Fruitful Endeavors

By Semerket

Chapter 5: Homecoming

Ivy glanced impatiently at her watch as she sat beside the examination bed that Harley was perched on. Harley was wearing a white hospital gown and swinging her bare legs as she waited for the doctor. They had gone to a free clinic, one that wouldn't have access to Harley's previous records. It would make it easier for them to stay under the police's radar. Despite their deal with Gordon, the rogues preferred to air on the side of caution as far the GCPD was concerned and had used a moniker for Harley.

"…I had to decide what I was gonna do, Red."

"This is a relationship, Harley. There's no 'I' in relationship!"

"There's two 'I's, Red."

"Exactly! And two I's form a team!"

"Okaaaay…"

"Don't be a smartass!" There was a tense silence before Ivy complained, "What's taking them so long?"

"I didn't have an appointment, Ivy. They're fittin' me in." She wanted to say 'duh', but she realized that Ivy was not in the right emotional frame of mind to tolerate a ribbing.

The redhead could see the goosebumps on Harley's bare arm. "I don't see why they have to keep the room so damned cold. It's not Victor Fries' kid." Her eyes locked on Harley and narrowed dangerously, "Right?"

Harley chuckled nervously and said nothing as Ivy griped about everything. The grumping was worse than usual and Harley knew it was because she was upset with her, but she'd take Ivy's griping over shrieking obscenities and random acts of plant-themed violence any day of the week.

Harley rubbed at the crook of her elbow where a white cotton ball was taped to her arm; they'd sent her to the labs before sending her to the examination room. "Ivy. Promise you won't yell at the doctor."

The redhead scoffed, "When have I ever yelled at a doctor?"

"Every time I've been in the hospital."

"Oh, I wasn't yelling, Harley. I can't help it if my voice can be heard all the way down the hall. I just have a voice that carries."

Harley sighed.

The door opened and a matronly woman in a white lab coat came in. She had kind eyes, "Hello ladies, I'm Dr. Hadley. I'll be giving Ms. Quentin her ultrasound and checkup this afternoon."

"Hi." Harley waved shyly. She felt a bit awkward with Ivy in the room, but the redhead clearly had no intention of letting Harley out of her sight. Harley supposed it was her own fault for being so dishonest with her. She shook hands with Harley and then extended her hand to Ivy, who just stared at it in annoyance. Harley smiled apologetically. The doctor shrugged and moved over to grab a pair of gloves.

"So Ms. Quentin…"

"Call me Helen." It felt altogether too strange to be called 'Miss' right before she was felt up by a stranger in front of her girlfriend.

"So Helen, have you been having any pain or discomfort?"

"Not really… sometimes I feel really dizzy though. But there were a few times when it hurt a lot."

"Where was it?"

Harley moved her hand over the side of her bump. "Was it a cramping?"

"It was a shooting pain, but that was a while ago and it stopped." It was as though even Joker's offspring wanted to destroy her. Was it going to be born with laughing gas? She felt like it was trying to kill her.

"Okay." The doctor was moving her hands under Harley's shift. Ivy stared at the wall out of politeness.

"Helen, you have a lot of scars on your body. Some of these are surgical. Are you missing any organs by chance?"

"I had to have part of my spleen taken out a few years ago." That was the Joker's doing. "I have one kidney." Also Joker.

"Are there any medications that you're currently taking?"

Ivy tuned out their conversation as she thought about when Harley had become ill back in Arkham; she had been terrified that she might lose her.

"…You're definitely underweight, Helen. I'm going to give you a shot to boost your immune system before you leave."

Dr. Hadley moved away from Harley and took her gloves off. She sat down in front of a computer. "I can see from your blood work that you do have a mild infection. You have to be very careful and get plenty of rest. Your system is under strain. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

Harley shrugged, "Maybe a little…"

"Yes, you have, Helen." Ivy crossed her arms and stared at the blond as she spoke. "She's also been in an environment that is damp and moldy." This was obviously Ivy's way of rubbing in the fact that Harley had abandoned her again.

"Thanks, Red." The blond was annoyed now too.

"Well, I hope that her living conditions are going to improve." The doctor said in earnest.

"Oh, they are." Ivy was on a roll, "Her diet has also been questionable and I doubt she's been getting adequate sleep."

