: Coherence
Warning: This is sort of NSFW, so be forewarned. I consider this soft smut, because I don't really make this detailed. It's just there.
Summary: Nessian bonding and all that jazz! Last part (Maybe)!
She awoke to soft fingertips gliding along her skin. A pattern of delicate caresses leaving shivers in its wake. The paleness of the room was alight in moonshine and stardust. Her heartbeat reminded her that she was as tangible as the hope that rose in her chest. Her body was warm, cocooned in a thick layer of blankets, blocking the cold from reaching her. The simple gesture made her body sing.
Nesta lifted her head, though it pounded to the beat of nonexistent drums. She felt like she had been trampled on by some rogue Illyrians, then remembered that the being she fought against was much worse. Everything came back to her in a matter of moments, the knife across her back, the wings that set the world on fire, the bloody end of the creature who welcomed death far more than she did.
Her shoulders relaxed at the memory. She had won. Nesta had mastered her fate; she had looked at the monster in the mirror and had not flinched. She was fae but she not weak or fragile. She was strong and capable, and that was the difference. That was the turning point in this war; she had never been weak or fragile.
The real monster wasn't her. It wasn't the power that sometimes seemed to control her; it wasn't the fact that she seemed merciless and uncaring. The real enemy wasn't the person who changed, body or mind, it was the person who forced others to. Selfish, ruthless, cruel individuals. Ones, Nesta would take care of and proudly.
But her body ached from the thought. Not now. Right now, she would rest. She wasn't mentally or physically prepared for any more battles. Her muscles were sore and even moving her arm was a struggle. She managed and, though, she had only moved an inch, it roused the dozing giant next to her.
"Nesta."
Her head moved at the sound of his sweet voice. She winced from the abrupt gesture. Cassian looked at her, wide eyed, concern painted in his brow. One side of his face was red where he had rested, though he looked like he hadn't slept well. Or at all. She knew he would have been too worried to sleep, knew it, because she would have been too. They took care of each other.
"Nesta." He whispered in a reverent prayer.
He shifted towards her, a pull so strong even she couldn't resist. He rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. She could feel the strong beat of his heart and the steady movements of his lungs.
She was grateful to feel them, when everything could have ended so differently. Maybe that was why she felt so composed. It could have been so much worse, but it wasn't. They were going to be okay, they were alive, they were together.
They would never be the same. But change was a good thing, it was often necessary and always inevitable. Change was progress, and she'd build her life on it. Nesta traced his face with the edge of her fingertips. His eyes reminded her of autumn leaves.
"How could you have done that? Why would you do that?" His voice breaking as he shook his head, clenching his eyes together.
She rose from her knees and slowly lifted his face. Eye to eye, the only way she'd meet Cassian. A warmth bloomed in her chest.
She couldn't control the tears threatening to spill from her eyes; she invited these feelings with open arms. Cassian, he could see her cry. Cry for the life she had, the life she never wanted and rarely enjoyed, cry for the torment they'd both experienced, cry for the sake that they were together once more. They were not alone, not together. And so, she wept, and smiled, and endured.
She rubbed her thumb underneath his eyes where stray tears had made a path along his handsome face. His cheeks glistened, but his eyes hardened before he spoke.
"You're my mate."
Cassian stared at her, waiting. He almost looked down in fear, before Nesta had firmly grasped his face in her hands. Urging him to look at her, to see what he made her feel. Her nose touched his. She closed her eyes and she couldn't keep the moon from shining along her face.
"I know. Believe me I know."
She could feel his stare. When she opened her eyes, she saw his had widened. A hesitation, but also a hope. She was full of that lately, there was enough for the both of them.
"I think I always knew."
Cassian leaned back, grasping her cheeks in his large palms.
"When I turned, and saw you take the blow, I knew it would've destroyed my wings. And still, I wished you would have let it hit me. It would have been easier to deal with than having to live without you."
His chest rose with every word. A truth to build upon. She couldn't hear anything but the sound of his voice, even her heart seemed to quiet its vociferous roar. Nesta shook her head in refusal, but Cassian continued.
