QUESTION 22
Dear Mr. The Joker,
Ok, let's just get straight to the point- is there anything going on between you and Batman? We've heard the rumors and want to know if they're true.
Love,
Charm Jester and Meimu
- - - REPLY - - -
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...anD the sTupiDitY of gOthaM
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contInues
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to asTounD me.
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i'M aFRaid that anY adVice I diSpeNse on this subJect wiLL
NoT
be reCeiVed bY the rEaders
...who suBmiTted this QuesTIon.
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buT the rest of YoU can sTiLL beneFit
fRom the LeSson.
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HUMAN REMAINS FOUND AT GOTHAM UNIVERSITY
Identity of victims unknown
By Marcus Fowler
Gotham Herald Correspondent
Gotham University custodian Charles Gruber discovered two human tongues nailed to a bulletin board in the foyer of Prescott Auditorium.
Gruber made the gruesome find around 8:00pm last night, while a theater class was screening the movie "The Darwin Awards" as part of a lecture series on pop culture in movies.
Said Gruber, "I saw what looked like a puddle of spilled coffee on the floor by the wall. When I wheeled the mop and bucket over to clean it up, that's when I saw it was blood that dripped down from…" Gruber couldn't finish his sentence, shaking his head instead. "I called campus police immediately."
Conner Flay, a university sophomore, shared what he witnessed before Gotham Police were called to cordon off the scene. Said Flay, "What caught my eye was the bulletin board. Someone had taken a white sheet and covered the entire board with it. 'Number 1' was spray-painted in purple on the sheet. I thought the janitor guy was looking at sheet when I came up behind him. That's when I saw that stuff nailed to the board. I didn't know if they were livers or stomachs or what, but I could tell they were organs. I thought I was gonna hurl."
Investigators confirm that the tongues are human.
Detective Stephens from the Gotham Police Department was tight-lipped about the discovery. Said Stephens, "We don't know yet if this is a prank made by someone with access to the university medical labs, or if this is a sign of an unthinkable attack. We will release an official statement after we have finished examining all evidence. In the meantime, for the safety of everyone on campus, we ask that all students return to their dormitories. We advise against going out in groups smaller than five people, until we can determine whether this was a prank or something more serious."
Forensic pathologist Ruth Clayborn was called to the scene. When questioned about what evidence would differentiate a prank from signs of an attack, Clayborn stated the following: "Organs purchased by the university for anatomy labs would be extracted from cadavers by medical professionals. The extraction cuts would be precise. A jagged cut would indicate that the tongues did not come from a medical supplier."
She declined to comment on the condition in which the tongues were found, nor would she comment about what appeared to be fresh blood from the tongues themselves.
When asked if a person could survive having the tongue removed, Clayborn stated, "It all depends on where the point of amputation occurred. If severance occurred at the tip of the tongue, there would be massive blood loss, but the injury wouldn't be fatal. To cut off a tongue at the root, one must first remove the mandible from the rest of the skull. No one could survive an injury that grievous."
Neither Clayborn nor Stephens would divulge where the incisions had been made on the tongues.
Eye witness Flay shared what he saw. Said Flay, "Look, I'm not pre-med or anything, but if those things were actually tongues like I'm hearing, someone cut them out deep. Each organ was, like, about ten inches long. Maybe more."
Police have no suspects at this time.
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sPreaDing sordid gosSiP about me and tHe BatmAN...
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is iLL-adVised.
It sEemed onLY right to
cuT out
...the oFfenDing organs.
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heRe are FiVe waYs you can LanD youRseLf on the LiSt of the DarWIn AwaRd rEciPients
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... couRTesY of ME.
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I wouLdn't aDvisE anY of themMmmmmmm.
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#5. sTeaL somethIng that beLongs to Me
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#4. AtteMpt to kiLL me
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#3. mAKe a cLown joKe at mY eXpeNse
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#2. MakE a GaY JokE aT my exPensE
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#1. MaKE a gAy JoKe iNsinUating that i'm …..
invoLVed with the BaTman
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Did the giRLs surVive their inJurIes?
No.
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...but tHeY were conSCious when I reMoVed theiR JaWs
aNd begAn to cuT
and Cut.
AnD CUT.
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Now…
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Who wAnts to mAKe another JoKe at mY eXpeNSe?
-jokeR
4oC, 2009.09.20