AN: Would I be evil if I said that the cold Spencer chapters have been my favorite to write? We just never see his temper on Criminal Minds.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters. This story is only for my and others' enjoyment. So please Enjoy!

Chapter 18:

"Are you alright?" a soft voice asked, jarring JJ from her thoughts. She turned towards the figure standing behind her, expecting either Emily or Penelope not the trainee. Oh look, I've been replaced with me. JJ thought ruefully. Although the trainee was not a mirror image of her, there were too many similarities to ignore. How they were both petite, blond and blue-eyed. How the looked many years younger than the age listed on their birth certificates. How they looked but china, but were actually steel. "Yes," she sniffed, wiping her eyes. "You're Ashley, right? Emily and Pen have told me a lot about you." Seaver's eyes flashed with concern, "all good I hope," she said cautiously. JJ laughed, "Don't worry, the team doesn't have a mean bone in their body." Sighing she muttered, "at least I thought they didn't."

Ashley reached out and gripped her hand. "It was all work out," she reassured her, "Spence does this when he's scared. He doesn't mean anything by it. It's just a way for him to cope." JJ snorted in disbelief. "And how exactly would you know?" she asked sarcastically. The younger woman's deep blue eyes met her own as she whispered, "because he's done it before." "What?" JJ asked. Seaver blushed, "there was this, um, this time where Spencer and I went out. We were just supposed to go as friends, but there was alcohol involved, and we were kissing. The next thing I knew, I woke up in his bed."

Seaver's narrative was cut off by JJ exclaiming, "Oh my gosh! You didn't sleep with him did you?" Ashley flushed a deep red, "What? No! Um, I was really drunk and I fell asleep on Spencer's bed. He took the couch. But that's, um that's not the point. The point is we were really close and he shoved me away because he was afraid about what might happen. He pretty much told me, after two months of us pouring our hearts out to each other, that he had absolutely no interest me. At first I was so heartbroken and angry, I figured he'd let me down gently, not break my heart into a thousand tiny pieces. It took me so long to be able to realize that he hadn't meant it, that he was trying to protect both of us from the consequences of our actions. I think that's what he's trying now, there's a part of him that is still convinced that he needs to protect us." Her eyes flickered up towards the woman, whom she had replaced in more ways than she could imagine.

JJ stared at the young woman standing in front of her. Oh my goodness, she thought, this is Ashley? Her mind flickered back to a month ago, the last time she and Spence had been able to meet for brunch. "Spence!" she'd called, drawing him into a hug. His arms encircled her, holding her for longer than normal. Reid was never one for physical contact, and he usually found a way to quickly end their hugs. The only time he would tolerate them for so long was when he was upset. "Spence?" she asked, "are you alright?" He'd given her a shaky smile. "I really screwed up." he whispered softly. "Why don't you sit down and we can talk about it." she suggested. They sat in ten minutes before he spoke, "Do you remember me telling you about how I met this girl?" JJ nodded, "Yea, you said her name was Ashley, right? She goes to your meetings." Spencer gave a slight nod, "yup." "Okay, so what happened?" she asked, prodding him to open up to her. "This week's meeting got cancelled, so she suggested we go do something fun." He glanced up at his friend, hesitating. "Go on," JJ urged. "We ended up going to this bowling alley and I was ahead six games to none. Ashley was complaining about how I hadn't told her I was a bowling prodigy. I told her about how it was like physics, and then I demonstrated by guiding her next swing. The next thing I knew we were making out in my apartment and my shirt was off." "Oh my gosh! My little man's growing up!" JJ laughed, a teasing disbelief lighting up her eyes. "Please let me finish." he pleaded. JJ giggled before reassuring him, "okay, I'm done. Please continue. I want to hear details of your conquest!" Reid gave her a dirty look before muttering, "There was no conquest. We were both really drunk and fell asleep before anything could happen. I woke up the next morning and got really scared. I told her that I didn't have feelings for her and that I'd only kissed her because I was intoxicated. I broke her heart JJ, and it sucks because I really liked her. She made me feel like so much more than a genius, like I could be a hero to her if she gave me the chance." She covered his hands with her own, "it'll be alright," she promised.

"So you're Ashley!" she accused, her eyes blazing. "I'm sorry?" Seaver asked. "You're the Ashley Spence told me so much about!" JJ snapped, "do you have any idea what could have happened if you hadn't passed out when you did? How much trouble he would've gotten into? Because you had a schoolgirl crush you couldn't contain." The younger woman backed away, sensing how pissed off she was getting. JJ knew it was irrational to be so angry with Seaver, Reid had been the one who had ruined their relationship, but she wanted to make this girl hurt as badly as Spence had when she'd seen him.

"What else did he tell you?" Seaver asked quietly. "That you're pathetic," JJ hissed, "that you couldn't get over the fact that daddy was a murderer. That it was only a matter of time before you got him killed. He didn't take you to those meetings to help you, you know? He did it to make sure you didn't make another stupid mistake because you couldn't compartmentalize! He thought it was hilarious that you couldn't see that the only reason you were even accepted into the BAU for training was because Hotch and Rossi felt sorry for you. You're not a profiler, you'll probably end up quitting within the first month of your real assignment."

Guilt coursed through her as she watched the younger girl flinched. "Spencer told you all of this?" she asked hoarsely. "Yup, he would've told you himself, but he didn't want Rossi to get pissed at him." Tears were now streaming down Seaver's cheeks, "but you weren't," she noted. "Not when your stupidity could potentially hurt one of my friends." "Good to know." As she turned to leave, JJ was overcome with remorse for what she had just done. Reid's gonna kill me when he finds out about this, she thought, I really should apologize. "Ashley?" she said softly, when the soft beep of her pager coursed through the room. The younger girl glared at her through red-rimmed eyes, "you should get that, it might be important." "Ashley," JJ pleaded, reaching for the trainee's hand. She flinched as Seaver jerked it out of her grasp. Deep blue eyes blazed with anger. "The only reason I came in here was because I know how much you mean to Spencer," she hissed, "and believe it or not, I really do give a damn about him!" Seaver brushed past her predecessor and opened the door. Turning back to the woman she had tried to comfort, she whispered, "I just didn't realize that would be such a crime."

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