"And when I saw your knees hit the pavement, I swore I'd kill every last fae who tried to touch you."
The conviction in his voice formed a heat within her that she couldn't control. Her chest rose sharply. He never once broke his gaze away from hers.
The room quieted, and the silence calmed their erratic heart beats. After a moment, Cassian, once again, rested his forehead against hers. Some part of them had to touch the other, they weren't ready to let go.
"Are you okay with this? Because we don't have to be together if you don't want. I won't force you to be with me." His voice solemn and poignant.
He didn't understand that she had been broken all this time, and he didn't shun her for what she became. He didn't belittle her rage or question her motives. He was there every single day, believing in a world of possibilities she couldn't see. He made her feel grounded and liberated, all at the same time. He had given her wings before her body had.
That day, when he promised to protect her and her sister, and tried every day afterwards to keep that promise, was the day she knew that maybe it wasn't magic. Maybe it was just two, strong souls that were somehow stronger together. Two bodies meant to fight next to each other.
Nesta's lips turned upward, her cheeks felt hot. She would have been embarrassed if it was anyone but him. She smiled, mouth wide. Her voice was soft and strong, as concrete as the stars outside her window.
"I only want to be with you."
Hazel eyes met blue ones, asking a question he already knew the answer to. When Cassian found the confirmation, he was looking for, he brought her in his arms, cradling her to his body. She leaned into the crook of his neck. He smelled like pine and the crackle of embers. When they parted, the temptation to be near each other pulled them in and didn't let go.
Their lips grazed. Softly at first, gentle caresses and the whispers of breath. But even the slightest distance became unbearable.
The pressure built, mouths giving and taking. A ravenous battle of teeth and tongue. Her hands unwound from his neck, feeling the way he tensed as she felt the strong planes of his body. He lifted her up in a flourish and Nesta steadied herself on the firm lines beneath, her legs landing on either side of him.
"I can feel your heartbeat."
Her hand pressed against his chest. She could feel the steady pattern. More beautiful than anything she'd ever felt. He was alive. The world still moved, and they still had a chance.
His hands scorched paths along her skin, burning her already feverish body. His heartbeat dancing to the rhythm of hers. She felt his hard muscles under her fingertips, felt the cotton of his shirt. She wanted to feel his skin on hers, felt the ache inside her twitch at the anticipation. She lifted the fabric where it rested, never parting her lips from his for more than a moment.
When she had gotten passed his torso, the shirt caught on the base of his wings. Her annoyance grew at the effort, and Cassian leaned back enough to laugh. She huffed at the sound, even if it did cause a warmth to bloom in her chest.
He leaned in, whispering in her ear,
"I got it, sweetheart." His voice rough and low. Heat warmed her body at the sound.
His shirt landed on the floor. Cassian's eyes sparkled with mischief and Nesta's stomach twisted in knots. He leaned in towards her, his nose grazing the skin on her neck. She could feel his hands running along the buttons of her nightgown. His lips pressed soft kisses there and her breathing hitched at the gentleness of it.
"Is this okay?" he said, as he tipped the top button loose.
Her answer was the incline of her neck, baring her pulse to his sweet torment. Cassian took his time, took every inch of the permission she gave him and played it like a song. His lips traced a path down her body, and his hands followed. Taking her breath and nightgown with him.
When she was mostly bare, his lips found the edge of her breasts. His hands grasping them in a gentle caress, while his tongue swirled patterns along the flush of her skin. She couldn't help the gasp that escaped her mouth.
His lips enclosed around the peak, and Nesta swore she couldn't stop the heat that pooled between her legs. She tried to stop the ache, tried to calm its roaring head, but the more she writhed, the more she wanted.
His mouth sent prayers down her skin and his hands made paths along her body. She tried to hold on tightly to him or she swore she might have flown away. The little mewls she made only spurred Cassian on, further down the length of her. She could practically feel the pleasure radiating from Cassian at her incessant moans. Nesta wanted to hit him for the smugness, but she didn't dare make him stop.
"You're beautiful." He whispered.