"Uh oh, I'm not getting good reports, Helen." The doctor said in a slightly amused tone. The redhead was obviously a concerned party. A couple maybe? She'd ask, but she didn't want to risk offending the hostile redhead if her gaydar was having an off day.

The blond crossed her arms too and stared back at the redhead. "Alright, Helen, it's time for your ultrasound."

The doctor walked over to the bed and turned on some equipment. As she was facing away from the doctor, Harley stuck her tongue out at Ivy who arched an eyebrow in response. She had a very superior look on her face. The kind of look that made the blond want to strangle her. It was the 'Harley, you're an idiot and you couldn't live without me' look. Joker had a similar expression. Although she supposed Red was right, Harley was a mess without her, and that was probably the real reason that it irked the blond. She was so dependent on the person she was with. At least she could always trust Red to look out for her.

"Alright, Helen, I just need you to lean back."

Harley did as she was told and tried to maintain some semblance of decency as she lay back on the stiff little bed. Ivy got up and walked to the side of the bed so that she would have a good view of the screen. Dr. Hadley moved the device beneath Harley's gown.

Harley's eyes bulged. It was one thing to know it was there and feel it kicking, but seeing it was another thing entirely. This was the first time since her hiatus from Ivy that she felt genuinely excited about anything.

"Oh…Wow." The blond's jaw was hanging open slightly.

Ivy was quiet as the reality of the situation became even more acute.

The doctor spoke up, "Would you like to know what the sex is?"

"Yes!" Both of the women said simultaneously.

The doctor chuckled, "Congratulations, Helen, you're having a baby girl."

Harley grabbed Ivy's hand and grinned excitedly. The blond's smile was contagious, and feeling her irritation from before evaporate; Ivy smiled back and squeezed her hand. The redhead was very relieved it was a girl, not just because of her personal feelings about men, but this way she was more likely to look like Harley than him. That was yet another talk Ivy needed to have with the blond, but for now she would just enjoy this moment with Harley.

"When's she comin' out, Doc?"

"Well, based on your size and the baby's development I'd say you're around six months- three more to go."

Three months!

Ivy winced internally. That wasn't much time to prepare for… whatever they needed to prepare for! Babies needed certain things and her hideout wasn't exactly family friendly. Ivy's inner obsessive compulsive immediately began creating a mental checklist of things she needed to buy and things she needed to do- and how in the hell was she supposed to childproof a giant venus flytrap?

"You hear that, Red?!" Harley bubbled. The tears were happy this time. She had been so worried that something was going to be wrong with it. Joker's kid was bound to have an air horn or something equally crazy going on in utero.

Ivy offered her a small smile and nodded, "June."

"Yep, mommy's little Junebug!"

[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]

"Ready to head home?" She asked Harley. The blond yawned in reply. "I'll take that as a yes."

Harley's bag was in the backseat of the car. She hadn't taken many belongings when she'd left Ivy so packing up had been pretty simple. Dealing with Harley's slimy landlord had been a different story, however. Ivy felt like she needed a shower after suffering the grimy man's presence. He was too disgusting to kiss so she had just thrown the money at his feet and stormed off.

"The doctor is right, Harley, you need to take better care of yourself."

"Yea, yea. I get it, Red. Enough with the lectures I heard the doctor too." The blond said sleepily.

Ivy gave her a pointed look, "I should hope so."

[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]

Ivy scowled menacingly as she crossed the threshold into one of corporate America's most lucrative strongholds: the Foodmart; it smelled like produce, something sweet, cardboard, rubber, and air. She despised it utterly; the fluorescent lights were too bright, the floors were too shiny, and the staff was too friendly. The faster she got what she needed the faster she could flee this abomination to the natural world.

