QUESTION 30
Dear Joker, my friend the moker! Find your knife-y yet? No? Wanna know where
and who has it? Yes ya do? Well you'll have to work for it! Work I say! Work!
But while i think of what you'll have to do I'll ask you one simple question.
Do you who I am? Till next time! Mary Marvel Ps-y. I'll tell you what you have
to do in my next letter.
- - - REPLY - - -
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(yaWn)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YawN
.
.
.
.
.
Hrmph.
aLLow me to sTretch a moment... scRatch the baCk of my heaD and uSe a pocKet kniFe as a tOOthpick to eXtract parT of a sALami sanDwich from mY choPpers.
.
.
.
aaaaahhHhh, beTter.
tHese are thE things i dO when I am... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... bOreD.
yOu know what's reaLLy boRing? NeWspapers.
See, theY're filleD with nEws.
i'Ve been Paging thRough the Gotham heraLd and all thEse boRIng stories haVe to do with poLiticians and...
...pOor peopLe and
LaWs and
rULes
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...and shaLLow celeBriTies and
heaLth bReakthRoughs and
...boRder WaRs and
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...reLiGious disPutes.
i, frAnkLY (or maYbe StanLeY or cHarliE!), do nOt care aBouT:
PoliTIcians (dId he sLeep wiTh his sTep-daUghter?)
pooR peOple (oh, cRap, heAt was jUst cut oFF again)
lAws (woRds Words wOrdS)
ruleS (tHe fOUndatiOn of LawS)
sHalloW CelebRities (oooOoh! loOk who's deButing a neW nose thiS weeK!)
healtH breaKthroUghs (neWsflaSh! mEth aBuse couLd shoRten your liFesPan)
borDer warS (my RocK hoVel is bettEr than yOur cAmel baRn)
or
reLigioUs disputEs (my eigHt-armed dIety is beTter thaN your mOon goDdess).
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BoooooooOooooOoOooooor-ing.
Well, eXcept theRe was a storY about a fRuit venDor who set hiMseLf on fiRe in pRotest. that was prettY cooL. (tHe iRonY of an aCt liKe that, hOweVer, is tHaT peOpLe are lEss likelY to reMember wHat thE prOtest actUally sTood foR, and mOre liKely to reMember tHe smEll of burNing fLesh... so, you, uH... you sOrt of neGate the verY attentIon you wEre trYing to bRing to a pAr-tICK-yOO-laR iSsue. ooPs.)
bUt aSide frOm sTories abOut humAn mOlotoV cocKtaiLs, aLL the reSt iN the neWspapEr is just sTatic. NothIng worthY of note.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...with one eXcePtion:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ME
tHe onLY gOod part of tHe paPer is mY adVice column. It's mY opPortuniTy to share with the peopLe of Gotham mY take on tHings. OfFer my vieWpoint (anD soMetimes mY kniFepoInt). peopLe who nEed help, and aRe smart enouGh to CON-suLt mE and not IN-sULt me… well, theY jUst may gEt an aNsweR.
See, I'm a pRobleM-solVer. nOt many havE the viSion yet to aPpreciate that. A GenIus is rareLY apPreciated in hIs time.
PeopLe who dOn't see genIUs in a worK of art aRe just… duLLards.
And dUllarDs are... ... ... boRing.
apParentLY there are QuiTe a fEw dullarDs who feeL comPelled to wRite to me.
ManY things in liFe really do nOt interEst me. Like… honeSt jobs.
oR coLoring inSide the lines.
oR gouRmet cupcaKe shoPs.
NeaR the toP of that liSt wouLd be prOsaic QueStions from dIm-wiTTed littLe girlS folloWing a trIte foRmuLa in a tePid atteMpt to baIt me.
TheRe are a loT of you eMptY-headed bRoadS out tHere.
A loT.
I've kiLLed some of you, buT I've come to seE your vaLue as suPreme annoYanceS. your hackneYed (hAck-Hack-hacK in the kNee KneE knEe) soLicitatiOns of atTention are the eQuivaLent of sLapping a fLashing mArQuee siGn on your foRehead that saYs,
"IncaPabLe of indEpenDent tHought."
That's just sWell, maRy MarVel. sO glad yoU wroTe to mE.
Can't thInk on your oWn? sUper. I'm goinG to giVe you sOme diRection: yOu and youR friends nEed to pIck someone to annoY with youR foOLish attentIons. driVe them baTty for a whiLe. I reComMend senDing a noTe just liKe This one to maYor Garcia. I bet that wouLd go oVer reallY well with him aNd his sEcuritY teaM. You know who eLse you could sTalk? How about that billioNaire man-chiLd Bruce wAyne? hE lives in the PalisAdes. gO find his HouSe and paY him some atteNtion.
But yoU're going to neEd to finD a coat to wEar with eXtra-wide sLeeVes, to acCommoDate the casts that both of yOur arMs will be in aFter I senD one of my thuGs oVer to bReaK tHem. I'll aLso haVe him sTaPle your liPs shUt, foR thInking iT's funNy to gIve me oRderS.
yOu're not woRthY a perSonaL cAll from me, tinKerbeLL.
GothAm... ... ... ... ... ... ... You'Re stArtinG to borE me, here.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
For the loVe of aLL that's bLAck, fLutterY and liVes in caVEs, Give me a Question thaT reQuires acTual adviCe, wiLL ya? CriPes! Now I'm juSt peeVed. hOw to vEnt thIs eNergY? i thInk i'LL Go kiCk the homeLess vet down on the cORner of 137th and CopLing AvenUe, rIght beFore i sTab hIm for dOing notHing to oFFend me at aLL.
I hate... ... ... ... HAtE beIng bored.
.
.
.
.
i adVise you reAders to sTaY off 137th for a wHile, or i'LL get in a FeW pRactice cuTs on yOu, fIrst.
-JOkeR
-4oC, 2011.12.22