His words only left her breathless, an act she thought was impossible because she was already out of breath. His hands cradled her body close to him.
"You're strong." He voiced as his fingers brushed against the part of her that no man had dared to touch.
Cassian was the only one who could touch her like this. The only one who had witnessed her fire and did not flinch.
"You're everything to me."
His deft and skilled fingers caressed her flames until they were roaring, heating areas in a breathtaking ritual until the fire was untamable. Fingertips bringing out the beast she trapped under thick layers of ice. It wouldn't stop and she didn't want it to stop.
His fire danced with hers, roaring to life as it played and pounced. His fingers took his time, and when Nesta could have sworn she could not be any more aroused, his mouth joined his hands. Cassian held her firmly to the bed as her body convulsed from his kisses.
Nesta could have died like this, she'd be satisfied if this was the last thing she felt. She didn't feel on Earth at all.
His lips found hers once more, leaving her lightheaded and dizzy. His eyes were big and bright. He held her face in his hands, his brows furrowing.
"I love you. I've always loved you. I swear from the minute I heard your voice, I loved you. I need you to know that."
She only heard the truth, only saw the conviction reflected in his irises. She believed every word, like the sky was blue.
"Whatever we do or not do in the next few minutes doesn't change this, doesn't change how I feel about you.
And not because of a bond. But because my soul met your soul and it decided that it would fight alongside you, no matter the odds. "
Her smile was her answer, the smile that she could only give him. He was the only one who could make her this undeniably happy, the only one who could silence her thoughts. She'd give him everything, he gave her everything.
"It'll feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise I'll go slow." He kissed her again. "I won't do anything you don't want me to do. Just say the word."
Nesta nodded her head and sounded her agreement. She wanted to tell him she trusted him completely, but one look at him and her body felt encased in flames. When he entered her, the fullness of him left her breathless. And although it was uncomfortable, it wasn't unbearable.
Her body moved with his, and when she thought she could have died from the sheer intensity of it, Cassian's lips touched her own. A gentle reminder that if they were doing anything, they'd do it together.
When she couldn't bear it any longer, the heat of him, the stimulation, the looks he gave her and sounds he made, their hands grasped each other, holding on for dear life as they slowly fell and fell and fell.
Cassian's steady heartbeat calmed her own. Her eyelids shut. Although exhausted, Nesta was not tired. Quite the contrary. She expected his fire to alight hers into utter oblivion. Expected it to roar so high and mighty, no one could extinguish it. But Nesta found, it wasn't chaos that Cassian brought her, it was peace.
"How does it feel to sleep with a queen?"
Cassian's bland look made her laugh. His eyes widened at the sound and the awestruck look made Nesta fuzzy inside. Her laugh sounded like rain.
There was a softness to the lines of his face that Nesta yearned to trace with her fingertips, even the look he gave her was warm. His palms caressed the sides of her face, and he rested his forehead on hers.
"You were always a queen to me."
She smiled at him. Lips meeting lips in a soft and breathtaking kiss. A kiss less wild than the previous had been, but every bit as sweet. When they had parted, Cassian's grin widened.
"I knew it ever since you kneed me in the balls."
The sound that came out of Nesta's mouth could have made demons sing. She shook her head at him.
They were close. She could barely recognize the line that separated one from another. She didn't want to move away; she didn't ever want to be parted from him.
She leaned in, kissing his full lips. She couldn't stop touching him, couldn't stop leaning towards him to feel the love that warmed her to the very core. He was hers, and she was his, and they couldn't stop taking from each other, giving to each other, being with each other.
Nesta's heart played a symphony of affection and promise. If this was what the cauldron gave her, she would happily thank it every day.
Because this, this right here was magic, their hands clasped together was a wonder, and the love that fueled their fire was a miracle. A dream she never wanted to awake from. A moment, she never wanted to escape from.
If being fae gave her a thousand years of this, she would happily be fae for the rest of eternity.
I honestly don't think this is the best fanfic I've ever written but it's been sitting on my computer for about 3 months now… So it is what it is.
Let me know what you think, and hopefully the next one is better lol It'll probably be less happy.