Normally she would just grow her own fruits and vegetables easily enough; however, she didn't have as much of a variety as she'd like at the moment and Harley would be eating more than usual since Ivy was resolved to 'fatten her up'. For once, Ivy wished she'd invested more time into edible pursuits than creating deadly venomous mutant-flowers. The redhead recalled the shopping list she'd thought up as they drove over from the clinic. She was actually at the store to pick up Harley's prescription from the pharmacy, but she'd thought of so many other things she'd probably need too, produce being one of them- and a few packets of tomato and carrot seeds wouldn't hurt…

Ivy realized she'd probably need a shopping cart so she grudgingly collected one from an area beside the doors. She tried not to think about how many filthy human hands had touched this same handle. She assured herself that it would only take a few moments of patience. As she made her way to the produce section, she passed the floral area- brutally murdered flowers boldly displayed everywhere! The redhead's knuckles turned white as she gripped the shopping cart. The only thing that had kept Ivy from doing something regrettable (in the legal sense) was reminding herself that Harley didn't feel well and was waiting in the car. Oh, how fortunate these horrible miscreants were!

Now that she was in an even worse mood than before, she hurried about bagging fruits and veggies as she made her way towards the trans-fats aisle. Harley would never forgive her if she came out without some sort of candy and snack food. It figures that it would be on the other side of the excessively large establishment; she could see why obesity was an epidemic if the size of this place was any indication.

As she stalked through the store she eventually arrived at the pasta aisle. She stopped and grabbed several boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as she continued on her way to the junk section. Ivy had been trying to wean Harley off of the processed stuff and onto homemade mac & cheese, but all her attempts had been unsuccessful so far. Ivy speculated that Harley's taste buds must have been damaged at some point. So Kraft it was.

Shopping for the blond was relatively simple- if it was marketed to children then Harley would like it: fruit roll-ups, rice crispy treats, pop tarts, Captain Crunch (although even Ivy had to admit that she liked Captain Crunch too), an errant 99 cent whoopee cushion, and a loaf of bread so that Harley could have grilled cheese sandwiches. Ivy even grabbed a few cans of something god-awful made by some strange man (she already didn't trust it) named Chef Boyardee. She shuddered in revulsion as she put the 'Spaghettios' in the cart. Normally she would never encourage Harley to eat these things, but now that she was pregnant the last thing Ivy needed was for the blond to have a craving for something that she hadn't been able to anticipate. It just wasn't worth the irritation. The harlequin was already crazy without the additional hormones.

Ivy chuckled at the items in the cart. Harley was going to be a really fun mom. Wow. Ivy shook her head at the thought. It was difficult to think of Harley Quinn as a mother. In Gotham anything was possible it seemed. Ivy would probably end up being the disciplinarian parent, otherwise, the child would be spoiled rotten. That, or end up injured after one of Harley's horribly irresponsible pranks gone wrong. The Hatter was still recovering from the last one.

Ivy tried to pretend she hadn't just thought of herself as the 'other' parent. Well, maybe more like an eccentric aunt or… something. More disconcerting was that she was actually beginning to look forward to it. Just a little anyway. She assured herself that it was normal since she wasn't able to have children- not since the 'change'. This way she could enjoy having a miniature Harley running around with little blond pigtails. The idea wasn't so bad actually. That reminded Ivy, when they got home they'd need to have the 'who-knocked-you-up' talk. She assumed that it would be Puddin's, but she'd wait for Harley to confirm it. She'd just got Harley back and she didn't want to overwhelm her. Ivy didn't really want to talk about it yet either. She was still getting over the pregnancy itself.

As Ivy moved through the store with purpose she failed to notice that she was being followed. He kept his distance and observed with extreme interest.

She stopped and grabbed a package of diapers since they were on sale- buy one get one free. As she placed them in the cart she noticed a small child standing next to her mother. She stared at Ivy and smiled shyly. Ivy smiled back. Oh god, she was smiling at other people's offspring- if she stayed in this place any longer she might end up doing something awful like mooning over infants! It was time to leave.

After spending far too long shopping, Ivy found a box of Red Vines and Gummie Worms and tossed them in the cart. Finally! Why there had to be at least fifty different brands of everything was beyond Ivy. How the hell was she supposed to pick a box of cereal when there were hundreds of them? Stupid Corporate America- making her buy far more than she intended. A trip to the cash register and she could finally be free of this place.

It had been nearly an hour and it was starting to get dark out. Ivy wondered if Harley would complain, but as she got back into the car she realized that the blond was still asleep.

"Harley?" The redhead whispered carefully, "Harley, are you awake?"

Without breaking her sleep the blond stirred and muttered, "Monkeys?"

Ivy smiled affectionately as she started the car.