Hi Everyone. Here's the last two chapters of Family Always. My new story is also posted. I was going to publish a story about Reid's downward spiral after the "I would've," but no dice. How not to has been scrapped for now, hopefully my creative juices will flow for that. So instead, the new story will be Aftermath for ahowell1993.
To tannerrose: Thank you so much for your reviews, I appreciate them so much.
To ahowell1993: Enjoy
To BJames: Thank you so so much!
To hippiechic81: Possibly
To everyone else: Enjoy these last two. It has been both an honor and a pleasure to write Family Always.
-Xoxo Elisa
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal minds or its characters. I just wish I did.
Ring, ring, ring. Prentiss woke to the buzzing of her cell phone. "Prentiss." she answered.
"It's Hotch." The lingering exhaustion that had been present in Prentiss' voice evaporated as the voice of her unit chief resonated throughout the room.
"Hotch? Is everything alright? Did Seaver call you? Did something happen?" Please don't tell me that Reid managed to get himself kidnapped again.
"Everything's fine. Reid's doctor just called to say that he is awake. Apparently he's been driving the nursing staff insane by constantly asking when he'll be discharged." "When will he be discharged?" And will he let any of us see him when he is?
"I'm not sure, I'm heading over now. Would you like me to come grab you? I'm already on my way to get Morgan and Garcia."
"Yes," Prentiss answered, "I'll be ready in five minutes." She tossed her phone onto her bed before rummaging through her dresser. Luckily she'd thought to shower before falling asleep, so all she needed to do was dress and brush her teeth. She had hastily pulled on her boots when she heard a soft knock on her door. "Coming!" she called, grabbing her purse. Her ribs ached as she pulled the door open to find Morgan standing outside. "Ready?" she asked. Less than a minute later she'd found herself in the middle seat of Hotch's SUV. In addition to driving her, Morgan, and Garcia, he'd also grabbed Rossi; JJ had a meeting, so she would meet them there.
The rode in silence for the first five minutes, but then Garcia asked, "why are we going if boy genius doesn't want to see us?" Emily glanced over at her friend and was astounded by how haggard she appeared; the past few days had taken a far greater toll on the normally vibrant and optimistic technical analysis than she'd assumed.
Her eyes met Hotch's dark ones in the rear view mirror. "We're going because Reid is family, Garcia." he answered, "And we're going to be there for him whether he likes it or not."
"I'm going to go with not." Morgan muttered pessimistically. "Not after everything we put him through."
"You never know Morgan," Rossi chirped in. "The kid might surprise all of us." Out of everyone he was the most cheerful, if only because of how easily they could have lost Reid. In his opinion an alive Reid, who didn't want to see them, was exponentially better than a dead Reid, who still trusted them.
"It doesn't matter anyway." Hotch's no-nonsense voice commanded, "we're here." Unlike the previous night, where they had all leapt from the SUV as soon as it had come to a halt, the team deliberated before opening their doors. There was no point in rushing in to see a broken and openly-hostile Reid. This is not going to turn out well, Hotch thought, watching his subordinates hover around the safety of the SUV. "Really?" he asked in disbelief. "You all just spent the past three days dealing with a narcissistic sociopath, yet the thought of seeing Reid scares you?"
"I think I'd rather deal with the sociopath." Morgan muttered, avoiding his boss' burning glare.
"Let's go." Hotch ordered, daring any of them to cross him. With wearied sighs, the team followed him into the hospital. They were all surprised to find a tired, but smiling Ashley Seaver sitting outside Reid's door. "Did he kick you out?" Hotch asked, already assuming the worst.
"What?" Seaver's eyes widened in surprise before realizing how the events of the past few days would skew the team's impression of her post. "Oh, no. We heard that you guys were coming, and Spence asked me to explain a few things to everyone."
Morgan snorted, "so he's Spence again? Not Reid?" He'd expected Seaver to be as careworn and worried as them, not how she was now. She looked tired, there was no doubt, but she also looked relieved; happy even. Obviously something big had occurred in the five hours they'd all spent sleeping.
Ashley glared at him before turning to the others. "The doctor told me that Reid will be able to leave sometime tomorrow as long as his vitals remain steady. They were worried about the risk of infection, but the antibiotics seem to be working. He's in a quite a bit of pain right now but, like the stubborn ass he is, he's still refusing any and all pain medication. It probably doesn't help that he keeps trying to get rid of that sling everytime someone isn't watching him; especially since he's going to need to wear it for the next three weeks. But other than that, he should be able to go back to work after being discharged."
"That's good," Hotch said. "What else did he want you to tell us?"
