QUESTION 29
Dear Joker,
How are you? I just have a few comments, my dear.
I know who Batman truely is. I know who YOU are, your real name. And I know how you got your scars.
So I won't ask about any of that. And this is an advice column after all so lets cut to the cHAse.
WHAat
WoULd
YØU
dO
FoR
a
KLoNdiKe bAR?
!i!
Ahem. Yes, anyway. Onto the actual question. What should I do when im in love with a clown?
Your Jester.
- - REPLY - - -
ahhHhhhhh…..
IsN't this...
...JusT
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pRecIous?
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wHat wouLd i do for a KLondiKe bar?
What woUld I dO for a tastY ice cReam sandWich with a cuTe poLAr beaR on the wrapPer?
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ummmmmmmmMmm
Let us (leTtuce but no onIons, eXtra maYo) enVision the sacCharine
poSsibiLities,
shaLL we?
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WouLD i:
1. peT puppY doGs and pass out hoaGies (theY can haVe the onioNs that i scRape off) to the homeLess?
orrrrrrrrrrrrRrrRRr...
2. PLant daFfodils and deLiVer gRoceries to shuT-ins (suPer-siZeD fataSses and AIDS paTientS)?
deeeEeeeeeliver... dEliver, de-livEr, de-bOne, de-pAnCreas, de-KidneY, and anYthing elSe i waNt to taKe ouT
oR woUld i...
3. sKiP doWn a road paVed with yeLLoW briCks, where mOnKeys fLY, the Lions are gaY and the sCarecRows aren't a faBricatEd aLter ego of a 98-pOund psYchiatRist?
heH heeeeeEe ho
GoLLy, what a posiTiveLY deliGhtful gAme this is!
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NoT.
acTuallY, it giVes me a heaDache.
And maKes me feeL a tad... nausEous.
And it really
...mAkes mE
want
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to sTab you.
oVer.
aNd OveR.
aNd ovEr
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aLLow me tO rePeat mYseLf, so tHat we'Re cLear:
tHis sUb-mOroniC QuesTion reEeeeeeeaLLy mAkes me
Want
tO
StaB
you.
wIth a piCk aXe thaT a fLannel-cLaD lumBerjacK would wIeld as he piCks and PicKs and pickS for goLd in the kLondiKe regioN of the YuKon.
Can i coMe over noW?
iF you loVe cLowns, I adVise you nOt to trY to uPstage thEm with atTempts at beIng consPicuousLy cute.
Or funny.
oR ZaaaAa-neeEEeeeeee, witH qUestiOns like tHis oNe.
ClowNs, in geneRal, do nOt liKe it wHen somEone attemPts a pOorLY eXecuTed eFfort at reLegaTing them tO the baCkGround of thEir atTentIon-hunGry foRegrounD.
I, specifically,
haTe it.
hAd you stOpped tHere, i mIght haVe onLy
kiLLed you
but...
you Just HaaaaAaD to rAtchet (hatcHet) uP the annoYance facTor by
...moCKing my wRiting sTyle.
bAd caLL, there, jEster.
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verY
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bAd
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caLL.
I'm gOing to saNdwich a scOop of ice cReam betWEen laYers of your sKin, mAking a little KLondike bAr out of you. i'M sure theRe's a poLar bear somewhere in tHe Gotham centRaL Zoo thaT would loVe to tRy a biTe.
and i'LL ensuRe yOu are conScioUs as I cuT.
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wHo's hungrY?
-4oC, 2011.12.21