Dread filled all of their stomachs as they watched Seaver's smile fade. It was blatantly obvious that she did not want to deliver the message Reid had asked her to. "Um," uncertainty echoed through each syllable. "He's, um, he's willing to see you, but he has some rules."
"What are they?" Garcia squeaked.
"When you go, you will go one at a time. I will be sitting in the corner observing to ensure that the conversation remains civil, and that you don't over excite him. If he gets too agitated or his heart rate rises above 110, I kick you out. If, for some reason, he asks you to leave please listen to him and do so." Her voice trailed off as she came to the final condition.
"And?" Rossi prompted.
Guilt appeared in her deep blue eyes as she whispered, "and he doesn't want to see JJ, Morgan, or Prentiss. No exceptions."
"What?" Morgan and Prentiss both yelled. Of course he doesn't want to see me, despair echoed through Emily's thoughts. I'm the one who almost got him killed. "Why doesn't he want to see us?" Morgan demanded.
The younger agent took his hands in hers and murmured, "It's not what you think Derek."
"Then what is it then?" Prentiss asked hoarsely.
"It's a long story, and I promise that I will tell you, but we need to wait for JJ. As soon as she gets here and I don't need to be with Spencer, I will explain everything. I promise. Until then, please be patient." Turning towards the others she asked, "who would like to go first?"
Rossi stepped forward, "I would if that's alright with everyone else. I think I would probably be able to set the kid's mind at ease, at least I hope I would."
"I agree," Hotch said before turning to the others. "Let's go setup in the lobby so we aren't intruding. Call us when Reid is ready to speak to the next person." Patting Rossi on the shoulder he muttered, "good luck Dave."
Alright Dave remember this is the kid, not some unsub you need to grill mercilessly. He has every right to be angry, what's important is that you keep him calm. He needs to come back to this unit, he'll be absolutely miserable if he doesn't. With a soft woosh, he expelled the breath he hadn't known he'd held and followed Seaver into the room. The sight before him was a familiar one, Reid reading. The kid was propped up against four pillows, and using his knees as a makeshift table for the thick volume he held in his right hand.
"Hi Rossi." he said softly.
Rossi looked to Seaver for an indication for what to do, but found she was already curled up on the cot next to Reid's bed; she would not be any help. "Hi kid, is it alright if I sit down?" he asked, gesturing towards the plastic chair on the opposite side of Reid's bed.
"Please do." Spencer answered, closing his book.
Rossi cautiously approached the chair, determined not to startle his young colleague. However, he was surprised when Reid gripped his hand as soon as he had sat down. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes before Reid whispered, "I'm sorry."
The older man glanced at him in surprise. He had expected anger and hurt, a possible tantrum, not this. Once again Reid had surprised him.
"What are you sorry for?" he questioned, attempting to follow whatever path the kid's mind had travelled down.
Guilt-ridden brown eyes met his. "I shouldn't have said what I did to you, to any of you." Reid whispered hoarsely.
"Why did you then?"
"Dave," Seaver warned, glaring up at him.
"It's alright Ashley," Reid reassured her. "It's a valid question. When I woke up in that room I thought that I had made the right choice. That by agreeing to go with Doyle, I was preventing more suffering. I wasn't ready to die, but I would gladly lay down my life if it meant that the rest of you were saved. When Doyle told me that he'd murdered all of you, I was convinced that I would break. I wanted to break, but I knew that was what he wanted. He wanted me broken so he could break Emily, and I couldn't let that happen. I needed to convince that bastard that I didn't care; it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I needed to concentrate his attention on me instead of Emily because he would have tortured her until she was a shell. There are worse things than death, and I would rather it was me that experienced it instead of her. I needed her to hate me so she wouldn't come looking. You have no idea how much it scared me to learn that you'd all flown up to find me; I'm not worth that."
"Yes you are." Rossi told him.
Reid gave him a brief smile before continuing. "I thought it was over when I made it to the field office. I thought that I was safe, and that we could all put this past us. I was fully prepared to ask, to grovel for your forgiveness, but apparently life has a twisted sense of humor. I woke to the voice of one of Doyle's subordinates outside my door; I was still within his grasp. I wasn't sure if he'd learned the full extent of my ruse, but I couldn't take the chance. I needed to destroy your faith in me, it felt like the only way to keep you all safe. I said some things I didn't mean, some things that I regretted, and I am so truly sorry." He risked a glance at the older agent, Rossi's features remained in the impassive mask he always wore when they were on a case. He must think I am utterly despicable, Reid thought morosely.
He went through all of that just to protect us? Rossi asked himself. Will I ever figure this kid out? He sat in awe of the strength, integrity, and selflessness of the younger man sitting in the bed next to him. It was one thing to push a colleague out of the line of a bullet, but to sacrifice their own life so that their friends could live? To strive so desperately to convince a madman that the familial bonds were so weak that the end of their life would not draw their team into a trap? He pulled the unexpecting doctor into a tight hug, and whispered, "there's nothing to be sorry for kid. Nothing at all."
"Hey Dave." Hotch greeted from his post in the lobby. It had been an arduous task, but he had finally managed to pull Morgan out of his highly agitated state. His most senior agent was already worried sick about his friend, and the revelation that Reid did not wish to see him did little to put his mind at ease. Luckily Garcia had thought to bring a deck of cards, and had pulled him and Prentiss into a game of gin.
"Reid's ready to speak with you." Rossi told him, "go easy on the kid."
"I wasn't exactly planning on grilling him mercilessly, Dave." Hotch retorted.
Rossi sighed. "I know, he's just been through a lot."
Hotch gave him an inquisitive look, "What did he tell you?"
"He just kept apologizing for everything he had said; telling me about how he needed to deter us from trying to rescue him. Everything he said was a ploy to get Doyle to focus on only harming him. Reid knew that Doyle needed to break him to get to Emily so he made it seem like he despised us. And that's not even the worst part, the kid's convinced that he needs to beg for our forgiveness. He was willing to sacrifice his life for ours, and yet he believes he isn't worthy of our trust."
"No," Hotch murmured, "the worst part is that everything he said about us is true. We've used him and abandoned him when he needed him the most. How could he not hate us?"
"I don't know." Rossi said, "but he doesn't."
Hotch gave his friend a rare smile before walking up to Reid's room. He had already resolved himself to accept anything his subordinate told him; he only hoped that he could find some way to regain an ounce of Reid's trust.
"Hi Hotch." Reid said, giving him a sad half-smile.
"Hi Reid." Hotch answered. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I got impaled, but it's not as bad as it was. The doctors were talking about alternating hot and cold packs to keep the inflammation down." His expressive eyes met Hotch's dark ones as he stated, "I'm guessing Rossi told you everything."
"About how you tried to direct Doyle's attention away from us? How you built a facade to keep us safe?"
The younger man nodded.
"Except I don't think it was all an act." Hotch said.
Reid's eyebrows rose in surprise. "What do you mean?" he asked.
Guilt flooded through Hotch's veins as he looked down at the younger man. In twenty-nine years of life, he had experienced more heartache and trauma than most saw in a lifetime; Hotch should have tried to shelter him from it instead of throwing him into it. "Everything you said was true. We do act like you are only a tool in our disposal, instead of a human being. I mean, I suspected that you were struggling with addiction but I did nothing because I was terrified to lose you. I should have stepped in before things got out of hand, instead of ignoring it for the sake of plausible deniability."
"I wouldn't have let you." Reid said sadly. "I didn't want you to lose your job because of me."
"But you should have Spencer," Hotch's voice filled with emotion. "You should never have had to go through that experience on your own. And I wish I had known that you were craving during the Savage case, I wouldn't have been so hard on you."
"You had a right to be," Reid said, "I endangered so many lives by doing what I did."
Reid's hand slipped into Hotch's, providing him with an unspoken support. "Did you really believe me when I said what I did when we were hostages in the ER?" he asked, not entirely sure he would be prepared for the answer.
Reid sighed before answering, this was a topic he had hoped wouldn't be brought up. "At first I did, but then I talked to Gideon. He told me about how you had nightmares, where you broke one of my ribs and it pierced my heart, apparently they were pretty vivid too. That got me thinking, and I realized that you wouldn't have nightmares like that if you'd actually meant what you said. I also knew that you weren't going to act like you were overcome with guilt because it wouldn't help the team. I was actually grateful that you didn't handle me so delicately after, it taught me to grow a thicker skin."
"What about Prentiss?" Hotch asked, "how did you hear about that?"
The younger man's eyes met his briefly before turning away. "It was on the plane ride home," he answered. "Prentiss had just finished talking to me and had gone to sit with you. I heard you ask her how I was, and she said that what had happened might have been more traumatic than if I had been left to my own devices. You asked her if she regretted following orders, and she told you no. She told you she would always strive to protect me, and that a few bruised ribs was a price she would gladly pay to keep me from suffering again. I don't think either of you realized that watching her get beaten, in my place, was worse than any form of physical torture I could have been subjected to."
"I'm sorry Spencer." Hotch said softly, "I just didn't want you to suffer any more than you already had. You're the youngest member of this team, yet you are always the one to be hurt; and for that, I am so so sorry."
"It's alright," Reid reassured him. "I wouldn't have chosen this job if I didn't think what I went through was worth it. And Hotch?"
"Yes Reid?"
"Can I have my badge and gun back?"
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